Title: Regret
Pairings/Characters: Veronica, Duncan, Logan
Word Count: 8,027
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Regret. That's what it was all about these days. Their lives. Their choices. Their relationships. Everything was about regret…
Spoilers/Warnings: Everything to 2.02 (Driver Ed)
Disclaimer: None of its mine, and if it was it would have been different. So don't sue, because I have nothing and it'd be a waste of both our time.
Regret
She'd heard what the woman said. She'd heard what Carla had said loud and clear. Regret. That's what it was all about these days. Her life, her choices, her relationships and friendships. Everything was about regret.
Veronica didn't know what she was doing, sitting in her car in the parking lot of Java the Hut, quietly freaking out, and possibly having some sort of panic attack. A panic attack, how pathetic was that? After everything she had been through in the last two years of her life and this was what she was panicking about.
She leaned back in her seat and thought it through, taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself. After a few minutes she felt her heart rate begin to slow a little, and her hands weren't shaking as they had been before. A few more moments, a couple of quick breaths and she turned the key, finally starting the car. The stereo blasted on, she'd forgotten that she'd been jamming out to the radio, trying to get her mind off of things. That old Beck song was on, and once she had it down to a normal volume, she could hear the words. Baby, you're a lost cause. I'm tired of fighting, fighting for a lost cause.
The song struck a nerve and she flicked the radio off before hastily pulling out of the parking lot.
~* *~ * ~* *~
Duncan fluttered around his hotel room, hurriedly organizing the pieces of his surprise. Veronica had been talking about regretting things. Things like not traveling and not seeing the world. The bus crash had really scared her; it had scared all of them. The whole school was in mourning, and on top of that he could see people acting out on things that they've been putting off. Just this morning he'd seen Pam and Kimmy talking, hugging each other and crying. They hadn't spoken since that whole drama with the purity tests last year, and here they were, crying. Probably over Meg.
There were a multitude of regrets that he'd like to fix. The way he broke up with Veronica sophomore year. Not having the courage to get a paternity test done, even though he and Lilly could have done it together without anyone knowing anything about it. Leaving Veronica alone in Shelly's guest room that morning. Most of all, he wished that he would've gotten home from soccer practice an hour earlier that day.
All these regrets he couldn't do anything about, but from here on out he'd be regret-free. He'd make all those things up to Veronica. They had their fresh start now, and things were good. It was almost like it was before Lilly died, before everything fell apart and went to hell. Except for this thing with Logan.
Things with Logan were a mess, and Duncan didn't have the first clue on how to fix them. Of course he didn't think it should really be his responsibility to fix things at all. Logan had started them down this path when he'd shown up at his own surprise birthday party with his tongue down Veronica's throat. He'd been completely okay with ditching all his friends. Completely okay with ditching Duncan and screwing him over, all at the same time. Logan knew, had always known, how Duncan felt about Veronica. And he went after her anyway.
Then, on top of the stealing-his-girl thing, there was the Logan's-dad-killed-Duncan's-sister thing. Duncan didn't know how to handle that. That and the fact that Logan had gotten arrested for murder only a few hours after his father. Celeste had suggested that Duncan stay away from Logan for awhile, all things considered. Especially after finding out Logan's connection to Veronica Mars, who still topped his mother's most despised list.
Since then though, Duncan had been increasingly unsure of what his decision regarding their friendship would be. He was bitter and problematic; he was basically the catalyst for all the trouble in school right now. There were metal detectors now, the PCHers would stand across the hall and glare menacingly at all the 09ers now, not just the ones involved.
Duncan stopped fussing with his decorations, which he would admit were cheesy, but hopefully would cheer his girlfriend up. Flipping on the television he sat and waited. Veronica would be getting off her shift at the coffee house soon, and while they hadn't any solid plans she said she might stop by if her case ended well. Plus she always came over after she was done working, it was their thing. She'd stop by and they'd get room service and watch a movie.
~* *~ * ~* *~
Logan prepared for his 'date' in a leisurely way. The fundraiser at the Grand didn't start for another hour and half, and after that he'd just be waiting up in that hotel room until Kendall found a way to get out. He knew that it'd be at least an hour; otherwise a lengthy absence would be slightly suspicious.
He hadn't really thought this whole Mrs. Robinson-type affair through. Of course he'd always had a thing for older women, but this was his first married one. Big Dick wasn't exactly the guy you wanted pissed off at you for fucking his wife, not when Logan had personally seen how good a shot he was. Or how many guns he had. And nearly getting caught the other day by Dick and the Beav was bad enough. Dick probably would give him a high five and ask for pointers, Beaver would run off and tell his daddy though. The only thing worse than getting caught by Big Dick was getting caught by Beaver. Dick's little brother had tried to be the voice of reason this summer, but only after offering up such ideas like burning down the public pool and several of the more questionable things Logan had done this summer.
No wonder Veronica dumped you, you took advice from Beaver. The thought had snuck up on him unexpectedly and Logan stopped fixing his hair long enough to catch his own expression in the mirror. He could see the same old thing in his face, the exhaustion and hurt, the anger and sadness. It'd been almost six weeks and he still wasn't over it. This crap with Kendall was just the latest attempt at moving on and getting over it. Through everything this summer, all the crap he pulled, he didn't think that Veronica would ever actually leave him. He was so sure that they'd been on that road, the ride-it-out and I'll-stick-by-you road. She'd been there throughout the whole thing, held his hand as his life fell apart all over again. She'd believed in him and knew that he didn't kill Felix.
Looking back he could see the steps he'd taken, how wrong they'd been. He could see the mistakes and the little things he could have done to fix it. He shouldn't have burned down the pool. He shouldn't have gotten into that fight outside her apartment complex. He shouldn't have listened to Dick and Beaver.
This was his regret. Letting Veronica slip away and not doing anything about it. He just let her go, gave her all the ammunition and reason to leave and didn't think twice about it. He was stupid enough to believe that she'd stick by him, while he was putting her life in danger. Looking at it from that perspective though, she was safer with them being broken up than she was with him. All he'd wanted this summer was to keep her safe and away from all the dangerous shit going on around him. He'd been so worried that she'd be there when he got jumped; he'd rush her from her apartment to the car and from the car to the restaurant. It was a little ironic that the only time she was with him when he got attacked had been in the car, his 'safe' place.
This summer, and the way things had gone with Veronica, was one more giant regret in his life. On his more melancholy days Logan would lay back in bed and list off his regrets. A lot of them were attached to one of two girls' names. Lilly and Veronica. He had a lot of regrets when it came to those two. Two of the three most important women in his life. He found it a little pathetic that out of those three women - his mother, Lilly and Veronica - only one of them was still living. Or the fact that Veronica and Duncan were the two people he actually considered his family, and neither of them was talking to him.
Logan finished with his hair and walked to his bedroom, suddenly more depressed. He'd thought after the bus crash there would have been something of a reunion between him and his best friend. Or him and Veronica. It was going on a week and he'd yet to even speak to either one of them.
He'd just gotten home from his romp with Kendall and was going for a shower when he'd heard the news, flicking the TV on as he walked through his room towards the shower. School bus coming back from a class trip to Shark Stadium drove off the cliff, containing an unspecified number of Neptune High students. His knees had given out on his way to his bathroom, and he sat there on his floor - with one arm still in his shirt and one shoe off - shocked as he watched the news report. Everyone that meant anything to him had been on that trip. Dick, Beaver, Duncan and… he couldn't even think her name. Logan had to crawl to his bed, to where he'd thrown his cell phone.
Logan couldn't decide who to call first. Duncan? Dick? Veronica? What if none of them answered?
Finally Dick had called, asking if he'd seen the news. It'd taken a while, but Logan eventually had gotten Dick to tell him that Duncan and Veronica were okay. They'd all been in a limo, except for Veronica, who had stayed on the bus. Dick didn't know why Veronica hadn't been on the bus, but she'd shown up on the back of a motorcycle a second or two after the crash.
Logan had considered calling Veronica then, to hear for himself that she was okay. Instead he'd opted to drive over to the Mars' apartment building and see for himself. He'd arrived just in time to see Duncan and her getting out of the Lebaron. She was fine. They were fine, and they didn't need him. Logan had just left, adding one more regret to the list.
~* *~ * ~* *~
She sat in her car just outside his place. She should go in, say something. There was always so much to say and yet it always seemed to remain unsaid. They never talked things out, not really. Sure they talked about the weather, the music and everything else but what they needed to. They talked around the important things, avoiding them like land mines. One false step and it all blew up. They snapped at each other and used the sarcasm they'd all gotten so comfortable with the last two years.
Veronica stared at her hands, still clutching the steering wheel, looking paler and more pathetic than usual. If she could just get them to move. To unclench. She could feel the cracking leather pressing into her fingers on the underside of the wheel, it was starting to hurt. Her fingers were cramping and she had a fleeting thought of how her hands might get stuck like this before too long.
She was breathing deeply. Deep and panicked breaths that did little to ease her anxiety over what she was about to do. She had made the decision, now she just had to go through with it. Taking another deep breath that did nothing to calm her, she slowly relaxed her hands from the vice-like grip they had on the steering wheel. She could feel the blood rush back to her fingertips, her knuckles unclench and the pain their prolong position caused ease. She immediately felt the urge to wrap her hands around the wheel again and abandon this in favor of driving home and 'sleeping on it', knowing that the decision she'd make in the morning would not be the decision she made tonight. Knowing that given another twelve hours to think it over she wouldn't risk losing everything and everyone.
Veronica resisted the urge to turn the key and leave, instead turning to the passenger seat where her messenger bag sat. Pulling out a notebook and pen, Veronica slid her seat back and balanced the notebook on her knees. Leaning down, she hunched over the blank, lined paper and pressed her pen down to start writing.
The letter seemed as if it would've been harder to write. More emotional. More heartbreaking. She thought it would've taken hours. It didn't. Twenty minutes was all it took to write it and then re-write it on a clean sheet of paper. Fifteen minutes later and it was delivered and she was back in the car. Her breathing sped up and she felt dizzy.
This could be a mistake. One great big mistake. She'd done things to him he should never forgive. She had lied, and snuck behind his back and at one point last May she'd very nearly ruined his life. This was just one more strike against her. And a big one. He might never forgive her for this, not after all the things she had done in the past.
~* *~ * ~* *~
The knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. He hadn't been expecting it, at least not this early. There were conditions to this thing that they had. There were always so many conditions these days. He must be a sucker for girls with a need to control the situations. After all, Lilly had always been controlling and, these days, Veronica needed to know everything, be in on everything. If there was one little thing you didn't tell her, she found it out and used it against you. That's the way Veronica worked these days.
He swung open the door and there it was. An envelope with a folded up piece of lined notebook paper, the left edge still fuzzy and scraggly from being torn out of a spiral notebook. The handwriting was familiar, his name written in the elegant and girlie penmanship of a tiny little blonde girl that made his heart beat faster. The fact that it was a letter, and not even delivered in person, made his stomach twist into knots. Maybe it was hand-delivered. It took me a little while to get to the door. He thought to himself. Shoving the letter in one of the envelopes she always seemed to have in case of a dull minute in class so she could address and mail out an invoice or two. Flipping over the torn open envelope and saw the Mars Investigations logo in the upper left-hand corner.
He unfolded the paper with a sort of reverence and fear. There wasn't a sense of curiosity opening the letter, he already knew what it would say. There was only one reason for a letter like this. Heartbreak. He couldn't imagine it saying anything he didn't already know. The reasons for it were glaringly obvious, had been since they had started. The biggest reason being the last two years of school and the way he'd treated her. The words seemed blur and he began to feel dizzy, his knees felt slightly shaky and he stopped halfway to his bedroom, sinking down on the edge of the couch.
This was it. He had always thought, always had this vision, that in the end they would be together. The fact that he lost her would always be one of his biggest regrets.
~* *~ * ~* *~
The knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. He hadn't been expecting it, at least not now. There were conditions to this thing that they had. There were always so many conditions these days. He must be a sucker for girls with a need to control the situations. After all, Lilly had always been controlling and, these days, Veronica needed to know everything, be in on everything. If there was one little thing you didn't tell her, she found it out and used it against you. That's the way Veronica worked these days.
He swung open the door and there she was. Standing there, framed in his doorway with her hair shining from the backlighting. She looked odd, standing there, staring down at her fidgeting hands. She hadn't looked up yet from them even though he had opened the door a good fifteen seconds ago. Maybe even twenty. And she's still staring at her hands, being all silent.
He stands there, staring at her staring at her hands, trying to think of something to say. It's not usually this hard for him to come up with words, to think of something to say to her. It's always been easy to talk to her, ever since Lilly picked her as her best friend and they became the four closest friends that Neptune High had ever seen. Before they became the four most tragic friends Neptune High had ever seen.
"What are you…?" He starts, his question fading off in the middle when she suddenly looks up, directly into his eyes and he stops, knowing that whatever she's about to say is important.
"I don't want to have..." She says, her voice barely a whisper and he leans in a little closer just to hear her, still not catching it all.
"What?" He asks, his voice coming out a little more breathless than intended. Things between them usually flow so much easier, she's usually so confident in her words. If there was one area in which Veronica Mars excelled at confidence, it was the verbal. He's a little shocked at her quiet and somewhat timid response.
"I don't want to have any regrets." Her voice is strong that time, just the slightest quiver in it at the end.
"Okay." He's still a little confused, regrets about what? He's starting to wonder about her, if maybe the stress from the bus crash is really starting to get to her. Veronica does one of two things when she's stress or nervous: cleaning and avoidance or rambling and fidgeting. He remembers how fiendish she was about her locker cleaning last year, ranting about dust bunnies and muck.
Veronica takes a step into the doorway, causing him to straighten. When she keeps on moving in he eventually has to take a couple steps back to avoid a collision. She doesn't stop until she's cleared the door completely and can safely swing it shut without it crashing into her and pushing out.
"I don't want to have any regrets." She repeats. He's about to point out to her that she's already said this twice before when she continues. "About anything."
He's momentarily confused about this, but it doesn't last long because suddenly she's in his arms and she's pushing him back, putting more distance between them and the doorway. And less distance between them and the couch. They stumble backwards, attached at by their mouths as her hands push and pull at his clothing. She's not removing it, just making her frustration with it clear. Apparently it's unacceptable.
As the crash backwards onto the couch their lips part enough for him to catch his breath and his head to flood with questions.
"Veronica, what are you…?" His question is cut off when she fixes her lips more firmly over his own, her hands pulling at his shirt, and this time making some progress in removing it. Still, she can't seem to concentrate on the buttons long enough to get them undone while they're kissing so she pulls back a little to glance down and let her fingers undo them. Quickly. How had he never noticed how quick and efficient her fingers were before? Still, there's enough space between them, and enough time has passed since she's had her lips pressed against his, for him to remember the suddenness of this assault. "Veronica wait, what's going on? What are you… What are we doing?"
"We're too young to regret things. We're too young for this to pass us by because I'm scared. If I'm not with you I'll regret it. And I'm too young to start regretting things." She took a deep breath before raising her gaze from his mouth to his eyes before finishing. "And I'm too in love with you not to want this."
"And if I'm too in love with you to stop this, what then?" He asked, his gaze dropping from hers down to her mouth, wishing he'd left well enough alone and they were kissing again. He couldn't believe that he was nearly talking her out of this. What are you doing?
"Then we won't have any regrets." She said, just as her fingers undid the last of the buttons on his shirt, her hands coming up to settle on his shoulders before running down his bare chest.
He grinned, letting it take over his entire face, as he leaned down, easing himself onto her body to kiss her again. Her hands were a little more frantic now, pushing his shirt down, over his shoulders and arms, catching on his wrists. His hands were lost, pressing into the couch beneath her, into her hair, clutching at her bare skin, skimming under the hem of her shirt. He couldn't take a moment to separate them to let her pull off his shirt completely, but when she let out a growl of frustration and yanked hard he finally let go. He fought with the tangled and knotted up shirt for a moment, trying to get it off, before he heard the buttons at the cuffs pop off and clink onto the floor.
His hands were fisted in her shirt, his knuckles grazing bare skin and he gasped at the feel of both that and her hands running over his shoulders and down his arms and back. His heart was pounding so hard it wondered if she could hear it. Or feel it as her fingers brushed over his neck and wrists. His hands tugged at her shirt, trying to remove it, but their torsos were pressed so tightly together that it was impossible. Veronica's hands slid up his back and pushed on his shoulders, causing him to break the kiss and put a little space between them. Her own hands joined his, pulling her shirt up and over her head, her back arching her body into his. Pushing her breasts, now only covered by a light blue lace and cotton bra, up towards him in the most spectacular way.
Once the shirt was off, joining his in a growing pile next to them, his mouth crashed back down to hers. And her hands immediately went to the button of his jeans.
"Veronica, wait, we should…" He started, pulling back and out of the kiss.
"No. No waiting. I'm done waiting, I've been - we've - been waiting for years." One hand remained at the waistband of his jeans and the other moved to the back of his neck, pulling him down again.
Instead of giving into the kiss he slid off her, and off the couch, standing. Veronica gazed up at him, breathing heavily, the look of confusion on her face adorable and sexy. His hand reached out to her, offering. She took it.
He pulled her up, kissing her once on the lips before turning, her hand still firmly in his own as he led her towards his bedroom.
~* ~
By time they reach the bedroom their hands are everywhere, pulling at the rest of their clothes. A trail of shoes left in their wake, like bread crumbs from the couch to the bed. Her bra is gone before she's on the bed, lifting herself onto it and sliding her tiny butt back so she is sitting on the edge, her legs falling over the side and spreading enough to accommodate his standing between them. The button to her jeans is undone and the zipper down, spreading it open enough to see that she's wearing a pair of lacy panties in a blue that matched her bra. Just the glimpse of her underwear was incredibly sexy and he resisted the sudden urge to pull her pants down and push into her without any of the added foreplay in between.
The urge passed, he remembered how important this was. She was, for all intents and purposes, a virgin since she couldn't remember that first time. He gripped her thighs, his hands curling down to slide underneath them, between her denim clad flesh and the duvet. His hands ran down her legs, reach her feet, gripping the tips of her socks and pulling them off at the same time. The sudden playfulness of the move made her grin and a slight giggle slip out as she looked adoringly at him. His face cracked into another grin as his hands ran back up her legs to her hips.
Veronica lifted her hips as he pulled down at the waistband of her jeans, taking the blue lace underwear with them. She lay back as he pulled them completely off, leaving her naked on the bed. With her gaze momentarily averted, he took the moment to remove his own jeans, leaving his boxers.
Sitting up she gazed at him before scooting back further onto the bed, forcing him to follow in order to stay close with her body. Once her entire body was on the bed she leaned back on her elbows. His lower body was situated almost entirely to her right, but his upper body hovered over hers, his arms braced on either side of her, causing his shoulders to be even with hers as he stared into her eyes.
"You're still wearing clothes." She pointed out, her gaze dropping down to his boxers for just a moment before her eyes were back up and staring into his own.
"I'm aware." He said, his voice teasing as he leaned down to kiss her again. Within seconds they had heated up again, their hands wondering over each other's bodies, grasping and exploring. He could feel her hands pushing at his boxers, trying to get them down without succeeding because of the lack of any space between their bodies. His own hips had begun grinding into her, something he hadn't been aware of doing until he felt her hips respond by mimicking the action.
He was about to pull his body away, to rid himself of that last article of clothing when he felt her legs bend up. Veronica placed her feet flat against his hips, curving them around the bones and curling her feet beneath waistband. As his hands went lower, clutching at her hips before sliding smoothly to the mattress to brace himself and lift his hips away from her, allowing a little room for the last scrap of clothing separating them to slide down his hips. They caught around his ankles, her toes barely touching them in that last foot where her legs ended and his kept going. As he kicked them off he grabbed onto her hips again rolled to his right, taking her with him so that when he stopped she lay sprawled comically on top of him.
"What are you…?" She giggled, readjusting herself to straddle him. She leaned over him, putting all her weight on her hands, which were placed on either side of his head. He could feel her breasts grazing his chest as she leaned down to kiss him again. He took the opportunity to wrap his arms around her waist, pressing her closer to him as he rolled them back over. Pressing her tightly between the mattress and himself he slid quickly into her.
Veronica's back arched, breaking their kiss as her head pressed back into the pillows. A long and throaty escaping her in that moment. They stayed in the same position for a few seconds, adjusting to the feel of each other before he withdrew a little and slid back into her. He took the rhythm of slow and short strokes, barely pulling out of her at all. His hands cupped her shoulders as he began to speed up the pace, thrilled at the little whimpers slipping out of her along with his name. Slowly the short and low whimpers became longer and louder moans combined with words about God, love and him.
"Oh God!" She screamed, her orgasm taking her over suddenly, coming on quickly and she came, screaming his name out before relaxing back into the mattress and the pillows, her arms pulling him closer.
The feel of her tightening around him and the sound of her screaming his name sent him over the edge. After two messy and unmeasured thrusts he came groaning out a "Veronica" before collapsing on top of her.
Minutes, later when they both had finally caught their breath, he rolled off of her before pulling her into his left side, holding her close. She lay there half way on top of him, sprawled across his chest, her left arm curled under his right side. He stared up at the ceiling, his right hand rubbing up and down hers.
"What are you thinking?" He asked suddenly, the fact that this was her first time made him curious, no matter how much like a girl his question made him sound.
"I was trying to remember the over/under on the Ohio State-Texas game." Veronica joked, never one for the mushy moment, before she faked a spit onto his chest.
"Uh," even though he knew she hadn't really spit on him, he still glanced down to check.
"So, what do we do now?" Veronica asked, leaning her head back a little to look at him. He could see the nervousness in her eyes. She wasn't used to not knowing the next step, it made her edgy.
Instead of suggesting anything more, like round two, he picked up the remote control that lay on the bedside table to his right and turned on the television. "There's really only one thing to do."
Veronica smiled and relaxed back into his side, laying her head back down on his chest. He felt her sigh as an episode of South Park came on the screen.
~* *~ * ~* *~
Veronica woke up to the feel of hot and sticky skin under her cheek. The rise and fall of the chest she was sleeping on was rhythmic and calming. Picking up the remote control that rest at their side, she turned off the television and began relaxing back into the warm and welcoming body next to her.
She ran her right hand threw her hair before tracing her name across the tanned and smooth chest with the tip of her index finger. She watched as her small and pale finger left an invisible claim across his chest, the difference in their skin tone showing how much time she'd spent in doors the last few weeks. And how much time he hadn't. Of course he didn't have to work like she did either. If only philandering husbands took the pieces on the side to the beach… during the day.
Unable to sleep anymore, Veronica rolled onto her back, stretching. While twisting her body, she caught sight of the digital clock on the nightstand on her side of the bed. After a few moments of considering the fact that she had a side of the bed, she realized the time. Ten thirty. It was dark out. She didn't really have a curfew these days, after all she was eighteen now, but her dad still got worried. Especially if she didn't check in at the office, or even call. She was a little surprised she hadn't gotten any calls. She'd been here since a little after six, it was odd for her not to get at least one call in over four hours.
Especially after that letter. The thought of the letter and the boy whose heart she had broken. Again. Not that he hadn't broken her heart too, but hurting each other seemed to be what they did. What all three of them did. Her and Logan and Duncan couldn't help but hurt each other, probably in ways that other people their age wouldn't even think of. But maybe this was a start at healing. And maybe the honesty thing would catch on with the three of them, and they'd finally be okay again. The three of them.
A sudden and shrill ring broke the silence, causing her to jump slightly, startled for a moment. The sleeping body next to her jerked for a second before he rolled onto his side, reaching for her and grabbing her around her waist, pulling her to him. As he buried his nose into her hair and sighed in contentment, the phone let out a second ring. It almost seemed louder this time.
Veronica could tell it wasn't her phone, the ringers didn't match. And now that she really thought about it, she had left her messenger bag in the car. And even if her phone was in her coat pocket, that was on the floor by the door, far enough away that it wouldn't be heard.
"Your phone is ringing." Her voice was a little raspy from sleep and sex, and she could feel him stir next her at the sound of it. His arms tightened and he groaned, trying to burrow further into her side, his lips grazing her shoulder in an attempt to block out the world for a while longer. As Veronica's eyes adjusted and the phone rang a third time she could see the blue glow of his cell phone lit up the room with each ring. "There it goes again."
"Ignore it." His voice was raspy too. It was sexy. His hand started to creep lower, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake.
~* *~ * ~* *~
On the fourth ring Logan flipped over and grabbed the phone, annoyed. He didn't even check the caller id before he shutting off the ringer. He could guess who it was anyway. Kendall, calling to bitch him out over the fact that she probably snuck out of that damn party to an empty hotel room. He'd probably have to call her eventually and tell her it was over, that if she called again he'd out her to her husband. Something he'd never do, but she didn't know that.
It didn't matter. Logan had everything he'd wanted right here. Veronica snuggled in bed with him after mind-blowing sex. Veronica admitting that she loved him. Veronica showing up for him. He couldn't help the smile that began spreading over his face before he turned back to her.
"I thought you said to ignore it." Her voice was all raspy and sexy and it did things to him. Sliding to her underneath the covers, he pulled her up onto her side to face him.
"Your voice is sexy." Logan told her, attaching his mouth to that spot just under her ear that always got her going. "It does things to me."
"What kind of things?" Her voice was a breathless whisper and she was gasping, trying to catch her breath in the sensation.
"Naughty things." Logan's hands slid around her back to pull her closer and cup her butt. He had so many fantasies about this, so many things he wanted to do with her. He couldn't seem to choose, every fantasy, every dream he had ever had about her rushed through his head. His hands hesitated as he tried to decide what to do.
"What's wrong? Where's the naughty things?" He could hear the teasing lilt to her voice, but he also heard the panic beneath it. She'd noticed the hesitation.
"There are so many things I want to do." Logan explained, pulling back to look into her eyes. "I can't decide." He watched as she smiled, and he felt her shoulders relax a little. His eyes were adjusted enough so he could make out her facial features in the red glow of his giant digital alarm clock.
Logan pushed her gently onto her back, pressing her into the mattress as he eased his body on top of her again. He felt his heart speed up a little, thrilled at being this close and this intimate with her. He began by kissing his way down her neck, his hands roaming over her body restlessly before settling on her breasts.
"I see you… you made a…" She was having a hard time talking through the sensations he was causing. Logan felt another jolt of excitement at that, and was unable to suppress the smile as he continued kissing his way towards his first target: her right breast. "…a decision."
"I did, do you approve?" He already knew the answer to that, by the way her breathing was speeding up and stuttering.
"I do, but…" Logan pulled away a little, looking up at her as his open mouth hovered over her right breast, her nipple already hardened and straining up towards his mouth. "I have to go."
"What? Now?" Logan asked, shocked and unable to keep all the disappointment out of his voice. "We were just getting started."
"I know, but if I don't go now my dad is gonna activate the chip in my molar-"
"And then there will be no more fun, since I'd be all dead." Logan joked, cutting her off. He leaned to suck her nipple into his mouth anyway for a couple seconds and then repeating the action on the other one, before pulling back to address them both. "Next time, I promise."
"Let me go and call my dad. Maybe, if I said there was a case, I could get another hour. Or two." Veronica amended, reaching down to cup his face and pull him up for a kiss. This was his heaven. In this moment he was happy and loved. He wanted to live in this moment forever.
"Okay." Logan replied, already dreading the moment when the rest of the world would intrude on this. Veronica slid from the bed and out of the room, grabbing his old flannel robe from the hook behind his bedroom door on her way. He flopped back onto the bed, a burst of air exploding out of him as he hit. He prayed that she could get a couple more hours. He wasn't ready to let her leave, to let go of the idea that this might be more that a one-night-I-don't-want-to-regret-not-having. That this might be her finally coming back to him, to be with him. If she was back he'd stop. He'd stop with all the fighting and the comments he threw at the PCHers. He would stir the pot anymore, wouldn't be the lightening rod. He'd give up this thing, this war he had with Weevil and his gang. He was out.
~* *~ * ~* *~
Veronica ended up having to run out to her car to get her phone, glad that she
had left it unlocked because her keys were in her jeans pocket and she had no idea where she'd finally stripped of her jeans. When she'd finally dug her cell phone out of her packed bag she saw that she had eight missed calls. Four from Duncan, three from her dad and one from Wallace. Eight missed calls and three
voice messages and one text.
From: Wallace
figured it out. c u 2morrow
All three voicemails were from her dad. The first letting her know that he'd made the decision to talk to Woody
tomorrow morning, so he probably wouldn't see her before school. The second to let her know that he would be out
late on a stake out, so he probably wouldn't see her until after school tomorrow. The third letting her know that
he was getting started on his stake out early and to please call him back and let him know what she's up to.
Nothing from Duncan, but looking back over the calls, they were all from before she'd left the letter at the front desk.
Veronica dialed her dad's cell phone, settling into the passenger seat of her car while she waited, her feet dangling out the door.
"Hey sweetie, you headed home?" She could the over-protective dad tone in his voice. He thought she was with Duncan.
"No, not yet."
"Honey, you can see Duncan tomorrow." The tone was getting stronger.
"I know. I'm not at Duncan's, I with Mac. We're trying to finish up a case." Veronica lied smoothly, feeling a little guilty for the lie she was telling, knowing where she was going with it.
"You're not at Duncan's?" She could hear the surprise in his voice. She always went to Duncan's hotel room after her shift. Or after school. Or whenever she had some free time that wasn't being spent at the office.
"No, actually I won't be going over to Duncan's anymore. We broke up." Veronica told him, trying to sound appropriately sad about it.
"Really?" He was trying to sound upset about it, but she could hear the glee in his voice. Glee that his baby girl wasn't dating the boy with his own hotel room and no parental supervision. Just wait until he realizes that I'm with the boy with his own mansion and no parental supervision.
"Yeah, and since it's getting so late I was thinking I would just stay here." Veronica squeezed her eyes shut as she told the lie. She didn't particularly care for lying to her dad, even though it seemed like she was always doing it.
"Yeah, that's no problem sweetie. Are you sure you're okay about this whole Duncan thing?" The glee was gone from his voice, now it was genuine concern. He was reading into the lie the way she had planned, the way she had hoped he would. He thought that she wanted to stay for girl talk, not understanding that Mac wasn't really that type of friend. In fact, the only friend she had that she would've considered having a conversation like that with was in a coma right now. And she also hated her.
"Yeah, I am." Veronica picked at an invisible mark on the dash, trying to distract herself from the guilty feeling she got from lying to her dad. "I'll be fine dad. I have some extra clothes in my car, so I'll probably just head straight to school from here."
"Okay sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then." Her dad replied, his voice soft with sympathy. She'd let him believe that she was brokenhearted tonight, tomorrow she'd have to let him on the fact that not only had she done the breaking up but she'd also gotten back together with Logan.
"Okay dad, bye." With that she hung up her phone and put it back in her bag. Veronica leaned into the backseat to grab the small duffel back on the backseat. She had started keeping clothes in her car last year when she'd had to borrow Meg's cheerleading uniform. And when she'd had to drive all the way home to change out of her 80's outfit before heading to Barstow.
Veronica flipped open her phone and sent a quick text before walking back into Logan's house.
To: Mac
If ne1 asks, i spent the nite.
As she walked back to Logan's bedroom, the guilty feeling in her stomach began to ease. She'd feel bad tomorrow if she had to, tonight she was just going to let it be.
Veronica stood in the doorway to Logan's room for a moment before he noticed her. He'd turned on the lamp by the bed and he was lying flat on his back, his hands folded behind his head. He'd barely turned his head, but she could tell that he was glancing towards the door to see if she was coming, probably had been doing that every ten seconds since she left the room.
"You were gone so long, I thought maybe you left." Logan admitted, sitting up to stare at her as she dropped the duffel bag on the floor by the door, and her cell phone on top of it. His forehead was wrinkling in confusion. He looked so cute when he was confused. He opened his mouth to say something, probably to ask what was with the bag, but he stopped when she shrugged out of his robe and threw it on top of her little pile by the door. She heard all the air rush out of his lungs as she approached the bed, naked.
"So I told my dad that Duncan and I broke up, and that I was staying the night at Mac's house." She told him as she climbed onto the bed, sliding her leg over his in an effort to straddle him. Logan grasped her hips and helped her into position, his mouth still hanging open slightly. Her heart was pounding and she was finding the look of awe on his face incredibly exciting.
"You're staying at Mac's house?"
"Well, I'm sure I could. You know, if you don't want me here." Veronica made an effort to get off of him, but his grip on her hips only tightened. He was starting to grasp the concept of her lie. She bent her head and placed her lips on his neck, in the exact same spot that he always kissed her. The spot that always made her heart pound, made her feel like she had electricity in her veins instead of blood. He rewarded her with a gasp, and his back arched as his hands moved gripping her hips to clutching at her back. Isn't that interesting?
"Since I'll have you all to myself, all night long, how about something to eat? Refuel?" Logan asked, his breath coming out in short bursts before he bit down on his bottom lip and squeezed his eyes shut. She could feel him between her legs, hard and ready.
"Okay." Veronica ran her lips up his neck to pull his earlobe into her mouth before whispering into his ear. "I can't wait to wake up next to you."
Logan swallowed hard, making a gulping sound before his eyes opened to look at her. He looked hazy, dazed as he stared at her. And she saw the surprise in them, knew it mimicked her own, surprise at how comfortable with this. How easy the intimacy and sex stuff came to her. What he didn't realize was that it was only easy because it was with him, that she was only comfortable with him.
Veronica slid off the bed and waited for Logan to regain enough of himself to do the same. After a couple of endless minutes his breathing had calmed and he was able to get up. He reached down to take her hand, entwining their fingers.
"I can't wait either." His voice was low and sexy, and the intense look of love and longing he gave her made her want to crawl back in bed and forget about food, but Logan tugged on her hand. He lead her out of his bedroom and down the stairs towards the kitchen, neither of them reaching for the robe.
At that moment, Veronica couldn't regret a single thing either of them had
done. Because everything had led them to this moment, to here. Veronica
inwardly rolled her eyes at her sudden moment of cheesiness. The moment passed as Logan lifted her onto the kitchen
counter, pressing his erection into her thigh as the water for the mac-and-cheese boiled behind him.
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