Episode #03.11: Poughkeepsie, Tramps & Thieves
Original Air Date: January 30, 2007
Written by: Diane Ruggiero
Directed by: John Kretchmer
Report Card (Capsule Episode Review)
Yearbook (Recurring & Guest Stars/Character Statistics)
Drama Club (Performances: Highlights and Lowlights)
Chemistry (The Analysis of LoVe Scenes)
Journalism (The Mystery of the Week)
Study Hall (Miscellaneous Plot Details)
Extra Credit (Clues to the Season Mystery Arcs)
History (Flashbacks) (None)
Band Class (The Music of Veronica Mars)
Literature (LoVe Lines/In Memory/Quotable Quotes)
Social Science (In Reference To ... Pop Culture & The World)
Homeroom (On Second Viewing, Get a Clue)
Pep Squad Practice (Ambiguously (Or Not) Gay Logan Moments)
Detention (While the Censors Were Out to Lunch ...)
Philosophy (Unanswered Questions)
Principles of Democracy (Hindsight is 20/20)
Extra Curricular Activities (Beyond the Broadcast)
Role Call (Written/Compiled By ...)
Staff Grade: A
Membership Median Grade: A
The second arc is proceeding much better than did the first, because we have another winner! Like Wichita Linebacker, there are many parallels between the Mystery of the Week couple and our Logan and Veronica and it all plays out beautifully. Actually, the entire LoVe storyline is beautiful: We get sweetness and tenderness, some cute, couple-y moments, romance and a dash of passion, old-school-style banter and (of course) some heartbreak. The quips fly fast and free, mostly hitting bulls-eyes; there is heart a'plenty, not one weak supporting player, and while there may have been no Wallace or Mac, we did get Weevil (even if he was, oh, a tad underused) and best of all, no Piz! Unfortunately, the Keith/Veronica relationship is all but a tired, inappropriate joke now and Veronica does have a few startling moments of stupidity (blackmail? just popping into the limo?), but overall, this remains one of this season's strongest entries, fitting nicely in with the series' best.
Credited Cast Non-Appearance
Percy Daggs III - Wallace Fennel
Ryan Hansen - Dick Casablancas
Julie Gonzalo - Parker Lee
Chris Lowell - Stosh "Piz" Piznarski
Tina Majorino - Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie
Recurring Guest Stars (Previous Episode Appearances)
Chastity Dotson - Nish
- My Big Fat Greek Rush Week
- Wichita Linebacker
- Charlie Don't Surf
- Hi, Infidelity
- Lord of the Pi's
- Spit & Eggs
Chery Ferreyra - Fern
- Welcome Wagon
- My Big Fat Greek Rush Week
- Wichita Linebacker
- Lord of the Pi's
- Spit & Eggs
Brandon Hillock - Deputy Sacks- Season One Appearances
- Season Two Appearances
- Welcome Wagon
- President Evil
- Lord of the Pi's
- Spit & Eggs
- Show Me the Monkey
Krista Kalmus - Claire- Wichita Linebacker
- Charlie Don't Surf
- President Evil
- Hi, Infidelity
- Lord of the Pi's
- Spit & Eggs
Amanda Noret - Madison Sinclair- Season One Appearances
- Season Two Appearances
Adam Rose - Max- President Evil
- Hi, Infidelity
Guest Stars
Christopher Carley - Phone Guy
Brianne Davis - Wendy
Jackie Debatin - Madame
Nathan Frizzell - Fred
Richard Keith - Brian
Who's Who in Neptune
Phone Guy - Hearst student who works in the cafeteria with Max's roommate, Brian, and whose phone the fake text message from "Chelsea" came from.
Wendy - Hooker who as "Chelsea" fell for Max.
Madame - Wendy's "agent."
Fred - Max's friend, conspired with Brian to hire him a hooker.
Brian - Max's roommate, works in the cafeteria with Phone Guy and conspired with Fred to hire Max a hooker.
Highlights
Jason Dohring (Logan Echolls) - Truth be told, there wasn't originally a highlight for Dohring planned, but as many of us rewatched the episode his acting popped out more and more. It wasn't as if any of us thought that he didn't do a good job prior to rewatch, no, it was rather that he just did his "usual great job." Thinking on this later reminded me of the skater Brian Boitano who would give flawless performance after flawless performance and receive less than perfect scores from the judges while other skaters on that occasion would rise above themselves and deliver nearly flawless performances ... and receive a ten. Despite the fact that Boitano actually performed a perfect routine, others were given a perfect score and not Boitano because he always gave a perfect performance and he was taken for granted. The same can often be said of Jason Dohring. He just about always gives such a magnificent performance that perhaps that talent and consistent excellence is just the tad taken for granted.
It definitely should not have been so this week, although most of us agreed originally so. Upon rewatch however, Dohring was so subtle and nuanced; his performance was layered and he was frankly, just so damn on in every single scene. He was adorable and funny, with some of that devilish snark on display and plenty of those little moments that just draw the viewer's eye. It was barely possible to take your eyes off of him in any scene he was in. In addition, he handled the heavier emotions just as flawlessly. There was subtext galore throughout the episode and a depth of emotion so beautifully on display in the pillow talk scene that it and he was breathtaking.
So for Jason Dohring another highlight. Just because he's so consistently great doesn't mean that he shouldn't be rewarded every time that he is. And this time ... he most certainly was.
Adam Rose (Max) - Adam Rose gives a charming, nuanced, layered performance in Poughkeepsie, Tramps & Thieves. Previously appearing on Veronica Mars as the go-to cheat sheets king, Rose's Max had much more story this time around. Playing a virgin who falls in love with a hooker is not an easy role to essay. In fact, it screams of cliche and plot contrivance. But Rose imbued the character of Max with a warmth and level of believability that immediately put the viewer on his side. We care about Max. We are hopeful when he is hopeful, crushed when he is crushed and in the end, deeply saddened by the end of his relationship. This was a perfect marriage of good writing and good acting. Hooker stories are pretty much a dime a dozen in the era of television crime procedurals but this hooker story, while no Pretty Woman, still sparkled and much of the credit goes to Rose's performance. Here's hoping we see more of Max.
Scene One: Taking the Fry
Although a seemingly innocuous scene, what we saw here was practically a metaphor for Logan and Veronica's relationship ... and not a very positive one. Veronica is in control; Veronica takes. Logan is perpetually the powerless one; Logan gives. And then accepts Veronica's acknowledgment of his sacrifice without batting an eyelash. Does this seem like a bit much to take from a forty-second scene of cutesy-cute couple-y stuff? Perhaps. The thing is that when I first began this write-up, I was quite willing to offer up a different opinion from those who had expressed dissatisfaction with this scene for variations on the reasons described above. In fact, I even inserted the phrase (quoting our own Veronica Mars to one Logan Echolls): Sometimes a cigar store ... is just a cigar store. However, a few paragraphs later, I wrote this:
Perhaps it is taking it too far to claim that Veronica was -- just the slightest bit -- emasculating Logan, but in our society, isn't the one in control seen as the more dominant party and isn't the stereotype often enough that the dominant one is the masculine? Yes, indeed. (And we've certainly been told enough times that Veronica is the 'man' in their relationship.) So take a scene later on between Wendy and Max where Max inexplicably is getting his toenails painted by his girl. This, in a way, could be seen as another, more obvious form of emasculation. Just like Veronica taking control in the first scene ... and then offering acknowledgment for unspoken gratitude from Logan with regards to his giving up the fry. So, the question becomes, were viewers supposed to read a subtext of discomfort and inequality in their relationship based upon the taking of the fry? Or was it merely a case of writer Diane Ruggiero trying too hard to make the scene funny -- as sadly, many of the VM writing staff have been doing all season long? Again, perhaps. Or instead was it the intention of Ruggerio to show the audience that Logan and Veronica were trying too hard?
Taking the scene at face value, it is cute. The two were sharing a meal and Veronica was playing a little game with him because she ate all her fries, he had some left and she wanted one of his. Cute. How he indulged her. Cute. How he held out the fry to feed her. Cute. How she stopped him because the proffering didn't quite live up to her standards, was in fact, a disappointment, without the ketchup. Cute. How he obeyed, dipped the fry and then fed her. Cute how she accepted it graciously and then -- cute -- how she established gratitude from him whether it was intended or not. Cute. How he smiled and stood up, kissing her goodbye. It was all cute. Very, very cute. Logan giving. Not just of the fry, but of the paper with information on a mystery that he knew would interest her, even though he isn't comfortable with her sleuthing as it puts her in danger. But Veronica is in control; and she can't change who she is and Logan knows this. And accepts it.
Yeah, when broken down ... not so cute.
So, the answer to the above query -- were the writers trying too hard to be cute, or Veronica and Logan trying too hard to be cute? -- comes to an almost easy conclusion. I want to believe that it's the former, but no matter how hard I try to read the scene as just a surface play on the two enjoying a meal together, I am unable to do so. Taking in the bare bones, laid out above, it's clear. And that's not even taking into account the fact that there is an obvious parallel running between Logan and Veronica and Max and Wendy throughout the episode. So, yes, I'm inclined to surmise that it is, indeed, the latter. Or rather a combination of the couple trying too hard paired with Veronica's controlling nature asserting itself ... in even a seemingly innocuous scene.
Scene Two: Munchies and Hooker Talk
Now due to my less than rosy view of the scene above, I'm sure it's easy to predict that I'll have the same Negative Nellie reaction to the rest of the show. That's not the case. In fact, there was very little negative I found in every other scene (but for the final one, of course). Here, I didn't read Veronica asking him about hookers as anything other than curiosity. They were just sitting around eating, waiting for a hooker and the thought popped into her mind and she asked. And I think this is a GOOD thing! Why? Because it showed a nice comfort level between them.
Veronica was thinking before she spoke and the fact that she felt comfortable enough with Logan to just ask showed us a Veronica less on edge, more going with the flow than we often see her with Logan. See? Good! There was almost a friendly vibe between the two of them and I just did not read any level of interrogation or suspicion in how she broached the subject. And that would be because she didn't broach the subject; it just slipped out due to the circumstances. Veronica was simply curious.
Did she assume the worst of Logan in regards to the hooker question? Yes, but I don't think it was in the vein of Veronica assuming the worst of Logan, but rather just about any person assuming that when one doesn't want to answer a potentially embarrassing question because their answer is in the positive, they avoid answering. It wasn't Veronica-specific. So disregarding the history of her lack of trust, this was actually a pretty cute scene (unlike the earlier one that was strained and symptomatic of the issues in their relationship). The way that she handed him the food, how they settled across from one another and munched on their burgers, well, it felt so real and natural. The back and forth banter was also wonderfully reminiscent of their interaction towards the end of season one and is much, much closer to how many felt the two romantically would play out. It would have been really nice to have seen more of this in the first arc, but whaddya gonna do?
Another aspect of the scene that we saw play throughout the episode was their differing views on romantic notions vs. warts and all. Of course, Veronica is a warts and all girl, because she can't stand not knowing every secret. And I can't blame her. The secrets that were held and then all came tumbling out in that span of time when her life fell apart were devastating enough to make the girl never want to be kept in the dark again ... about anything.
Logan, on the other hand, bless his heart, is truly a Hollywood baby. He knows about the dark side, has lived it ... hell, he's been it and he knows that like moviemaking, the trappings and rosy exterior can often hide the mundane and the darkness beneath. However, he has also learned that just because something isn't pretty, just because things aren't always what they appear, that doesn't mean that the fundamentals of a thing aren't true and important. For Logan, it doesn't matter what Veronica has done ... what matters is who she is and who she is is the girl that he loves, warts and all. And because he knows that so thoroughly, he doesn't need proof that the warts exist. He's aware of them and simply doesn't care because she's Veronica and he loves Veronica.
Oy vey, these two getting back together without any discussion of issues was so a recipe for disaster. Sigh.
Scene Three: Two Hookers and a Reunion
Not much here in terms of analysis. It was nice seeing the two sitting together, Logan's arm casually thrown on the couch behind Veronica. And of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the threesome-hooker exchange. Hee! Veronica's "honey!" -- the "honey" in and of itself marvelous because it was such a casual, natural endearment -- was hysterical. But even more hilarious was Logan's complete and utter lack of repentence with his continued lament that "this is just wasteful." Double hee!
Oh, why oh why couldn't we have gotten banter and interaction like this the first six episodes when they were together? These scenes were so much fun!
Scene Four: Awkward ... and then there's Madison
The progression in this scene of Logan and Veronica's reactions to Wendy and Max were sweet and possibly telling. Both started out clearly bored and a tad comfortable with the other's couple show, but once the two told their story, it was obvious that both Logan and Veronica were warming up to their love story. I suppose it's possible that one can take from Wendy's comment about different choices that it was applicable to Logan and Veronica and their situation. But I don't see it. Perhaps were Logan and Veronica not in possibly the best place we've ever seen them together emotionally, I could buy that, but they are and so I don't.
Sigh. And then along came Madison. In retrospect, I'm was at first surprised she didn't spill the beans then and there, but I actually don't think the only reason for that lack was so that we could get a cliffhanger of an ending. However, upon more thought, I found it in character for Madison. Sure, in front of Veronica alone she's going to play the bitch and rub it in her face, but when there's someone else there -- whom she wants to keep in her good graces -- she'll play it cool. And that's exactly what she did.
Personally, I would have liked to see a little more discomfort from Logan considering the later reveal, but from an emotional point of view, the complete disinterest was almost better. And of course, Madison didn't pick up on it at all. Of course. When will these skanks learn that Logan really doesn't give two shits about them and is just using them for sex? It's not as if he isn't obvious when his heart is engaged. Honestly. Ah well, Madison's never struck me as one able to either (a) read a room or (b) use her brains for anything other than snide commentary.
Scene Five: The Heart and the Mind
What was most interesting about this scene was the different reactions from Logan and Veronica to the situation. Veronica was weighing the story, looking for plotholes, sifting through it like the junior detective she is. On the other hand, Logan was clearly involved with the emotional aspect of the tale unfolding before him, showing concern and sympathy in a truly empathetic way. And isn't that our couple to a tee? Veronica's brain is always working, always on overdrive, looking for the answers. Logan, wearing his heart on his sleeve, is satisfied with what is right in front of him.
Scene Six: An Overstayed Welcome
Hee! The scene before we saw Logan full of sympathy for Max's pain and woe and then boom! once the bugger won't leave so that Logan can be alone with his girl, that compassion just went flying out the door. Hee! I liked seeing a selfish, almost uncaring Logan because that IS a part of who he is and we haven't seen much of that side of him this season. So it's always fun when the jackass pops out. And clearly Veronica didn't have a problem with his attitude. Of course not. She wanted some alone time with her honey too!
Scene Seven: So, Blackmail's the Go-to Crime?
Honestly, I sincerely wonder if Ruggiero even remembered that Veronica had casually blackmailed Logan five episode ago. There was an undercurrent that was totally missing from this scene. Logan's dismay with Veronica's (STUPID!) blackmail scheme came from concern over her safety. There was no underlying subtext from the dialogue at all that Logan's frustration came from a much more personal point of view.
Now, Jason Dohring did supply some subtext that could be applied in that direction. He spent much of the scene looking away from Veronica and showing a deeper level of frustration than a guy who -- let's be honest -- breaks the law more than your average citizen. I didn't buy his unease as him playing the voice of Veronica's conscience; I felt it was Dohring's way of showing Logan's disappointment with Veronica casually using blackmail without remorse which pointed to how easily she may have chosen to do so with Logan. However, it was not relayed in the subtext of the scene or dialogue. A fumble from an otherwise tight, emotionally spot-on script from Ruggiero, in my opinion.
Scene Eight: Presto, Intimacy
To describe the mechanics of this scene to someone who has been watching regularly, it's extremely easy to assume that it played out like another game of Veronica showing a complete lack of trust and treating Logan as some lapdog at her feet who is unworthy of her. In fact, I've read variations on that from those who've heard about it, but not seen it. Surprisingly -- and a wonderful surprise it is indeed -- the actuality of the scene could not be farther from the assumption.
This post-coital scene is possibly THE most open we have ever seen Veronica with Logan. Did she ask him some highly personal and inappropriate questions? Yes. Did she do so in a way that screamed of an untrusting interrogation? Absolutely not. When Veronica said she wanted to open up to Logan, wanted to achieve true intimacy with him ... I believed her. Not just because of the words she used, but because of how Kristen Bell played the scene. I, as well as others, have had issue now and again with how Bell has chosen to play Veronica in regards to her relationship with Logan. It's as if her Veronica has had one foot out the door, looking for an exit sign in case she needs to make a quick getaway. In tonight's episode, and especially in this scene, this was not evident.
Veronica truly seemed to be committed to making the right choices and proving herself to Logan in doing so. And that is exactly how Bell played her. Yes, Veronica asked Logan those questions, but she also offered Logan the opportunity to ask her anything at all himself. She didn't push a condition, she didn't shut herself off -- it wasn't about an interrogation. It was about communication. Still, naturally Logan was leery. After all, as I pointed out countless times in the first arc, he was waiting for the other shoe to fall and was therefore holding himself back just the slightest, expecting her to make that quick getaway.
And you could sense him almost reaching for that here, the way he kept trying to dodge her question because he probably feared she wouldn't believe him. And then dodging because of fear that she would judge him. All completely understandable reactions considering their history. However, like Veronica, he was trying to let go of their past mistakes. So instead of holding back, he told her the truth -- warily, but he did so. And for once (halleluja!) the truth was rewarded. She didn't question him, didn't doubt his word. She took in what he said with full belief and lack of judgment or condemnation. Even when he admitted an unpleasant one-night-stand, she still did not judge and I believe that she was quite proud of herself for not doing so.
Take in the expression on her face and then the way the smile blossomed after Logan asked her if she still loved him. As well, listen to the tone of her voice when she said "yes." She was upset when he first told her; she was disappointed, but when he asked her, she took that moment to think -- and harking back to the warts and all discussion before -- and realized that yeah, warts and all, she still loved him. This? For one Veronica Mars? Is a breakthrough. A pretty amazing one. And the look on Logan's face made it perfectly clear that he thought so as well and judging by the beautiful intensity of that kiss, was cherishing it.
Will this breakthrough stick? Considering her reaction to the information of who he slept with, odds are not of a favorable outcome. However, I do believe that this is a matter of timing and that the basis of the breakthrough will last. Once they get over this hump -- and I do think it is just because it was Madison Sinclair, and not because of the one-night-stand -- they'll be the stronger for it. And damnit, they better get over this hump before season's end.
Scene Nine: An Ocean of Smitten
I have to say that this scene, or more accurately one line in this scene, confused me more than just about anything else this season. Veronica actually says to Wendy:
I suppose the point (other than the plot contrivance of getting Veronica to the lingerie shop) was to show that Veronica is still not 100% sure about Logan (how could she not be, though?!). If that is the case, then it is yet another sign that Veronica, although wanting to be with Logan, isn't ready yet. If she has yet to fully embrace and accept just how very much he loves her then one can theorize that perhaps she's still unable to do so because to accept that he loves her completely would mean that any failure in the relationship can more likely be lain at her doorstep due to her inability to love him so thoroughly back.
And that leads us right back to the first scene which showed Veronica as the one in control. It's likely that Veronica feels -- even subconsciously -- that to open herself completely to Logan would be giving up control because she has yet to realize that the two are not mutually exclusive. Logan has shown -- in every relationship we've seen him in that was even a little more than sex (ie, all but Kendall) -- that he is not the one in charge and he's fine with that. Logan is comfortable enough in his own skin that he's more than willing to let his partner drive. He just wants to be in the front seat ... right next to her.
Sigh. And of course, this line led to Wendy's retort about lingerie which led to ...
Scene Ten: The Lingerie Shop
Oh, Veronica. Does it make sense that Veronica hates Madison oh so much more than Dick or any of the others who have caused her heartache? No. But hate isn't rational. I've always gotten the impression that Veronica didn't like Madison even before the 09ers turned against her and vice versa. As well, Madison is a girl. That seems like an obvious statement, but it's true. There's a pathology that alternately states that those of the same gender should stick together, but also that when it comes to contention between females, there is a viciousness that is generally not found in male/male combatants. And consistently, Madison has remained the one person throughout the entire series that Veronica has never not shown an incredible amount of loathing for. Ever. Again, does it make sense? No. But again, hate is irrational. So finding out that Logan's regrettable hook-up was with the one person who -- for whatever irrational reason -- has become the very symbol of all that she loathes in the universe, well, the look on her face says it all. Disbelief, a kick in the gut, it's the end of the world as we know it.
Personally, I hate the contrivance because nothing will convince me that Logan sleeping with Madison while he and Veronica were split up is, after all, anything but a contrivance. However, since Rob Thomas has decided to go there (grr), I'll give him this ... he did pick the one person I can believe Veronica being this thrown by Logan have been with. I mean, again, look at her face. That right there? Devastation. Oh, and sigh, the afore-mentioned breakthrough is pretty much on hold.
Fuck.
Sadly, as each scene played out in chronological order throughout this episode, it became clearer and clearer that the differences between Logan and Veronica and their approach to love are deep, indeed. And there really is only one way for them to work ... Veronica needs to open up and stay open. She needs to learn to just accept the happiness that is sitting RIGHT THERE in front of her and not question it, not fixate on the problems that are problems only because she allows them to be so. Only then, will these two crazy kids finally make it work.
Max (President Evil and Hi, Infidelity), aka Sir Cheats-a-lot, intercepts Veronica on her way to supporting her legal drug addiction at the Hearst coffee cart. She asks him how his business helping dunces (and ballers) cheat their way through college is going. Apparently, it's going so well he's hired a team to help him. Veronica snarks about the irony of his 'team' providing 'study sheets' for Ethics exams and he retorts that the irony has faded over time; just like the double-whammy-irony of *Veronica* calling someone else to task for capitalizing on those dubious ethics has faded over time for *her* audience.
Preliminaries aside, Max tells Veronica he has a case for her if it's true that she's a junior private investigator (is that like a junior office assistant? I'm sure she should have been promoted to management by now if that's the case). While Veronica goes into her usual whine about being "used" while being paid, Max gloriously rebuts that he'd be comfortable using her without paying her if that's an option. Sorry, no can do, Maximillan.
Here's the deal: He's in love with a girl who's getting married in a week. He doesn't know whom she's marrying or where she lives or even what her last name is. But he's in love, damn it: Hearts and flowers, stuffed teddy bears, doves flapping; *that* kind of love! And if Veronica doesn't find his Juliet before she gets married to the wrong man, Max's going to style his hair with a blow dryer under water.
Yeaaahhh ... so ... Apparently Logan Echolls has to compete for the Drama Queen Oscar this season (awarded annually to the man most dramatically whipped by love). Just when he thought his family connections would give him consecutive wins three years running!
Back from the credits, Max tells Veronica that he does know his true love's first name: Chelsea. Well, at least there's that. Oh, and the fact Chelsea's from Poughkeepsie. Chelsea, Poughkeepsie. She'd be a perfect subject for Wayne Brady to serenade on Whose Line is it Anyway,, no? But seriously ...
The depth of their connection based on so little factual information is so obvious to Veronica that she delicately asks Max if his lady love has any idea who *he* is. Max tells Veronica that they met at Comic-Con (and *no* there was no furry action in a Wookie suit), hit it off and had a big, deep and meaningful time in his hotel room (and, no, that is not a euphemism for mind-bending fraking). He wasn't Trekking at the convention; Dave Gibbons had a new graphic novel (the 'comic book' for those in denial about their inner geek) and he wanted to see it ... before heading over to the Battlestar Galactica pavilion when he could no longer resist the magnetic draw ... to Chelsea, yeah, not the hot Cylon babes. If he'd resisted he'd never have met the love of his life and bonded instantly over their shared opinion that the Cylon raiders look like Batman's car when it turns into a plane. So the moral is that to find true happiness we must embrace our inner BSG geek; it didn't steer Moe or Max wrong!
Wendy and Max might have originally bonded over Comic-Con stars but by the end of the day they were connecting deeply on their views about moral grayness, rather than making their own morals a little grayer by enjoying some quality fraking. What they had was *more* than sex. The next day Max drove her to the airport and she told him she left all her information on a note in his room since they were running so late. When he got back to his room housekeeping had been by and he couldn't find the note. Veronica seems positive that this overzealous housekeeper is nothing more than a patsy for Chelsea either failing to leave a note or jotting down the number to the nearest White Castle; but Max is positive that the note was there. He's positive because a few days ago Chelsea sent him a text message, cementing their epic pairing by vying for the Drama Queen Oscar herself: Since Max didn't contact her she's decided to not only get back together with an ex but marry him. So there!
Veronica doesn't understand what he wants her to do if Chelsea's getting married, especially when he has her number if she texted him. He says he's tried calling but some guy answers and claims never having heard of Chelsea. Veronica asks to see the text but unfortunately it was accidentally erased by his roommate; he does still have the number though.
While Max gets the phone number, Veronica practices her favorite sport: Sticking her nose in other people's business as she mills about their room. This time she finds that Max attended the Around the World party that Mac and Parker had dressed their room up for in Show Me The Monkey. Max explains that the photos were taken in the 'kinda lame' room that was supposed to be Canada, echoing many-a-fan reaction aboot the Canadian clichs, eh? Veronica pouts as Max points out his roommate Brian and his other friend, Fred (could these names be any more boring? Are his parents names Jack and Jill?) and then hands over Chelsea's cell number.
Veronica dials the number and 'some guy' answers, repeating (in a voice clearly TIRED of repeating himself over and over) that he doesn't know anyone named Chelsea. Veronica doesn't bother asking whether he's lying but asks about the area code of his number (845). He tells her it's a New York area code from Goshen around forty five miles away from Poughkeepsie. He denies that anyone borrowed his phone and anyway, he's nowhere near Goshen since he goes to college in California.
And it all suddenly makes sense.
Veronica asks the redundant question and he confirms he goes to this tiny, liberal arts college called Hearst that no one's ever heard of (except for all those people who read newspapers and wonder about the mortality rate of children matriculating any college with Veronica Mars on the student register). Veronica asks him to check his outbox for Chelsea's message to Max but the guy says he has no idea how to work his phone (come on, we've all felt that way). Veronica sighs and if you look closely -- yep, right there -- that's the last dregs of her patience slipping away. She asks if she can come check his messages herself and though that must sound strange and slightly stalkerish to this stranger, he apparently prefers the idea of being stalked by the sexy female voice over his line than the concept of being harassed with more phone calls by lovesick Max.
Veronica gives an impromptu lecture on how to sort through those confusing subfolders in one's message box; one can find messages sent from their phone in the 'sent' folder but it's easy to get confused. As she explains she opens Chelsea's message and reads out: "Max, I don't know why I haven't heard from you; I guess I was wrong about our night together ..." I'm guessing there was more to the message than that if Max found out about her wedding and it probably looked more like this anyway: 'max i dont no y i hvnt heard from u. i guess i was wrong bout our nite 2gthr.' It looks like it's the first time he's been aware of the message and he denies having sent it. The last time he went home was around Christmas. Veronica goes into her usual spiel when she gets a barely useful fact: Constructing a story featuring a slutty girl working over a poor deluded boy for his cell phone -- when one of her companion's co-workers in the Hearst cafeteria bakery walks out from the back with a tray of freshly baked muffins.
Veronica immediately recognizes the colleague as Max's roommate Brian and her spy-girl superpowers start to tingle. Aah, she's wearing the Uncanny Observation Skill Utility Belt this week. Brian smiles when she recognizes him and introduces himself, but Veronica says he looks more like a 'Chelsea.' Poor Brian; Cosmo said wearing makeup was cool now that metrosexual chic was fashionable; boys should make themselves pretty too.
Veronica goes back to see Max bearing a glass of information -- half full or half empty. Depending on your perspective. Veronica leads with the 'glass is half full' version because -- bah -- it's always good to go in soft before you give your sickeningly nave client the old one-two upper cut back into their noir reality. Half full: Chelsea's not getting married. Half empty: she's a hooker.
Brian and Fred came to a Dick-esque epiphany to 'help' their friend get out into the world of women: He'd have more confidence if he got laid. Simple formula for simple minds. Max decides he has a new plan and doesn't need Veronica any more: He's going to kill his friends so if she could just leave her bill ... Veronica seems to think they were trying to help him out in the only way they knew how but if she knew that Logan had been getting similar advice from Dick last week I doubt she'd be this sympathetic. Max doesn't like that argument either, since he doesn't want to be the next sexual charity case: Can't you see it now? Some Aaron Echolls wannabe narrating a somber commercial encouraging viewers to donate just one dollar a day so they too could help a horny, college virgin find his way to manhood.
No, he's not a charity case; he has standards. Max is still convinced what he felt with Chelsea was real and that his friends know him so well that they simply picked a girl that he could connect with. Veronica decides to pour a little more water out of his half-full glass by telling him that they didn't *find* his perfect girl, they *coached* her to be his perfect girl. They told her he was a Battlestar Galactica fan, put her in a 'So Say We All' shirt and even fed her the line of ultimate connection about the Cylon raiders looking like Batman's car.
Crushed, Max asks Veronica about his last shred of hope: The text message. She tells him it was sent by his friend when they were concerned that his pining was going to turn into a more permanent sexual hibernation. Brian decided to text him the message from his workmate's phone so they could break the illusion (or delusion) of Chelsea without 'crushing' him (and the accidental deletion probably wasn't so accidental either). Yes, because imagining the love of your life is marrying someone else is much less traumatizing than imagining she's single, if unsuitably employed unless she wants to star in Pretty Woman 2: The College Years.
Unlike what his friend's thought, Max's Chelsea bubble refuses to burst under the sharp point of her profession and he asks if Veronica can still find her. Veronica, being who she is, feels the need to reiterate that Chelsea will still be a prostitute. Max doesn't care that Chelsea is in a profession that, according to Veronica (and the how-to guidebook), trains women to lie to men par for the course; he's convinced that there are some feelings that can't be faked and he saw them in Chelsea when she cried while he dropped her at the airport. Veronica, still stuck on the fakes feelings for a living, is more apt to believe Chelsea was in tears at the thought of paying for a cab all the way back from the airport. Meow and hiss, Veronica dear. Having enough, Max stands to his feet and firmly tells Veronica to do her job: he wasn't paying her to find out what Chelsea did for a living, he was paying her to find Chelsea. So is she going to do it or not?! Duly chastened, Veronica silently concedes.
Brian and Fred are incredulous when Veronica informs them that Max still wants to find his beloved hooker in the cafeteria later on. If they could put their friend in a straight jacket for falling in love, he'd have been there long ago and now they're concerned that Veronica is indulging his manic heart palpitations by taking his case. Veronica sardonically informs them that Max thinks Chelsea is his 'one' true love, to which Brian replies that every boy thinks the first girl that touches where his bathing suit covers is the one. Actually, Chelsea did no naughty-place touching. They spent five hundred dollars each to have a professional talk with Max about his feelings; his sexuality might have been under closer inspection with a real psychologist. In short, Max and Chelsea talked and connected ... a situation that quickly gets labeled the worst moment of Brian's life (oh, to live such a pleasant life, hey Veronica?).
As the ubiquitous Chili's product placement looms ominously over their discussion, Brian checks that Veronica told Max that Chelsea was a hooker one more time. Veronica is on the same wavelength as Max's friends and thinks maybe seeing who Chelsea really is will finally burst his bubbly love. They team up with Veronica and show her how they found Chelsea in the first place: A hooker search engine (and no, it doesn't look like the same website that introduced Dick to the love of his life, Bambi Gasm of the Boston Gasms, in Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough). Veronica first searches for the name 'Chelsea' only to find a Hulk-like prostitute complete with Annette Benning hair-do. Interesting but oh-so-frightening for the children in the audience. Though this is the only Chelsea on the site, it's clearly the wrong person or Max is even stranger than she first assumed. Brian and Fred deny that's her but, being experts, explain to the frosh porn prowler that pros change their working name all the time.
For a moment Veronica boggles at the idea of searching through over 18,000 profiles to find Max's Chelsea (an understandably frightening prospect given the last photo). Luckily for her, Brian and Fred knew their Max's type and are expert online sex shoppers. They direct Veronica to search through the prostitutes by preference, describing Milla Jovovich with a B Cup and a fondness for role-playing. Veronica finds it all very Weird Science and that is probably an apt reference given the fact the boys in the film never got any action from their computer designed babe either.
Disturbingly, Veronica needs no further direction on how to describe Milla Jovovich with a B Cup and fondness for role-playing aside from the question on experience type: PSE (Porn Star Experience) or GFE (Girl Friend Experience). She wonders if there's a reality experience where the prostitute reminds the guy she's only there because he's paying her; meanwhile, I'm guessing she keys in 'Girl Friend Experience' for our dear boy, Max, otherwise Chelsea has a different idea of porn than I do. Her horny minions have served Veronica well, cutting down a batch of 18,000 sexual escorts to two blonde girls with their faces blurred out. Neither Brian or Fred is sure which blurry face belongs to the Chelsea they picked (not that the face would help given they probably weren't looking in that direction when they picked her).
Later while Veronica tries to engage her reluctant father in their daily Quipster Death Match, she hits the fatal blow by informing him she won't be home for dinner because she's going to meet a couple of hookers over at Logan's place. He plays along until she keeps going with her joke, soberly saying that they booked Fiona and Lisette on a school night to save on the off-peak hours. Keith looks unnerved enough to make me assume he must have already concluded Logan's salacious sexual appetite was too much for his prudish daughter and was now wondering if Veronica was finally sending in for reinforcements to give her a break from his constant needs. Ah, if only he was getting that much action ... alas, we're not on HBO.
Later at Logan's, Veronica's beau is doing his best to dodge Veronica's playful have-you-ever-shtupped-an-escort landmine and finally succeeds when Max arrives. There's a long, elongated pause after Veronica introduces the guys. If you hit the 'slow' button you can probably just make out the scroll of repressed one-liners streaming by Logan's head on the left side of your screen. But really, why bother to choose one line from a million when the smirk speaks a thousand quips? Max tells Logan he had no idea she was a hooker at the -- but no one's judging. Much.
A while later, Logan and Veronica (sitting miles away from Max like they fear coming down with hooker-love symptoms) are watching Sense and Sensibility with their new friend while they wait for his true love plus one. And while we're waiting on our escorts" Sense and Sensibility? Really? We have a Battlestar Galactica fan, a Southpark fan, and an Easy Rider fan and somehow no one changed the channel when they hit Sense and Sensibility?
Unable to handle watching Emma Thompson make moon eyes at a ruffled, blinky Hugh Grant, Max escapes to the bathroom per Logan's directions. While he's gone the first knock comes to the door. Logan nervously preens as he goes to answer the door, waiting for his girl's signal before welcoming Lisette into his place. Veronica stands back like she thinks the hooker will pounce if she makes any sudden movements (I'd be more worried about the girl pouncing on Logan because I know I would if given half the chance, free of charge). Lisette coyly greets Veronica and says that threesome kink will cost them a little extra even though she's up for anything (which makes me question my original 'girlfriend experience' assumption). Max rejoins the party just in time to stop the mnage a trois and make them look even kinkier for a second. But no, Lisette isn't Chelsea so Veronica tells Max to pay the girl and Lisette gets to leave without breaking a sweat (while Logan laments this despicable waste of a natural resource).
As she walks out the door (giggling with joy at her easiest trick ever), it's clear contestant number two has arrived. She introduces herself to Logan as 'Fiona,' but Max gasps out 'Chelsea' at first sight. "Chelsea" lights up when she recognizes Max -- first by voice, then by face. She runs toward him at the same time he runs to her, meeting in a crushing reuniting hug much like the one Logan and Veronica experienced last week in that exact place (minus the kissing). Logan looks to Veronica in surprise, then grins widely, his inner Austen-fan swooning at the sight of this 'happy ending' (yes, put twenty down on Logan as the S&S fan). Veronica returns her gaze to the embracing couple and frowns; so Plan A for puncturing Max's Chelsea-bubble was, excuse the pun, a complete bust. He looks just as smitten as before, hooker be damned.
'Chelsea' and Max snuggle, kiss and cuddle on Logan's couch while he gets absolutely no action from his non-PDA-loving girlfriend. Actually, he doesn't look too fond of the smacking sounds interfering with his Austen-time either; it's the scene where Willoughby crushes the heart out of Marianne in a public forum, okay? The smacking sounds are interfering with the necessary somber ambience! They remain stubbornly sappy so there's nothing for Logan and Veronica to do but start a sarcastic commentary tag-team for their own fun (*glares* hey, that's my job). Logan decides to ask the usual boring questions, where's 'Fiona' (or is it Chelsea?) from originally? There's no answer to that question because she's too busy deflecting her Fiona (and Chelsea) mask, unveiling herself as Wendy. Yeah, I can see why she had to change that name because it's only one step away from Mary on the purity scale.
Instead of taking their happy reunion elsewhere, they continue to snuggle and interrupt Logan and Veronica's alone time. (All the LoVe fans are collectively glaring at you snugglekittens, it's time to pack it up! If there's going to be making out on this couch it's going to be Logan/Veronica style or nothing at all!) Wendy finally apologizes for the gratuitous snuggling by explaining that she was so happy because she never thought she'd see Max again; she was misty-eyed and heartbroken when he dropped her off at the airport and she'd done a little self-examination knowing that if she'd made different choices she'd be able to be with this sweet guy, crying at her departure. Alas ...
Logan seems into the romance; Veronica? Not so much, though she is thawing. Before Veronica and Logan can start giggle-gushing over their own epic romance story (let me pause while I chuckle over that thought) the scene is interrupted by a monster from the depths of hell. Oh no, my mistake. That's just Madison. Veronica tells her that Dick isn't home (in other words 'frak off') but Madison stops to ask Logan what he's up to, then leaves lamely when she says she's going to do something that doesn't suck. Picking up on the venomous vibes radiating from Veronica as she slams the door behind Madison, Wendy rhetorically asks if they're friends. No, Veronica replies, Madison's pretty much the embodiment of all things Veronica loathes. And Veronica loathes a lot of things so maybe the monster from the depths of hell line wasn't overstepping the mark.
The next day Max texts Veronica and she heads on over to his dorm again. After spotting Wendy's sexy, purple lingerie on his floor she guesses that Max's love life has gone to infinity and beyond. But he's too antsy for quipping. He wants to hire her to make Wendy disappear -- get her a new identity, close her apartment etc. Excuse me "who does he think Veronica is exactly? She only does things like that when she's helping her boyfriends flee the country and that's not something any of us want to see repeated. When Veronica does her best impersonation of the Governor whispering 'you have been erased' to her clients over a cloned cellular, I'll start worrying about this show.
Veronica clearly has concerns too but they're about Max getting in too deep with a prostitute. She attempts to caution Max about how fast he's going with someone he barely knows, only conceding that Wendy seemed 'fond' of him. Her caution is postponed when Wendy opens the door behind Max and drops some of her things on the ground. Max tells Wendy that Veronica is going to help them (I must have missed when the agreement fairy visited) and Wendy gratefully misconstrues Veronica as a friend. She confides that it's easy to break in to the working girl business but not so easy to break out.
Veronica shifts uncomfortably and seems like she wants to escape the conversation until Wendy namedrops a particularly difficult client, namely a judge. Oooo! Ooo! Veronica's often repressed inner gossip queen bounces to the forefront, eyes gleaming with excitement! "Which one?" "Kramer." "No freakin' way!!" Veronica starts gushing her own dirt on Kramer about taking bribes. Wendy retorts that he's her kinkiest client -- no sex -- but he likes to take her to his office to have tickle fights while he walks around in her shoes.
(Huh. So this is girltalk in Veronica's land of noir. Interesting.)
Their moment of "bonding" is interrupted when Wendy looks across to Max and realizes he doesn't find it funny or the least bit interesting. Uncomfortable is the word for his face. She looks down, ashamed, and when Max realizes she's become aware of his feelings he covers by consoling her with the fact Kramer won't be stretching out her shoes any more if Veronica helps them. He reiterates to Veronica that he'll pay whatever it costs (he must be some kind of nerdy 09er to have all this easy money, maybe he would have been pals with Mac if she'd been a Sinclair ... ). Now that her little gossiping moment with Wendy has passed, Veronica's returned to her standard wary disposition.
Meanwhile, Logan answers a knock at his door all cheeky smiles until -- another hooker with a great big shiner on her right eye is revealed on the other side of the door. Logan's smile slips off his face as she disdainfully asks where Wendy is.
Wendy, Max and Veronica come over to Logan's to hear the ugly truth. Wendy's co-hooker, Nikki, applies an ice pack to her bruised face while she explains to Wendy that if she doesn't return to the fold with the grand she was supposed to be paid for servicing Max the night before, Mr Happy Fists is going to play the less fun version of connect the dots on Nikki. Max jumps in, refusing to let Wendy go back when he'd been about to help her escape. But the reality is: Helping Wendy escape means Nikki is going to get hurt. Wendy, clearly pained, eventually stops Max's protests in the firm realization that she has to go back. But they had a great night didn't they? Wendy calls it her best night ever and Max pulls the grand from his pocket (that was meant to be for Veronica's bill) and hands it over to Nikki as she pulls Wendy away from his life by her arm. Veronica nods wearily as she sees her pay float away from her on another impulsive gesture, while Logan looks crushed by the empathy coursing through his body for Wendy. Wendy is pulled from the room and Max is once again Peter in the Never Never without his Wendy-lady.
Logan's crushing sympathy for Max goes right out the window hours later when his libido is raging (damn Veronica and her scruples about PDAs) and Max is still using Logan's apartment as his Designated Suite of Emo. That's just not cool; Logan does enough emoing in his lounge for twenty Max's, this is tipping the scale into a Designated Suite of Clinical Depression category. Logan very unsympathetically decides if he's going to get the love of his life to touch where his bathing suit covers, he's going to have to kick EmoMax out on his ass. Veronica intercedes before Logan commences the ritual balcony toss (learned from Dick, not Cassidy) and goes out to gently nudge Max toward the door.
She quips tactlessly that Wendy and Max will always have Comic-Con ... Max sends her a displeased emo-frown back. Finally, in the face of his depression she bends completely, telling Max she was wrong about Wendy -- their connection was clearly genuine -- and it sucks to watch him lose her that way.
(Audience, put a timer on the whiplash of that concession ... and ... go!)
She finishes her speech and goes to get Max a glass of water but as she's walking toward the fictional water spout, she picks up the ice pack Nikki left behind on Logan's couch. Sidebar: There must be a kitchen somewhere since that's not so much an icepack as frozen vegetables but it can't be in the direction of the door (where she's walking) can it? I'm confused! Nonetheless it doesn't matter because Veronica freezes on the way when she catches a glimpse of the dishcloth covering the pack -- alarm bells are dinging!
(I counted the whiplash apology retraction at around ten seconds, how about you?)
Veronica has seen purple makeup on the dishcloth, clearly that bruise on the hooker's face was a fake and they were all duped by Nikki and Wendy to get another grand out of Max. He doesn't buy that Wendy screwed him over, "That's what she does, Max, she screws people for cash." And ... so much for seeing the genuine connection between EmoBoy and his Happy Hooker. Since that was Veronica's pay Wendy and Nikki snaffled, she's decided to take this personally and employ a revenge scheme 'on behalf of Max' in order to crush Wendy. Crush her like a teeny, tiny bug beneath a heel.
Even though the 'brilliant' revenge scheme Veronica comes up with to get revenge could do more to hurt her and Max than Wendy, Veronica is very excited about extorting the judge her father failed to get booted out of office. The plan is to extort a grand from the judge to get Max back his money and, simultaneously, take Wendy's 'best' client. Best? Really? I think Wendy would thank you for that one, Veronica. And one grand? Seriously? If you're going to extort a judge at least make it hurt a little.
Something is clearly wrong with the universe however when Logan is the one saying "Extortion is wrong and dangerous, Veronica, stop being so reckless" and she's the one going, "Yay! Revenge is FUN! You're not going to try and get me to stop are you, honey?!" Is anyone else confused by this picture? When did Logan become the mature, sensible one that doesn't like breaking the law? Oh, that's right. Logan has experience on the end of Veronica's yay! fun blackmail shtick so maybe he just can't go into this particular vengeful modus operandi with haha joy.
Max, not looking as thrilled at the prospect of extorting a judge and crushing Wendy as Veronica does, tries to tell her she doesn't have to do this. Read: *don't* do this. She says it's all cool and she'll use his cell so it can't be traced to her. Well, that's okay then. As long as Max is the only one that could be identified and bumped there's nothing to worry about! Veronica calls up the judge and tells him she knows a lot about him, no really, she does! Including his proclivity for high heels and tickling. I bet she only just resisted asking about which brand he preferred and how fluffy they were over the toes (hey, it's tickling and heels in one!). Clearly, Judge Kramer doesn't want his weekly date with a hooker getting out so he lets Veronica state her terms. She wants a grand delivered to a locker at the Neptune bus station, when he delivers the money he's to call Max's cell phone back with the locker number and combination in twenty-four hours.
Max finally realizes he's not welcome after all the fun extortion is done (really? Ya think they want to be alone? Just now?) and he decides to leave them to ... whatever it is they were trying to do while he moped around Logan's lounge. Veronica smiles as soon as Max is gone and uses her sex kitten voice to purr that she can't believe she had to extort a judge to get some quality alone time with Logan. He looks less than indulgent and still worried about the extortion as he whispers she doesn't have to work that hard. Sure she does, she says and they kiss. But if that peck was representative of the passion they were so impatient to eject Max from the apartment to explore, I am really confused. I am choosing to believe their's is a slow burning flame and we missed all the scorching bits that would have been on HBO. Clearly, we did as the next scene contains naked spooning and attempts at emotional intimacy.
The next morning Max calls Veronica with the news that Judge Kramer has dropped off the money and Veronica is more than welcome to be his accomplice or, you know, witness for when he's shot to death. Veronica enthusiastically replies that the pick up is the best part and she'll meet him in twenty minutes. When did blackmail become her favorite pastime? I mean, I know she got what she wanted out of Logan but it didn't look that fun back then ...
Veronica cautiously opens the locker (ah, caution in a cautionary tale, it's almost poetic) and finds ... no money. Where's Logan when you need someone who actually knows how to do the shocker symbol? Instead, Veronica finds a piece of paper inside. When she unfolds it she finds a clear and concise message: "GO OUTSIDE. GET IN THE LIMO. OR WENDY GETS HURT." They used angry caps so you know they mean now, bitch.
For people hell bent on crushing Wendy into tiny, tiny pieces they move toward the parking lot quick enough when she's threatened. Huh. I half expected Veronica to turn around and say, "well, that takes care of the crushing part of our vendetta, let's go back to Logan's for some super emo espresso and reminisce about my other successful revenge schemes." No. Apparently stealing a grand is not worth Wendy getting her assed physically kicked.
In the parking lot they find a man that could use Joe the Giant as a toothpick standing beside a black limousine. Ignore the Pulp Fiction rift, he doesn't look that much like a Stretch John Travolta thug in that suit. Max quickly climbs into the limo without hesitation but the very petite Veronica takes a moment to marvel at a real life man mountain, wondering how long it would take her to climb to his summit if she puts her hiking boots on. Then he snaps, "Get in!" and let's just say she's not feeling argumentative today.
The limo drives its occupants to a rain-drenched abandoned parking lot beside a line of railway tracks creating just enough noise pollution to disguise the sound of ... wait a minute, I think I've seen this film ... but no, no gun shot. Just Veronica rambling about how she's learned never to extort a judge who likes to wear fluffy pink heels (yes, I just decided they were fluffy and pink because the man likes to be TICKLED so I feel this elaboration is not too much of a fanwanky-stretch).
Inside the limo, Veronica continues to ramble about just wanting to get Max's money back while both her and Max look about as big as Thumbelina sitting next to the living proof that when your heart's full of love you can grow nine feet tall. When your heart's full of something anyway ... The big bouncer shaped black man holding Veronica's purse redirects Veronica's pathetic begging to the beautiful blonde Madame sitting beside him looking less than impressed by Veronica's high-pitched hysterical prattle. He's not her pimp; the lady beside him is her ..."agent".
Veronica surprisingly calms down at that correction (never mind the fact the two burly guys clearly are the Madame's muscle whether they give the orders or not). Meanwhile her bodyguard goes through Veronica's purse and pulls out her stun gun, remonstrating Veronica about whether the voltage is 'street legal' (never mind the fact they were just kidnapped while committing extortion against a Judge ... I don't think an illegal taser is high on Veronica's list of pending criminal charges). Wendy's agent, tells Happy to put the taser down (hee, Happy Fists, there's a hero for Comic-Con) while she explains to Veronica that she's the one that always gets called when one of her girls screws up. Max says Wendy didn't do anything; he was the one who called the judge. Eh ... no, the voice was female and even though he's probably the girl in the relationship that doesn't mean he's *that* emasculated yet. The Madame begs to differ, it was a female voice on the phone (she says while looking pointedly at Veronica). And Wendy has screwed up a lot: She fell in love with a client (Max doesn't hear much beyond this point), she tried to end her relationship without so much as a goodbye (yeah, that one hurts, can't you empathize with the pimp's pain, Veronica?) and she also told a client about the judge's predilections. I guess they must have some prostitute/client privilege so it really IS like seeing a psychologist.
While Max is still stuck on the 'fell for a client' portion of the conversation, the Madame continue to explain that Wendy owes her money for the braces and the tattoo removal and the housing and clothes she'd been using while under her Madame's 'care'. She says Wendy could work it off -- but Max interrupts that he'll pay the balance owing. Hell, he doesn't even ask the price even though he does blink when the Madame volunteers that the price of Wendy's freedom is a cool ten grand along with a promise that neither Veronica nor Max talk to one of her clients again. She ends the conversation with a cooler threat to make the bruises real next time if they break those conditions. Veronica tries to caution Max again but, geez, Veronica, it's a bit late for caution now, paying the prostitute is probably the only way you're getting out of the car without finding out why Mr. Happy Fists' fists are so happy.
As Veronica and Max walk toward his dorm she's still reeling in incredulity that he just handed over ten grand for a girl he has no guarantee will -- oh. As they round the corner they find the package has been safely delivered after being sent out into the world. Wendy and all her baggage (both literal and figurative) are waiting outside his door. He starts twitching with happy excitement and she opens her arms as he rushes forward to embrace her again. Well, darn it. How is Veronica supposed to stay cynical and suspicious about this situation when the damn hooker is so damn happy and in love? She's not more cynical about the world than a prostitute now is she? Oh dear.
Later in the cafeteria, Max waves to his girl from the lunch line while Wendy and Veronica smile in wait at one of the tables. Veronica whimsically comments on how smitten Max is, wondering how Wendy ever managed to make a boy fall that crazy in love with her. (Yes, it was an amusing comment from a LoVe point of view so let's quickly move on before I can't resist the power of the ranting smilie calling my name; we'll save those comments for Chemistry) Wendy explains that it's mostly dumb luck with a side order of interesting lingerie. Never underestimate the power of lingerie (yes, that purple set was quite nice actually).
Weevil interrupts their conversation with a supposedly funny story about the faculty lounge that we never hear when he recognizes 'Fiona.' In a very uncharacteristic move for Weevil (or maybe it is in character and he just doesn't get the social stigma against strippers), he publicly embarrasses Wendy for her sexual history by bringing up the fact he recognized her from when she used to dance at The Electric Lady where his friend used to bounce. When she denied it, he kept going, trying to prove he recognizes her by recalling her lovely dragon tattoo on her left ass cheek. Uncool, Weevs. Uncool on so many levels that I just have to think you don't find stripping wrong and don't understand why everyone else does because you didn't treat Carmen that way.
Veronica intercedes when Weevil doesn't find his clue in all his ogling, stressing that he's mistaken. Finally realizing that the blinking neon signs aren't just garish set directions or stripping lights but warnings along the lines of 'WRONG WAY, GO BACK' he retracts his conclusion and decides he must be mistaken. He apologizes to Wendy and says he'll see Veronica around, eyeballing the twitchy white dude that's come up behind him carrying two ice creams like he's Logan Echolls scraped off his shoe. An uncomfortable moment of silence and tension descends over the table and Veronica finally looks like she understands how hard it really is for Wendy to leave that life behind her unequivocally.
Later that night, Max is reading Ulysses while Wendy paints his toenails with clear nail polish. Awwwwww. And I mean that. I also want to see Veronica do that to Logan. But despite the joy that should come from getting the love of your life painting your toe nails while you read Joyce, Max seems unusually quiet. Wendy calls him on it and he claims that he just needs to get the novel read by Tuesday. She understands but now that they're talking ... he recalls that there was a dragon in her purse the day they met. He guesses she likes them and she only has time to confirm that before the door opens and Brian and Fred come in.
When they see her painting his toenails (though I'm sure it's more about her in general) they poorly conceal their sniggering laughter and warn Max about their RA Stuart Potter lurking around the hallways. They think he saw Wendy with her bags and since there's no co-ed slumber parties allowed in the dorm they're just giving their good buddy and his live-in hooker a friendly warning. She thanks Brian for letting her stay for a few days, perking up in a positive can-do way about getting a job and finding her own place as quick as possible. Brian says they dropped by because they may have a job for her. Max immediately sees where this is going but Wendy doesn't get it until Brian says his brother is getting married. He wants her to be the stripper at his bachelor party. "Hey, that's my girl you're talking to!" She timidly tells them she's retired and they insincerely apologize bashfully and say they'll find someone else. Once a hooker, always a hooker right?
Max wants to ask her a question and though she knows she'll probably regret it because the past will only hurt them, she lets him. (Sound familiar? Yeah, it's like that.) He asks if she really left the information at his room or if that promise had been a lie. It doesn't seem like the worst thing because she was a prostitute and she'd have no reason to assume he'd want to know her if he knew she was a prostitute. But it's clear on both their faces that this answer means everything. No, she didn't leave her information even though she wishes she had. Max, having expected that response, decides he needs to go for a walk to clear his head while Wendy stays in his room crying, and realizing ...
Max comes to see Veronica in the library to pay her. She bursts out with another tactful comment ('how's tricks?') before retracting it with a censored 'how's things?' They suck. Wendy's gone but at least she left a note this time. Veronica is pissed off that he bought Wendy out of prostitution and she was ungrateful enough to leave him anyway, "please tell me you don't want me to find her again." No, he agrees with Wendy and to explain to Veronica he reads out Wendy's note:
And that's how this story ends: Veronica consoling Max over losing the love of his life in the whitewash of stereotypes and his own instinctive moral cringe, while Wendy returned to her life as a prostitute. But surely not all romances can end this tragically? Surely some couples can get over sordid mistakes from the past when they love each other? ... Right?
- Just last week we saw Veronica sullenly eating alone (sans boyfriend) in the food court. But after their passionate (and very VERY much mutual) reunion, I'd say Veronica's more than a little tickled to have Logan back in her life. The two are sitting together in a comfortable silence, Veronica studying from her text, when Logan is about to eat one of his fries. Veronica calmly asks him if he intends to eat it, and he replies in the affirmative. She tells him that if he's just eating it to meet society's expectations (what, of not wasting cold, nasty French fries?), then she knows someone who'd be willing to take it off his hands. Logan obediently feeds it to her -- hey, not without a little ketchup first! -- and she confidently says, "You're welcome." A little bossy? More ... gently commanding. And hey! It's a small way of showing him that she likes having him around. Logan grabs his books and stands to give her his copy of The Lampoon, which she hasn't read yet. He leans down to kiss her (aww!) and says he's off to Astronomy. Now, I know Logan's been known to stargaze from time to time ...
... but I'm betting that Hearst has a general education requirement for science, and Logan's taking the easy route to fulfilling it. Because lets face it: Organic Chem is a bitch to pass.
The next evening, Logan and Veronica bring burgers back to the suite and the banter is light as Logan asks her if they should have gotten more food for the hookers. Veronica corrects him -- they prefer to be called "escorts" -- and then curiously asks him if hes ever been with one. (Uh, Veronica? Logan had sex withParis Hilton Caitlin. It's all uphill from there.) Logan gives her that are-you-on-something look and implies that he really doesnt want to go there. She might just be having fun with him, but Logan is sensing a landmine here and doesnt know where to put his foot. Smart boy. The two of them did just get back together and all -- kind of a little early to be testing the waters. But Veronica takes his unwillingness to answer her question as an affirmation that he has, in fact, been with an escort, but he laughs and tries to tell her thats not necessarily the case. Veronica says that they can forgo any romantic notions -- regardless of all their "warts," they're together, they still like each other. Thats a real connection, she muses. Logan starts to explain that he prefers his romantic notions, but catches her grinning at him and cuts himself off. He nervously warns her that even if she thinks it's all fun and safe, it's a slippery slope and "Have you ever been with a hooker?" is bound to turn into "How many?" and "How often?" Veronica furrows her brow and jokes that this must mean that he's been with multiple hookers on several occasions. Thoroughly uncomfortable, Logan returns to his burger and declines any further delving into the topic.
After Max leaves the next evening, Veronica and Logan finally have some time to themselves. It's about damn time. The two of them are in bed, engaging in some post-coital spooning, which she muses would cost him if she were a hooker. This is her not-so-sly way of bringing up the hooker issue again. Well, Logan ... at least she's yet to peruse your bank statements, looking for escort services. You're getting off easy here. He replies that he'd gladly pay, which is, yeah, really romantic. One day, Logan and Veronica will have a normal conversation. Until then ... Veronica turns to face him and asks him seriously if he's ever been with a hooker. Logan doesn't understand why it matters, but she reasons that this is their opportunity to tell all, and finally be intimate with one another. Besides, she says, secrets tend to surface whenever she's around, anyway, so why not just get it all out in the open now? Logan reluctantly agrees to answer all her questions, and of course the first thing she asks him is whether or not he's slept with a hooker. He admits that he never has, and Veronica grins and cutely bites her thumb in relief. Logan chuckles at her, happy that she's happy. He asks her the same question and she frowns and says "no," but her tone of voice says "duh!"
It's then Veronica's turn and she decides to bring up Logan and Mercer's Mexican adventure, which kind of ticks him off because he assumes she wants to know if he cheated on her while there. So much for the trust thing. But she presses further because she just wants to know how Mercer was able to drive back to Neptune, commit a rape, and then return to Mexico without Logan knowing. Hmm, I smell a retcon ... Logan sighs and admits that he must have passed out. Maybe Mercer drugged him, he doesn't know. Veronica drops the subject and Logan tells her that she can have his question.
Veronica asks him if he was with anyone while they were broken up, and he reminds her about that landmine he's trying to tiptoe around. But knowing that a) if he refuses to answer the question, she'll assume the answer is "yes" and b) if he lies, she'll probably know, so Logan just admits that he fooled around with some horrible girl that meant nothing to him. Veronica nods and shifts to stare at the ceiling. Logan quips that, yeah, this is really bringing them so much closer. She doesn't say anything. She's not angry, just ... I think Veronica is trying very hard here not to judge him, and she does succeed, even if she is disappointed by his answer. Veronica doesn't believe in meaningless sex and she has every right not to, but they were broken up. As Logan has said before, when they're together, they have to accept each other for what they are. Logan eventually breaks the silence and asks her if she still loves him. I wish he'd instead asked "Do you still want to be with me?" or "Can you understand this?" because even if she does love him, it shouldn't always be that he's pulling a yes/no answer out of her. But even so, Veronica's slow smile and gentle "yes" here is music to our ears. No tearful "yeah" this time, just an honest "yes." Logan turns to her with relief and love in his eyes and kisses her.
But we know from experience that happiness for Logan and Veronica are usually just the calm before the storm. Veronica might not have picked up on the weirdness ('cause there was definitely weirdness, people, where there wasn't supposed to be) between Logan and Madison the other night, but it's about to come back and bite her in the ass. Veronica's decided to take Wendy's advice to never underestimate the power of lingerie and make more of an effort to please her man.
She's picked out a few teddies from the lingerie shop and is about to pay for them when she hears Madison's voice requesting some thigh-high boots with the seams up the back. Veronica says she thought she saw some between the pasties and the edible underwear. Madison proceeds to put down Veronica for choosing lingerie from the sale rack, and laments (in an ungenuine way ... bitch) that it's almost a waste for her to spend so much money on lingerie, if it's just going to be ripped right off her. Uh, TMI, Madison. Too. Much. Information. Veronica informs her that if she's trying to win Dick back, she doubts she has to try that hard. Madison scoffs at the idea of Dick. No, she and Logan hooked up in Aspen over the holidays, and she thought he'd have some free time while she in town. Veronica takes this in, trying to remain composed in front of Madison, but she's obviously crushed. Madison leaves, but not without first informing Veronica that Logan isn't a fan of the one-pieces. Veronica, looking rather ill, tries to hold back the tears. And most likely the bile, too.
- Logan is taking Astronomy.
- Hearst has an outdoor eating area with a coffee bar. A welcomed change in scenery from the dark and overly neon cafeteria, if you ask me.
- Max, his roommate Brian, and friend Fred went to the around-the-world party and got their photo taken in Mac and Parker's dorm. They thought their idea of Canada was lame.
- Chelsea's profile reveals that she is in fact a dude from Tierrasanta, San Diego. Chelsea is with the agency Forbidden Fruitz and is available upon request (mobile is 619-555-0175). Her services are escort, massage, and role playing (clearly).
- Logan and Veronica are watching Sense and Sensibility with Max and Wendy. Veronica really likes those Jane Austen adaptations, huh?
- The license plate number on Madame's limo is WER9878.
- Having been finger fed delicious french fries for lunch by her adorable boyfriend, Veronica lounges happily in the Hearst food court enjoying the hilarity of The Lampoon. It seems that our oh-so-PC friends at the Lampoon were the victims of a rather vicious egging the night after the Dean reinstated the Greeks. The interior article of the special "Egged!" edition details the sites of "Huevosnacht" -- The Lampoon offices, the Pi Sig house, and the statue of the university's illustrious founder, William Randolph Hearst. As she's pondering the hilarity of The Lampoon getting egged right along with the Pi Sigs for their part in adding fuel to the fire lit by Mercer and Moe's rape spree across campus, Weevil plops himself down at the table for a little ketchup and catch up with his favorite girl detective. Veronica shares the egg-cellent escapades of persons unknown (cough*LillithHouse*cough) while Weevil marvels over the stupidity of the kind of people that express anger and agression through egging -- for example, the huevos launched at the Dean's office window during the Huevosnacht rampage -- because it isn't like the Dean's gonna clean it up himself! So who are they really punishing here?
Veronica latches onto his comment about the Dean's window because there's no mention of it in this special all eggs edition of The Lampoon. Weevil confirms that the Dean got his share of yolks and whites the same night as the other attacks and wonders if perhaps it wasn't included in their riotous take on the eggings because they couldn't figure out a tasteful way to make it funny -- seeing as how, you know, the Dean died that night. Weevil mourns the Dean's passing, commenting again what a shame it was to lose a cool dude like that. So say we all, Weevs.
Meanwhile over at the Neptune Sheriff's Department, Keith is trying to help Sachs figure out where the hell the file he requested has disappeared to considering he completed the necessary form over a week ago. C'mon Keith, get real! I'm surprised it didn't take them a month to find what you were looking for at that painfully disorganized monument to ineptitude. Sacks cries "Eureka!" minutes later (although not literally) when he finds the file in question misfiled under the letter "D" and passes it to the proficient P.I. On his way out, Keith comes face to face with Lamb, a.k.a. ineptitude's poster child. Sachs shares with his boss that Keith came to obtain a copy of Cyrus O'Dell's file. Through his trademark snide sneer, Lamb reminds Keith that he's no longer Sheriff, which is good, because I'm sure Keith's forgotten the humiliation of being kicked out of office so that YOU could run the department into the ground, you douchebag. Keith, his usually suave self, says that he's merely a concerned citizen. Lamb snarks that Keith's always "looking for a crime where there isn't one" by which I can only assume he means "looking for a way to solve a crime that I've completely and utterly fubar'd." I mean, considering how good his track record's been with major cases, particularly murders, versus how good Keith's track record is, there's only one explanation: The man is utterly and completely delusional. Anyway, Lamb suggests that Keith find a new hobby, but Keith's not interested in Lamb's advice because he finds solving a mystery very rewarding. With a twinkle in his eye and barely contained glee, Keith suggests that Lamb try it sometime. Lamb sneers sarcastically that he'll get right on that as Keith walks away. But as his expression slowly fades from cocky to bewildered, you can see that it finally dawns on him that SHIT! Solving crimes is what he's supposed to be doing! Dammit! Why does being Sheriff have to be so hard and brain-draining? Isn't it enough that he looks pretty?
The following afternoon Veronica arrives home desperate to engage in a little witty father-daughter banner with Papa Bear, but alas, Papa seems to have lost his wit. Keith appears troubled and despondent and I can only assume the reason for that is housed in the manila folder dangling from his hand. Veronica demands amusement so Keith obliges with a lackluster song telling her that he's finally got the police report on the Dean's suicide. Veronica critiques that the tune needs work and I can only agree. Heading for sustenance in the kitchen, Veronica wonders if the report says anything about the egging Weevil mentioned to her. It seems not, but Keith is less than surprised that detail was missing considering the rest of the report looks like it might as well have been written by a tenth grade devotee of the Headbanger's Ball. Veronica shares deets on the Lillith chicks, including her former editor Nish, and how they had a massive grudge against the Dean. She tells him of Nish's vow for revenge after her impromptu firing and how the girls got eggspastic on several prime Hearst locales, including the Dean's office, on the night of his suicide.
Keith is intrigued by this development and wonders if Veronica might be persuaded to chat the gals up. Veronica aptly notes that she's probably dipped into that well one (or maybe ten) too many times and the Lillith chicks are definitely not her biggest fans. Which means? Keith might have to handle this one on his own. However, she cautions him that if he decides to go undercover as a student he can't do the Daniel Boone jacket or peace signs because the times, they have a-changed.
The next morning Veronica spies her father preening in front of the mirror in his old police uniform, and I have to say, the old man looks good. Veronica, understandably, wonders what he's doing. Keith merely grins and informs her that he's getting ready for work. Veronica comments that he's missing something and disappears into the hallway, returning moments later with a portable boom box and some words of wisdom: After ripping off the tear-away pants, the pelvis thrust should be towards the bachelorette because after all, it is her special day. *snort! * And also, ewwwwwww. Shrugging off his wise-ass daughter's commentary, Keith pays an *ahem* "official" visit to Claire and Fern to discuss the night of the Dean's suicide. He tells them that he's following up on some details about the night Dean O'Dell died. He brings up the egging of the Dean's office and Fern goes all bitchy-defensive with the "oh, like that's a crime?" Keith responds to the brain trust, of course, that it always has been. Seriously -- didn't they think it would fall under the heading of something like ....vandalism? Or how about destruction of private property?
Anyway, Keith goes on to tell the girls that he's pretty certain they are responsible for the egging, despite their less-than-convincing denials, which means that they were in the vicinity while holding a nasty grudge the night he died. Claire tries to cover, but much like bees and dogs, Keith can smell her fear. He asks her to define for him who "we" included on the night in question, to which she replies that it was her, Fern and Nish. Fern tries to cover a little, but instead ends up shoving her Birkenstock-shod foot into her mouth when she comments that Nish wasn't with them when they egged the Dean's office. So where was she? Keith's just dying to know. He goes all hard-core cop on them but before he can really lay the heavy intimidation tactics on him, Nish appears from the back of the apartment. And being former editor of the campus paper, she recognizes him.
Nish tells the girls that Keith isn't a police officer anymore before trying to figure out what the heck he's doing in her apartment. At this point he's got nothing to lose, so he asks Nish where she was when her friends were egging the Dean's office. First she drags out her standard dose of superior bitchiness and reminds Keith that she doesn't have to tell him anything, and then reminds him that his little "role playing" game is also illegal. Anyway, she relents because she's got nothing to hide. She tells Keith that she was over egging the Dean's precious Volvo. This comes as a surprise to Keith, and Fran's reveal that Keith thinks the Dean was murdered comes as a surprise to her.
Back at chez Mars, Keith shares a rather disturbing discover with his daughter dearest. According to Nish, she very specifically egged the Dean's Volvo. The problem? According to the police report the Dean drove the mini van to work that day -- it was the car of his found in the parking lot the day after his death. Veronica immediately jumps to the "Nish is lying" theory, but Keith clearly wonders if something more sinister is at work. What if the Volvo was there that night? It was the car Mindy was driving on the day in question -- perhaps she paid her hubby a visit. Now Veronica's seeing where he's going and wonders aloud why his client would have failed to mention that visit to him. Sadly, Keith's as clueless as to the rest of us what this development means for the investigation.
"Never The Same Again" (Moonlight Towers)
Scene: Veronica meets perhaps the most technology-challenged college student on the planet. Unaware of how to delete messages off a cell phone? Really?
"Yeah!" (The Golden Dogs)
Scene: One redlight. Two cars. Two sheriffs. One idiot. Guess which is the real deal?
"A Thousand Kisses Deep" (Leonard Cohen)
Scene: I'm sorry, my brain still hasn't quite gotten past naked Logan. There was a bed and Veronica and Logan in the bed. And talk of hookers and history. Landmines and love. And ooh yeah, Logan was naked.
"Wheels" (Mark Lanegan)
Scene: Max is studying; Wendy is painting his toenails ... it's a moment of (slightly odd) bliss and then his jackass friends spoil the mood. Losers.
LoVe Lines
Veronica: You gonna eat that?
Logan: This? (Holds up the fry in question.)
Veronica: Yeah. That fry in particular.
Logan: That was the plan.
Veronica: (As Logan continues to examine the fry.) I'm just saying ... if you weren't, or if you were just gonna consume it out of obligation or to meet someone else's expectations, I know someone who might be willing to take it off your hands. (Logan relents and starts to feed her.) Maybe add a little ketchup? Make it worth a girl's while. (Logan adds ketchup and feeds her the fry and Veronica speaks in a sing-song voice.) You're welcome.
Logan: Well, I'm off to astronomy. Did you see the Lampoon yet?
Veronica: Uh-uh.
Logan: (Logan walks around to Veronica, kisses her, and hands her the paper.) Enjoy.
Logan: (Taking out sandwiches.) Should we have gotten more for the hookers?
Veronica: As I understand it, they prefer "escorts."
Veronica: So ... have you ever been with one?
Logan: (Stops eating.) An escort?
Veronica: Yeah.
Logan: Do we really wanna go there?
Veronica: I guess we don't have to now.
Logan: No, that wasn't me answering the question.
Veronica: Kinda was.
Logan: No it wasn't. That was me knowing there's a landmine and trying to figure out where to put my foot.
Veronica: Well, I guess you picked your spot. (Logan raises eyebrows). Look, why not dispel any romantic notions. If we see each other, warts and all, and still like each other, that's a real connection.
Logan: Well, maybe I enjoy my romantic notions. Maybe I don't care to see any warts, yours or mine. (Grins, almost embarrassed.) Oh see you're smiling, so I think it's all fun and safe but it's a slippery slope from "have you ever been" to "how many" and "how often."
Veronica: So you've been with multiple hookers on several occasions.
Logan: (Turns sideways.) I'm not having this conversation with you.
Max: That's not her.
Veronica: Sorry, Lissa. Looks like we're gonna have to reschedule. Pay the girl, Max.
Logan: Well, if we're paying her anyway ...
Veronica: (Cuts him off with a cranky face that says "could you not go there?") Honey?
Logan: (to Veronica as the the two of them watch Max and Wendy making out on the far end of the couch.) This is nice. We should hang out with your friends more.
Veronica: (On the phone.) Got it, thanks. (After hanging up the phone, holding up the notepad.) Judge High Heels' home phone.
Logan: This is a bad idea.
Veronica: It's blackmail. It's the go-to idea. In case of emergency, break glass or blackmail.
Logan: Excuse me if I can't get jazzed about my girlfriend extorting a judge.
Veronica: Look, I'm not doing a back handspring about it either, but I'm getting Max's thousand dollars back and I'm taking away Wendy's best client. It works on so many levels.
Veronica: (Walking over to Logan and putting her arms around his neck.) I can't believe I had to blackmail a judge just to get some alone time with you.
Logan: You really don't have to work that hard.
Veronica: Sure I do. (They kiss.)
Veronica: (In bed with Logan post-coital.) You know if I were a hooker, this snuggle would cost you.
Logan: I'll gladly pay.
Veronica: Really?
Logan: For this? Cash money.
Veronica: But seriously, folks ... (She rolls over to face Logan.) Have you?
Logan: What, ever been with a hooker? (Off Veronica's nod.) Why does it matter?
Veronica: I just want to know. I assume the answer is yes. Look at it as an opportunity for me to show you how cool I can be. Hooker? Who cares?
Logan: Here's your chance to be cool. Stop asking.
Veronica: I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really ... intimate.
Logan: That's what the female Praying Mantis says before she bites the male's head off.
Veronica: I'm just saying, buried secrets tend to surface when I'm around.
Logan: Maybe that's because of all the digging, huh? (Reaching out, he cups her face.)
Veronica: I'm giving you the chance to come clean. You tell all. I tell all. Go from there.
Logan: Fine. Ask away. Ask anything you want.
Veronica: Have you ever been with a hooker?
Logan: No.
Veronica: (Very pleased.) You want to ask me anything?
Logan: Have you ever been with a hooker?
Veronica: No.
Logan: No.
Veronica: The night you were in Mexico with Mercer ...
Logan: Are you kidding me? (He rolls over onto his back.)
Veronica: How was he able to get back to Neptune, commit a rape, and return to Mexico without you knowing?
Logan: Uh ... I must have passed out. It felt like a couple of minutes, but it could have been hours. Or maybe he drugged me or something. (He turns to face Veronica.)
Veronica: Your question.
Logan: You can have my turn.
Veronica: Were you with anyone while we were broken up?
Logan: Land mine. (Veronica's face falls.) I fooled around with the horrible girl who meant less than nothing to me, and I couldn't regret it more. (Veronica rolls onto her back.) Thinking of it makes me ill. (Logan rolls away from Veronica and onto his back.) So, there. Presto, intimacy. (He swallows, looking like he wants to cry.) You still love me?
Veronica: (After a long pause, she smiles.) Yes. (They kiss.)
Veronica Mars Voiceover: I heard it from a pro: Lingerie. Maybe I should get into the spirit of doing things normal girlfriends do; I should make more of an effort to please my man. First comes sexy under things ...
Quotable Quotes
Weevil: I can't believe how dumb these people are, you know? They're mad at the dean so they egg his window. Like he's the one who has to clean it up.
Lamb: Always looking for a crime where there isn't one. I think you need a new hobby, Keith,
Keith: Oh, I don't know. I find solving an investigation very relaxing. You should give it a try sometime.
Lamb: Yeah, yeah, I'll get right on that.
Veronica: Question: Does your team provide study guides for ethics exams?
Max: Everyday. Yeah, the irony has kind of faded over time.
Veronica: So, about the one that got away. She's was dressed as a Cylon and you only knew her as "Six," right?
Max: Then we started talking about our crappy relationships with our parents and Chuck Klosterman and moral grayness --
Veronica: And how when you see a plastic bag flying around, you think there's so much beauty in the world you can't take it?
Max: You get the picture.
Veronica: I do. Connection, higher plane ... then you frakked.
Max: (About the picture of him and his roommates in Mac & Parker's room.) I think that room was supposed to be Canada, but it was kind of lame.
Veronica: Hmm.
Brian: Hot stuff coming through ... and he's carrying a tray of muffins.
Veronica: Brian and Fred, as demented as this sounds, thought you'd have more confidence with girls if you ... lost your virginity.
Max: (Gaping fish mouth face of speechless incredulit.y) I'm gonna go kill my friends now so ... if you could just leave me a bill.
Fred: He wants you to track her down? You can't do this, I mean you're just fueling his fire -- he's obsessed!
Veronica: He thinks she's the one.
Brian: She's the first girl to touch where his bathing suit covers. Of course he thinks she's the one.
Veronica: Actually, she's not.
Brian: He wasn't a virgin?
Fred: We spent $500 each on a hooker and he wasn't a virgin.
Veronica: No, you spent $500 each and he's still a virgin.
Brian: Okay, she better've done like some crazy circus act.
Veronica: They talked and connected.
Brian: (Considers for a second.) This is the worst moment of my life.
Veronica: A hooker search engine. What will you boys come up with next?
Veronica: Great! There are only 18,731 escorts listed on the site. Much as I'd like to peruse their pages individually ...
Brian: (Interrupts) Try doing the search by preference. (Veronica looks puzzled.) You know, hair color, height, bondage preferences.
Veronica: You know Max's preference?
Fred: That's easy. We just described Milla Jovovich with a B-cup.
Brian: And found one into role play.
Veronica: (Somewhat stupefied.) How very Weird Science.
Veronica: (Perusing the website options.) Its like a Zagat guide for hookers! How did people find sex before there was an internet?
Veronica: What's "GFE?"
Brian: "Girlfriend Experience."
Veronica: (Incredulous.) She has to be an experienced girlfriend?
Brian: It's the type of experience you want to have. If you want it to be like she's your girlfriend, it's a GFE. Girlfriend Experience. But if you want to act like you're in a porn, it's a PSE. (Nodding in mutual male satisfaction at Fred.) Porn Star Experience.
Veronica:Is there a "Reality Experience" where she reminds the guy she's only there because he's paying her?
Veronica: From 18,000 down to 2. Your eye for detail has served us well, young Jedi's.
Veronica: (Shuts door loudly with faux irritation.) I come home after a hard day at work and there you are -- lounging with your bon-bon's and your Harper's Bazaar. (Keith looks despondent.) There better be some freshly pressed shirts in my closet or so help me. (Keith doesn't seem inclined to respond.) What -- you got nothin'?!?
Keith: Mm. Maybe I'm not in the mood.
Veronica: Amuse me, damn it! Amuse me now!
Keith: (Takes a deep breath before putting on a happy face and jazz hands and starts to sing.) I ... finally got the police report on the Dean's su-i-cide!!!
Veronica: That needs work.
Veronica: Did the report say anything about the Dean's office getting egged?
Keith: Nope. But then again it looks like it was done by a 10th grader. I swear, it might as well have heavy metal band's logos sketched in the margins.
Veronica: They went on an egging spree the night of his suicide protesting the reinstatement of the Greeks.
Keith: Do you mind talking to them?
Veronica: Yeah, I think I've dipped into that well one too many times. They're not big Veronica fans. I think you're probably gonna have to handle this one yourself. (Pauses and grins.) If you go under cover as a student, no Daniel Boone jackets, no peace signs -- the times, they have a-changed.
Keith: Will you be home for dinner?
Veronica: No, I'm meeting two hookers over at Logan's later.
Keith: On a school night?
Veronica: (Duh face.) Off-peak hours -- save a few bucks.
Keith: You're not really ...
Veronica: Fiona and Lisette. They're just a couple of gals puttin' themselves through college. Man! Stop bringin' me down with your bourgeois hang-ups!
Veronica: (To the lip-locked Max and Wendy.) You guys need a refill ... or a room?
Veronica: (Opening the door to the suite.) Madison.
Madison: Oh. It's you. So, are you and Logan, like, dating again, or are you hotel staff?
Veronica: (Letting Madison in.) Did somebody order a PSE?
Wendy: (About Madison.) Friend of yours?
Veronica: No, Madison is pretty much the physical embodiment of all things I loathe. (To Logan.) If Dick starts dating her again, you're gonna need to get a different roommate.
Veronica: From where I stand, Wendy's the idiot. And now we must crush her. (Ponderingly.) How to make the happy hooker not so happy.
Happy: (Pull's Veronica's taser out of her bag and turns it on.) I don't think this is street legal. What's the voltage on this?
Madame: Put it down, Happy.
Veronica: Wait, there really is a Mr. Happy Fists? I thought that was just colorful language.
Max: (Shocked.) I'm sorry. Did you say she fell for a client?
Madame: She asked out. But there's a problem, you see. Wendy owes me money. Braces aren't cheap. Tattoo removal isn't cheap. Clothes and housing aren't cheap. Now, she could work it off --
Max: I'll pay.
Veronica: (She and Max walk down the hall to his dorm room.) You just handed over a hundred $100 bills.
Max: Yeah, I was there.
Veronica: (Regarding Max.) That boy is smitten.
Wendy: Yeah, isn't he great?
Veronica: Yeah, pretty great. So what is the secret to making a guy fall for you like that?
Wendy: Dumb luck ... and interesting lingerie. Never underestimate the power of lingerie.
Veronica: (Keith walks into her room carrying the suicide report.) Man, you just love that report.
Max: (To Wendy.) There was a dragon in your purse the first time we met. I guess you're a fan of dragons ...
Brian: I might actually know of a job.
Wendy: Really?
Fred: Yeah, that's what we came to see you about.
Brian: My older brother is getting married next Saturday and the guy organizing his bachelor party has this really uptight wife so they didn't book a stripper. We're scrambling to get someone. It should be a good gig, they're all, like, lawyers!
Max: Hey dudes, that's my girl you're talking to!
Wendy: I'm retired actually.
Max: You mind if I ask you a question?
Wendy: Probably, but go ahead.
Max: When I dropped you off at the airport and you said you left all your information back at the hotel, I got back and the room was clean. So ... I guess my question is, did you really leave it for me? Was it really there?
Wendy: (After a long pause she shakes her head tearfully.) No ... but I really wish I left it.
Veronica: You bought her out of prostitution and she left you? Please tell me you don't want me to find her again.
Max: No! No, I think she may be right. She said uh ... (taking out a letter from his back pocket) what'd she say? She said uh ... "The day we met was one of the best days of my life. I fell for you that day but you didn't know what I was then and now you do. And it shows in the way you look at me, and it shows in the way you touch me but I'll never regret it. You showed me what I was missing. Love Wendy."
Veronica: Ten thousand is a lot to pay for a life lesson.
Madison: You know, it's kind of smart of you to raid the sale rack like that. It's almost a waste for me to spend all this money on something that'll be ripped right off of me.
Logan: If you're trying to get Dick back, I don't think you have to work that hard. Seriously. A hefty bag and some duct tape and you'd be good to go.
Madison: Dick? Please.
Veronica: You came over, I figured ...
Madison: Oh! Logan and I hooked up in Aspen over the holidays. I guess you two were split, huh? I was in town, I thought he might have some free time but, oh well! Oh, and uh, as a friend, (looking at Veronica and her purchases like she's crazy) he's not so big on the one piece numbers.
Poughkeepsie, Tramps & Thieves (Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves) ... (Referenced by the episode title.)
An extremely catchy and pretty deep song by Cher, "Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves" (also spelt as "Gypsieys, Tramps & Thieves"), was released in 1971 and was the first number one hit by the singer as a solo artist. It hit the number one spot on the Billboard charts on November 6, 1971.
The lyrics:
Sir Lancelot (also sometimes known as Lancelot du Lac, or Lancelot of the Lake, and occasionally also Launcelot) is one of the Knights of King Arthur's famed Round Table. In most of the French prose romances and works, he is characterized as the greatest and most trusted of Arthur's knights, and plays a part in many of Arthur's victories -- but Arthur's eventual downfall is also brought about in part by Lancelot, whose affair with Arthur's wife Guinevere destroys the unity of Arthur's court.
Lancelot is a tremendously popular character, and has been the subject of many poems, stories, plays, and films in various incarnations of the Arthurian cycle of romances. For most readers (and/or moviegoers) no other knight in King Arthur's court is nearly as well known as Sir Lancelot. He is generally thought of as the most valiant member of that brotherhood and the secret lover of Arthur's beloved Queen Guenivere. Interestingly enough, Lancelot is not actually an original member of the cycle, and the development of his story is still a source of considerable disagreement between scholars.
In the movies, Lancelot has been portrayed by many fine actors, most notably: Robert Taylor in 1953's Knights of The Round Table, by Richard Gere in 1995's First Knight (with Sean Connery as a kick ass King Arthur in an otherwise unintentionally amusing film), and by John Cleese in 1974's iconic comedy Monty Python and The Holy Grail. The latter is perhaps the best, if not the most accurate, version of this well-known character.
Cleese as Lancelot in Monty Python
and The Holy Grail.
In Monty Python, Cleese's Lancelot is a marvelously violent knight known to attack castle walls, farm animals, wedding guests, and flowers -- who might also be gay. In the film, he vehemently denies this proclivity. However in 2005's Spamalot!(the musical version of the film), Lancelot does, in fact, embrace his homosexuality at the end of the quest.
Poughkeepsie, New York ... (Referenced by Max as Chelsea/Wendy's hometown.)
As it turns out, there are two Poughkeepsie's in New York state: Poughkeepsie (the city) and The Town of Poughkeepsie. Although the two are neighbors (and are often viewed as one place), the population of the Town of Poughkeepsie is roughly double that of the city. I suspect that Wendy was referring to the city, which is the county seat of Dutchess County, located in the Hudson River Valley roughly midway between New York City and Albany. The city's name is derived from a Native American word (roughly U-puku-ipi-sing), meaning "reed hut by the water" or "campsite by small water," referring to a spring or stream feeding into the Hudson River. Bordered on the west by the Hudson River and in all other directions by the Town of Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie calls itself "The Queen City of the Hudson."
Poughkeepsie is probably best known for two things: IBM and television's Ally McBeal. IBM has a large campus in Poughkeepsie (a facility still referred to by many as IBM's "Main Plant") although the main IBM campus is actually in the Town of Poughkeepsie. As for the Ally McBeal connection, the word "Poughkeepsie" is used by one of the two founding partners, John Cage (played by veteran actor Peter MacNicol), of the law firm that Ally works for. John, also known as The Biscuit, started using the city's name to control his stuttering and the link is laid to the city in the first season of the series in the episode Alone Again. Ally explains Cage's use of the word "Poughkeepsie" and his eventual progression to the use of "New York" instead:
Comic-Con International, commonly known as Comic-Con or the San Diego Comic-Con, is an annual four-day (Thursday through Sunday) "multi-genre" fan convention. Founded in 1970 by Shel Dorf and a number of fellow San Diegans, it was originally known as the Golden State Comic Book Convention and later the San Diego Comic Book Convention which, as the title implies, originally showcased only comic books. Comic-Con originated in the basement of the U.S. Grant hotel in 1970, with an estimated attendance of three hundred people, according to the 2005 souvenir book. It later was held at the El Cortez hotel and later moved to San Diego's Convention and Performing Arts Center/Golden Hall before eventually moving to it's current home at the San Diego Convention Center.
Held during the summer in San Diego, California the convention has expanded over the years to include a larger range of pop culture elements, such as science fiction, fantasy, horror, animation/anime, manga, toys, collectible card games, video games, television (Veronica Mars has been showcased there the last two years in a popular panel), and movies. The convention is the largest of its kind in the United States, filling to capacity the San Diego Convention Center with 125,000 attendees in 2006.
Wookiee/Star Wars ... (Referenced by Veronica when she teases Max about Comic-Con.)
A Wookiee (Wookie) is a fictional creature from George Lucas's Star Wars universe. A full-grown Wookiee reaches over six and a half feet in height, is physically strong, possesses remarkable endurance and is covered in very thick hair. Legend has it, a Wookiee was based on George Lucas's dog named Indiana (hmm, after Indiana Jones, or did he named the character after his dog, too?).
The Wookiees come from the world called Kashyyyk -- a planet covered with Wroshyr trees, which happen to be carnivorous (ack!). Not deterred by that minor detail, the Wookiees, apparently build their homes in those trees. Wookiees are as well known for their short tempers (it's not a good idea to upset a Wookiee) as they are for their exceptional devotion to their friends. Their language is called Shyriiwook, which, clearly, no one can speak besides the Wookiees, though some can understand it to an extent (kind of like Russian). By the same token, the Wookiees, while understanding Galactic Basic language, are normally unable to speak it, due to the structure of their vocal cords.
Wookiees are warriors with a fierce fighting style. They are adept in weaponry, preferring blades and bow casters to blasters and grenades. Their exceptional physical strength gives them the opportunity to use weapons other, weaker species cannot. In addition to sabers and bow casters, they also use boom boom sticks (and there's an obvious joke to be made here, from which I am valiantly refraining with all of my Wookiee strength!).
Apart from being a very popular Halloween costume, a Wookiee outfit (a cross between a sheep dog and a bear) can be spotted with consistent frequency at any and all Comic-Cons.
Likened, somewhat unkindly if accurately, to a giant walking carpet, I
can see how Veronica would be concerned for someone getting all
sweaty in that thing.
The most famous Wookiee is Chewbacca, Han Solo's pal (both seen above) from the first Star Wars film trilogy. There are other prominent ones in various incarnations of that universe.
Trekkie ... (Referenced by Max when he rebuts Veronica's teasing.)
Trekkie, a truly dedicated fan of all or one of the incarnations of the science fiction show Star Trek -- The Original Series (19661969), Star Trek: The Next Generation (19871994), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (19931999), Star Trek: Voyager (19952001) and Star Trek: Enterprise (20012005). The origins of the term go back to 1960, when a science fiction editor named Art Saha called several pointy-ears wearing fans of the first season of Star Trek that he met at a sci-fi convention "trekkies." He coined the term in an interview for TV Guide.
The term stuck once the media picked it up, and it's still very much in use. However, some fans find the moniker somewhat demeaning, implication being that the obsession deprives one of "life" and exposes to ridicule. (Although, I must say, no true fan would be deterred by that. Especially not a real Trekkie!).
The great "Trekkie" vs. "Trekker" debate feeds into the notion. Some fans prefer the term "Trekker" as the more serious, as well as "correct" one. Trekkies, however, claim that a Trekker is a Trekkie who is embarrassed to be considered one. Leonard Nemoy, in the 1991 TV event Star Trek: 25th Anniversary Special attempted to settle the dispute. He stated that "Trekker" was the correct term. Nice try, Leonard, and that very well may be, but "Trekkie" is the one that's more widely used.
Trekkies are known for regularly attending Comic Cons, where they indulge in bitter rivalry with the hard-core Star Wars fans. Although, according to Max, the cons are not just for "Trekkies and Star Wars nerds anymore." Mocking aside, though, a dedication such as this deserves some respect. Come on, people, they speak Klingon language! And they can do this:
Editor's Note: I grew up as a Trekkie and Trekkie I shall remain, Trekker moniker bedamned.
Dave Gibbons ... (Referenced by Max when he rebuts Veronica's teasing.)
A British writer and artist of comics, Dave Gibbons broke into British comics by working on horror and action titles for IPC and DC Thomson. Brought in as an Art Director in 1973 when the magazine 2000 AD was set up, he has since then drawn and written for all the major publishers in North America and his home country Great Britain. His work has been and still is published all over the world. He has depicted the adventures of Superman, Batman, Dr. Who, Dan Dare and Green Lantern, among others.
Best known in the U.S. for his 1987-87 collaboration with Alan Moore on the twelve-issue limited series Watchman for D.C. comics -- which is now one of the best-selling graphic novels of all time, his work in it is notable for its regular grid of nine panels on a page along with its intense narrative and symbolic density. Gibbons' most recent work is the 2005 black and white graphic novel, The Originals, which he drew and scripted.
Battlestar Galactica (Frakked, Cylon, Six) ... (Referenced by by Veronica when she teases Max about Comic-Con.)
'Frak' is basically the 'fuck' of the future, used in every way and instance that we humans of today would use the F-bomb. Or so says Ronald D. Moore, executive producer of the updated Battlestar Galactica. Based on the television series of the same name that ran 1978-1979, the new millennia's version of the sci-fic classic has a grittier, more realistic feel than not only the original, but any other science-fiction television show has ever.
The brief premise is that years in the future in a distant part of the universe there exists a civilization of humans who live on planets known as the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, the main planet being Caprica. The Colonies are in an uneasy armistice with a cybernetic race known as the Cylons, but with the unwitting help of a genius scientist with quite questionable morals named Gaius Baltar (James Callis), the Cylons -- who now can easily pass as humans -- launch a sudden, coordinated, and unprovoked attack on the Colonies, laying waste to the planets and devastating their populations.
The last few thousands of the human survivors flee into space aboard any spacecraft they can reach. Of all the Colonial Fleet, the Battlestar Galactica appears to be the only military ship that survived the attack. Under the leadership of the now-president of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, former Secretary of Education, Laura Roslin (Mary McDonnell) -- out giving a speech on one of the planets, thus not on Caprica when the attack came, she is the highest living member of the government -- and famed military leader Commander Adama (Edward James Olmos), the Battlestar Galactica and her crew take up the task of leading the ragtag fleet of survivors into space in search of a fabled refuge known as Earth, which has taken on the proportions of the Arthurian myth.
Six is the most visible Cylon, appearing at the beginning of the original miniseries when the switch from the robotic Cylons to the human Cylons was shown. She/It is a gorgeous blonde played by Tricia Helfer who is ... a gorgeous 'blonde.'
Batman's Car ... (Referenced by Max when he talks about his and Chelsea's connection.)
Batman's car, commonly known as the Batmobile is the personal vehicle of the comic book superhero Batman. One of the popular features of Batman's gadgets, it shares with the rest of them a bat theme and dark colors. It usually comes in black, with large tailfins that represent bat's wings, and its design has evolved with the character from comic books to television to films.
The car is equipped with a chassis with heavy armor plating and a high performance engine with rocket boosts for speed. It is supposedly powered by nuclear generation of electricity. To improve maneuverability special devices are installed and there are weapons mounted on it. There is also a computer link remotely to the Batcave, a remote control function, a forensic kit, and -- naturally -- a small personal helicopter called whirlybat packed in the trunk. (A feature that, in my opinion, should come standard with any modern vehicle).
In the early days of TV Batman the car was a modified sedan with armor, technically advanced and customized.
The 1966 television Batmobile was built by George
Barris from a Lincoln Futura concept car.
Over time the Batmobile became the sleek street machine it is today. Somewhat different and ever more futuristic with each subsequent feature film, the one that Max and Wendy think resembles a Cylon Raider is probably the car from the 1995 Batman Forever.
Yes, but can it reincarnate?
Chuck Klosterman ... (Referenced by Max when he talks about his and Chelsea's connection.)
Born Charles John Klosterman on June 5, 1972, in Minnesota, Chuck Klosterman is an American pop-culture writer. He grew up on a farm in North Dakota and later graduated from the University of North Dakota. Following graduation he started out as a journalist in Fargo, later working as an arts critic for the Akron (Ohio) Beacon-Journal. In 2002 he moved to New York City where as a senior writer for SPIN Magazine he wrote a column titled "My Back Pages." He left SPIN in 2006 when the editor-in-chief was replaced, but continues to contribute to Esquire as a featured columnist, and has written for GQ, The New York Times Magazine and The Washington Post. Klosterman also writes once a month for Page 2 at ESPN.com and has written four books.
Klosterman's quick rise in the pop-culture landscape has earned him a number of comparisons to Hunter Thompson, while others have dubbed him the voice of Generation X. With a magnetic writing style that appeals to a broad audience, Klosterman writes about everything from music to film to sports and more. He has quickly taken his place as one of the preeminent cultural commentators in the country
American Beauty/Plastic Bag Scene ... (Referenced by Veronica when she mocks Max and Chelsea's connection.)
American Beauty is the 1999 Academy Award winning drama (it won five awards including Best Picture, Best Actor and Best Director) written by Alan Ball (now best known for the HBO series Six Feet Under) and was directed by Sam Mendes. The film featured an all-star cast including Kevin Spacey, Annette Bening, Mena Suvari, Chris Cooper, Peter Gallagher and Allison Janney. American Beauty explores themes of love, freedom, beauty, self-liberation, existentialism, the search for happiness, and family against the backdrop of modern American suburbia.
One of the key characters used to explore these themes is that of Ricky (Wes Bentley), the drug-dealing, self-proclaimed "weirdo" who lives next door to Kevin Spacey's family and eventually falls in love with his daughter, Jane (Thora Birch). In one of the film's most memorable exchanges, Ricky offers to show Jane a video of the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. It isn't flowers, or the birth of a baby, or even a photo of the cosmos -- instead, it is what seems to be an ordinary plastic grocery bag dancing in the breeze. Ricky tries to explain to Jane what this moment meant to him and how he managed to discover beauty in something so seemingly ordinary:
Maybe something's lost in screen-cap translation, but this bag isn't saying to me
"there's no reason to be afraid." It might be saying, "this Ricky kid is smokin' too
much chronic." It's hard to say.
Canada ... (Referenced by Max when he talks about that lame room at the Around the World party.)
Canada is a federal constitutional monarchy with parliamentary democracy. Comprising ten provinces and three territories, Canada is a bilingual and multicultural country, with both English and French as official languages at the federal level. A technologically advanced and industrialized nation, Canada maintains a diversified economy that is heavily reliant upon its abundant natural resources and upon trade -- particularly with the United States, with which Canada has had a long and complex relationship.
Canada is the world's second-largest country by total area, occupying most of northern North America. Extending from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean and northward into the Arctic Ocean, Canada shares land borders with the United States to the northwest and south.
Inhabited first by aboriginal peoples, Canada was founded as a union of British colonies (some of which were formerly French colonies). Canada gained independence from the United Kingdom in an incremental process that began in 1867 and ended in 1982; it remains a Commonwealth Realm. Its capital is Ottawa, while its largest city is Toronto.
Goshen, New York ... (Referenced by Brian's coworker as his hometown.)
Like Poughkeepsie, Goshen is the name of two locations in New York: A village and a town. Possibly, our young cell-phone neophyte springs from the town with a slightly larger population of almost thirteen thousand as of the 2000 census. Settlement began in the area around 1714 and the town itself was established in 1789. The region was important in the development of harness racing.
Unlike Poughkeepsie, the other Goshen is actually inside the town of Goshen. With a population of almost six thousand, Goshen is a village in Orange County, New York; it is also the county seat. About fifty miles northwest of New York City, the village is the home of the Harness Racing Museum & Hall of Fame, and hosted harness racing's top event, the Hambletonian, from 1930 to 1956, at the former Good Time Park. The village is located on New York State Route 17 in the center of Orange County.
California ... (Referenced by Brian's coworker as his current location.)
California is the thirty-first state in the United States and spans the southern half of the Pacific Coast. It is the largest state in population (thirty-seven million) and the third largest in area (158,402 square miles). California is home to several significant economic regions such as Hollywood, the California Central Valley, Silicon Valley, and the Wine Country. It is also home to several important cities and towns (Sacramento, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, etc).
The name is believed to be a derivation of the mythical paradise of Calafia portrayed in Amadis de Guala, a sixteenth century Spanish romance by Garci Rodriguez de Montalvo. Others believe the name to be a play on the Spanish words for "hot as an oven;" "cali" meaning "hot" and "fornus" meaning oven.
Different regions of California have very different climates, depending the latitude and proximity to the coast. Most of the state has a Mediterranean climate, with rainy winters and dry summers. 60.5% of the population speaks English, 25.8% speak Spanish, 2.6% speak Chinese, and the rest speak Tagalog, Vietnamese, or some other language. The languages of the indigenous people number more than one hundred, making California one of the most linguistically diverse areas in the world.
Glass is Half Full/Half Empty ... (Referenced by Veronica when she tells Max what she learned.)
"Is the glass half empty or half full?" So goes the popular (and rather rhetorical) question, designed to establish someone's optimistic (half full) or pessimistic (half empty) outlook. The idea behind the expression is to show that a situation can be viewed in different ways depending on the person's point of view. For example: The love of your life, who you didn't know happened to be a hooker, in order to let you down easily told you she was getting married. Once faced with discovery you can a) see the situation as hopeful and an opportunity -- she isn't getting married after all (glass half full); or b) see it as much bigger trouble than you've anticipated -- she is a hooker (half empty).
Then again, there are those who say that the glass is neither half empty nor half full, but rather simply too large for what it contains. She is a hooker, she is not getting married, and you both need a different glass (outlook) to fit in both the trouble and the opportunity of the situation.
So Say We All (Battlestar Galactica) ... (Referenced by as the t-shirt Max's friends dressed Wendy in.)
A stock phrase in the Sci-fi TV series Battlestar Galactica (the re-imagined, contemporary version), "so say we all" is analogous to the Christian "amen" (which itself means "so be it" or "so let it be"). Legend has it that the speech given by Commander Adama to his crew at the end of the miniseries that launched the show was largely improvised by Edward James Olmos (who portrays Adama in the series). The speech included the repeated use of "so say we all!" to rally people and restore their hope. Whether scripted or ad-libbed, the phrase became a staple of the show and even found its way into the popular culture. Alongside other BSG sayings -- such as ever popular "frak" -- it can be found on T-shirts, mugs, mouse pads and other merchandise paraphernalia spotted often at conventions and other gatherings of fans.
Max's friends may have given the "so say we all" t-shirt to Wendy, but she made it look good!
See the full Battlestar Galactica above.
Thar She Blows ... (Referenced by Veronica when she searches the website for Chelsea.)
The phrase "Thar she blows!" was supposedly coined by whale hunters who spotted the column of vapor as the whales exhaled. "Thar" means "there," which makes the phrase an indication of something approaching. Conversationally, it's a humorous way of announcing something one has spotted, something they've been looking for. It's usually said with a certain annunciation, a kind of a "pirate" accent.
Though, given the context in which Veronica uses the phrase -- announcing the finding of Chelsea ("blows" in conjunction with escort) -- it makes me wonder if this wasn't meant to be one of those "hidden from the censors" double entendres. On the second thought, scratch that. Of course it was meant to read that way!
Milla Jovovich ... (Referenced by Max's friends as his type.)
Milla Jovovich (pronounced "mee-luh yo-vo-vitch") was born December 17, 1975 in Kiev, Ukraine (former Soviet Union) to a Serbian doctor father, Bogdanovitch Jovovich, and a Russian actress mother, Galina Loginova. In 1981, the family left the Soviet Union and moved to London, England and then ultimately settled in Los Angeles.
At the age of eleven Jovovich was discovered by a famous photographer Richard Avedon. He photographed her for his Revlons "Most Unforgettable Women in the World" advertisements. The photo shoot started her professional modeling career, landing her in numerous magazines and covers. She has been featured in ad campaigns for Banana Republic, Christian Dior, Donna Karan, Gap, Versace, and others. Milla has been a spokes-model for LOral cosmetics since 1998.
Modeling led to acting roles. In 1988 she appeared in her first film, a soft porn flick (disguised as romantic drama) Two Moon Junction opposite Sherilyn Fenn. In 1991, she starred in her first leading role in Return to the Blue Lagoon, and around that time she also appeared in several television shows and other films, namely Chaplin (1992) and Dazed and Confused (1993). She landed a breakout role in 1997 as Leeloo, the perfect being, in The Fifth Element opposite Bruce Willis. Her other appearances include roles in The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999), Zoolander (2001), Resident Evil trilogy (2002, 2004, 2007), and Ultraviolet (2006).
In addition to modeling and acting, Milla has recorded a critically acclaimed folk album The Divine Comedy in 1994. She has also contributed songs to various movie soundtracks. As well, Milla and fellow model Carmen Hawk started their own clothing line, Jovovich-Hawk in 2003. Two years later they opened a showroom in New York City. The line can also be found at Fred Segal, Harvey Nichols, and in over fifty other stores. She is also fluent in several languages: Russian, French, English and Serbian.
She seems to have it all, except for -- according to Maxs buddy Fred -- a B-cup. But really, who needs it when you look like this:
Weird Science ... (Referenced by Veronica as she observes the menu on the website.)
Weird Science is one of many popular teen films written and directed by 80's icon, John Hughes. Released in 1985, Weird Science follows the weekend escapades of two super nerds, Gary (Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith), who use a computer to design the perfect woman. Lacking in the necessary processing power to bring their dream lady to life, the duo hack into a U.S. Government mainframe and use it's power to create an infinitely more detailed simulation that includes behavioral programming. In a kooky twist, a bizarre electrical storm (a la Frankenstein -- the clear inspiration for the film) -- paired with the act of wearing bras on their heads -- makes it impossible for them to turn off the computer, and in fact imbues their program with the ability (when paired with a scantily clad Barbie doll, natch) to bring this dream gal to life.
As the storm draws to a close, and the random red-tinged smoke from the bathroom dissipates, the dream woman appears in the luscious form of "Lisa" played by former model-turned-actress Kelly LeBrock. Lisa's a sexy and sexed-up but deeply caring babe with Einstein's IQ, David Lee Roth's unique life perspective, and an array of inexplicable supernatural powers. Self-aware from the moment of her creation, Lisa sets out to help Gary and Wyatt discover their inner cool and land real, live girlfriends. She manages this through a series of bizarre and wacky adventures like summoning the cast of The Road Warrior to crash a party at Wyatt's house so that the boys can prove, in front of suitably popular witnesses, that they've got balls.
Don't judge us by our head gear. After all,
it's all in the name of science. Weird Science.
In addition to LeBrock and Hall, the film also showcased performances by future stars Robert Downey, Jr. and Bill Paxton. Perhaps less critically well-received than some of Hughes' other 80's fare such as Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Pretty In Pink, the film shares some themes common to all of Hughes' classic teen films. Examples of these include the virtue of being true to oneself, the value of friendship, and the difficulties faced by those who are different. This movie just suggests that embracing these ideals is best done by wearing a bra on your head.
Zagat Guide ... (Referenced by Veronica as she observes the menu on the website.)
The Zagat Survey -- originally only a restaurant guide -- was established by Tim and Nina Zagat in 1979 in order to rate the New York City eateries. The idea they had was rooted in the premise that rating something based on thousand of experiences was better than simply relying on one -- if professional -- review. Not a shockingly profound observation, but reasonable nonetheless. The Zagats started surveying their friends for the first publication and continued big. As of 2005 the Survey polled 250,000 people covering seventy cities. Not just for restaurants anymore, The Zagat Survey rates a variety of lifestyle/leisure services such as hotels, theaters, movies, nightlife, music, golf and shopping.
Questionnaires for the surveys are compiled by Zagat's content department in conjunction with expert editors. The guides provide the ratings for the establishments on a thirty-point scale that covers services, atmosphere and cost. They also provide short descriptions and reviewers' comments for each entry.
The guides come out in book form, as software to be installed on PDAs and cell phones, and as a subscription to a website. A real measure of the guide's popularity is the fact that Honda included Zagat information in their GPS navigational systems on some of their models.
So, can a Zagat Guide to Hookers be far behind? Probably a bit of a stretch, at least in book form. The Web, however, can pioneer this, as it did so many other things. A discreet $39.99 a month subscription, and you get your access to the best-rated "escorts" in your area! And I, for one, am curious to read that questionnaire and appraise that thirty-point system.
Useful and convenient!
GFE/PSE ... (Referenced by Max's friends as the explain the site to Veronica.)
"Girlfriend experience" (GFE) is a service offered by a prostitute (ahem, escort!) where the provider acts like the client's girlfriend. And no, it doesn't mean she chews him out for not bringing her flowers often enough, forgetting an important anniversary, spending too much time with his beer-guzzling/football-watching buddies, or being less-than-nice to her mother. What it apparently involves is a more intimate, romantic sex than a traditional escort offers. It may include kissing, cuddling and foreplay (all things easily dispensed with during the "normal" encounter with a prostitute). When a professional states that she provides "girlfriend experience" she is implying the more full service (than a simple intercourse) and doesn't terminate the "date" by the time of release.
So, the "girlfriend experience," as advertised by pimps everywhere, is somewhat lacking in logic. But if a guy is too shy or too unfortunate in love to find it for free and is willing to pay for a fantasy, then, hey, as Logan would say, "nobodys judging, man."
Decidedly less romantic and fluffy is the "Porn Star experience" (PSE). Defined by "A Glossary of Sexual Terms" (yes, people, there is such a thing) as an encounter that is wild and uninhibited, this type of service provides an illusion of being with a porn star (and why are all these people "stars," exactly? Dont they have "character actors?"). It involves a no-holds bared, high energy, overtly slutty approach. And suddenly, Veronica's comment of "did somebody order a PSE?" when Madison shows up at the hotel suite doesnt seem so harmless.
So, whether you are seeking GFE, PSE or simply someone to share your BSG obsession, here's a word of advice: Know your illusion from your reality, and, whatever you do, use protection!
Young Jedi's ... (Referenced by Veronica to Max's friends.)
n the fictional Star Wars universe of film, literature and video games, the Jedi are part of a noble order of guardians and peacekeepers who are born with the ability to control aspects of "the Force," described by Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi as "an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." (Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope).
Potential Jedi are identified while they are still infants and toddlers, then they are removed from their families and trained in the powers of the Force and the ways of the Jedi. Master Jedi's often refer to their apprenti as "Young Jedi."
Bonbons ... (Referenced by Veronica when she tries to elicit some banter from Keith.)
The name bonbon is from the French word bon, which means "good." In French, a bonbon can be applied to any type of sweet, but in English, a bonbon is a candy with a fondant center, sometimes with fruit or nuts, covered in fondant or chocolate. One of my favorite kind is an easy, no-bake chocolate peanut butter bonbon.
PEANUT BUTTER BONBONS
Easy peanut butter bonbons are made with rice cereal and chocolate chips, along with butterscotch chips and peanut butter.
INGREDIENTS:
2 cups peanut butter
1/2 cup butter (4 ounces)
1 pound confectioners' sugar, sifted, about 4 1/4 cups sifted
3 cups crispy rice cereal
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup butterscotch chips
PREPARATION:
In a medium saucepan, melt peanut butter with butter. In a large mixing bowl, combine confectioners' sugar with cereal; pour hot peanut butter mixture over cereal mixture.
Blend with hands, and form into 1/2-inch balls. Chill well. Melt butterscotch and chocolate chips in separate pans or double boilers. Dip half the candies in the melted chocolate, and the other half in the melted butterscotch, Swirl the tops with the back of a teaspoon; place on waxed paper-lined cookie sheet or baking pan. Chill well before serving. Makes about 8 dozen peanut butter candies.
Harper's Bazaar ... (Referenced by Veronica when she tries to elicit some banter from Keith.)
Harper's Bazaar is a popular monthly American fashion magazine. Harper's Bazaar began publication in 1867 as a weekly magazine for middle- and upper-class women, not changing to a monthly format until 1901. The magazine is owned and published by the Hearst Corporation. In addition to Harper's Bazaar UK, which was founded in 1929, Harper's Bazaar is also published worldwide in 17 other countries, including Greece, Indonesia, Japan, Chile, Mexico, Russia, Turkey, and more.
Each issue of Harper's Bazaar features the work of photographers, artists, designers, and writers in an effort to offer perspectives on fashion, beauty, and popular culture. Through the years, the magazine has featured by such luminaries as Diana Vreeland, Anna Wintour, Richard Avedon, Andy Warhol, and more.
Left to right: Lauren Bacall's first Harper's Bazaar cover, March 1943; Christina Ferrare cover, January 1976; Jodie Foster cover, September 1989;
Sherilyn Fenn cover, December 1991 and Lindsay Lohan cover, July 2006.
Daniel Boone ... (Referenced by Veronica as a tip for Keith if he impersonates a college student.)
Presumably a jacket fashioned after the attire of American pioneer Daniel Boone. Boone is most known for the exploration and settlement of Kentucky, though he has become somewhat of an iconic figure in American talltales and folklore.
Boone's typical frontiersman uniform, as shown in this bicentenial commemerative half dollar, has also become the stuff of legend, but should probably be left to costume parties and guest speakers in an Elementary school history class. While it's true that the genuine buckskin jacket (with optional fur trim) would not score Keith any points with the PHAT kids, I'm guessing it was more the eyesore of FRINGE (YIKES!) that Veronica feared would draw Keith unwanted attention on the Hearst campus.
Times They Have A-Changed (Times They Are a-Changing) ... (Referenced by Veronica as a tip for Keith if he impersonates a college student.)
"The Times They Are a-Changin,'" Bob Dylan's title track written for his 1964 album, is one of his most famous songs, capturing the spirit of social and political upheaval that characterized the 1960's. The song is that of protest and is often viewed as an anthem to the generation gap. A view which Dylan has disputed. "I can't really say that adults don't understand young people any more than you can say big fishes don't understand little fishes. I don't mean [The Times They Are a-Changin'] as a statement ... It's a feeling."
It's a feeling Veronica is clearly behind, although she is slyly referring to the generation gap when she tells her dad his idea of a college attire would no longer be appropriate, because "times, they have a-changed."
Much like "I am Woman... Hear Me Roar," "The Times They Are a-Changin'" -- a song of importance, significance, and powerful message -- falls victim to flippancy of Veronica's inopportune, if sharp, sense of humor.
And I can't help but leave you with this:
the first novel by Jane Austen to be published, Sense & Sensibility (1811) follows the story of the Dashwood sisters, Elinor and Marianne, whose outlooks and temperaments are very different. Elinor, the eldest at nineteen, represents sense (reason) and Marianne, a 16-year-old, represents sensibility (emotion). When their father dies, leaving his estate to his only son from the previous marriage, Elinor and Marianne, along with their mother and the youngest sister Margaret, are left impoverished and have to remove to a certain obscurity of a cottage on the property of a distant relative. The plot follows the girls to their new home, through their respective romances and heartbreak, ending with each finding happiness with worthy suitors and peace with each other.
The novel has been adapted for television and film a number of times. The version Logan, Veronica, Max and Wendy watch (or not, as making out occupies some of their attention) is incidentally the most notable one. Adapted as a screenplay by Emma Thompson, it was directed by Ang Lee and released in 1995. It stays very faithful to the novel and boasts wonderful performances by Thompson herself (Elinor, despite being nearly twenty years older than the character she depicts), Kate Winslet (Marianne), Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman and Greg Wise. The brilliant supporting cast includes a veritable "who is who" of contemporary British cinema: Elizabeth Spriggs, Gemma Jones, Harriet Walter, Imelda Staunton, Imogen Stubbs, Robert Hardy, and Hugh Laurie.
Sense & Sensibility won the Golden Bear for Best Film at the Berlin International Film Festival. It was also nominated for numerous Academy Awards in 1996, and ultimately won for the Best Adapted Screenplay by Emma Thompson.
All in all, it's a strangely innocent choice of a movie to watch with your friendly neighborhood escort (or, say, with your boyfriend), but then, maybe, its not supposed to make sense. It just has to inspire sensibility.
Connect the Dots/Bruises ... (Referenced by Nicki when she comes to retrieve Wendy.)
"Connect the dots" is a paper puzzle game containing a sequence of numbered dots. The objective is to complete the puzzle by drawing connecting lines between the dots in order of the numbers, starting with number one and continuing until the last number is reached. Once finished, the puzzle reveals a hidden picture. The game is also known as "dot to dot" and "join the dots."
"Connect the dots" puzzles are fun and educational, and mainly created for children. "Connect the bruises," however, is a game of entirely different nature, and someone like Logan, who's been taught to play it from a very early age, can attest to it not being much fun, even if did teach him something.
Thar she blows!
The Happy Hooker ... (Referenced by Veronica in how to make Wendy not so happy.)
A 1972 novel by Xaviera Hollander, The Happy Hooker: My Own Story chronicled her life as a "high-class New York madam." The book was notable for its frankness at the time and is considered a landmark of positive writing about sex. Openly discussing lesbianism, bondage, voyeurism and run-ins with lawyers and the FBI, Hollander's book is an international bestseller. in 1975, a film version -- billed as a comedy -- of the book was released with Lynn Redgrave in the title role. The plot summary closely followed the books:
1977 saw the release of The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington with Joey Heatherton in the lead role with the tagline: "She served her country... the only way she knew how!" This entry in the trilogy (yes, trilogy) had a much simpler plot: The world's most famous madame is called to Washington to testify before Congress. Finally, 1980 concluded the set with The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood with Martine Beswick taking over the role.
Alas there is neither poster nor tagline available for when the happy hooker journeyed to Hollywood.
But seriously folks ... ... (Referenced by Veronica when Logan says he'd pay up for a good snuggle with her.)
Other than the title of Joe Walsh's fourth studio album, it's not clear where this phrase originated. Released in 1978, But Seriously Folks ... captures a reflective song cycle along the same thematic lines of Pet Sounds, only for the '70s. Pet Sounds is a 1966 album recorded by the Beach Boys that nearly thirty years after its release in 1995, a panel of top musicians, songwriters and producers assembled by MOJO magazine voted it "The Greatest Album Ever Made." Essentially a solo project for Brian Wilson, Pet Sounds was created after he had quit touring with the band in order to focus his attention on writing and recording. In it, he wove elaborate layers of beautiful "Beach Boys" harmonies, coupled with sound effects and unconventional instruments such as bicycle bells, buzzing organs, harpsichords, flutes, the theremin, and even dog whistles, along with the more usual keyboards and guitars.
Praying Mantis ... (Referenced by Logan when he tries to dissuade Veronica from digging.)
You know the saying "the female of the species is more deadly than the male?" Here's the species that shows us all that it isn't just a witty metaphor for female cunning. Or an apt description of our sometimes dangerous heroine. A praying mantis, or praying mantid, is the common name for an insect of the order Mantodea. Often mistakenly spelled preying mantis -- a tempting mistake, in light of their notoriously predatory predilections -- they are in fact named for the typical "prayer-like" stance. The word mantis derives from the Greek word "mantis" for prophet or fortune teller.
Just like a prayer, you know she'll take
you there. And by "there" we mean "to
orgasm" followed closely by " to the
afterlife."
The mating process for a mantis normally begins during the warm summer season, the male homing in on pheromones released by a sexually mature female. Clearly the fact that none of his buddies came back last night after heading out to get laid does not dissuade them from their amorous pursuits. During this process, the smaller male mantis will throw caution to the wind mount the female mantis from behind and begin copulation. As alluded to in the ever popular quip about her deadly nature, the female praying mantis is known for her habit of biting the head off her partner while they are mating. Contrary to popular belief, this act has no influence on the reproductive process, save for terminating the male's ability to pass his genes on to any other females. I suppose that's one way to guarantee your man won't be having any kids out of wedlock. Sexual cannibalism may be rarer in the wild than in captive mantids kept in a cage, due to the lack of room for the male to evade the female after mating ends. Or perhaps that is predominately male scientists making hopeful rationalizations.
Mexico ... (Referenced by Veronica when she asks Logan about the incident over the summer.)
Mexico is a country located in North America, approximately 753,665 square miles in size, bordered at the north by the United States, and at the south with Guatemala and Belize in Central America. It is the northernmost and westernmost country in Latin America, and with a population of 106.5 million, Mexico is also the most populous Spanish-speaking country in the world. The official name is Estados Unidos Mexicanos, which translates as the United Mexican States. The term State of Mexico (Estado de Mexico) does not refer to the country, but only to one state within Mexico, located near the center of the country adjacent to the Federal District.
U.S. citizens, like Keith's crazy bail-jumper, have been known to cross the border into Mexico to evade U.S. authorities and skip tracers (like Papa Mars). Most often, these individuals cross the border into Tijuana due to its proximity to the world's busiest border crossing. What is interesting is that criminals continue to cross into Mexico to evade criminal prosecution despite the extradition treaty that has been in place between the U.S. and Mexico since 1980.
According to EscapingJustice.com, the Treaty provides for extradition of a party who has been charged with or found guilty of an offense committed in the United States, who has fled to Mexico. An offense is extraditable if it is a crime in both countries and punishable by incarceration for a period of one year or more. The Extradition Treaty further provides that where the offense for which extradition is sought is punishable by death, extradition may be refused unless assurances are given that the death penalty shall not be imposed, and if imposed, shall not be executed.
Street Legal (Taser) ... (Referenced by Mr. Happy Fist as he searches Veronica's bag.)
Street legal actually refers to a vehicle such as an automobile, motorcycle, or light truck that is equipped and licensed for use on public roads. This requires specific configurations of lighting, signal lights, and safety equipment that need not be included in a vehicle used only for off-road that is tailored to its off-road operating area, or closed-course race cars that are used only on closed tracks and dont require all the features a street legal vehicle would.
Tasers available for purchase anywhere between 50,000 - 900,000 volts, are available in several shapes and sizes, and have more stopping power than a .357 Magnum. However, they are illegal in the states of Hawaii, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, and Wisconsin. They are also illegal in the cities of Annapolis, Baltimore, and Baltimore County, MD, Chicago, IL, Denison and Crawford County, IA, Washington D.C., and Philadelphia, PA.
Volvo ... (Referenced by Nish and Keith as the dean's car, Nish egged it on the night of the murder.)
Did you know that volvo is Latin for "I roll" or "I turn?" Well it is, not that the origin of the word has anything to do with the vehicle, instead it has to do with the original product of SKF (for Svenska Kullagerfabriken AB), which had registered as their trademark of a special series of ball bearing. That was the original plan, but they instead decided to go with SKF, but then decided it was a nifty name for their automotive company. The Volvo, or Aktiebolaget Volvo, is a leading Swedish Manufacturer of vehicles, drive systems for marin and industrial applications, as well as aerospace components and financial services. Volvo is basically a spin-off of the SKF and was founded on August 10, 1926 in Gothenburg. In 1999, Ford Motor Company bought Volvo cars.
The first series produced Volvo automobile, called 'V4' (ppen vagn (Open wagon)-4 cylinders) left the factory on April 14, 1927. Just nine hundred and ninety-six cars were produced between 1927-1929. 'V4' was replaced by model PV651 in April 1929. Volvo's first success in the automobile production came with the PV444 that was introduced in september 1944. The Volvo Group today has more than 81,000 employees, with manufacturing in twenty-five countries and sales in more than one hundred and eighty-five markets. The group provides complete solutions for financing and service.
Man of La Mancha ... (Referenced by Veronica when Max shows up in the library.)
Man of La Mancha is a Broadway musical based on the classic novel Don Quixote and is framed as a play within a play performed by the novel's author, Miguel de Cervantes, for his fellow prisoners during the Spanish Inquisition. Man of La Mancha was written by Dale Wasserman, with lyrics by Joe Darion and music by Mitch Leigh. The musical opened on Broadway in 1965, with Richard Kiley in the title role, for which he won a Tony Award. Following its original six-year run, Man of La Mancha has been revived four times, most recently in 2002. A less-popular film version was also released in 1972.
The play takes place in the sixteenth century, in a dungeon where Miguel de Cervantes has been thrown by the Spanish Inquisition. Cervantes is attacked by the other prisoners, who hold a mock trial during which they allow him to offer a defense in the form of a play performed by him and all the prisoners. He transforms himself into Alonso Quijana, an old man who delusionally believes himself to be Don Quixote Man of La Mancha, a knight-errant who embarks on a number of adventures with his squire, Sancho Panza. The prisoners ultimately find him not guilty, and the play ends when Cervantes and his servant ascend from the dungeon to face the Inquisition.
The most popular song from the play is "The Impossible Dream," a song that has transcended its roots to become a Broadway classic. Listen to or download an mp3 from the 1972 film here.
How's tricks? ... (Referenced by Veronica when Max shows up in the library.)
"How's tricks" is a popular Irish greeting similar to the American greetings "What's up?" or "How's it going?" There are several schools of thought on the origin of the term/phrase. One of the most likely explanations has the use of the word 'tricks' in this context deriving from either the nautical 'trick' or the card game 'trick.' Conventional wisdom leans towards the nautical sense of the word meaning 'a turn of duty.'
The other school of thought traces the root of the word to its Latin origin, the verb tricari or tricae, meaning 'trifles or toys.' From at least the mid-16th century we have trick referring to 'a trinket, bauble, knick-knack.' Farmer's A Dictionary of Slang, published in 1890, lists as current "Western American" slang a sense of trick meaning 'belongings, things, baggage.' For a phrase that is equivalent to "How's things?," it's not too far-fetched to think that it may have been influenced by this use of the word.
The use of the phrase was also very popular in the States in the '40's and '50's, mainly in reference to gambling practices where a 'trick' is a round of cards or a roll of the dice. It was generally considered a vulgar greeting and was predominantly used by the card sharps, dice men and gangsters of that era. As Veronica Mars is a noir show, I would guess that this part of the phrase's history was one of the main reasons Rob Thomas included it in his script. It's precisely the kind of thing you can see someone like Philip Marlowe asking one of his acquaintances.
Other similar greetings coined by our Irish friends include "Howya?," "How'sa goin'?," "How's she cutting?" -- and my personal favorite, "What's the craic?"
Not generally used in reference to another meaning for the word "tricks" -- a prostitute turns tricks, ie, has sexual relations with her clients -- however, Veronica's use of that particular phrase in this instance no doubt was unintentionally cringe-worthy for both she and Max.
Aspen ... (Referenced by Madison when she spills the frickin' beans.)
Founded as a mining camp during the Colorado Silver Boom, it's now known as a celebrity-rich ski resort. Names after the corncucopia of aspen trees in the area, it is the the largest city (and county seat) in Pitkin County, Colorado. Skiing became the thing following World War II when Walter Paepcke founded the Aspen Skiin Company. Paepcke was a Chicago industrialist who wanted to create a utopian community for the mind and body. (Yes, apparently skiing provides this mental and physical rejuvenation!)
Famous denizens of Aspen are John Denver (who lived most of his adult life in Aspen), Famous journalist and author, Hunter S. Thompson, lived in the Aspen area, where he was involved in land use regulation and once ran for Pitkin County Sheriff. Kevin Costner, Goldie Hawn, Don Henley, Jack Nicholason and many other celebrities maintain full-time or part-time residence in the Aspen area.
- The look on Veronica's face when Max said that the look of Canada in Mac and Parker's room was kinda lame was PRICELESS! She genuinely looked offended/disappointed for a moment.
- The interplay between Logan and Max when they first meet is hilarious. Logan just seems completely amused by the whole situation, and the quick back and forth ("I didn't know she was a hooker at the time," "No one's judging, man") is utterly adorable.
- The smile on Logan's face when Max/Chelsea reunited was so sweet and so happy for them.
- Lamb has a band-aid on his finger in the car scene. Plot point? Muhney damage? Discuss.
- I like that Max, 'Sir Cheats-A-Lot', was studying for a class. His moral grayness runs parallel to my favorite purity-test running computer nerd, and as much as I liked Bronson, those two characters need to meet STAT. Why couldn't they have had a scene at the Around the World party? He was in her room! MacMax Attack!!
- The delicate way Logan pinches the fry between his fingers like it's a tea cup as he feeds Veronica it. Sometimes that boy reminds me of that scene from In And Out, "Look at my hand! Look at it!"
- So, clearly when Logan is nervous, the fey gestures come out to play. What else can explain the fingertips to tips as he held his hands in front of his chest when the hookers arrived.
- Not a biggie, but still Veronica's use of the phrase "thar she blows" in reference to finding Wendy definitely has some censorious relevance considering Wendy's occupation.
- Did Veronica find Moe's frakking awesome swear word so great that she tried out the show he was obsessing over and it's her new favourite series? Considering Moe needed to explain what the term meant and where it came from in Welcome Wagon (it's used a zillion times each episode of Battlestar Galactica), I found it strange she could suddenly go quiptastic with even more specific references on the show. Was the co-rapist responsible for her new sci-fi love?
- What's DRE? (The first option in the drop down menu for the 'type of experience' on the escort website)
- I've got nothing but love for Sacks, but WHERE is Inga and WHO has been filing the 'O'Dells' under 'D'?
- How come everyone suddenly knows who Keith is? Last week Landry, this week Nish. And if he is so recognizable, how come Veronica isn't? Nish certainly didn't seem to know who Veronica was when she locked horns with her before. Was Keith's book reprinted so quickly recently?
- Was Max so smitten with Wendy when he first met her that all logic left him? He takes the girl to the airport and she tells him her last name, her address, and her phone number are all left as some elaborate "information" in her hotel room. So he can go get it later. Why not just write down the phone number -- at least -- right there and then? Or was he too "misty" to program his cell?
- Has Veronica's sense of danger atrophied a little bit more yet again? Blackmailing the judge was a spectacularly bad idea. Making a pick up alone with Max (and no muscle to speak of) was even worse. She is lucky the pimp lady turned out to be so cuddly and her two goons -- such a comic relief. In reality, more likely than not, pimps come in Liam Fitzpatrick variety.
- What did somebody try to flush down the commode in the faculty lounge?
- The assumption that many viewers had (including the writers of this breakdown) that Nancy faked her rape, thus the reason why Logan could provide an alibi for Mercer was cleared up. According to Veronica during the pillow talk scene, Mercer did indeed rape Nancy. (Now, why he would have drugged Logan, driven all the way back to Neptune, just to rape this one girl when he said that he raped girls because he didn't want to bother taking the time to court them into bed is still something to ponder.)
- In a rare display of trust, it seems that Veronica filled Logan in on Max's backstory when he agreed to use his suite as meeting grounds for the hookers. It's kind of nice when compared to the standard "client privilege" line she threw at Piz when she asked him for a favor in Show Me the Monkey.
- Huh. Madison was too bored to stick around to watch the live-reenactment of her favorite movie (per Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner slumber party) playing itself out in Logan's hotel room. I knew she only liked Pretty Woman for the shopping scenes.
- Hee! Veronica seemed to really enjoy teasing Keith about her meeting with two hookers at Logan's. Add that to the list of PI tricks Keith wishes he never taught his daughter. And there was a really nice segue/callback between Keith and Veronicas scene to the following scene where Logan and Veronica enter his hotel.
- From Diane Rugierros podcast from My Big Fat Greek Rush Week, during which she was writing the script for this episode:
- From the Poughkeepsie, Tramps & Thieves podcast:
- Throughout the episode (notably in the pillow talk scene), Kristen Bell can be seen wearing an Invisible Children bracelet.
To learn more about the foundation behind the bracelet, check out the Invisible Children website.
duchessjms (Jayne): Literature; Social Science
genova (Car): Study Hall; Literature
holly96 (Holly): Yearbook; Literature; Social Science; Homeroom
JaneDtwo: Drama Club; Social Science; Detention; Philosophy
JenniferH: Report Card; Drama Club; Chemistry; Band Class; Social Science; Homeroom; Pep Squad Practice; Detention; Principles of Democracy; Extra Curricular Activities
Pixigal (Gerrie): Drama Club
Polartruckin (Belinda): Journalism; Literature; Pep Squad Practice; Philosophy;
sawmg (Shannon): Literature; Social Science; Homeroom; Philosophy; Principles of Democracy; Extra Curricular Activities
SeluciaV (Alli): Extra Credit; Literature; Social Science
Original Air Date: January 30, 2007
Written by: Diane Ruggiero
Directed by: John Kretchmer
Staff Grade: A
Membership Median Grade: A
The second arc is proceeding much better than did the first, because we have another winner! Like Wichita Linebacker, there are many parallels between the Mystery of the Week couple and our Logan and Veronica and it all plays out beautifully. Actually, the entire LoVe storyline is beautiful: We get sweetness and tenderness, some cute, couple-y moments, romance and a dash of passion, old-school-style banter and (of course) some heartbreak. The quips fly fast and free, mostly hitting bulls-eyes; there is heart a'plenty, not one weak supporting player, and while there may have been no Wallace or Mac, we did get Weevil (even if he was, oh, a tad underused) and best of all, no Piz! Unfortunately, the Keith/Veronica relationship is all but a tired, inappropriate joke now and Veronica does have a few startling moments of stupidity (blackmail? just popping into the limo?), but overall, this remains one of this season's strongest entries, fitting nicely in with the series' best.
Credited Cast Non-Appearance
Percy Daggs III - Wallace Fennel
Ryan Hansen - Dick Casablancas
Julie Gonzalo - Parker Lee
Chris Lowell - Stosh "Piz" Piznarski
Tina Majorino - Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie
Recurring Guest Stars (Previous Episode Appearances)
Chastity Dotson - Nish
Chery Ferreyra - Fern
Brandon Hillock - Deputy Sacks
Krista Kalmus - Claire
Amanda Noret - Madison Sinclair
Adam Rose - Max
Guest Stars
Christopher Carley - Phone Guy
Brianne Davis - Wendy
Jackie Debatin - Madame
Nathan Frizzell - Fred
Richard Keith - Brian
Who's Who in Neptune
Phone Guy - Hearst student who works in the cafeteria with Max's roommate, Brian, and whose phone the fake text message from "Chelsea" came from.
Wendy - Hooker who as "Chelsea" fell for Max.
Madame - Wendy's "agent."
Fred - Max's friend, conspired with Brian to hire him a hooker.
Brian - Max's roommate, works in the cafeteria with Phone Guy and conspired with Fred to hire Max a hooker.
Highlights
Jason Dohring (Logan Echolls) - Truth be told, there wasn't originally a highlight for Dohring planned, but as many of us rewatched the episode his acting popped out more and more. It wasn't as if any of us thought that he didn't do a good job prior to rewatch, no, it was rather that he just did his "usual great job." Thinking on this later reminded me of the skater Brian Boitano who would give flawless performance after flawless performance and receive less than perfect scores from the judges while other skaters on that occasion would rise above themselves and deliver nearly flawless performances ... and receive a ten. Despite the fact that Boitano actually performed a perfect routine, others were given a perfect score and not Boitano because he always gave a perfect performance and he was taken for granted. The same can often be said of Jason Dohring. He just about always gives such a magnificent performance that perhaps that talent and consistent excellence is just the tad taken for granted.
It definitely should not have been so this week, although most of us agreed originally so. Upon rewatch however, Dohring was so subtle and nuanced; his performance was layered and he was frankly, just so damn on in every single scene. He was adorable and funny, with some of that devilish snark on display and plenty of those little moments that just draw the viewer's eye. It was barely possible to take your eyes off of him in any scene he was in. In addition, he handled the heavier emotions just as flawlessly. There was subtext galore throughout the episode and a depth of emotion so beautifully on display in the pillow talk scene that it and he was breathtaking.
So for Jason Dohring another highlight. Just because he's so consistently great doesn't mean that he shouldn't be rewarded every time that he is. And this time ... he most certainly was.
Adam Rose (Max) - Adam Rose gives a charming, nuanced, layered performance in Poughkeepsie, Tramps & Thieves. Previously appearing on Veronica Mars as the go-to cheat sheets king, Rose's Max had much more story this time around. Playing a virgin who falls in love with a hooker is not an easy role to essay. In fact, it screams of cliche and plot contrivance. But Rose imbued the character of Max with a warmth and level of believability that immediately put the viewer on his side. We care about Max. We are hopeful when he is hopeful, crushed when he is crushed and in the end, deeply saddened by the end of his relationship. This was a perfect marriage of good writing and good acting. Hooker stories are pretty much a dime a dozen in the era of television crime procedurals but this hooker story, while no Pretty Woman, still sparkled and much of the credit goes to Rose's performance. Here's hoping we see more of Max.
Scene One: Taking the Fry
Although a seemingly innocuous scene, what we saw here was practically a metaphor for Logan and Veronica's relationship ... and not a very positive one. Veronica is in control; Veronica takes. Logan is perpetually the powerless one; Logan gives. And then accepts Veronica's acknowledgment of his sacrifice without batting an eyelash. Does this seem like a bit much to take from a forty-second scene of cutesy-cute couple-y stuff? Perhaps. The thing is that when I first began this write-up, I was quite willing to offer up a different opinion from those who had expressed dissatisfaction with this scene for variations on the reasons described above. In fact, I even inserted the phrase (quoting our own Veronica Mars to one Logan Echolls): Sometimes a cigar store ... is just a cigar store. However, a few paragraphs later, I wrote this:
Quote:And as I tried to continue in this vein, I realized that, no, the issues didn't really come to light until the final scene between Max and Wendy and then the presumption of most viewers on what will be Veronica's reaction to the information she found out in the cliffhanger. So, in other words, everything up until that point in the episode between Logan and Veronica had in fact been a head-on collision course to that parallel ... including this first scene.
Could I be wrong? Absolutely. But the comfort level between Logan and Veronica was better than we've ever seen throughout the rest of the episode. While there were indeed parallels to be seen between their issues and those of the Mystery of the Week couple, I don't think this was supposed to be evident in the first scene. I think that parallel was supposed to hit home once the sexual discussion came forth.
Perhaps it is taking it too far to claim that Veronica was -- just the slightest bit -- emasculating Logan, but in our society, isn't the one in control seen as the more dominant party and isn't the stereotype often enough that the dominant one is the masculine? Yes, indeed. (And we've certainly been told enough times that Veronica is the 'man' in their relationship.) So take a scene later on between Wendy and Max where Max inexplicably is getting his toenails painted by his girl. This, in a way, could be seen as another, more obvious form of emasculation. Just like Veronica taking control in the first scene ... and then offering acknowledgment for unspoken gratitude from Logan with regards to his giving up the fry. So, the question becomes, were viewers supposed to read a subtext of discomfort and inequality in their relationship based upon the taking of the fry? Or was it merely a case of writer Diane Ruggiero trying too hard to make the scene funny -- as sadly, many of the VM writing staff have been doing all season long? Again, perhaps. Or instead was it the intention of Ruggerio to show the audience that Logan and Veronica were trying too hard?
Taking the scene at face value, it is cute. The two were sharing a meal and Veronica was playing a little game with him because she ate all her fries, he had some left and she wanted one of his. Cute. How he indulged her. Cute. How he held out the fry to feed her. Cute. How she stopped him because the proffering didn't quite live up to her standards, was in fact, a disappointment, without the ketchup. Cute. How he obeyed, dipped the fry and then fed her. Cute how she accepted it graciously and then -- cute -- how she established gratitude from him whether it was intended or not. Cute. How he smiled and stood up, kissing her goodbye. It was all cute. Very, very cute. Logan giving. Not just of the fry, but of the paper with information on a mystery that he knew would interest her, even though he isn't comfortable with her sleuthing as it puts her in danger. But Veronica is in control; and she can't change who she is and Logan knows this. And accepts it.
Yeah, when broken down ... not so cute.
So, the answer to the above query -- were the writers trying too hard to be cute, or Veronica and Logan trying too hard to be cute? -- comes to an almost easy conclusion. I want to believe that it's the former, but no matter how hard I try to read the scene as just a surface play on the two enjoying a meal together, I am unable to do so. Taking in the bare bones, laid out above, it's clear. And that's not even taking into account the fact that there is an obvious parallel running between Logan and Veronica and Max and Wendy throughout the episode. So, yes, I'm inclined to surmise that it is, indeed, the latter. Or rather a combination of the couple trying too hard paired with Veronica's controlling nature asserting itself ... in even a seemingly innocuous scene.
Scene Two: Munchies and Hooker Talk
Now due to my less than rosy view of the scene above, I'm sure it's easy to predict that I'll have the same Negative Nellie reaction to the rest of the show. That's not the case. In fact, there was very little negative I found in every other scene (but for the final one, of course). Here, I didn't read Veronica asking him about hookers as anything other than curiosity. They were just sitting around eating, waiting for a hooker and the thought popped into her mind and she asked. And I think this is a GOOD thing! Why? Because it showed a nice comfort level between them.
Veronica was thinking before she spoke and the fact that she felt comfortable enough with Logan to just ask showed us a Veronica less on edge, more going with the flow than we often see her with Logan. See? Good! There was almost a friendly vibe between the two of them and I just did not read any level of interrogation or suspicion in how she broached the subject. And that would be because she didn't broach the subject; it just slipped out due to the circumstances. Veronica was simply curious.
Did she assume the worst of Logan in regards to the hooker question? Yes, but I don't think it was in the vein of Veronica assuming the worst of Logan, but rather just about any person assuming that when one doesn't want to answer a potentially embarrassing question because their answer is in the positive, they avoid answering. It wasn't Veronica-specific. So disregarding the history of her lack of trust, this was actually a pretty cute scene (unlike the earlier one that was strained and symptomatic of the issues in their relationship). The way that she handed him the food, how they settled across from one another and munched on their burgers, well, it felt so real and natural. The back and forth banter was also wonderfully reminiscent of their interaction towards the end of season one and is much, much closer to how many felt the two romantically would play out. It would have been really nice to have seen more of this in the first arc, but whaddya gonna do?
Another aspect of the scene that we saw play throughout the episode was their differing views on romantic notions vs. warts and all. Of course, Veronica is a warts and all girl, because she can't stand not knowing every secret. And I can't blame her. The secrets that were held and then all came tumbling out in that span of time when her life fell apart were devastating enough to make the girl never want to be kept in the dark again ... about anything.
Logan, on the other hand, bless his heart, is truly a Hollywood baby. He knows about the dark side, has lived it ... hell, he's been it and he knows that like moviemaking, the trappings and rosy exterior can often hide the mundane and the darkness beneath. However, he has also learned that just because something isn't pretty, just because things aren't always what they appear, that doesn't mean that the fundamentals of a thing aren't true and important. For Logan, it doesn't matter what Veronica has done ... what matters is who she is and who she is is the girl that he loves, warts and all. And because he knows that so thoroughly, he doesn't need proof that the warts exist. He's aware of them and simply doesn't care because she's Veronica and he loves Veronica.
Oy vey, these two getting back together without any discussion of issues was so a recipe for disaster. Sigh.
Scene Three: Two Hookers and a Reunion
Not much here in terms of analysis. It was nice seeing the two sitting together, Logan's arm casually thrown on the couch behind Veronica. And of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the threesome-hooker exchange. Hee! Veronica's "honey!" -- the "honey" in and of itself marvelous because it was such a casual, natural endearment -- was hysterical. But even more hilarious was Logan's complete and utter lack of repentence with his continued lament that "this is just wasteful." Double hee!
Oh, why oh why couldn't we have gotten banter and interaction like this the first six episodes when they were together? These scenes were so much fun!
Scene Four: Awkward ... and then there's Madison
The progression in this scene of Logan and Veronica's reactions to Wendy and Max were sweet and possibly telling. Both started out clearly bored and a tad comfortable with the other's couple show, but once the two told their story, it was obvious that both Logan and Veronica were warming up to their love story. I suppose it's possible that one can take from Wendy's comment about different choices that it was applicable to Logan and Veronica and their situation. But I don't see it. Perhaps were Logan and Veronica not in possibly the best place we've ever seen them together emotionally, I could buy that, but they are and so I don't.
Sigh. And then along came Madison. In retrospect, I'm was at first surprised she didn't spill the beans then and there, but I actually don't think the only reason for that lack was so that we could get a cliffhanger of an ending. However, upon more thought, I found it in character for Madison. Sure, in front of Veronica alone she's going to play the bitch and rub it in her face, but when there's someone else there -- whom she wants to keep in her good graces -- she'll play it cool. And that's exactly what she did.
Personally, I would have liked to see a little more discomfort from Logan considering the later reveal, but from an emotional point of view, the complete disinterest was almost better. And of course, Madison didn't pick up on it at all. Of course. When will these skanks learn that Logan really doesn't give two shits about them and is just using them for sex? It's not as if he isn't obvious when his heart is engaged. Honestly. Ah well, Madison's never struck me as one able to either (a) read a room or (b) use her brains for anything other than snide commentary.
Scene Five: The Heart and the Mind
What was most interesting about this scene was the different reactions from Logan and Veronica to the situation. Veronica was weighing the story, looking for plotholes, sifting through it like the junior detective she is. On the other hand, Logan was clearly involved with the emotional aspect of the tale unfolding before him, showing concern and sympathy in a truly empathetic way. And isn't that our couple to a tee? Veronica's brain is always working, always on overdrive, looking for the answers. Logan, wearing his heart on his sleeve, is satisfied with what is right in front of him.
Scene Six: An Overstayed Welcome
Hee! The scene before we saw Logan full of sympathy for Max's pain and woe and then boom! once the bugger won't leave so that Logan can be alone with his girl, that compassion just went flying out the door. Hee! I liked seeing a selfish, almost uncaring Logan because that IS a part of who he is and we haven't seen much of that side of him this season. So it's always fun when the jackass pops out. And clearly Veronica didn't have a problem with his attitude. Of course not. She wanted some alone time with her honey too!
Scene Seven: So, Blackmail's the Go-to Crime?
Honestly, I sincerely wonder if Ruggiero even remembered that Veronica had casually blackmailed Logan five episode ago. There was an undercurrent that was totally missing from this scene. Logan's dismay with Veronica's (STUPID!) blackmail scheme came from concern over her safety. There was no underlying subtext from the dialogue at all that Logan's frustration came from a much more personal point of view.
Now, Jason Dohring did supply some subtext that could be applied in that direction. He spent much of the scene looking away from Veronica and showing a deeper level of frustration than a guy who -- let's be honest -- breaks the law more than your average citizen. I didn't buy his unease as him playing the voice of Veronica's conscience; I felt it was Dohring's way of showing Logan's disappointment with Veronica casually using blackmail without remorse which pointed to how easily she may have chosen to do so with Logan. However, it was not relayed in the subtext of the scene or dialogue. A fumble from an otherwise tight, emotionally spot-on script from Ruggiero, in my opinion.
Scene Eight: Presto, Intimacy
To describe the mechanics of this scene to someone who has been watching regularly, it's extremely easy to assume that it played out like another game of Veronica showing a complete lack of trust and treating Logan as some lapdog at her feet who is unworthy of her. In fact, I've read variations on that from those who've heard about it, but not seen it. Surprisingly -- and a wonderful surprise it is indeed -- the actuality of the scene could not be farther from the assumption.
This post-coital scene is possibly THE most open we have ever seen Veronica with Logan. Did she ask him some highly personal and inappropriate questions? Yes. Did she do so in a way that screamed of an untrusting interrogation? Absolutely not. When Veronica said she wanted to open up to Logan, wanted to achieve true intimacy with him ... I believed her. Not just because of the words she used, but because of how Kristen Bell played the scene. I, as well as others, have had issue now and again with how Bell has chosen to play Veronica in regards to her relationship with Logan. It's as if her Veronica has had one foot out the door, looking for an exit sign in case she needs to make a quick getaway. In tonight's episode, and especially in this scene, this was not evident.
Veronica truly seemed to be committed to making the right choices and proving herself to Logan in doing so. And that is exactly how Bell played her. Yes, Veronica asked Logan those questions, but she also offered Logan the opportunity to ask her anything at all himself. She didn't push a condition, she didn't shut herself off -- it wasn't about an interrogation. It was about communication. Still, naturally Logan was leery. After all, as I pointed out countless times in the first arc, he was waiting for the other shoe to fall and was therefore holding himself back just the slightest, expecting her to make that quick getaway.
And you could sense him almost reaching for that here, the way he kept trying to dodge her question because he probably feared she wouldn't believe him. And then dodging because of fear that she would judge him. All completely understandable reactions considering their history. However, like Veronica, he was trying to let go of their past mistakes. So instead of holding back, he told her the truth -- warily, but he did so. And for once (halleluja!) the truth was rewarded. She didn't question him, didn't doubt his word. She took in what he said with full belief and lack of judgment or condemnation. Even when he admitted an unpleasant one-night-stand, she still did not judge and I believe that she was quite proud of herself for not doing so.
Take in the expression on her face and then the way the smile blossomed after Logan asked her if she still loved him. As well, listen to the tone of her voice when she said "yes." She was upset when he first told her; she was disappointed, but when he asked her, she took that moment to think -- and harking back to the warts and all discussion before -- and realized that yeah, warts and all, she still loved him. This? For one Veronica Mars? Is a breakthrough. A pretty amazing one. And the look on Logan's face made it perfectly clear that he thought so as well and judging by the beautiful intensity of that kiss, was cherishing it.
Will this breakthrough stick? Considering her reaction to the information of who he slept with, odds are not of a favorable outcome. However, I do believe that this is a matter of timing and that the basis of the breakthrough will last. Once they get over this hump -- and I do think it is just because it was Madison Sinclair, and not because of the one-night-stand -- they'll be the stronger for it. And damnit, they better get over this hump before season's end.
Scene Nine: An Ocean of Smitten
I have to say that this scene, or more accurately one line in this scene, confused me more than just about anything else this season. Veronica actually says to Wendy:
Quote:Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY!?!?! Logan is possibly THE most smitten guy in the world right now. And it's not as if he hides his affection for her. No, no, no, no, no ... rather he all but walks around with a neon sign plastered to his front and back declaring his love for her. How!? What!? Why would she ... could she even ask this question?! Max's smittenness for Wendy? A mere drop in the bucket to the ocean of smitten that Logan feels for you, Veronica!
So, what is the secret to making a guy fall for you like that?
I suppose the point (other than the plot contrivance of getting Veronica to the lingerie shop) was to show that Veronica is still not 100% sure about Logan (how could she not be, though?!). If that is the case, then it is yet another sign that Veronica, although wanting to be with Logan, isn't ready yet. If she has yet to fully embrace and accept just how very much he loves her then one can theorize that perhaps she's still unable to do so because to accept that he loves her completely would mean that any failure in the relationship can more likely be lain at her doorstep due to her inability to love him so thoroughly back.
And that leads us right back to the first scene which showed Veronica as the one in control. It's likely that Veronica feels -- even subconsciously -- that to open herself completely to Logan would be giving up control because she has yet to realize that the two are not mutually exclusive. Logan has shown -- in every relationship we've seen him in that was even a little more than sex (ie, all but Kendall) -- that he is not the one in charge and he's fine with that. Logan is comfortable enough in his own skin that he's more than willing to let his partner drive. He just wants to be in the front seat ... right next to her.
Sigh. And of course, this line led to Wendy's retort about lingerie which led to ...
Scene Ten: The Lingerie Shop
Oh, Veronica. Does it make sense that Veronica hates Madison oh so much more than Dick or any of the others who have caused her heartache? No. But hate isn't rational. I've always gotten the impression that Veronica didn't like Madison even before the 09ers turned against her and vice versa. As well, Madison is a girl. That seems like an obvious statement, but it's true. There's a pathology that alternately states that those of the same gender should stick together, but also that when it comes to contention between females, there is a viciousness that is generally not found in male/male combatants. And consistently, Madison has remained the one person throughout the entire series that Veronica has never not shown an incredible amount of loathing for. Ever. Again, does it make sense? No. But again, hate is irrational. So finding out that Logan's regrettable hook-up was with the one person who -- for whatever irrational reason -- has become the very symbol of all that she loathes in the universe, well, the look on her face says it all. Disbelief, a kick in the gut, it's the end of the world as we know it.
Personally, I hate the contrivance because nothing will convince me that Logan sleeping with Madison while he and Veronica were split up is, after all, anything but a contrivance. However, since Rob Thomas has decided to go there (grr), I'll give him this ... he did pick the one person I can believe Veronica being this thrown by Logan have been with. I mean, again, look at her face. That right there? Devastation. Oh, and sigh, the afore-mentioned breakthrough is pretty much on hold.
Fuck.
Sadly, as each scene played out in chronological order throughout this episode, it became clearer and clearer that the differences between Logan and Veronica and their approach to love are deep, indeed. And there really is only one way for them to work ... Veronica needs to open up and stay open. She needs to learn to just accept the happiness that is sitting RIGHT THERE in front of her and not question it, not fixate on the problems that are problems only because she allows them to be so. Only then, will these two crazy kids finally make it work.
Max (President Evil and Hi, Infidelity), aka Sir Cheats-a-lot, intercepts Veronica on her way to supporting her legal drug addiction at the Hearst coffee cart. She asks him how his business helping dunces (and ballers) cheat their way through college is going. Apparently, it's going so well he's hired a team to help him. Veronica snarks about the irony of his 'team' providing 'study sheets' for Ethics exams and he retorts that the irony has faded over time; just like the double-whammy-irony of *Veronica* calling someone else to task for capitalizing on those dubious ethics has faded over time for *her* audience.
Preliminaries aside, Max tells Veronica he has a case for her if it's true that she's a junior private investigator (is that like a junior office assistant? I'm sure she should have been promoted to management by now if that's the case). While Veronica goes into her usual whine about being "used" while being paid, Max gloriously rebuts that he'd be comfortable using her without paying her if that's an option. Sorry, no can do, Maximillan.
Here's the deal: He's in love with a girl who's getting married in a week. He doesn't know whom she's marrying or where she lives or even what her last name is. But he's in love, damn it: Hearts and flowers, stuffed teddy bears, doves flapping; *that* kind of love! And if Veronica doesn't find his Juliet before she gets married to the wrong man, Max's going to style his hair with a blow dryer under water.
Yeaaahhh ... so ... Apparently Logan Echolls has to compete for the Drama Queen Oscar this season (awarded annually to the man most dramatically whipped by love). Just when he thought his family connections would give him consecutive wins three years running!
Back from the credits, Max tells Veronica that he does know his true love's first name: Chelsea. Well, at least there's that. Oh, and the fact Chelsea's from Poughkeepsie. Chelsea, Poughkeepsie. She'd be a perfect subject for Wayne Brady to serenade on Whose Line is it Anyway,, no? But seriously ...
The depth of their connection based on so little factual information is so obvious to Veronica that she delicately asks Max if his lady love has any idea who *he* is. Max tells Veronica that they met at Comic-Con (and *no* there was no furry action in a Wookie suit), hit it off and had a big, deep and meaningful time in his hotel room (and, no, that is not a euphemism for mind-bending fraking). He wasn't Trekking at the convention; Dave Gibbons had a new graphic novel (the 'comic book' for those in denial about their inner geek) and he wanted to see it ... before heading over to the Battlestar Galactica pavilion when he could no longer resist the magnetic draw ... to Chelsea, yeah, not the hot Cylon babes. If he'd resisted he'd never have met the love of his life and bonded instantly over their shared opinion that the Cylon raiders look like Batman's car when it turns into a plane. So the moral is that to find true happiness we must embrace our inner BSG geek; it didn't steer Moe or Max wrong!
Wendy and Max might have originally bonded over Comic-Con stars but by the end of the day they were connecting deeply on their views about moral grayness, rather than making their own morals a little grayer by enjoying some quality fraking. What they had was *more* than sex. The next day Max drove her to the airport and she told him she left all her information on a note in his room since they were running so late. When he got back to his room housekeeping had been by and he couldn't find the note. Veronica seems positive that this overzealous housekeeper is nothing more than a patsy for Chelsea either failing to leave a note or jotting down the number to the nearest White Castle; but Max is positive that the note was there. He's positive because a few days ago Chelsea sent him a text message, cementing their epic pairing by vying for the Drama Queen Oscar herself: Since Max didn't contact her she's decided to not only get back together with an ex but marry him. So there!
Veronica doesn't understand what he wants her to do if Chelsea's getting married, especially when he has her number if she texted him. He says he's tried calling but some guy answers and claims never having heard of Chelsea. Veronica asks to see the text but unfortunately it was accidentally erased by his roommate; he does still have the number though.
While Max gets the phone number, Veronica practices her favorite sport: Sticking her nose in other people's business as she mills about their room. This time she finds that Max attended the Around the World party that Mac and Parker had dressed their room up for in Show Me The Monkey. Max explains that the photos were taken in the 'kinda lame' room that was supposed to be Canada, echoing many-a-fan reaction aboot the Canadian clichs, eh? Veronica pouts as Max points out his roommate Brian and his other friend, Fred (could these names be any more boring? Are his parents names Jack and Jill?) and then hands over Chelsea's cell number.
Veronica dials the number and 'some guy' answers, repeating (in a voice clearly TIRED of repeating himself over and over) that he doesn't know anyone named Chelsea. Veronica doesn't bother asking whether he's lying but asks about the area code of his number (845). He tells her it's a New York area code from Goshen around forty five miles away from Poughkeepsie. He denies that anyone borrowed his phone and anyway, he's nowhere near Goshen since he goes to college in California.
And it all suddenly makes sense.
Veronica asks the redundant question and he confirms he goes to this tiny, liberal arts college called Hearst that no one's ever heard of (except for all those people who read newspapers and wonder about the mortality rate of children matriculating any college with Veronica Mars on the student register). Veronica asks him to check his outbox for Chelsea's message to Max but the guy says he has no idea how to work his phone (come on, we've all felt that way). Veronica sighs and if you look closely -- yep, right there -- that's the last dregs of her patience slipping away. She asks if she can come check his messages herself and though that must sound strange and slightly stalkerish to this stranger, he apparently prefers the idea of being stalked by the sexy female voice over his line than the concept of being harassed with more phone calls by lovesick Max.
Veronica gives an impromptu lecture on how to sort through those confusing subfolders in one's message box; one can find messages sent from their phone in the 'sent' folder but it's easy to get confused. As she explains she opens Chelsea's message and reads out: "Max, I don't know why I haven't heard from you; I guess I was wrong about our night together ..." I'm guessing there was more to the message than that if Max found out about her wedding and it probably looked more like this anyway: 'max i dont no y i hvnt heard from u. i guess i was wrong bout our nite 2gthr.' It looks like it's the first time he's been aware of the message and he denies having sent it. The last time he went home was around Christmas. Veronica goes into her usual spiel when she gets a barely useful fact: Constructing a story featuring a slutty girl working over a poor deluded boy for his cell phone -- when one of her companion's co-workers in the Hearst cafeteria bakery walks out from the back with a tray of freshly baked muffins.
Veronica immediately recognizes the colleague as Max's roommate Brian and her spy-girl superpowers start to tingle. Aah, she's wearing the Uncanny Observation Skill Utility Belt this week. Brian smiles when she recognizes him and introduces himself, but Veronica says he looks more like a 'Chelsea.' Poor Brian; Cosmo said wearing makeup was cool now that metrosexual chic was fashionable; boys should make themselves pretty too.
Veronica goes back to see Max bearing a glass of information -- half full or half empty. Depending on your perspective. Veronica leads with the 'glass is half full' version because -- bah -- it's always good to go in soft before you give your sickeningly nave client the old one-two upper cut back into their noir reality. Half full: Chelsea's not getting married. Half empty: she's a hooker.
Brian and Fred came to a Dick-esque epiphany to 'help' their friend get out into the world of women: He'd have more confidence if he got laid. Simple formula for simple minds. Max decides he has a new plan and doesn't need Veronica any more: He's going to kill his friends so if she could just leave her bill ... Veronica seems to think they were trying to help him out in the only way they knew how but if she knew that Logan had been getting similar advice from Dick last week I doubt she'd be this sympathetic. Max doesn't like that argument either, since he doesn't want to be the next sexual charity case: Can't you see it now? Some Aaron Echolls wannabe narrating a somber commercial encouraging viewers to donate just one dollar a day so they too could help a horny, college virgin find his way to manhood.
No, he's not a charity case; he has standards. Max is still convinced what he felt with Chelsea was real and that his friends know him so well that they simply picked a girl that he could connect with. Veronica decides to pour a little more water out of his half-full glass by telling him that they didn't *find* his perfect girl, they *coached* her to be his perfect girl. They told her he was a Battlestar Galactica fan, put her in a 'So Say We All' shirt and even fed her the line of ultimate connection about the Cylon raiders looking like Batman's car.
Crushed, Max asks Veronica about his last shred of hope: The text message. She tells him it was sent by his friend when they were concerned that his pining was going to turn into a more permanent sexual hibernation. Brian decided to text him the message from his workmate's phone so they could break the illusion (or delusion) of Chelsea without 'crushing' him (and the accidental deletion probably wasn't so accidental either). Yes, because imagining the love of your life is marrying someone else is much less traumatizing than imagining she's single, if unsuitably employed unless she wants to star in Pretty Woman 2: The College Years.
Unlike what his friend's thought, Max's Chelsea bubble refuses to burst under the sharp point of her profession and he asks if Veronica can still find her. Veronica, being who she is, feels the need to reiterate that Chelsea will still be a prostitute. Max doesn't care that Chelsea is in a profession that, according to Veronica (and the how-to guidebook), trains women to lie to men par for the course; he's convinced that there are some feelings that can't be faked and he saw them in Chelsea when she cried while he dropped her at the airport. Veronica, still stuck on the fakes feelings for a living, is more apt to believe Chelsea was in tears at the thought of paying for a cab all the way back from the airport. Meow and hiss, Veronica dear. Having enough, Max stands to his feet and firmly tells Veronica to do her job: he wasn't paying her to find out what Chelsea did for a living, he was paying her to find Chelsea. So is she going to do it or not?! Duly chastened, Veronica silently concedes.
Brian and Fred are incredulous when Veronica informs them that Max still wants to find his beloved hooker in the cafeteria later on. If they could put their friend in a straight jacket for falling in love, he'd have been there long ago and now they're concerned that Veronica is indulging his manic heart palpitations by taking his case. Veronica sardonically informs them that Max thinks Chelsea is his 'one' true love, to which Brian replies that every boy thinks the first girl that touches where his bathing suit covers is the one. Actually, Chelsea did no naughty-place touching. They spent five hundred dollars each to have a professional talk with Max about his feelings; his sexuality might have been under closer inspection with a real psychologist. In short, Max and Chelsea talked and connected ... a situation that quickly gets labeled the worst moment of Brian's life (oh, to live such a pleasant life, hey Veronica?).
As the ubiquitous Chili's product placement looms ominously over their discussion, Brian checks that Veronica told Max that Chelsea was a hooker one more time. Veronica is on the same wavelength as Max's friends and thinks maybe seeing who Chelsea really is will finally burst his bubbly love. They team up with Veronica and show her how they found Chelsea in the first place: A hooker search engine (and no, it doesn't look like the same website that introduced Dick to the love of his life, Bambi Gasm of the Boston Gasms, in Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough). Veronica first searches for the name 'Chelsea' only to find a Hulk-like prostitute complete with Annette Benning hair-do. Interesting but oh-so-frightening for the children in the audience. Though this is the only Chelsea on the site, it's clearly the wrong person or Max is even stranger than she first assumed. Brian and Fred deny that's her but, being experts, explain to the frosh porn prowler that pros change their working name all the time.
For a moment Veronica boggles at the idea of searching through over 18,000 profiles to find Max's Chelsea (an understandably frightening prospect given the last photo). Luckily for her, Brian and Fred knew their Max's type and are expert online sex shoppers. They direct Veronica to search through the prostitutes by preference, describing Milla Jovovich with a B Cup and a fondness for role-playing. Veronica finds it all very Weird Science and that is probably an apt reference given the fact the boys in the film never got any action from their computer designed babe either.
Disturbingly, Veronica needs no further direction on how to describe Milla Jovovich with a B Cup and fondness for role-playing aside from the question on experience type: PSE (Porn Star Experience) or GFE (Girl Friend Experience). She wonders if there's a reality experience where the prostitute reminds the guy she's only there because he's paying her; meanwhile, I'm guessing she keys in 'Girl Friend Experience' for our dear boy, Max, otherwise Chelsea has a different idea of porn than I do. Her horny minions have served Veronica well, cutting down a batch of 18,000 sexual escorts to two blonde girls with their faces blurred out. Neither Brian or Fred is sure which blurry face belongs to the Chelsea they picked (not that the face would help given they probably weren't looking in that direction when they picked her).
Later while Veronica tries to engage her reluctant father in their daily Quipster Death Match, she hits the fatal blow by informing him she won't be home for dinner because she's going to meet a couple of hookers over at Logan's place. He plays along until she keeps going with her joke, soberly saying that they booked Fiona and Lisette on a school night to save on the off-peak hours. Keith looks unnerved enough to make me assume he must have already concluded Logan's salacious sexual appetite was too much for his prudish daughter and was now wondering if Veronica was finally sending in for reinforcements to give her a break from his constant needs. Ah, if only he was getting that much action ... alas, we're not on HBO.
Later at Logan's, Veronica's beau is doing his best to dodge Veronica's playful have-you-ever-shtupped-an-escort landmine and finally succeeds when Max arrives. There's a long, elongated pause after Veronica introduces the guys. If you hit the 'slow' button you can probably just make out the scroll of repressed one-liners streaming by Logan's head on the left side of your screen. But really, why bother to choose one line from a million when the smirk speaks a thousand quips? Max tells Logan he had no idea she was a hooker at the -- but no one's judging. Much.
A while later, Logan and Veronica (sitting miles away from Max like they fear coming down with hooker-love symptoms) are watching Sense and Sensibility with their new friend while they wait for his true love plus one. And while we're waiting on our escorts" Sense and Sensibility? Really? We have a Battlestar Galactica fan, a Southpark fan, and an Easy Rider fan and somehow no one changed the channel when they hit Sense and Sensibility?
Unable to handle watching Emma Thompson make moon eyes at a ruffled, blinky Hugh Grant, Max escapes to the bathroom per Logan's directions. While he's gone the first knock comes to the door. Logan nervously preens as he goes to answer the door, waiting for his girl's signal before welcoming Lisette into his place. Veronica stands back like she thinks the hooker will pounce if she makes any sudden movements (I'd be more worried about the girl pouncing on Logan because I know I would if given half the chance, free of charge). Lisette coyly greets Veronica and says that threesome kink will cost them a little extra even though she's up for anything (which makes me question my original 'girlfriend experience' assumption). Max rejoins the party just in time to stop the mnage a trois and make them look even kinkier for a second. But no, Lisette isn't Chelsea so Veronica tells Max to pay the girl and Lisette gets to leave without breaking a sweat (while Logan laments this despicable waste of a natural resource).
As she walks out the door (giggling with joy at her easiest trick ever), it's clear contestant number two has arrived. She introduces herself to Logan as 'Fiona,' but Max gasps out 'Chelsea' at first sight. "Chelsea" lights up when she recognizes Max -- first by voice, then by face. She runs toward him at the same time he runs to her, meeting in a crushing reuniting hug much like the one Logan and Veronica experienced last week in that exact place (minus the kissing). Logan looks to Veronica in surprise, then grins widely, his inner Austen-fan swooning at the sight of this 'happy ending' (yes, put twenty down on Logan as the S&S fan). Veronica returns her gaze to the embracing couple and frowns; so Plan A for puncturing Max's Chelsea-bubble was, excuse the pun, a complete bust. He looks just as smitten as before, hooker be damned.
'Chelsea' and Max snuggle, kiss and cuddle on Logan's couch while he gets absolutely no action from his non-PDA-loving girlfriend. Actually, he doesn't look too fond of the smacking sounds interfering with his Austen-time either; it's the scene where Willoughby crushes the heart out of Marianne in a public forum, okay? The smacking sounds are interfering with the necessary somber ambience! They remain stubbornly sappy so there's nothing for Logan and Veronica to do but start a sarcastic commentary tag-team for their own fun (*glares* hey, that's my job). Logan decides to ask the usual boring questions, where's 'Fiona' (or is it Chelsea?) from originally? There's no answer to that question because she's too busy deflecting her Fiona (and Chelsea) mask, unveiling herself as Wendy. Yeah, I can see why she had to change that name because it's only one step away from Mary on the purity scale.
Instead of taking their happy reunion elsewhere, they continue to snuggle and interrupt Logan and Veronica's alone time. (All the LoVe fans are collectively glaring at you snugglekittens, it's time to pack it up! If there's going to be making out on this couch it's going to be Logan/Veronica style or nothing at all!) Wendy finally apologizes for the gratuitous snuggling by explaining that she was so happy because she never thought she'd see Max again; she was misty-eyed and heartbroken when he dropped her off at the airport and she'd done a little self-examination knowing that if she'd made different choices she'd be able to be with this sweet guy, crying at her departure. Alas ...
Logan seems into the romance; Veronica? Not so much, though she is thawing. Before Veronica and Logan can start giggle-gushing over their own epic romance story (let me pause while I chuckle over that thought) the scene is interrupted by a monster from the depths of hell. Oh no, my mistake. That's just Madison. Veronica tells her that Dick isn't home (in other words 'frak off') but Madison stops to ask Logan what he's up to, then leaves lamely when she says she's going to do something that doesn't suck. Picking up on the venomous vibes radiating from Veronica as she slams the door behind Madison, Wendy rhetorically asks if they're friends. No, Veronica replies, Madison's pretty much the embodiment of all things Veronica loathes. And Veronica loathes a lot of things so maybe the monster from the depths of hell line wasn't overstepping the mark.
The next day Max texts Veronica and she heads on over to his dorm again. After spotting Wendy's sexy, purple lingerie on his floor she guesses that Max's love life has gone to infinity and beyond. But he's too antsy for quipping. He wants to hire her to make Wendy disappear -- get her a new identity, close her apartment etc. Excuse me "who does he think Veronica is exactly? She only does things like that when she's helping her boyfriends flee the country and that's not something any of us want to see repeated. When Veronica does her best impersonation of the Governor whispering 'you have been erased' to her clients over a cloned cellular, I'll start worrying about this show.
Veronica clearly has concerns too but they're about Max getting in too deep with a prostitute. She attempts to caution Max about how fast he's going with someone he barely knows, only conceding that Wendy seemed 'fond' of him. Her caution is postponed when Wendy opens the door behind Max and drops some of her things on the ground. Max tells Wendy that Veronica is going to help them (I must have missed when the agreement fairy visited) and Wendy gratefully misconstrues Veronica as a friend. She confides that it's easy to break in to the working girl business but not so easy to break out.
Veronica shifts uncomfortably and seems like she wants to escape the conversation until Wendy namedrops a particularly difficult client, namely a judge. Oooo! Ooo! Veronica's often repressed inner gossip queen bounces to the forefront, eyes gleaming with excitement! "Which one?" "Kramer." "No freakin' way!!" Veronica starts gushing her own dirt on Kramer about taking bribes. Wendy retorts that he's her kinkiest client -- no sex -- but he likes to take her to his office to have tickle fights while he walks around in her shoes.
(Huh. So this is girltalk in Veronica's land of noir. Interesting.)
Their moment of "bonding" is interrupted when Wendy looks across to Max and realizes he doesn't find it funny or the least bit interesting. Uncomfortable is the word for his face. She looks down, ashamed, and when Max realizes she's become aware of his feelings he covers by consoling her with the fact Kramer won't be stretching out her shoes any more if Veronica helps them. He reiterates to Veronica that he'll pay whatever it costs (he must be some kind of nerdy 09er to have all this easy money, maybe he would have been pals with Mac if she'd been a Sinclair ... ). Now that her little gossiping moment with Wendy has passed, Veronica's returned to her standard wary disposition.
Meanwhile, Logan answers a knock at his door all cheeky smiles until -- another hooker with a great big shiner on her right eye is revealed on the other side of the door. Logan's smile slips off his face as she disdainfully asks where Wendy is.
Wendy, Max and Veronica come over to Logan's to hear the ugly truth. Wendy's co-hooker, Nikki, applies an ice pack to her bruised face while she explains to Wendy that if she doesn't return to the fold with the grand she was supposed to be paid for servicing Max the night before, Mr Happy Fists is going to play the less fun version of connect the dots on Nikki. Max jumps in, refusing to let Wendy go back when he'd been about to help her escape. But the reality is: Helping Wendy escape means Nikki is going to get hurt. Wendy, clearly pained, eventually stops Max's protests in the firm realization that she has to go back. But they had a great night didn't they? Wendy calls it her best night ever and Max pulls the grand from his pocket (that was meant to be for Veronica's bill) and hands it over to Nikki as she pulls Wendy away from his life by her arm. Veronica nods wearily as she sees her pay float away from her on another impulsive gesture, while Logan looks crushed by the empathy coursing through his body for Wendy. Wendy is pulled from the room and Max is once again Peter in the Never Never without his Wendy-lady.
Logan's crushing sympathy for Max goes right out the window hours later when his libido is raging (damn Veronica and her scruples about PDAs) and Max is still using Logan's apartment as his Designated Suite of Emo. That's just not cool; Logan does enough emoing in his lounge for twenty Max's, this is tipping the scale into a Designated Suite of Clinical Depression category. Logan very unsympathetically decides if he's going to get the love of his life to touch where his bathing suit covers, he's going to have to kick EmoMax out on his ass. Veronica intercedes before Logan commences the ritual balcony toss (learned from Dick, not Cassidy) and goes out to gently nudge Max toward the door.
She quips tactlessly that Wendy and Max will always have Comic-Con ... Max sends her a displeased emo-frown back. Finally, in the face of his depression she bends completely, telling Max she was wrong about Wendy -- their connection was clearly genuine -- and it sucks to watch him lose her that way.
(Audience, put a timer on the whiplash of that concession ... and ... go!)
She finishes her speech and goes to get Max a glass of water but as she's walking toward the fictional water spout, she picks up the ice pack Nikki left behind on Logan's couch. Sidebar: There must be a kitchen somewhere since that's not so much an icepack as frozen vegetables but it can't be in the direction of the door (where she's walking) can it? I'm confused! Nonetheless it doesn't matter because Veronica freezes on the way when she catches a glimpse of the dishcloth covering the pack -- alarm bells are dinging!
(I counted the whiplash apology retraction at around ten seconds, how about you?)
Veronica has seen purple makeup on the dishcloth, clearly that bruise on the hooker's face was a fake and they were all duped by Nikki and Wendy to get another grand out of Max. He doesn't buy that Wendy screwed him over, "That's what she does, Max, she screws people for cash." And ... so much for seeing the genuine connection between EmoBoy and his Happy Hooker. Since that was Veronica's pay Wendy and Nikki snaffled, she's decided to take this personally and employ a revenge scheme 'on behalf of Max' in order to crush Wendy. Crush her like a teeny, tiny bug beneath a heel.
Even though the 'brilliant' revenge scheme Veronica comes up with to get revenge could do more to hurt her and Max than Wendy, Veronica is very excited about extorting the judge her father failed to get booted out of office. The plan is to extort a grand from the judge to get Max back his money and, simultaneously, take Wendy's 'best' client. Best? Really? I think Wendy would thank you for that one, Veronica. And one grand? Seriously? If you're going to extort a judge at least make it hurt a little.
Something is clearly wrong with the universe however when Logan is the one saying "Extortion is wrong and dangerous, Veronica, stop being so reckless" and she's the one going, "Yay! Revenge is FUN! You're not going to try and get me to stop are you, honey?!" Is anyone else confused by this picture? When did Logan become the mature, sensible one that doesn't like breaking the law? Oh, that's right. Logan has experience on the end of Veronica's yay! fun blackmail shtick so maybe he just can't go into this particular vengeful modus operandi with haha joy.
Max, not looking as thrilled at the prospect of extorting a judge and crushing Wendy as Veronica does, tries to tell her she doesn't have to do this. Read: *don't* do this. She says it's all cool and she'll use his cell so it can't be traced to her. Well, that's okay then. As long as Max is the only one that could be identified and bumped there's nothing to worry about! Veronica calls up the judge and tells him she knows a lot about him, no really, she does! Including his proclivity for high heels and tickling. I bet she only just resisted asking about which brand he preferred and how fluffy they were over the toes (hey, it's tickling and heels in one!). Clearly, Judge Kramer doesn't want his weekly date with a hooker getting out so he lets Veronica state her terms. She wants a grand delivered to a locker at the Neptune bus station, when he delivers the money he's to call Max's cell phone back with the locker number and combination in twenty-four hours.
Max finally realizes he's not welcome after all the fun extortion is done (really? Ya think they want to be alone? Just now?) and he decides to leave them to ... whatever it is they were trying to do while he moped around Logan's lounge. Veronica smiles as soon as Max is gone and uses her sex kitten voice to purr that she can't believe she had to extort a judge to get some quality alone time with Logan. He looks less than indulgent and still worried about the extortion as he whispers she doesn't have to work that hard. Sure she does, she says and they kiss. But if that peck was representative of the passion they were so impatient to eject Max from the apartment to explore, I am really confused. I am choosing to believe their's is a slow burning flame and we missed all the scorching bits that would have been on HBO. Clearly, we did as the next scene contains naked spooning and attempts at emotional intimacy.
The next morning Max calls Veronica with the news that Judge Kramer has dropped off the money and Veronica is more than welcome to be his accomplice or, you know, witness for when he's shot to death. Veronica enthusiastically replies that the pick up is the best part and she'll meet him in twenty minutes. When did blackmail become her favorite pastime? I mean, I know she got what she wanted out of Logan but it didn't look that fun back then ...
Veronica cautiously opens the locker (ah, caution in a cautionary tale, it's almost poetic) and finds ... no money. Where's Logan when you need someone who actually knows how to do the shocker symbol? Instead, Veronica finds a piece of paper inside. When she unfolds it she finds a clear and concise message: "GO OUTSIDE. GET IN THE LIMO. OR WENDY GETS HURT." They used angry caps so you know they mean now, bitch.
For people hell bent on crushing Wendy into tiny, tiny pieces they move toward the parking lot quick enough when she's threatened. Huh. I half expected Veronica to turn around and say, "well, that takes care of the crushing part of our vendetta, let's go back to Logan's for some super emo espresso and reminisce about my other successful revenge schemes." No. Apparently stealing a grand is not worth Wendy getting her assed physically kicked.
In the parking lot they find a man that could use Joe the Giant as a toothpick standing beside a black limousine. Ignore the Pulp Fiction rift, he doesn't look that much like a Stretch John Travolta thug in that suit. Max quickly climbs into the limo without hesitation but the very petite Veronica takes a moment to marvel at a real life man mountain, wondering how long it would take her to climb to his summit if she puts her hiking boots on. Then he snaps, "Get in!" and let's just say she's not feeling argumentative today.
The limo drives its occupants to a rain-drenched abandoned parking lot beside a line of railway tracks creating just enough noise pollution to disguise the sound of ... wait a minute, I think I've seen this film ... but no, no gun shot. Just Veronica rambling about how she's learned never to extort a judge who likes to wear fluffy pink heels (yes, I just decided they were fluffy and pink because the man likes to be TICKLED so I feel this elaboration is not too much of a fanwanky-stretch).
Inside the limo, Veronica continues to ramble about just wanting to get Max's money back while both her and Max look about as big as Thumbelina sitting next to the living proof that when your heart's full of love you can grow nine feet tall. When your heart's full of something anyway ... The big bouncer shaped black man holding Veronica's purse redirects Veronica's pathetic begging to the beautiful blonde Madame sitting beside him looking less than impressed by Veronica's high-pitched hysterical prattle. He's not her pimp; the lady beside him is her ..."agent".
Veronica surprisingly calms down at that correction (never mind the fact the two burly guys clearly are the Madame's muscle whether they give the orders or not). Meanwhile her bodyguard goes through Veronica's purse and pulls out her stun gun, remonstrating Veronica about whether the voltage is 'street legal' (never mind the fact they were just kidnapped while committing extortion against a Judge ... I don't think an illegal taser is high on Veronica's list of pending criminal charges). Wendy's agent, tells Happy to put the taser down (hee, Happy Fists, there's a hero for Comic-Con) while she explains to Veronica that she's the one that always gets called when one of her girls screws up. Max says Wendy didn't do anything; he was the one who called the judge. Eh ... no, the voice was female and even though he's probably the girl in the relationship that doesn't mean he's *that* emasculated yet. The Madame begs to differ, it was a female voice on the phone (she says while looking pointedly at Veronica). And Wendy has screwed up a lot: She fell in love with a client (Max doesn't hear much beyond this point), she tried to end her relationship without so much as a goodbye (yeah, that one hurts, can't you empathize with the pimp's pain, Veronica?) and she also told a client about the judge's predilections. I guess they must have some prostitute/client privilege so it really IS like seeing a psychologist.
While Max is still stuck on the 'fell for a client' portion of the conversation, the Madame continue to explain that Wendy owes her money for the braces and the tattoo removal and the housing and clothes she'd been using while under her Madame's 'care'. She says Wendy could work it off -- but Max interrupts that he'll pay the balance owing. Hell, he doesn't even ask the price even though he does blink when the Madame volunteers that the price of Wendy's freedom is a cool ten grand along with a promise that neither Veronica nor Max talk to one of her clients again. She ends the conversation with a cooler threat to make the bruises real next time if they break those conditions. Veronica tries to caution Max again but, geez, Veronica, it's a bit late for caution now, paying the prostitute is probably the only way you're getting out of the car without finding out why Mr. Happy Fists' fists are so happy.
As Veronica and Max walk toward his dorm she's still reeling in incredulity that he just handed over ten grand for a girl he has no guarantee will -- oh. As they round the corner they find the package has been safely delivered after being sent out into the world. Wendy and all her baggage (both literal and figurative) are waiting outside his door. He starts twitching with happy excitement and she opens her arms as he rushes forward to embrace her again. Well, darn it. How is Veronica supposed to stay cynical and suspicious about this situation when the damn hooker is so damn happy and in love? She's not more cynical about the world than a prostitute now is she? Oh dear.
Later in the cafeteria, Max waves to his girl from the lunch line while Wendy and Veronica smile in wait at one of the tables. Veronica whimsically comments on how smitten Max is, wondering how Wendy ever managed to make a boy fall that crazy in love with her. (Yes, it was an amusing comment from a LoVe point of view so let's quickly move on before I can't resist the power of the ranting smilie calling my name; we'll save those comments for Chemistry) Wendy explains that it's mostly dumb luck with a side order of interesting lingerie. Never underestimate the power of lingerie (yes, that purple set was quite nice actually).
Weevil interrupts their conversation with a supposedly funny story about the faculty lounge that we never hear when he recognizes 'Fiona.' In a very uncharacteristic move for Weevil (or maybe it is in character and he just doesn't get the social stigma against strippers), he publicly embarrasses Wendy for her sexual history by bringing up the fact he recognized her from when she used to dance at The Electric Lady where his friend used to bounce. When she denied it, he kept going, trying to prove he recognizes her by recalling her lovely dragon tattoo on her left ass cheek. Uncool, Weevs. Uncool on so many levels that I just have to think you don't find stripping wrong and don't understand why everyone else does because you didn't treat Carmen that way.
Veronica intercedes when Weevil doesn't find his clue in all his ogling, stressing that he's mistaken. Finally realizing that the blinking neon signs aren't just garish set directions or stripping lights but warnings along the lines of 'WRONG WAY, GO BACK' he retracts his conclusion and decides he must be mistaken. He apologizes to Wendy and says he'll see Veronica around, eyeballing the twitchy white dude that's come up behind him carrying two ice creams like he's Logan Echolls scraped off his shoe. An uncomfortable moment of silence and tension descends over the table and Veronica finally looks like she understands how hard it really is for Wendy to leave that life behind her unequivocally.
Later that night, Max is reading Ulysses while Wendy paints his toenails with clear nail polish. Awwwwww. And I mean that. I also want to see Veronica do that to Logan. But despite the joy that should come from getting the love of your life painting your toe nails while you read Joyce, Max seems unusually quiet. Wendy calls him on it and he claims that he just needs to get the novel read by Tuesday. She understands but now that they're talking ... he recalls that there was a dragon in her purse the day they met. He guesses she likes them and she only has time to confirm that before the door opens and Brian and Fred come in.
When they see her painting his toenails (though I'm sure it's more about her in general) they poorly conceal their sniggering laughter and warn Max about their RA Stuart Potter lurking around the hallways. They think he saw Wendy with her bags and since there's no co-ed slumber parties allowed in the dorm they're just giving their good buddy and his live-in hooker a friendly warning. She thanks Brian for letting her stay for a few days, perking up in a positive can-do way about getting a job and finding her own place as quick as possible. Brian says they dropped by because they may have a job for her. Max immediately sees where this is going but Wendy doesn't get it until Brian says his brother is getting married. He wants her to be the stripper at his bachelor party. "Hey, that's my girl you're talking to!" She timidly tells them she's retired and they insincerely apologize bashfully and say they'll find someone else. Once a hooker, always a hooker right?
Max wants to ask her a question and though she knows she'll probably regret it because the past will only hurt them, she lets him. (Sound familiar? Yeah, it's like that.) He asks if she really left the information at his room or if that promise had been a lie. It doesn't seem like the worst thing because she was a prostitute and she'd have no reason to assume he'd want to know her if he knew she was a prostitute. But it's clear on both their faces that this answer means everything. No, she didn't leave her information even though she wishes she had. Max, having expected that response, decides he needs to go for a walk to clear his head while Wendy stays in his room crying, and realizing ...
Max comes to see Veronica in the library to pay her. She bursts out with another tactful comment ('how's tricks?') before retracting it with a censored 'how's things?' They suck. Wendy's gone but at least she left a note this time. Veronica is pissed off that he bought Wendy out of prostitution and she was ungrateful enough to leave him anyway, "please tell me you don't want me to find her again." No, he agrees with Wendy and to explain to Veronica he reads out Wendy's note:
- "The day we met was one of the best days of my life. I fell for you that day but you didn't know what I was then and now you do. And it shows in the way you look at me; it shows in the way you touch me but I'll never regret it. You made me realize what I was missing. Love Wendy."
And that's how this story ends: Veronica consoling Max over losing the love of his life in the whitewash of stereotypes and his own instinctive moral cringe, while Wendy returned to her life as a prostitute. But surely not all romances can end this tragically? Surely some couples can get over sordid mistakes from the past when they love each other? ... Right?
- Just last week we saw Veronica sullenly eating alone (sans boyfriend) in the food court. But after their passionate (and very VERY much mutual) reunion, I'd say Veronica's more than a little tickled to have Logan back in her life. The two are sitting together in a comfortable silence, Veronica studying from her text, when Logan is about to eat one of his fries. Veronica calmly asks him if he intends to eat it, and he replies in the affirmative. She tells him that if he's just eating it to meet society's expectations (what, of not wasting cold, nasty French fries?), then she knows someone who'd be willing to take it off his hands. Logan obediently feeds it to her -- hey, not without a little ketchup first! -- and she confidently says, "You're welcome." A little bossy? More ... gently commanding. And hey! It's a small way of showing him that she likes having him around. Logan grabs his books and stands to give her his copy of The Lampoon, which she hasn't read yet. He leans down to kiss her (aww!) and says he's off to Astronomy. Now, I know Logan's been known to stargaze from time to time ...
... but I'm betting that Hearst has a general education requirement for science, and Logan's taking the easy route to fulfilling it. Because lets face it: Organic Chem is a bitch to pass.
The next evening, Logan and Veronica bring burgers back to the suite and the banter is light as Logan asks her if they should have gotten more food for the hookers. Veronica corrects him -- they prefer to be called "escorts" -- and then curiously asks him if hes ever been with one. (Uh, Veronica? Logan had sex with
After Max leaves the next evening, Veronica and Logan finally have some time to themselves. It's about damn time. The two of them are in bed, engaging in some post-coital spooning, which she muses would cost him if she were a hooker. This is her not-so-sly way of bringing up the hooker issue again. Well, Logan ... at least she's yet to peruse your bank statements, looking for escort services. You're getting off easy here. He replies that he'd gladly pay, which is, yeah, really romantic. One day, Logan and Veronica will have a normal conversation. Until then ... Veronica turns to face him and asks him seriously if he's ever been with a hooker. Logan doesn't understand why it matters, but she reasons that this is their opportunity to tell all, and finally be intimate with one another. Besides, she says, secrets tend to surface whenever she's around, anyway, so why not just get it all out in the open now? Logan reluctantly agrees to answer all her questions, and of course the first thing she asks him is whether or not he's slept with a hooker. He admits that he never has, and Veronica grins and cutely bites her thumb in relief. Logan chuckles at her, happy that she's happy. He asks her the same question and she frowns and says "no," but her tone of voice says "duh!"
It's then Veronica's turn and she decides to bring up Logan and Mercer's Mexican adventure, which kind of ticks him off because he assumes she wants to know if he cheated on her while there. So much for the trust thing. But she presses further because she just wants to know how Mercer was able to drive back to Neptune, commit a rape, and then return to Mexico without Logan knowing. Hmm, I smell a retcon ... Logan sighs and admits that he must have passed out. Maybe Mercer drugged him, he doesn't know. Veronica drops the subject and Logan tells her that she can have his question.
Veronica asks him if he was with anyone while they were broken up, and he reminds her about that landmine he's trying to tiptoe around. But knowing that a) if he refuses to answer the question, she'll assume the answer is "yes" and b) if he lies, she'll probably know, so Logan just admits that he fooled around with some horrible girl that meant nothing to him. Veronica nods and shifts to stare at the ceiling. Logan quips that, yeah, this is really bringing them so much closer. She doesn't say anything. She's not angry, just ... I think Veronica is trying very hard here not to judge him, and she does succeed, even if she is disappointed by his answer. Veronica doesn't believe in meaningless sex and she has every right not to, but they were broken up. As Logan has said before, when they're together, they have to accept each other for what they are. Logan eventually breaks the silence and asks her if she still loves him. I wish he'd instead asked "Do you still want to be with me?" or "Can you understand this?" because even if she does love him, it shouldn't always be that he's pulling a yes/no answer out of her. But even so, Veronica's slow smile and gentle "yes" here is music to our ears. No tearful "yeah" this time, just an honest "yes." Logan turns to her with relief and love in his eyes and kisses her.
But we know from experience that happiness for Logan and Veronica are usually just the calm before the storm. Veronica might not have picked up on the weirdness ('cause there was definitely weirdness, people, where there wasn't supposed to be) between Logan and Madison the other night, but it's about to come back and bite her in the ass. Veronica's decided to take Wendy's advice to never underestimate the power of lingerie and make more of an effort to please her man.
She's picked out a few teddies from the lingerie shop and is about to pay for them when she hears Madison's voice requesting some thigh-high boots with the seams up the back. Veronica says she thought she saw some between the pasties and the edible underwear. Madison proceeds to put down Veronica for choosing lingerie from the sale rack, and laments (in an ungenuine way ... bitch) that it's almost a waste for her to spend so much money on lingerie, if it's just going to be ripped right off her. Uh, TMI, Madison. Too. Much. Information. Veronica informs her that if she's trying to win Dick back, she doubts she has to try that hard. Madison scoffs at the idea of Dick. No, she and Logan hooked up in Aspen over the holidays, and she thought he'd have some free time while she in town. Veronica takes this in, trying to remain composed in front of Madison, but she's obviously crushed. Madison leaves, but not without first informing Veronica that Logan isn't a fan of the one-pieces. Veronica, looking rather ill, tries to hold back the tears. And most likely the bile, too.
- Logan is taking Astronomy.
- Hearst has an outdoor eating area with a coffee bar. A welcomed change in scenery from the dark and overly neon cafeteria, if you ask me.
- Max, his roommate Brian, and friend Fred went to the around-the-world party and got their photo taken in Mac and Parker's dorm. They thought their idea of Canada was lame.
- Chelsea's profile reveals that she is in fact a dude from Tierrasanta, San Diego. Chelsea is with the agency Forbidden Fruitz and is available upon request (mobile is 619-555-0175). Her services are escort, massage, and role playing (clearly).
- Logan and Veronica are watching Sense and Sensibility with Max and Wendy. Veronica really likes those Jane Austen adaptations, huh?
- The license plate number on Madame's limo is WER9878.
- Having been finger fed delicious french fries for lunch by her adorable boyfriend, Veronica lounges happily in the Hearst food court enjoying the hilarity of The Lampoon. It seems that our oh-so-PC friends at the Lampoon were the victims of a rather vicious egging the night after the Dean reinstated the Greeks. The interior article of the special "Egged!" edition details the sites of "Huevosnacht" -- The Lampoon offices, the Pi Sig house, and the statue of the university's illustrious founder, William Randolph Hearst. As she's pondering the hilarity of The Lampoon getting egged right along with the Pi Sigs for their part in adding fuel to the fire lit by Mercer and Moe's rape spree across campus, Weevil plops himself down at the table for a little ketchup and catch up with his favorite girl detective. Veronica shares the egg-cellent escapades of persons unknown (cough*LillithHouse*cough) while Weevil marvels over the stupidity of the kind of people that express anger and agression through egging -- for example, the huevos launched at the Dean's office window during the Huevosnacht rampage -- because it isn't like the Dean's gonna clean it up himself! So who are they really punishing here?
Veronica latches onto his comment about the Dean's window because there's no mention of it in this special all eggs edition of The Lampoon. Weevil confirms that the Dean got his share of yolks and whites the same night as the other attacks and wonders if perhaps it wasn't included in their riotous take on the eggings because they couldn't figure out a tasteful way to make it funny -- seeing as how, you know, the Dean died that night. Weevil mourns the Dean's passing, commenting again what a shame it was to lose a cool dude like that. So say we all, Weevs.
Meanwhile over at the Neptune Sheriff's Department, Keith is trying to help Sachs figure out where the hell the file he requested has disappeared to considering he completed the necessary form over a week ago. C'mon Keith, get real! I'm surprised it didn't take them a month to find what you were looking for at that painfully disorganized monument to ineptitude. Sacks cries "Eureka!" minutes later (although not literally) when he finds the file in question misfiled under the letter "D" and passes it to the proficient P.I. On his way out, Keith comes face to face with Lamb, a.k.a. ineptitude's poster child. Sachs shares with his boss that Keith came to obtain a copy of Cyrus O'Dell's file. Through his trademark snide sneer, Lamb reminds Keith that he's no longer Sheriff, which is good, because I'm sure Keith's forgotten the humiliation of being kicked out of office so that YOU could run the department into the ground, you douchebag. Keith, his usually suave self, says that he's merely a concerned citizen. Lamb snarks that Keith's always "looking for a crime where there isn't one" by which I can only assume he means "looking for a way to solve a crime that I've completely and utterly fubar'd." I mean, considering how good his track record's been with major cases, particularly murders, versus how good Keith's track record is, there's only one explanation: The man is utterly and completely delusional. Anyway, Lamb suggests that Keith find a new hobby, but Keith's not interested in Lamb's advice because he finds solving a mystery very rewarding. With a twinkle in his eye and barely contained glee, Keith suggests that Lamb try it sometime. Lamb sneers sarcastically that he'll get right on that as Keith walks away. But as his expression slowly fades from cocky to bewildered, you can see that it finally dawns on him that SHIT! Solving crimes is what he's supposed to be doing! Dammit! Why does being Sheriff have to be so hard and brain-draining? Isn't it enough that he looks pretty?
The following afternoon Veronica arrives home desperate to engage in a little witty father-daughter banner with Papa Bear, but alas, Papa seems to have lost his wit. Keith appears troubled and despondent and I can only assume the reason for that is housed in the manila folder dangling from his hand. Veronica demands amusement so Keith obliges with a lackluster song telling her that he's finally got the police report on the Dean's suicide. Veronica critiques that the tune needs work and I can only agree. Heading for sustenance in the kitchen, Veronica wonders if the report says anything about the egging Weevil mentioned to her. It seems not, but Keith is less than surprised that detail was missing considering the rest of the report looks like it might as well have been written by a tenth grade devotee of the Headbanger's Ball. Veronica shares deets on the Lillith chicks, including her former editor Nish, and how they had a massive grudge against the Dean. She tells him of Nish's vow for revenge after her impromptu firing and how the girls got eggspastic on several prime Hearst locales, including the Dean's office, on the night of his suicide.
Keith is intrigued by this development and wonders if Veronica might be persuaded to chat the gals up. Veronica aptly notes that she's probably dipped into that well one (or maybe ten) too many times and the Lillith chicks are definitely not her biggest fans. Which means? Keith might have to handle this one on his own. However, she cautions him that if he decides to go undercover as a student he can't do the Daniel Boone jacket or peace signs because the times, they have a-changed.
The next morning Veronica spies her father preening in front of the mirror in his old police uniform, and I have to say, the old man looks good. Veronica, understandably, wonders what he's doing. Keith merely grins and informs her that he's getting ready for work. Veronica comments that he's missing something and disappears into the hallway, returning moments later with a portable boom box and some words of wisdom: After ripping off the tear-away pants, the pelvis thrust should be towards the bachelorette because after all, it is her special day. *snort! * And also, ewwwwwww. Shrugging off his wise-ass daughter's commentary, Keith pays an *ahem* "official" visit to Claire and Fern to discuss the night of the Dean's suicide. He tells them that he's following up on some details about the night Dean O'Dell died. He brings up the egging of the Dean's office and Fern goes all bitchy-defensive with the "oh, like that's a crime?" Keith responds to the brain trust, of course, that it always has been. Seriously -- didn't they think it would fall under the heading of something like ....vandalism? Or how about destruction of private property?
Anyway, Keith goes on to tell the girls that he's pretty certain they are responsible for the egging, despite their less-than-convincing denials, which means that they were in the vicinity while holding a nasty grudge the night he died. Claire tries to cover, but much like bees and dogs, Keith can smell her fear. He asks her to define for him who "we" included on the night in question, to which she replies that it was her, Fern and Nish. Fern tries to cover a little, but instead ends up shoving her Birkenstock-shod foot into her mouth when she comments that Nish wasn't with them when they egged the Dean's office. So where was she? Keith's just dying to know. He goes all hard-core cop on them but before he can really lay the heavy intimidation tactics on him, Nish appears from the back of the apartment. And being former editor of the campus paper, she recognizes him.
Nish tells the girls that Keith isn't a police officer anymore before trying to figure out what the heck he's doing in her apartment. At this point he's got nothing to lose, so he asks Nish where she was when her friends were egging the Dean's office. First she drags out her standard dose of superior bitchiness and reminds Keith that she doesn't have to tell him anything, and then reminds him that his little "role playing" game is also illegal. Anyway, she relents because she's got nothing to hide. She tells Keith that she was over egging the Dean's precious Volvo. This comes as a surprise to Keith, and Fran's reveal that Keith thinks the Dean was murdered comes as a surprise to her.
Back at chez Mars, Keith shares a rather disturbing discover with his daughter dearest. According to Nish, she very specifically egged the Dean's Volvo. The problem? According to the police report the Dean drove the mini van to work that day -- it was the car of his found in the parking lot the day after his death. Veronica immediately jumps to the "Nish is lying" theory, but Keith clearly wonders if something more sinister is at work. What if the Volvo was there that night? It was the car Mindy was driving on the day in question -- perhaps she paid her hubby a visit. Now Veronica's seeing where he's going and wonders aloud why his client would have failed to mention that visit to him. Sadly, Keith's as clueless as to the rest of us what this development means for the investigation.
"Never The Same Again" (Moonlight Towers)
Scene: Veronica meets perhaps the most technology-challenged college student on the planet. Unaware of how to delete messages off a cell phone? Really?
"Yeah!" (The Golden Dogs)
Scene: One redlight. Two cars. Two sheriffs. One idiot. Guess which is the real deal?
"A Thousand Kisses Deep" (Leonard Cohen)
Scene: I'm sorry, my brain still hasn't quite gotten past naked Logan. There was a bed and Veronica and Logan in the bed. And talk of hookers and history. Landmines and love. And ooh yeah, Logan was naked.
"Wheels" (Mark Lanegan)
Scene: Max is studying; Wendy is painting his toenails ... it's a moment of (slightly odd) bliss and then his jackass friends spoil the mood. Losers.
LoVe Lines
Veronica: You gonna eat that?
Logan: This? (Holds up the fry in question.)
Veronica: Yeah. That fry in particular.
Logan: That was the plan.
Veronica: (As Logan continues to examine the fry.) I'm just saying ... if you weren't, or if you were just gonna consume it out of obligation or to meet someone else's expectations, I know someone who might be willing to take it off your hands. (Logan relents and starts to feed her.) Maybe add a little ketchup? Make it worth a girl's while. (Logan adds ketchup and feeds her the fry and Veronica speaks in a sing-song voice.) You're welcome.
Logan: Well, I'm off to astronomy. Did you see the Lampoon yet?
Veronica: Uh-uh.
Logan: (Logan walks around to Veronica, kisses her, and hands her the paper.) Enjoy.
Logan: (Taking out sandwiches.) Should we have gotten more for the hookers?
Veronica: As I understand it, they prefer "escorts."
Veronica: So ... have you ever been with one?
Logan: (Stops eating.) An escort?
Veronica: Yeah.
Logan: Do we really wanna go there?
Veronica: I guess we don't have to now.
Logan: No, that wasn't me answering the question.
Veronica: Kinda was.
Logan: No it wasn't. That was me knowing there's a landmine and trying to figure out where to put my foot.
Veronica: Well, I guess you picked your spot. (Logan raises eyebrows). Look, why not dispel any romantic notions. If we see each other, warts and all, and still like each other, that's a real connection.
Logan: Well, maybe I enjoy my romantic notions. Maybe I don't care to see any warts, yours or mine. (Grins, almost embarrassed.) Oh see you're smiling, so I think it's all fun and safe but it's a slippery slope from "have you ever been" to "how many" and "how often."
Veronica: So you've been with multiple hookers on several occasions.
Logan: (Turns sideways.) I'm not having this conversation with you.
Max: That's not her.
Veronica: Sorry, Lissa. Looks like we're gonna have to reschedule. Pay the girl, Max.
Logan: Well, if we're paying her anyway ...
Veronica: (Cuts him off with a cranky face that says "could you not go there?") Honey?
Logan: (to Veronica as the the two of them watch Max and Wendy making out on the far end of the couch.) This is nice. We should hang out with your friends more.
Veronica: (On the phone.) Got it, thanks. (After hanging up the phone, holding up the notepad.) Judge High Heels' home phone.
Logan: This is a bad idea.
Veronica: It's blackmail. It's the go-to idea. In case of emergency, break glass or blackmail.
Logan: Excuse me if I can't get jazzed about my girlfriend extorting a judge.
Veronica: Look, I'm not doing a back handspring about it either, but I'm getting Max's thousand dollars back and I'm taking away Wendy's best client. It works on so many levels.
Veronica: (Walking over to Logan and putting her arms around his neck.) I can't believe I had to blackmail a judge just to get some alone time with you.
Logan: You really don't have to work that hard.
Veronica: Sure I do. (They kiss.)
Veronica: (In bed with Logan post-coital.) You know if I were a hooker, this snuggle would cost you.
Logan: I'll gladly pay.
Veronica: Really?
Logan: For this? Cash money.
Veronica: But seriously, folks ... (She rolls over to face Logan.) Have you?
Logan: What, ever been with a hooker? (Off Veronica's nod.) Why does it matter?
Veronica: I just want to know. I assume the answer is yes. Look at it as an opportunity for me to show you how cool I can be. Hooker? Who cares?
Logan: Here's your chance to be cool. Stop asking.
Veronica: I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really ... intimate.
Logan: That's what the female Praying Mantis says before she bites the male's head off.
Veronica: I'm just saying, buried secrets tend to surface when I'm around.
Logan: Maybe that's because of all the digging, huh? (Reaching out, he cups her face.)
Veronica: I'm giving you the chance to come clean. You tell all. I tell all. Go from there.
Logan: Fine. Ask away. Ask anything you want.
Veronica: Have you ever been with a hooker?
Logan: No.
Veronica: (Very pleased.) You want to ask me anything?
Logan: Have you ever been with a hooker?
Veronica: No.
Logan: No.
Veronica: The night you were in Mexico with Mercer ...
Logan: Are you kidding me? (He rolls over onto his back.)
Veronica: How was he able to get back to Neptune, commit a rape, and return to Mexico without you knowing?
Logan: Uh ... I must have passed out. It felt like a couple of minutes, but it could have been hours. Or maybe he drugged me or something. (He turns to face Veronica.)
Veronica: Your question.
Logan: You can have my turn.
Veronica: Were you with anyone while we were broken up?
Logan: Land mine. (Veronica's face falls.) I fooled around with the horrible girl who meant less than nothing to me, and I couldn't regret it more. (Veronica rolls onto her back.) Thinking of it makes me ill. (Logan rolls away from Veronica and onto his back.) So, there. Presto, intimacy. (He swallows, looking like he wants to cry.) You still love me?
Veronica: (After a long pause, she smiles.) Yes. (They kiss.)
Veronica Mars Voiceover: I heard it from a pro: Lingerie. Maybe I should get into the spirit of doing things normal girlfriends do; I should make more of an effort to please my man. First comes sexy under things ...
Quotable Quotes
Weevil: I can't believe how dumb these people are, you know? They're mad at the dean so they egg his window. Like he's the one who has to clean it up.
Lamb: Always looking for a crime where there isn't one. I think you need a new hobby, Keith,
Keith: Oh, I don't know. I find solving an investigation very relaxing. You should give it a try sometime.
Lamb: Yeah, yeah, I'll get right on that.
Veronica: Question: Does your team provide study guides for ethics exams?
Max: Everyday. Yeah, the irony has kind of faded over time.
Veronica: So, about the one that got away. She's was dressed as a Cylon and you only knew her as "Six," right?
Max: Then we started talking about our crappy relationships with our parents and Chuck Klosterman and moral grayness --
Veronica: And how when you see a plastic bag flying around, you think there's so much beauty in the world you can't take it?
Max: You get the picture.
Veronica: I do. Connection, higher plane ... then you frakked.
Max: (About the picture of him and his roommates in Mac & Parker's room.) I think that room was supposed to be Canada, but it was kind of lame.
Veronica: Hmm.
Brian: Hot stuff coming through ... and he's carrying a tray of muffins.
Veronica: Brian and Fred, as demented as this sounds, thought you'd have more confidence with girls if you ... lost your virginity.
Max: (Gaping fish mouth face of speechless incredulit.y) I'm gonna go kill my friends now so ... if you could just leave me a bill.
Fred: He wants you to track her down? You can't do this, I mean you're just fueling his fire -- he's obsessed!
Veronica: He thinks she's the one.
Brian: She's the first girl to touch where his bathing suit covers. Of course he thinks she's the one.
Veronica: Actually, she's not.
Brian: He wasn't a virgin?
Fred: We spent $500 each on a hooker and he wasn't a virgin.
Veronica: No, you spent $500 each and he's still a virgin.
Brian: Okay, she better've done like some crazy circus act.
Veronica: They talked and connected.
Brian: (Considers for a second.) This is the worst moment of my life.
Veronica: A hooker search engine. What will you boys come up with next?
Veronica: Great! There are only 18,731 escorts listed on the site. Much as I'd like to peruse their pages individually ...
Brian: (Interrupts) Try doing the search by preference. (Veronica looks puzzled.) You know, hair color, height, bondage preferences.
Veronica: You know Max's preference?
Fred: That's easy. We just described Milla Jovovich with a B-cup.
Brian: And found one into role play.
Veronica: (Somewhat stupefied.) How very Weird Science.
Veronica: (Perusing the website options.) Its like a Zagat guide for hookers! How did people find sex before there was an internet?
Veronica: What's "GFE?"
Brian: "Girlfriend Experience."
Veronica: (Incredulous.) She has to be an experienced girlfriend?
Brian: It's the type of experience you want to have. If you want it to be like she's your girlfriend, it's a GFE. Girlfriend Experience. But if you want to act like you're in a porn, it's a PSE. (Nodding in mutual male satisfaction at Fred.) Porn Star Experience.
Veronica:Is there a "Reality Experience" where she reminds the guy she's only there because he's paying her?
Veronica: From 18,000 down to 2. Your eye for detail has served us well, young Jedi's.
Veronica: (Shuts door loudly with faux irritation.) I come home after a hard day at work and there you are -- lounging with your bon-bon's and your Harper's Bazaar. (Keith looks despondent.) There better be some freshly pressed shirts in my closet or so help me. (Keith doesn't seem inclined to respond.) What -- you got nothin'?!?
Keith: Mm. Maybe I'm not in the mood.
Veronica: Amuse me, damn it! Amuse me now!
Keith: (Takes a deep breath before putting on a happy face and jazz hands and starts to sing.) I ... finally got the police report on the Dean's su-i-cide!!!
Veronica: That needs work.
Veronica: Did the report say anything about the Dean's office getting egged?
Keith: Nope. But then again it looks like it was done by a 10th grader. I swear, it might as well have heavy metal band's logos sketched in the margins.
Veronica: They went on an egging spree the night of his suicide protesting the reinstatement of the Greeks.
Keith: Do you mind talking to them?
Veronica: Yeah, I think I've dipped into that well one too many times. They're not big Veronica fans. I think you're probably gonna have to handle this one yourself. (Pauses and grins.) If you go under cover as a student, no Daniel Boone jackets, no peace signs -- the times, they have a-changed.
Keith: Will you be home for dinner?
Veronica: No, I'm meeting two hookers over at Logan's later.
Keith: On a school night?
Veronica: (Duh face.) Off-peak hours -- save a few bucks.
Keith: You're not really ...
Veronica: Fiona and Lisette. They're just a couple of gals puttin' themselves through college. Man! Stop bringin' me down with your bourgeois hang-ups!
Veronica: (To the lip-locked Max and Wendy.) You guys need a refill ... or a room?
Veronica: (Opening the door to the suite.) Madison.
Madison: Oh. It's you. So, are you and Logan, like, dating again, or are you hotel staff?
Veronica: (Letting Madison in.) Did somebody order a PSE?
Wendy: (About Madison.) Friend of yours?
Veronica: No, Madison is pretty much the physical embodiment of all things I loathe. (To Logan.) If Dick starts dating her again, you're gonna need to get a different roommate.
Veronica: From where I stand, Wendy's the idiot. And now we must crush her. (Ponderingly.) How to make the happy hooker not so happy.
Happy: (Pull's Veronica's taser out of her bag and turns it on.) I don't think this is street legal. What's the voltage on this?
Madame: Put it down, Happy.
Veronica: Wait, there really is a Mr. Happy Fists? I thought that was just colorful language.
Max: (Shocked.) I'm sorry. Did you say she fell for a client?
Madame: She asked out. But there's a problem, you see. Wendy owes me money. Braces aren't cheap. Tattoo removal isn't cheap. Clothes and housing aren't cheap. Now, she could work it off --
Max: I'll pay.
Veronica: (She and Max walk down the hall to his dorm room.) You just handed over a hundred $100 bills.
Max: Yeah, I was there.
Veronica: (Regarding Max.) That boy is smitten.
Wendy: Yeah, isn't he great?
Veronica: Yeah, pretty great. So what is the secret to making a guy fall for you like that?
Wendy: Dumb luck ... and interesting lingerie. Never underestimate the power of lingerie.
Veronica: (Keith walks into her room carrying the suicide report.) Man, you just love that report.
Max: (To Wendy.) There was a dragon in your purse the first time we met. I guess you're a fan of dragons ...
Brian: I might actually know of a job.
Wendy: Really?
Fred: Yeah, that's what we came to see you about.
Brian: My older brother is getting married next Saturday and the guy organizing his bachelor party has this really uptight wife so they didn't book a stripper. We're scrambling to get someone. It should be a good gig, they're all, like, lawyers!
Max: Hey dudes, that's my girl you're talking to!
Wendy: I'm retired actually.
Max: You mind if I ask you a question?
Wendy: Probably, but go ahead.
Max: When I dropped you off at the airport and you said you left all your information back at the hotel, I got back and the room was clean. So ... I guess my question is, did you really leave it for me? Was it really there?
Wendy: (After a long pause she shakes her head tearfully.) No ... but I really wish I left it.
Veronica: You bought her out of prostitution and she left you? Please tell me you don't want me to find her again.
Max: No! No, I think she may be right. She said uh ... (taking out a letter from his back pocket) what'd she say? She said uh ... "The day we met was one of the best days of my life. I fell for you that day but you didn't know what I was then and now you do. And it shows in the way you look at me, and it shows in the way you touch me but I'll never regret it. You showed me what I was missing. Love Wendy."
Veronica: Ten thousand is a lot to pay for a life lesson.
Madison: You know, it's kind of smart of you to raid the sale rack like that. It's almost a waste for me to spend all this money on something that'll be ripped right off of me.
Logan: If you're trying to get Dick back, I don't think you have to work that hard. Seriously. A hefty bag and some duct tape and you'd be good to go.
Madison: Dick? Please.
Veronica: You came over, I figured ...
Madison: Oh! Logan and I hooked up in Aspen over the holidays. I guess you two were split, huh? I was in town, I thought he might have some free time but, oh well! Oh, and uh, as a friend, (looking at Veronica and her purchases like she's crazy) he's not so big on the one piece numbers.
Poughkeepsie, Tramps & Thieves (Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves) ... (Referenced by the episode title.)
An extremely catchy and pretty deep song by Cher, "Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves" (also spelt as "Gypsieys, Tramps & Thieves"), was released in 1971 and was the first number one hit by the singer as a solo artist. It hit the number one spot on the Billboard charts on November 6, 1971.
The lyrics:
- I was born in the wagon of a travellin' show
My mama used to dance for the money they'd throw
Papa would do whatever he could
Preach a little gospel, sell a couple bottles of Doctor Good
Chorus: Gypsys, tramps, and thieves
We'd hear it from the people of the town
They'd call us Gypsys, tramps, and thieves
But every night all the men would come around
And lay their money down
Picked up a boy just south of Mobile
Gave him a ride, filled him with a hot meal
I was sixteen, he was twenty-one
Rode with us to Memphis
And papa woulda shot him if he knew what he'd done
Chorus
I never had schoolin' but he taught me well
With his smooth southern style
Three months later I'm a gal in trouble
And I haven't seen him for a while, uh-huh
I haven't seen him for a while, uh-huh
She was born in the wagon of a travellin' show
Her mama had to dance for the money they'd throw
Grandpa'd do whatever he could
Preach a little gospel, sell a couple bottles of Doctor Good
Chorus
Sir Lancelot (also sometimes known as Lancelot du Lac, or Lancelot of the Lake, and occasionally also Launcelot) is one of the Knights of King Arthur's famed Round Table. In most of the French prose romances and works, he is characterized as the greatest and most trusted of Arthur's knights, and plays a part in many of Arthur's victories -- but Arthur's eventual downfall is also brought about in part by Lancelot, whose affair with Arthur's wife Guinevere destroys the unity of Arthur's court.
Lancelot is a tremendously popular character, and has been the subject of many poems, stories, plays, and films in various incarnations of the Arthurian cycle of romances. For most readers (and/or moviegoers) no other knight in King Arthur's court is nearly as well known as Sir Lancelot. He is generally thought of as the most valiant member of that brotherhood and the secret lover of Arthur's beloved Queen Guenivere. Interestingly enough, Lancelot is not actually an original member of the cycle, and the development of his story is still a source of considerable disagreement between scholars.
In the movies, Lancelot has been portrayed by many fine actors, most notably: Robert Taylor in 1953's Knights of The Round Table, by Richard Gere in 1995's First Knight (with Sean Connery as a kick ass King Arthur in an otherwise unintentionally amusing film), and by John Cleese in 1974's iconic comedy Monty Python and The Holy Grail. The latter is perhaps the best, if not the most accurate, version of this well-known character.
Cleese as Lancelot in Monty Python
and The Holy Grail.
In Monty Python, Cleese's Lancelot is a marvelously violent knight known to attack castle walls, farm animals, wedding guests, and flowers -- who might also be gay. In the film, he vehemently denies this proclivity. However in 2005's Spamalot!(the musical version of the film), Lancelot does, in fact, embrace his homosexuality at the end of the quest.
Poughkeepsie, New York ... (Referenced by Max as Chelsea/Wendy's hometown.)
As it turns out, there are two Poughkeepsie's in New York state: Poughkeepsie (the city) and The Town of Poughkeepsie. Although the two are neighbors (and are often viewed as one place), the population of the Town of Poughkeepsie is roughly double that of the city. I suspect that Wendy was referring to the city, which is the county seat of Dutchess County, located in the Hudson River Valley roughly midway between New York City and Albany. The city's name is derived from a Native American word (roughly U-puku-ipi-sing), meaning "reed hut by the water" or "campsite by small water," referring to a spring or stream feeding into the Hudson River. Bordered on the west by the Hudson River and in all other directions by the Town of Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie calls itself "The Queen City of the Hudson."
Poughkeepsie is probably best known for two things: IBM and television's Ally McBeal. IBM has a large campus in Poughkeepsie (a facility still referred to by many as IBM's "Main Plant") although the main IBM campus is actually in the Town of Poughkeepsie. As for the Ally McBeal connection, the word "Poughkeepsie" is used by one of the two founding partners, John Cage (played by veteran actor Peter MacNicol), of the law firm that Ally works for. John, also known as The Biscuit, started using the city's name to control his stuttering and the link is laid to the city in the first season of the series in the episode Alone Again. Ally explains Cage's use of the word "Poughkeepsie" and his eventual progression to the use of "New York" instead:
Quote:Comic-Con ... (Referenced by Max as the place he met Chelsea/Wendy.)
"He used to have a stutter, but he corrected it, or well I should say he controlled it but with a song, da da ta da da, and then he picked Poughkeepsie to preempt the da da ta da, but Poughkeepsie is actually a town in upstate New York so he seized upon New York instead of Poughkeepsie because it's phonetically less jarring."
Comic-Con International, commonly known as Comic-Con or the San Diego Comic-Con, is an annual four-day (Thursday through Sunday) "multi-genre" fan convention. Founded in 1970 by Shel Dorf and a number of fellow San Diegans, it was originally known as the Golden State Comic Book Convention and later the San Diego Comic Book Convention which, as the title implies, originally showcased only comic books. Comic-Con originated in the basement of the U.S. Grant hotel in 1970, with an estimated attendance of three hundred people, according to the 2005 souvenir book. It later was held at the El Cortez hotel and later moved to San Diego's Convention and Performing Arts Center/Golden Hall before eventually moving to it's current home at the San Diego Convention Center.
Held during the summer in San Diego, California the convention has expanded over the years to include a larger range of pop culture elements, such as science fiction, fantasy, horror, animation/anime, manga, toys, collectible card games, video games, television (Veronica Mars has been showcased there the last two years in a popular panel), and movies. The convention is the largest of its kind in the United States, filling to capacity the San Diego Convention Center with 125,000 attendees in 2006.
Wookiee/Star Wars ... (Referenced by Veronica when she teases Max about Comic-Con.)
A Wookiee (Wookie) is a fictional creature from George Lucas's Star Wars universe. A full-grown Wookiee reaches over six and a half feet in height, is physically strong, possesses remarkable endurance and is covered in very thick hair. Legend has it, a Wookiee was based on George Lucas's dog named Indiana (hmm, after Indiana Jones, or did he named the character after his dog, too?).
The Wookiees come from the world called Kashyyyk -- a planet covered with Wroshyr trees, which happen to be carnivorous (ack!). Not deterred by that minor detail, the Wookiees, apparently build their homes in those trees. Wookiees are as well known for their short tempers (it's not a good idea to upset a Wookiee) as they are for their exceptional devotion to their friends. Their language is called Shyriiwook, which, clearly, no one can speak besides the Wookiees, though some can understand it to an extent (kind of like Russian). By the same token, the Wookiees, while understanding Galactic Basic language, are normally unable to speak it, due to the structure of their vocal cords.
Wookiees are warriors with a fierce fighting style. They are adept in weaponry, preferring blades and bow casters to blasters and grenades. Their exceptional physical strength gives them the opportunity to use weapons other, weaker species cannot. In addition to sabers and bow casters, they also use boom boom sticks (and there's an obvious joke to be made here, from which I am valiantly refraining with all of my Wookiee strength!).
Apart from being a very popular Halloween costume, a Wookiee outfit (a cross between a sheep dog and a bear) can be spotted with consistent frequency at any and all Comic-Cons.
Likened, somewhat unkindly if accurately, to a giant walking carpet, I
can see how Veronica would be concerned for someone getting all
sweaty in that thing.
The most famous Wookiee is Chewbacca, Han Solo's pal (both seen above) from the first Star Wars film trilogy. There are other prominent ones in various incarnations of that universe.
Trekkie ... (Referenced by Max when he rebuts Veronica's teasing.)
Trekkie, a truly dedicated fan of all or one of the incarnations of the science fiction show Star Trek -- The Original Series (19661969), Star Trek: The Next Generation (19871994), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (19931999), Star Trek: Voyager (19952001) and Star Trek: Enterprise (20012005). The origins of the term go back to 1960, when a science fiction editor named Art Saha called several pointy-ears wearing fans of the first season of Star Trek that he met at a sci-fi convention "trekkies." He coined the term in an interview for TV Guide.
The term stuck once the media picked it up, and it's still very much in use. However, some fans find the moniker somewhat demeaning, implication being that the obsession deprives one of "life" and exposes to ridicule. (Although, I must say, no true fan would be deterred by that. Especially not a real Trekkie!).
The great "Trekkie" vs. "Trekker" debate feeds into the notion. Some fans prefer the term "Trekker" as the more serious, as well as "correct" one. Trekkies, however, claim that a Trekker is a Trekkie who is embarrassed to be considered one. Leonard Nemoy, in the 1991 TV event Star Trek: 25th Anniversary Special attempted to settle the dispute. He stated that "Trekker" was the correct term. Nice try, Leonard, and that very well may be, but "Trekkie" is the one that's more widely used.
Trekkies are known for regularly attending Comic Cons, where they indulge in bitter rivalry with the hard-core Star Wars fans. Although, according to Max, the cons are not just for "Trekkies and Star Wars nerds anymore." Mocking aside, though, a dedication such as this deserves some respect. Come on, people, they speak Klingon language! And they can do this:
Editor's Note: I grew up as a Trekkie and Trekkie I shall remain, Trekker moniker bedamned.
Dave Gibbons ... (Referenced by Max when he rebuts Veronica's teasing.)
A British writer and artist of comics, Dave Gibbons broke into British comics by working on horror and action titles for IPC and DC Thomson. Brought in as an Art Director in 1973 when the magazine 2000 AD was set up, he has since then drawn and written for all the major publishers in North America and his home country Great Britain. His work has been and still is published all over the world. He has depicted the adventures of Superman, Batman, Dr. Who, Dan Dare and Green Lantern, among others.
Best known in the U.S. for his 1987-87 collaboration with Alan Moore on the twelve-issue limited series Watchman for D.C. comics -- which is now one of the best-selling graphic novels of all time, his work in it is notable for its regular grid of nine panels on a page along with its intense narrative and symbolic density. Gibbons' most recent work is the 2005 black and white graphic novel, The Originals, which he drew and scripted.
Battlestar Galactica (Frakked, Cylon, Six) ... (Referenced by by Veronica when she teases Max about Comic-Con.)
'Frak' is basically the 'fuck' of the future, used in every way and instance that we humans of today would use the F-bomb. Or so says Ronald D. Moore, executive producer of the updated Battlestar Galactica. Based on the television series of the same name that ran 1978-1979, the new millennia's version of the sci-fic classic has a grittier, more realistic feel than not only the original, but any other science-fiction television show has ever.
The brief premise is that years in the future in a distant part of the universe there exists a civilization of humans who live on planets known as the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, the main planet being Caprica. The Colonies are in an uneasy armistice with a cybernetic race known as the Cylons, but with the unwitting help of a genius scientist with quite questionable morals named Gaius Baltar (James Callis), the Cylons -- who now can easily pass as humans -- launch a sudden, coordinated, and unprovoked attack on the Colonies, laying waste to the planets and devastating their populations.
The last few thousands of the human survivors flee into space aboard any spacecraft they can reach. Of all the Colonial Fleet, the Battlestar Galactica appears to be the only military ship that survived the attack. Under the leadership of the now-president of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, former Secretary of Education, Laura Roslin (Mary McDonnell) -- out giving a speech on one of the planets, thus not on Caprica when the attack came, she is the highest living member of the government -- and famed military leader Commander Adama (Edward James Olmos), the Battlestar Galactica and her crew take up the task of leading the ragtag fleet of survivors into space in search of a fabled refuge known as Earth, which has taken on the proportions of the Arthurian myth.
Six is the most visible Cylon, appearing at the beginning of the original miniseries when the switch from the robotic Cylons to the human Cylons was shown. She/It is a gorgeous blonde played by Tricia Helfer who is ... a gorgeous 'blonde.'
Batman's Car ... (Referenced by Max when he talks about his and Chelsea's connection.)
Batman's car, commonly known as the Batmobile is the personal vehicle of the comic book superhero Batman. One of the popular features of Batman's gadgets, it shares with the rest of them a bat theme and dark colors. It usually comes in black, with large tailfins that represent bat's wings, and its design has evolved with the character from comic books to television to films.
The car is equipped with a chassis with heavy armor plating and a high performance engine with rocket boosts for speed. It is supposedly powered by nuclear generation of electricity. To improve maneuverability special devices are installed and there are weapons mounted on it. There is also a computer link remotely to the Batcave, a remote control function, a forensic kit, and -- naturally -- a small personal helicopter called whirlybat packed in the trunk. (A feature that, in my opinion, should come standard with any modern vehicle).
In the early days of TV Batman the car was a modified sedan with armor, technically advanced and customized.
The 1966 television Batmobile was built by George
Barris from a Lincoln Futura concept car.
Over time the Batmobile became the sleek street machine it is today. Somewhat different and ever more futuristic with each subsequent feature film, the one that Max and Wendy think resembles a Cylon Raider is probably the car from the 1995 Batman Forever.
Yes, but can it reincarnate?
Chuck Klosterman ... (Referenced by Max when he talks about his and Chelsea's connection.)
Born Charles John Klosterman on June 5, 1972, in Minnesota, Chuck Klosterman is an American pop-culture writer. He grew up on a farm in North Dakota and later graduated from the University of North Dakota. Following graduation he started out as a journalist in Fargo, later working as an arts critic for the Akron (Ohio) Beacon-Journal. In 2002 he moved to New York City where as a senior writer for SPIN Magazine he wrote a column titled "My Back Pages." He left SPIN in 2006 when the editor-in-chief was replaced, but continues to contribute to Esquire as a featured columnist, and has written for GQ, The New York Times Magazine and The Washington Post. Klosterman also writes once a month for Page 2 at ESPN.com and has written four books.
Klosterman's quick rise in the pop-culture landscape has earned him a number of comparisons to Hunter Thompson, while others have dubbed him the voice of Generation X. With a magnetic writing style that appeals to a broad audience, Klosterman writes about everything from music to film to sports and more. He has quickly taken his place as one of the preeminent cultural commentators in the country
American Beauty/Plastic Bag Scene ... (Referenced by Veronica when she mocks Max and Chelsea's connection.)
American Beauty is the 1999 Academy Award winning drama (it won five awards including Best Picture, Best Actor and Best Director) written by Alan Ball (now best known for the HBO series Six Feet Under) and was directed by Sam Mendes. The film featured an all-star cast including Kevin Spacey, Annette Bening, Mena Suvari, Chris Cooper, Peter Gallagher and Allison Janney. American Beauty explores themes of love, freedom, beauty, self-liberation, existentialism, the search for happiness, and family against the backdrop of modern American suburbia.
One of the key characters used to explore these themes is that of Ricky (Wes Bentley), the drug-dealing, self-proclaimed "weirdo" who lives next door to Kevin Spacey's family and eventually falls in love with his daughter, Jane (Thora Birch). In one of the film's most memorable exchanges, Ricky offers to show Jane a video of the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. It isn't flowers, or the birth of a baby, or even a photo of the cosmos -- instead, it is what seems to be an ordinary plastic grocery bag dancing in the breeze. Ricky tries to explain to Jane what this moment meant to him and how he managed to discover beauty in something so seemingly ordinary:
Quote:Of course it is a very touching moment and Ricky's speech is rather compelling in its desire to help Jane recognize beauty in all its forms, even in things that seem mundane or even ugly at first glance. The sentiment is beautiful certainly -- but the video? Check it out here and decide for yourself.
It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.
Maybe something's lost in screen-cap translation, but this bag isn't saying to me
"there's no reason to be afraid." It might be saying, "this Ricky kid is smokin' too
much chronic." It's hard to say.
Canada ... (Referenced by Max when he talks about that lame room at the Around the World party.)
Canada is a federal constitutional monarchy with parliamentary democracy. Comprising ten provinces and three territories, Canada is a bilingual and multicultural country, with both English and French as official languages at the federal level. A technologically advanced and industrialized nation, Canada maintains a diversified economy that is heavily reliant upon its abundant natural resources and upon trade -- particularly with the United States, with which Canada has had a long and complex relationship.
Canada is the world's second-largest country by total area, occupying most of northern North America. Extending from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean and northward into the Arctic Ocean, Canada shares land borders with the United States to the northwest and south.
Inhabited first by aboriginal peoples, Canada was founded as a union of British colonies (some of which were formerly French colonies). Canada gained independence from the United Kingdom in an incremental process that began in 1867 and ended in 1982; it remains a Commonwealth Realm. Its capital is Ottawa, while its largest city is Toronto.
Goshen, New York ... (Referenced by Brian's coworker as his hometown.)
Like Poughkeepsie, Goshen is the name of two locations in New York: A village and a town. Possibly, our young cell-phone neophyte springs from the town with a slightly larger population of almost thirteen thousand as of the 2000 census. Settlement began in the area around 1714 and the town itself was established in 1789. The region was important in the development of harness racing.
Unlike Poughkeepsie, the other Goshen is actually inside the town of Goshen. With a population of almost six thousand, Goshen is a village in Orange County, New York; it is also the county seat. About fifty miles northwest of New York City, the village is the home of the Harness Racing Museum & Hall of Fame, and hosted harness racing's top event, the Hambletonian, from 1930 to 1956, at the former Good Time Park. The village is located on New York State Route 17 in the center of Orange County.
California ... (Referenced by Brian's coworker as his current location.)
California is the thirty-first state in the United States and spans the southern half of the Pacific Coast. It is the largest state in population (thirty-seven million) and the third largest in area (158,402 square miles). California is home to several significant economic regions such as Hollywood, the California Central Valley, Silicon Valley, and the Wine Country. It is also home to several important cities and towns (Sacramento, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, etc).
The name is believed to be a derivation of the mythical paradise of Calafia portrayed in Amadis de Guala, a sixteenth century Spanish romance by Garci Rodriguez de Montalvo. Others believe the name to be a play on the Spanish words for "hot as an oven;" "cali" meaning "hot" and "fornus" meaning oven.
Different regions of California have very different climates, depending the latitude and proximity to the coast. Most of the state has a Mediterranean climate, with rainy winters and dry summers. 60.5% of the population speaks English, 25.8% speak Spanish, 2.6% speak Chinese, and the rest speak Tagalog, Vietnamese, or some other language. The languages of the indigenous people number more than one hundred, making California one of the most linguistically diverse areas in the world.
Glass is Half Full/Half Empty ... (Referenced by Veronica when she tells Max what she learned.)
"Is the glass half empty or half full?" So goes the popular (and rather rhetorical) question, designed to establish someone's optimistic (half full) or pessimistic (half empty) outlook. The idea behind the expression is to show that a situation can be viewed in different ways depending on the person's point of view. For example: The love of your life, who you didn't know happened to be a hooker, in order to let you down easily told you she was getting married. Once faced with discovery you can a) see the situation as hopeful and an opportunity -- she isn't getting married after all (glass half full); or b) see it as much bigger trouble than you've anticipated -- she is a hooker (half empty).
Then again, there are those who say that the glass is neither half empty nor half full, but rather simply too large for what it contains. She is a hooker, she is not getting married, and you both need a different glass (outlook) to fit in both the trouble and the opportunity of the situation.
So Say We All (Battlestar Galactica) ... (Referenced by as the t-shirt Max's friends dressed Wendy in.)
A stock phrase in the Sci-fi TV series Battlestar Galactica (the re-imagined, contemporary version), "so say we all" is analogous to the Christian "amen" (which itself means "so be it" or "so let it be"). Legend has it that the speech given by Commander Adama to his crew at the end of the miniseries that launched the show was largely improvised by Edward James Olmos (who portrays Adama in the series). The speech included the repeated use of "so say we all!" to rally people and restore their hope. Whether scripted or ad-libbed, the phrase became a staple of the show and even found its way into the popular culture. Alongside other BSG sayings -- such as ever popular "frak" -- it can be found on T-shirts, mugs, mouse pads and other merchandise paraphernalia spotted often at conventions and other gatherings of fans.
Max's friends may have given the "so say we all" t-shirt to Wendy, but she made it look good!
See the full Battlestar Galactica above.
Thar She Blows ... (Referenced by Veronica when she searches the website for Chelsea.)
The phrase "Thar she blows!" was supposedly coined by whale hunters who spotted the column of vapor as the whales exhaled. "Thar" means "there," which makes the phrase an indication of something approaching. Conversationally, it's a humorous way of announcing something one has spotted, something they've been looking for. It's usually said with a certain annunciation, a kind of a "pirate" accent.
Though, given the context in which Veronica uses the phrase -- announcing the finding of Chelsea ("blows" in conjunction with escort) -- it makes me wonder if this wasn't meant to be one of those "hidden from the censors" double entendres. On the second thought, scratch that. Of course it was meant to read that way!
Milla Jovovich ... (Referenced by Max's friends as his type.)
Milla Jovovich (pronounced "mee-luh yo-vo-vitch") was born December 17, 1975 in Kiev, Ukraine (former Soviet Union) to a Serbian doctor father, Bogdanovitch Jovovich, and a Russian actress mother, Galina Loginova. In 1981, the family left the Soviet Union and moved to London, England and then ultimately settled in Los Angeles.
At the age of eleven Jovovich was discovered by a famous photographer Richard Avedon. He photographed her for his Revlons "Most Unforgettable Women in the World" advertisements. The photo shoot started her professional modeling career, landing her in numerous magazines and covers. She has been featured in ad campaigns for Banana Republic, Christian Dior, Donna Karan, Gap, Versace, and others. Milla has been a spokes-model for LOral cosmetics since 1998.
Modeling led to acting roles. In 1988 she appeared in her first film, a soft porn flick (disguised as romantic drama) Two Moon Junction opposite Sherilyn Fenn. In 1991, she starred in her first leading role in Return to the Blue Lagoon, and around that time she also appeared in several television shows and other films, namely Chaplin (1992) and Dazed and Confused (1993). She landed a breakout role in 1997 as Leeloo, the perfect being, in The Fifth Element opposite Bruce Willis. Her other appearances include roles in The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999), Zoolander (2001), Resident Evil trilogy (2002, 2004, 2007), and Ultraviolet (2006).
In addition to modeling and acting, Milla has recorded a critically acclaimed folk album The Divine Comedy in 1994. She has also contributed songs to various movie soundtracks. As well, Milla and fellow model Carmen Hawk started their own clothing line, Jovovich-Hawk in 2003. Two years later they opened a showroom in New York City. The line can also be found at Fred Segal, Harvey Nichols, and in over fifty other stores. She is also fluent in several languages: Russian, French, English and Serbian.
She seems to have it all, except for -- according to Maxs buddy Fred -- a B-cup. But really, who needs it when you look like this:
Weird Science ... (Referenced by Veronica as she observes the menu on the website.)
Weird Science is one of many popular teen films written and directed by 80's icon, John Hughes. Released in 1985, Weird Science follows the weekend escapades of two super nerds, Gary (Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith), who use a computer to design the perfect woman. Lacking in the necessary processing power to bring their dream lady to life, the duo hack into a U.S. Government mainframe and use it's power to create an infinitely more detailed simulation that includes behavioral programming. In a kooky twist, a bizarre electrical storm (a la Frankenstein -- the clear inspiration for the film) -- paired with the act of wearing bras on their heads -- makes it impossible for them to turn off the computer, and in fact imbues their program with the ability (when paired with a scantily clad Barbie doll, natch) to bring this dream gal to life.
As the storm draws to a close, and the random red-tinged smoke from the bathroom dissipates, the dream woman appears in the luscious form of "Lisa" played by former model-turned-actress Kelly LeBrock. Lisa's a sexy and sexed-up but deeply caring babe with Einstein's IQ, David Lee Roth's unique life perspective, and an array of inexplicable supernatural powers. Self-aware from the moment of her creation, Lisa sets out to help Gary and Wyatt discover their inner cool and land real, live girlfriends. She manages this through a series of bizarre and wacky adventures like summoning the cast of The Road Warrior to crash a party at Wyatt's house so that the boys can prove, in front of suitably popular witnesses, that they've got balls.
Don't judge us by our head gear. After all,
it's all in the name of science. Weird Science.
In addition to LeBrock and Hall, the film also showcased performances by future stars Robert Downey, Jr. and Bill Paxton. Perhaps less critically well-received than some of Hughes' other 80's fare such as Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Pretty In Pink, the film shares some themes common to all of Hughes' classic teen films. Examples of these include the virtue of being true to oneself, the value of friendship, and the difficulties faced by those who are different. This movie just suggests that embracing these ideals is best done by wearing a bra on your head.
Zagat Guide ... (Referenced by Veronica as she observes the menu on the website.)
The Zagat Survey -- originally only a restaurant guide -- was established by Tim and Nina Zagat in 1979 in order to rate the New York City eateries. The idea they had was rooted in the premise that rating something based on thousand of experiences was better than simply relying on one -- if professional -- review. Not a shockingly profound observation, but reasonable nonetheless. The Zagats started surveying their friends for the first publication and continued big. As of 2005 the Survey polled 250,000 people covering seventy cities. Not just for restaurants anymore, The Zagat Survey rates a variety of lifestyle/leisure services such as hotels, theaters, movies, nightlife, music, golf and shopping.
Questionnaires for the surveys are compiled by Zagat's content department in conjunction with expert editors. The guides provide the ratings for the establishments on a thirty-point scale that covers services, atmosphere and cost. They also provide short descriptions and reviewers' comments for each entry.
The guides come out in book form, as software to be installed on PDAs and cell phones, and as a subscription to a website. A real measure of the guide's popularity is the fact that Honda included Zagat information in their GPS navigational systems on some of their models.
So, can a Zagat Guide to Hookers be far behind? Probably a bit of a stretch, at least in book form. The Web, however, can pioneer this, as it did so many other things. A discreet $39.99 a month subscription, and you get your access to the best-rated "escorts" in your area! And I, for one, am curious to read that questionnaire and appraise that thirty-point system.
Useful and convenient!
GFE/PSE ... (Referenced by Max's friends as the explain the site to Veronica.)
"Girlfriend experience" (GFE) is a service offered by a prostitute (ahem, escort!) where the provider acts like the client's girlfriend. And no, it doesn't mean she chews him out for not bringing her flowers often enough, forgetting an important anniversary, spending too much time with his beer-guzzling/football-watching buddies, or being less-than-nice to her mother. What it apparently involves is a more intimate, romantic sex than a traditional escort offers. It may include kissing, cuddling and foreplay (all things easily dispensed with during the "normal" encounter with a prostitute). When a professional states that she provides "girlfriend experience" she is implying the more full service (than a simple intercourse) and doesn't terminate the "date" by the time of release.
So, the "girlfriend experience," as advertised by pimps everywhere, is somewhat lacking in logic. But if a guy is too shy or too unfortunate in love to find it for free and is willing to pay for a fantasy, then, hey, as Logan would say, "nobodys judging, man."
Decidedly less romantic and fluffy is the "Porn Star experience" (PSE). Defined by "A Glossary of Sexual Terms" (yes, people, there is such a thing) as an encounter that is wild and uninhibited, this type of service provides an illusion of being with a porn star (and why are all these people "stars," exactly? Dont they have "character actors?"). It involves a no-holds bared, high energy, overtly slutty approach. And suddenly, Veronica's comment of "did somebody order a PSE?" when Madison shows up at the hotel suite doesnt seem so harmless.
So, whether you are seeking GFE, PSE or simply someone to share your BSG obsession, here's a word of advice: Know your illusion from your reality, and, whatever you do, use protection!
Young Jedi's ... (Referenced by Veronica to Max's friends.)
n the fictional Star Wars universe of film, literature and video games, the Jedi are part of a noble order of guardians and peacekeepers who are born with the ability to control aspects of "the Force," described by Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi as "an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." (Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope).
Potential Jedi are identified while they are still infants and toddlers, then they are removed from their families and trained in the powers of the Force and the ways of the Jedi. Master Jedi's often refer to their apprenti as "Young Jedi."
Bonbons ... (Referenced by Veronica when she tries to elicit some banter from Keith.)
The name bonbon is from the French word bon, which means "good." In French, a bonbon can be applied to any type of sweet, but in English, a bonbon is a candy with a fondant center, sometimes with fruit or nuts, covered in fondant or chocolate. One of my favorite kind is an easy, no-bake chocolate peanut butter bonbon.
PEANUT BUTTER BONBONS
Easy peanut butter bonbons are made with rice cereal and chocolate chips, along with butterscotch chips and peanut butter.
INGREDIENTS:
PREPARATION:
In a medium saucepan, melt peanut butter with butter. In a large mixing bowl, combine confectioners' sugar with cereal; pour hot peanut butter mixture over cereal mixture.
Blend with hands, and form into 1/2-inch balls. Chill well. Melt butterscotch and chocolate chips in separate pans or double boilers. Dip half the candies in the melted chocolate, and the other half in the melted butterscotch, Swirl the tops with the back of a teaspoon; place on waxed paper-lined cookie sheet or baking pan. Chill well before serving. Makes about 8 dozen peanut butter candies.
Harper's Bazaar ... (Referenced by Veronica when she tries to elicit some banter from Keith.)
Harper's Bazaar is a popular monthly American fashion magazine. Harper's Bazaar began publication in 1867 as a weekly magazine for middle- and upper-class women, not changing to a monthly format until 1901. The magazine is owned and published by the Hearst Corporation. In addition to Harper's Bazaar UK, which was founded in 1929, Harper's Bazaar is also published worldwide in 17 other countries, including Greece, Indonesia, Japan, Chile, Mexico, Russia, Turkey, and more.
Each issue of Harper's Bazaar features the work of photographers, artists, designers, and writers in an effort to offer perspectives on fashion, beauty, and popular culture. Through the years, the magazine has featured by such luminaries as Diana Vreeland, Anna Wintour, Richard Avedon, Andy Warhol, and more.
Left to right: Lauren Bacall's first Harper's Bazaar cover, March 1943; Christina Ferrare cover, January 1976; Jodie Foster cover, September 1989;
Sherilyn Fenn cover, December 1991 and Lindsay Lohan cover, July 2006.
Daniel Boone ... (Referenced by Veronica as a tip for Keith if he impersonates a college student.)
Presumably a jacket fashioned after the attire of American pioneer Daniel Boone. Boone is most known for the exploration and settlement of Kentucky, though he has become somewhat of an iconic figure in American talltales and folklore.
Boone's typical frontiersman uniform, as shown in this bicentenial commemerative half dollar, has also become the stuff of legend, but should probably be left to costume parties and guest speakers in an Elementary school history class. While it's true that the genuine buckskin jacket (with optional fur trim) would not score Keith any points with the PHAT kids, I'm guessing it was more the eyesore of FRINGE (YIKES!) that Veronica feared would draw Keith unwanted attention on the Hearst campus.
Times They Have A-Changed (Times They Are a-Changing) ... (Referenced by Veronica as a tip for Keith if he impersonates a college student.)
"The Times They Are a-Changin,'" Bob Dylan's title track written for his 1964 album, is one of his most famous songs, capturing the spirit of social and political upheaval that characterized the 1960's. The song is that of protest and is often viewed as an anthem to the generation gap. A view which Dylan has disputed. "I can't really say that adults don't understand young people any more than you can say big fishes don't understand little fishes. I don't mean [The Times They Are a-Changin'] as a statement ... It's a feeling."
It's a feeling Veronica is clearly behind, although she is slyly referring to the generation gap when she tells her dad his idea of a college attire would no longer be appropriate, because "times, they have a-changed."
Much like "I am Woman... Hear Me Roar," "The Times They Are a-Changin'" -- a song of importance, significance, and powerful message -- falls victim to flippancy of Veronica's inopportune, if sharp, sense of humor.
And I can't help but leave you with this:
- Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
the first novel by Jane Austen to be published, Sense & Sensibility (1811) follows the story of the Dashwood sisters, Elinor and Marianne, whose outlooks and temperaments are very different. Elinor, the eldest at nineteen, represents sense (reason) and Marianne, a 16-year-old, represents sensibility (emotion). When their father dies, leaving his estate to his only son from the previous marriage, Elinor and Marianne, along with their mother and the youngest sister Margaret, are left impoverished and have to remove to a certain obscurity of a cottage on the property of a distant relative. The plot follows the girls to their new home, through their respective romances and heartbreak, ending with each finding happiness with worthy suitors and peace with each other.
The novel has been adapted for television and film a number of times. The version Logan, Veronica, Max and Wendy watch (or not, as making out occupies some of their attention) is incidentally the most notable one. Adapted as a screenplay by Emma Thompson, it was directed by Ang Lee and released in 1995. It stays very faithful to the novel and boasts wonderful performances by Thompson herself (Elinor, despite being nearly twenty years older than the character she depicts), Kate Winslet (Marianne), Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman and Greg Wise. The brilliant supporting cast includes a veritable "who is who" of contemporary British cinema: Elizabeth Spriggs, Gemma Jones, Harriet Walter, Imelda Staunton, Imogen Stubbs, Robert Hardy, and Hugh Laurie.
Sense & Sensibility won the Golden Bear for Best Film at the Berlin International Film Festival. It was also nominated for numerous Academy Awards in 1996, and ultimately won for the Best Adapted Screenplay by Emma Thompson.
All in all, it's a strangely innocent choice of a movie to watch with your friendly neighborhood escort (or, say, with your boyfriend), but then, maybe, its not supposed to make sense. It just has to inspire sensibility.
Connect the Dots/Bruises ... (Referenced by Nicki when she comes to retrieve Wendy.)
"Connect the dots" is a paper puzzle game containing a sequence of numbered dots. The objective is to complete the puzzle by drawing connecting lines between the dots in order of the numbers, starting with number one and continuing until the last number is reached. Once finished, the puzzle reveals a hidden picture. The game is also known as "dot to dot" and "join the dots."
"Connect the dots" puzzles are fun and educational, and mainly created for children. "Connect the bruises," however, is a game of entirely different nature, and someone like Logan, who's been taught to play it from a very early age, can attest to it not being much fun, even if did teach him something.
Thar she blows!
The Happy Hooker ... (Referenced by Veronica in how to make Wendy not so happy.)
A 1972 novel by Xaviera Hollander, The Happy Hooker: My Own Story chronicled her life as a "high-class New York madam." The book was notable for its frankness at the time and is considered a landmark of positive writing about sex. Openly discussing lesbianism, bondage, voyeurism and run-ins with lawyers and the FBI, Hollander's book is an international bestseller. in 1975, a film version -- billed as a comedy -- of the book was released with Lynn Redgrave in the title role. The plot summary closely followed the books:
- Having emigrated to New York and immediately got the kiss-off from her mother-besotted fiance, a Dutch lass takes a well-paid office job and starts liberally sampling the local male talent. After a while she decides to make her pleasure her business too, and as her reputation grows she graduates to a high-class bordello. Soon she realises she has the right talents to make a real success of a place of her own.
1977 saw the release of The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington with Joey Heatherton in the lead role with the tagline: "She served her country... the only way she knew how!" This entry in the trilogy (yes, trilogy) had a much simpler plot: The world's most famous madame is called to Washington to testify before Congress. Finally, 1980 concluded the set with The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood with Martine Beswick taking over the role.
Alas there is neither poster nor tagline available for when the happy hooker journeyed to Hollywood.
But seriously folks ... ... (Referenced by Veronica when Logan says he'd pay up for a good snuggle with her.)
Other than the title of Joe Walsh's fourth studio album, it's not clear where this phrase originated. Released in 1978, But Seriously Folks ... captures a reflective song cycle along the same thematic lines of Pet Sounds, only for the '70s. Pet Sounds is a 1966 album recorded by the Beach Boys that nearly thirty years after its release in 1995, a panel of top musicians, songwriters and producers assembled by MOJO magazine voted it "The Greatest Album Ever Made." Essentially a solo project for Brian Wilson, Pet Sounds was created after he had quit touring with the band in order to focus his attention on writing and recording. In it, he wove elaborate layers of beautiful "Beach Boys" harmonies, coupled with sound effects and unconventional instruments such as bicycle bells, buzzing organs, harpsichords, flutes, the theremin, and even dog whistles, along with the more usual keyboards and guitars.
Praying Mantis ... (Referenced by Logan when he tries to dissuade Veronica from digging.)
You know the saying "the female of the species is more deadly than the male?" Here's the species that shows us all that it isn't just a witty metaphor for female cunning. Or an apt description of our sometimes dangerous heroine. A praying mantis, or praying mantid, is the common name for an insect of the order Mantodea. Often mistakenly spelled preying mantis -- a tempting mistake, in light of their notoriously predatory predilections -- they are in fact named for the typical "prayer-like" stance. The word mantis derives from the Greek word "mantis" for prophet or fortune teller.
Just like a prayer, you know she'll take
you there. And by "there" we mean "to
orgasm" followed closely by " to the
afterlife."
The mating process for a mantis normally begins during the warm summer season, the male homing in on pheromones released by a sexually mature female. Clearly the fact that none of his buddies came back last night after heading out to get laid does not dissuade them from their amorous pursuits. During this process, the smaller male mantis will throw caution to the wind mount the female mantis from behind and begin copulation. As alluded to in the ever popular quip about her deadly nature, the female praying mantis is known for her habit of biting the head off her partner while they are mating. Contrary to popular belief, this act has no influence on the reproductive process, save for terminating the male's ability to pass his genes on to any other females. I suppose that's one way to guarantee your man won't be having any kids out of wedlock. Sexual cannibalism may be rarer in the wild than in captive mantids kept in a cage, due to the lack of room for the male to evade the female after mating ends. Or perhaps that is predominately male scientists making hopeful rationalizations.
Mexico ... (Referenced by Veronica when she asks Logan about the incident over the summer.)
Mexico is a country located in North America, approximately 753,665 square miles in size, bordered at the north by the United States, and at the south with Guatemala and Belize in Central America. It is the northernmost and westernmost country in Latin America, and with a population of 106.5 million, Mexico is also the most populous Spanish-speaking country in the world. The official name is Estados Unidos Mexicanos, which translates as the United Mexican States. The term State of Mexico (Estado de Mexico) does not refer to the country, but only to one state within Mexico, located near the center of the country adjacent to the Federal District.
U.S. citizens, like Keith's crazy bail-jumper, have been known to cross the border into Mexico to evade U.S. authorities and skip tracers (like Papa Mars). Most often, these individuals cross the border into Tijuana due to its proximity to the world's busiest border crossing. What is interesting is that criminals continue to cross into Mexico to evade criminal prosecution despite the extradition treaty that has been in place between the U.S. and Mexico since 1980.
According to EscapingJustice.com, the Treaty provides for extradition of a party who has been charged with or found guilty of an offense committed in the United States, who has fled to Mexico. An offense is extraditable if it is a crime in both countries and punishable by incarceration for a period of one year or more. The Extradition Treaty further provides that where the offense for which extradition is sought is punishable by death, extradition may be refused unless assurances are given that the death penalty shall not be imposed, and if imposed, shall not be executed.
Street Legal (Taser) ... (Referenced by Mr. Happy Fist as he searches Veronica's bag.)
Street legal actually refers to a vehicle such as an automobile, motorcycle, or light truck that is equipped and licensed for use on public roads. This requires specific configurations of lighting, signal lights, and safety equipment that need not be included in a vehicle used only for off-road that is tailored to its off-road operating area, or closed-course race cars that are used only on closed tracks and dont require all the features a street legal vehicle would.
Tasers available for purchase anywhere between 50,000 - 900,000 volts, are available in several shapes and sizes, and have more stopping power than a .357 Magnum. However, they are illegal in the states of Hawaii, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, and Wisconsin. They are also illegal in the cities of Annapolis, Baltimore, and Baltimore County, MD, Chicago, IL, Denison and Crawford County, IA, Washington D.C., and Philadelphia, PA.
Volvo ... (Referenced by Nish and Keith as the dean's car, Nish egged it on the night of the murder.)
Did you know that volvo is Latin for "I roll" or "I turn?" Well it is, not that the origin of the word has anything to do with the vehicle, instead it has to do with the original product of SKF (for Svenska Kullagerfabriken AB), which had registered as their trademark of a special series of ball bearing. That was the original plan, but they instead decided to go with SKF, but then decided it was a nifty name for their automotive company. The Volvo, or Aktiebolaget Volvo, is a leading Swedish Manufacturer of vehicles, drive systems for marin and industrial applications, as well as aerospace components and financial services. Volvo is basically a spin-off of the SKF and was founded on August 10, 1926 in Gothenburg. In 1999, Ford Motor Company bought Volvo cars.
The first series produced Volvo automobile, called 'V4' (ppen vagn (Open wagon)-4 cylinders) left the factory on April 14, 1927. Just nine hundred and ninety-six cars were produced between 1927-1929. 'V4' was replaced by model PV651 in April 1929. Volvo's first success in the automobile production came with the PV444 that was introduced in september 1944. The Volvo Group today has more than 81,000 employees, with manufacturing in twenty-five countries and sales in more than one hundred and eighty-five markets. The group provides complete solutions for financing and service.
Man of La Mancha ... (Referenced by Veronica when Max shows up in the library.)
Man of La Mancha is a Broadway musical based on the classic novel Don Quixote and is framed as a play within a play performed by the novel's author, Miguel de Cervantes, for his fellow prisoners during the Spanish Inquisition. Man of La Mancha was written by Dale Wasserman, with lyrics by Joe Darion and music by Mitch Leigh. The musical opened on Broadway in 1965, with Richard Kiley in the title role, for which he won a Tony Award. Following its original six-year run, Man of La Mancha has been revived four times, most recently in 2002. A less-popular film version was also released in 1972.
The play takes place in the sixteenth century, in a dungeon where Miguel de Cervantes has been thrown by the Spanish Inquisition. Cervantes is attacked by the other prisoners, who hold a mock trial during which they allow him to offer a defense in the form of a play performed by him and all the prisoners. He transforms himself into Alonso Quijana, an old man who delusionally believes himself to be Don Quixote Man of La Mancha, a knight-errant who embarks on a number of adventures with his squire, Sancho Panza. The prisoners ultimately find him not guilty, and the play ends when Cervantes and his servant ascend from the dungeon to face the Inquisition.
The most popular song from the play is "The Impossible Dream," a song that has transcended its roots to become a Broadway classic. Listen to or download an mp3 from the 1972 film here.
How's tricks? ... (Referenced by Veronica when Max shows up in the library.)
"How's tricks" is a popular Irish greeting similar to the American greetings "What's up?" or "How's it going?" There are several schools of thought on the origin of the term/phrase. One of the most likely explanations has the use of the word 'tricks' in this context deriving from either the nautical 'trick' or the card game 'trick.' Conventional wisdom leans towards the nautical sense of the word meaning 'a turn of duty.'
The other school of thought traces the root of the word to its Latin origin, the verb tricari or tricae, meaning 'trifles or toys.' From at least the mid-16th century we have trick referring to 'a trinket, bauble, knick-knack.' Farmer's A Dictionary of Slang, published in 1890, lists as current "Western American" slang a sense of trick meaning 'belongings, things, baggage.' For a phrase that is equivalent to "How's things?," it's not too far-fetched to think that it may have been influenced by this use of the word.
The use of the phrase was also very popular in the States in the '40's and '50's, mainly in reference to gambling practices where a 'trick' is a round of cards or a roll of the dice. It was generally considered a vulgar greeting and was predominantly used by the card sharps, dice men and gangsters of that era. As Veronica Mars is a noir show, I would guess that this part of the phrase's history was one of the main reasons Rob Thomas included it in his script. It's precisely the kind of thing you can see someone like Philip Marlowe asking one of his acquaintances.
Other similar greetings coined by our Irish friends include "Howya?," "How'sa goin'?," "How's she cutting?" -- and my personal favorite, "What's the craic?"
Not generally used in reference to another meaning for the word "tricks" -- a prostitute turns tricks, ie, has sexual relations with her clients -- however, Veronica's use of that particular phrase in this instance no doubt was unintentionally cringe-worthy for both she and Max.
Aspen ... (Referenced by Madison when she spills the frickin' beans.)
Founded as a mining camp during the Colorado Silver Boom, it's now known as a celebrity-rich ski resort. Names after the corncucopia of aspen trees in the area, it is the the largest city (and county seat) in Pitkin County, Colorado. Skiing became the thing following World War II when Walter Paepcke founded the Aspen Skiin Company. Paepcke was a Chicago industrialist who wanted to create a utopian community for the mind and body. (Yes, apparently skiing provides this mental and physical rejuvenation!)
Famous denizens of Aspen are John Denver (who lived most of his adult life in Aspen), Famous journalist and author, Hunter S. Thompson, lived in the Aspen area, where he was involved in land use regulation and once ran for Pitkin County Sheriff. Kevin Costner, Goldie Hawn, Don Henley, Jack Nicholason and many other celebrities maintain full-time or part-time residence in the Aspen area.
- The look on Veronica's face when Max said that the look of Canada in Mac and Parker's room was kinda lame was PRICELESS! She genuinely looked offended/disappointed for a moment.
- The interplay between Logan and Max when they first meet is hilarious. Logan just seems completely amused by the whole situation, and the quick back and forth ("I didn't know she was a hooker at the time," "No one's judging, man") is utterly adorable.
- The smile on Logan's face when Max/Chelsea reunited was so sweet and so happy for them.
- Lamb has a band-aid on his finger in the car scene. Plot point? Muhney damage? Discuss.
- I like that Max, 'Sir Cheats-A-Lot', was studying for a class. His moral grayness runs parallel to my favorite purity-test running computer nerd, and as much as I liked Bronson, those two characters need to meet STAT. Why couldn't they have had a scene at the Around the World party? He was in her room! MacMax Attack!!
- The delicate way Logan pinches the fry between his fingers like it's a tea cup as he feeds Veronica it. Sometimes that boy reminds me of that scene from In And Out, "Look at my hand! Look at it!"
- So, clearly when Logan is nervous, the fey gestures come out to play. What else can explain the fingertips to tips as he held his hands in front of his chest when the hookers arrived.
- Not a biggie, but still Veronica's use of the phrase "thar she blows" in reference to finding Wendy definitely has some censorious relevance considering Wendy's occupation.
- Did Veronica find Moe's frakking awesome swear word so great that she tried out the show he was obsessing over and it's her new favourite series? Considering Moe needed to explain what the term meant and where it came from in Welcome Wagon (it's used a zillion times each episode of Battlestar Galactica), I found it strange she could suddenly go quiptastic with even more specific references on the show. Was the co-rapist responsible for her new sci-fi love?
- What's DRE? (The first option in the drop down menu for the 'type of experience' on the escort website)
- I've got nothing but love for Sacks, but WHERE is Inga and WHO has been filing the 'O'Dells' under 'D'?
- How come everyone suddenly knows who Keith is? Last week Landry, this week Nish. And if he is so recognizable, how come Veronica isn't? Nish certainly didn't seem to know who Veronica was when she locked horns with her before. Was Keith's book reprinted so quickly recently?
- Was Max so smitten with Wendy when he first met her that all logic left him? He takes the girl to the airport and she tells him her last name, her address, and her phone number are all left as some elaborate "information" in her hotel room. So he can go get it later. Why not just write down the phone number -- at least -- right there and then? Or was he too "misty" to program his cell?
- Has Veronica's sense of danger atrophied a little bit more yet again? Blackmailing the judge was a spectacularly bad idea. Making a pick up alone with Max (and no muscle to speak of) was even worse. She is lucky the pimp lady turned out to be so cuddly and her two goons -- such a comic relief. In reality, more likely than not, pimps come in Liam Fitzpatrick variety.
- What did somebody try to flush down the commode in the faculty lounge?
- The assumption that many viewers had (including the writers of this breakdown) that Nancy faked her rape, thus the reason why Logan could provide an alibi for Mercer was cleared up. According to Veronica during the pillow talk scene, Mercer did indeed rape Nancy. (Now, why he would have drugged Logan, driven all the way back to Neptune, just to rape this one girl when he said that he raped girls because he didn't want to bother taking the time to court them into bed is still something to ponder.)
- In a rare display of trust, it seems that Veronica filled Logan in on Max's backstory when he agreed to use his suite as meeting grounds for the hookers. It's kind of nice when compared to the standard "client privilege" line she threw at Piz when she asked him for a favor in Show Me the Monkey.
- Huh. Madison was too bored to stick around to watch the live-reenactment of her favorite movie (per Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner slumber party) playing itself out in Logan's hotel room. I knew she only liked Pretty Woman for the shopping scenes.
- Hee! Veronica seemed to really enjoy teasing Keith about her meeting with two hookers at Logan's. Add that to the list of PI tricks Keith wishes he never taught his daughter. And there was a really nice segue/callback between Keith and Veronicas scene to the following scene where Logan and Veronica enter his hotel.
Quote:And from The Rapes of Graff:
Logan: Shouldn't we have got more for the hookers?
Veronica: As I understand it, they prefer the term 'escorts.'
Quote:
Veronica: Dad, your hooker's here.
Keith: Escort, honey.
- From Diane Rugierros podcast from My Big Fat Greek Rush Week, during which she was writing the script for this episode:
Quote:I want to say it marks some kind of character progression that Veronica became and remained a fan of BSG despite the fact that the guy who turned her onto it turned out to be a Big Bad. What would you call that? Not judging a book by its recommender? I wonder if they tried to get Veronica, Logan, and Max to watch an episode of BSG while waiting for the hookers but weren't able to for copyright reasons, so they ended up watching Sense and Sensibility.
I want her (Veronica) to be a Battlestar Galactica fan on the show. I want her to start -- I just put a line in 3.11. I actually want to see ... maybe well put her and Logan like watching an episode or something.
- From the Poughkeepsie, Tramps & Thieves podcast:
Quote:
Marty: Who's great idea was that? (Bringing Madison back)
Diane Ruggiero: That was Rob's.
- Throughout the episode (notably in the pillow talk scene), Kristen Bell can be seen wearing an Invisible Children bracelet.
To learn more about the foundation behind the bracelet, check out the Invisible Children website.
duchessjms (Jayne): Literature; Social Science
genova (Car): Study Hall; Literature
holly96 (Holly): Yearbook; Literature; Social Science; Homeroom
JaneDtwo: Drama Club; Social Science; Detention; Philosophy
JenniferH: Report Card; Drama Club; Chemistry; Band Class; Social Science; Homeroom; Pep Squad Practice; Detention; Principles of Democracy; Extra Curricular Activities
Pixigal (Gerrie): Drama Club
Polartruckin (Belinda): Journalism; Literature; Pep Squad Practice; Philosophy;
sawmg (Shannon): Literature; Social Science; Homeroom; Philosophy; Principles of Democracy; Extra Curricular Activities
SeluciaV (Alli): Extra Credit; Literature; Social Science
