Episode #02.14: Versatile Toppings
Original Air Date: March 15, 2006
Written by: Phil Klemmer
Directed by: Sarah Pia Anderson
Report Card (Capsule Episode Review)
Yearbook (Recurring & Guest Stars/Character Statistics)
Drama Club (Performances: Highlights and Lowlights)
Chemistry (The Analysis of LoVe Scenes)
Journalism (The Mystery of the Week)
Study Hall (Miscellaneous Plot Details)
Extra Credit (Clues to the Season Mystery Arcs)
History (Flashbacks) (None)
Band Class (The Music of Veronica Mars)
Literature (LoVe Lines/In Memory/Quotable Quotes)
Social Science (In Reference To ... Pop Culture & The World)
Homeroom (On Second Viewing, Get a Clue)
Pep Squad Practice (Ambiguously (Or Not) Gay Logan Moments)
Detention (While the Censors Were Out to Lunch ...) (None)
Philosophy (Unanswered Questions)
Principles of Democracy (Hindsight is 20/20)
Role Call (Written/Compiled By ...)
Grade: C-
Membership Grade: B (42.5% / 40 votes)
An unengaging mystery of the week, an unengaging 'couple' showcased, weak guest stars (including one who takes the title of worst guest star ever from Paris Hilton!) and an overall meh feel, makes this episode less than stellar. Not only did nothing stand out in this episode, just about everything played underpar. The closest things to highlights are that Jason Dohring is really pretty, Dick is an amusing ass and Jackie isn't as bad as we all thought. And that is just sad for a show that tends to knock 'em out of the ballpark in acting, story, dialogue and feel.
Credited Cast Non-Appearance
Percy Daggs III - Wallace Fennel
Francis Capra - Eli "Weevil" Navarro
Kyle Gallner - Cassidy "Beaver" Casablancas
Teddy Dunn - Duncan Kane
Recurring Guest Stars (Previous Episode Appearances)
Bradford Anderson Ryan
- Ahoy Mateys
Natalia Baron Carmen
- Season One Appearances
Carl Bresk - Coach Preppernau
- Season One Appearances
- Donut Run
Jonathan Chesner Corny
- Season One Appearances
- Blast From the Past
- Aint No Magic Mountain High Enough
Brandon Hillock - Deputy Sacks
- Season One Appearances
- Driver Ed
- Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang
- Blast from the Past
- Donut Run
Tina Majorino Mac
- Season One Appearances
- Green-Eyed Monster
- Ahoy Mateys
- My Mother, The Fiend
- Aint No Magic Mountain High Enough
Michael Muhney Sheriff Don Lamb
- Season One Appearances
- Driver Ed
- Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang
- Green-Eyed Monster
- Blast from the Past
- Rat Saw God
- Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
- Donut Run
- Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle
Amanda Noret - Madison Sinclair
- Season One Appearances
- Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
- Aint No Magic Mountain High Enough
Rick Peters - Dr. Griffith
- Rat Saw God
- Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
- Aint No Magic Mountain High Enough
Jeffrey Sams - Terrence Cook
- Normal is the Watchword
- Driver Ed
- Blast From the Past
- Aint No Magic Mountain High Enough
Jessy Schram - Hannah Griffith
- Aint No Magic Mountain High Enough
Guest Stars
Mario Ardila, Jr. Arturo the Pizza Mugger
Gil Birmingham - Leonard Lobo
Kristin Cavallari - Kylie Marker
Nathan L. Davis - John
Lucas Grabeel - Kelly Kuzio
Miriam Korn - Marlena Nichols
Jocko Marcellino - Pit Boss
Jason McMahon - Baseball Player
John Nutten - Gambler
Who's Who in Neptune
Arturo the Pizza Mugger Wannabe PCHer that decided to prove his worth to the gang by mugging pizza delivery guys.
Leonard Lobo Owner of the Seven Rivers casino that was reluctant to help Keith clear Terrence Cook's name due to the significant amount of money that Terrence owes him.
Kylie Marker - Lesbian Neptune High cheerleader that was itching to publicize her relationship with girlfriend Marlena.
John - Anchorman of the Navigator, Neptune High's news station.
Kelly Kuzio - Closeted gay Neptune High student that would go to great lengths to protect his reputation and not have his sexual preference be revealed to the public.
Marlena Nichols - Lesbian Neptune High student that was forced out of the closet by her girlfriend, Kylie.
Pit Boss - Works at the Seven Rivers casino and advised Keith of the lack of a cell phone signal anywhere within 100 yards of the casino.
Baseball Player - Neptune High jock that, together with Kelly Kuzio, got his jollies by picking on Dick for having hooked up with a she-man.
Gambler - Gambler at the casino that was frustrated by Keith's slow and cautious gambling technique.
Hey! It's That Guy/Girl
Kristin Cavallari (Kylie Marker) - Best known for her leading role on the MTV reality TV series Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County.
Lowlights
Kristin Cavallari (Kylie Marker) - Cavallari is another example of stunt casting gone very, very bad. The star of the MTV reality series Laguna Beach and the quickly cancelled Let's Get this Party Started delivers a truly horrible performance that has the distinction of wrestling the title of Worse Guest Star on Veronica Mars EVER from the hands of Paris Hilton.
Her lines are delivered in a bland tone -- devoid of any trace of voice levels or emotion whatsoever and by the end of the episode are delivered in pure Valley girl speech. Her one moment of "not sucking" -- her outing of herself on the school program, does little to alleviate a boring performance. We, the viewers, are supposed to care about this poor gay girl who just wanted to earn a little money so she can get out of Neptune. The one-note, oh well, whatever attitude Cavallari brings to the role of Kylie, however, does not garner any sympathy. Or -- to put it in Laguna speech speak - "Kristin, girlfriend, like you were really bad. Like, William Hung on American Idol, bad."
Scene One: Walk On By
Yeah, we're talking two seconds in the same frame and they didn't even interact, but there is a tiny little bit to wring out of the final Logan scene in terms of LoVe analysis. First of all, I do not believe that it is fanwanking to say that we don't know how Logan felt about seeing Veronica in that situation or vice versa by the simple fact that it was left ambiguous for us. We got nothing even remotely resembling a close-up for either one so we simply can't know whether either felt a jolt at all at seeing the other. (So we'll just assume they did, but both hid it well and quickly.)
Furthermore, while Veronica did sound casual when asking Mac about Hannah, the fact that Veronica -- who doesn't pay much attention to such goings-on normally -- did ask shows that Logan was absolutely right in Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner. Veronica is just not indifferent to him. From Driver Ed where she attempted to find out who he was boinking in the next room to wondering why the hell he has a gun in Ahoy Mateys to casually asking who the blonde with Logan is here, she needs to know what is going on with Logan. She is, simply put, not indifferent to him.
And then we get to the reaction. In the above mentioned instances, Veronica found justification for calling Logan on his actions (without it definitively being about jealousy or caring). By finding out that the blonde is, in fact, the mystery witness' daughter and therefore, Logan is most likely using the girl for his own purposes gives Veronica the angle she needs to confront him without it being labeled "jealous" or that she cares. Thus the strong reaction and how it bodes well for us.
Could we have gotten more to give us a little shipper-upper? Absolutely, but we can blame that on the direction (and, possibly, the fact that Bell just seemed a tad off in this episode). Fanwanking? Sure, but come on -- what's the fun of being a fan if you can't fanwank situations to your benefit now and then? Uh huh.
Our favorite stoner, Corny, is jamming to The Dandelions while delivering pizzas somewhere in Neptune. As he boogies up the driveway, he's approached from behind by a nefarious character that zaps him hard with a taser. Corny, as you might expect, drops to the concrete, unconscious. DUDE!
At Neptune High, Veronica walks down the main hallway where everyone appears to be squealing and exclaiming over a pink flyer of some persuasion. I'm guessing that an invite to an '09er Friday night bash at dog beach isn't what is garnering this kind of response. Farther down the hall, we spot Madison helping herself to one of the flyers from a manila folder attached to a school locker that reads "Marlenas Out Box." A girl that we can only assume is the aforementioned Marlena looks horrified. Madison begins a hallway presentation of "Lesbian Poetry Designed to Humiliate" that has allegedly been written by Marlena, outing herself as a gay student. Out Box! Ha! I get it! It's witty, really. Poor, humiliated Marlena rips the folder off her locker and all but runs the Neptune High walk of shame in an effort to escape Madison's torment.
As Veronica passes this spectacle, Ryan (from Ahoy Mateys) begs Veronica for her help. They duck into a nearby classroom where Ryan tells Veronica that, like Corny, he was mugged. And although Veronica seems convinced that this is a police matter, Ryan is just as sure that only Veronica can help. Apparently Ryan had a list -- a secret list! -- in his wallet that should never have gotten out, and Marlena's outing is all his fault.
Veronica's not following, and neither are we. Ryan provides the missing element in our equation: The poem now in wide circulation was posted by Marlena on a website that Ryan set up and monitors. "A poetry website?" Veronica asks, as if it is the lamest thing she ever heard of. And while I agree that some might be humiliated to be found posting secret love poems to Madison Sinclair, well anywhere, the nature of Ryan's site is a little more controversial than bad romantic poetry gone awry.
His website is known as "The Pirates S.H.I.P." A clever acronym for "Student Homosexual Internet Posting." The stolen list was of ten user names and passwords for the site, including Marlena's. So now Veronica has to wonder, what sick bastard would want to out sweet little Marlena? Apparently a greedy-ass mugger jonesing for $5K in blackmail money to go with his stolen pizza. Now it is up to our intrepid heroine to track down this nefarious character so that other students don't have to get shoved out of the proverbial closet while naked (metaphorically speaking) in front of the student body.
Veronica heads over to the pizza parlor (Mr. Cho's!) to interview Corny and Ryan about their attacks. It seems that the blackmailer/mugger (lets call him the blugger) took Corny's wallet, his tunes, and the thick crust pepperoni pizza he was delivering. It was a nice pie. After both muggings, Mr. Cho called the customers about the orders, but it seems that both orders were bogus. Corny was supposed to deliver to Amy Esparza, and was desperately hoping to have her answer the door in her unmentionables. (Perhaps that thought is what put the oogie in his boogie in the opening scene!) Veronica charges the guys with getting a list together of the bogus customers.
Back at school, a cheerleader approaches Veronica in her "office" asking for help. It's been said before, and I'll reiterate it here for posterity: This girl seems, at least on the surface, SO much like Meg. Only she's ditzy. And has less attractive hair. And is a bad actress. Make that a REALLY bad actress. And, as it turns out, is a lesbian. So I guess she's not really like Meg at all. UnMeg (a.k.a. Kylie), like Marlena, is another victim of the blugger. He wants the standard $5K in hush money, which is a problem because Kylie isn't an '09er and doesn't have that kind of money just lying around.
Please help Veronica! I mean, it's cool to be a lesbian when you are in college, but in high school? Its like, totally a death sentence. Really. I say, forget freaking unMeg V -- help us before she tries to blow our minds again and something really bad happens -- like she attempts more acting! Veronica takes a peek at the note and tells Kylie to ask the blugger for a twenty-four hour reprieve, and then she'll handle the moolah and the cash drop.
The next day in class, Ryan and Veronica discuss the complete lack of movement on the case. (My guess? The blugger died of boredom waiting for this lame mystery plot to play out. Ugh.) Ryan offers his list of dummy customers and begs Veronica to work faster because his Pirates SHIP "peeps" (oh white boy, your delusions are grand) are freaking and sending him like one hundred emails a day. Jesus! Im surprised he hasnt gotten tired of all their bitching -- I mean freaking -- and just said "Fuck it. Lets all just be out of the closet so you whiny babies will stop annoying me!" (I keed! I keed!)
Veronica recognizes a name on the list, but before she can utter a word, the school news report playing on the TV at the front of the classroom draws everyone's attention. Kylie, doing a live feed from the parking lot, is interviewing the blugger's latest victim. Only he doesn't appear to work at Mr. Cho's or deliver pizza. Instead, he's popular baseball player Kelly Kuzzio. Like Corny, he was dropped by a taser blast, but was nailed (hee!) outside the Sac-N-Pac. (Hmmm. Maybe Mr. Air Fennel will have some intel on the case.)
Apparently, the blugger took Kelly's money, and his watch, but that wasn't all: The bastard also took poor Kellys $6K rims. I say again: Bastard! Has he no shame? Are there no lines he won't cross? I mean, blackmailing poor gay kids for fun money is one thing. Stealing expensive rims from an asshole jock is just taking it too far. While we collectively mourn the loss of Kelly's rims, Kylie wants to make a personal announcement before sending the newscast back to the studio: Surprise! She's gay. And Marlena's her girlfriend. So take THAT nefarious blugger! You won't be getting any scratch out of this lesbian!
Veronica approaches Carmen (from M.A.D.) at her locker for a quick catch-up and Q&A session. (For those keeping score, the pleasuring of inanimate objects was SO 2005.) Apparently, Carmen's name was the one on Ryan's list that Veronica recognized. Unfortunately, Carmen has no idea why the blugger would have used her name to place the phony order. Veronica asks Carmen to take a look at the list and see if she can figure out anything else about all of the names that might tie them together, at least in the blugger's mind.
The only thing Carmen can come up with is that they are all 'coconuts.' Um, wha ... ? 'Coconut' is apparently a lovely derogative term coined to describe a Latino who dates white people or joins honor society (which is apparently a white thing to do?). You get the reference -- they are brown on the outside and white on the inside. Charming, no? Veronica feels compelled to apologize for the general asshattery of, well, the student body, but as Carmen points out, it isn't like Veronica makes up the rules. True dat, sister. Anyway, Veronica asks Carmen to make her a list of other Neptune coconuts for purposes of the investigation.
Out in the parking lot, Veronica approaches Kelly to give him her condolences about his car, and to see if she can get some additional info on the blugger. Kelly has nothing to offer. He says that he was tased as he was getting into his car and the next thing he knew, he was waking up to a sore neck and a rimless car up on cinder blocks. Gee sport, I guess you were out for a long time, huh? Veronica asks a lot of pointed questions like, how long would it take to get the rims off the car? And did the perp bring his own jack? Kelly cops a 'tude and tells Veronica he's already told everything to the police and doesn't need to repeat it for her benefit. I don't know about you, but my spidey-sense is tingling ...
Veronica is hanging at Cho's pizza with Corny waiting for the bluggers next order. One comes in for some kid named Jorge who just happens to be on Carmen's list-o-coconuts. Veronica's ready to lay the smack down if Corny's ready to be the bait. His response? "Hell yeah. No one's better. I'm what you call the master-bait." And he even snaps! HA! Corny and Veronica head down to sketchy South Neptune with the delivery. As Corny walks down the sidewalk, he's stalked from behind by the aforementioned nefarious looking man in black. Before the guy can get too close, Veronica pulls a trip wire and the perp goes down. Veronica sics Backup 2.0 on the guy and demands that he drop the mask unless he wants to deal with "Mr. Chompers." Hee!
It turns out that our scary blugger is actually a scrawny kid named Arturo. So what Veronica wants to know is how this kid jumped a jock, jacked his car, stole the rims and got it up on blocks all by his little self? Arturo says that although he's responsible for the pizza guy muggings, he didn't have anything to do with the jock mugging.
Corny is now seriously pissed (as pissed as you can get when you do as much pot as Corny does, I guess) that he was dropped by this 'little freshman' and demands to get his tunes back before he kicks the kid's ass. (Ooooh! Kid! Don't do it! I'm dying to see Corny lay the smack down.) Instead, the kid gets all whiny with the whole "You just wait! One day I'll be PCH and big and strong and I'll get you!" speech. And he calls him Shaggy. Hee! Veronica assumes that this means that the kid is mugging pizza guys on Thumper's orders, but apparently he's still trying to prove himself so he can get accepted into the gang. 'Cause PCH is back in charge lady! Needless to say, the "lady" comment earns Arturo the right to be tased and chewed on by Mr. Chompers.
So is the blackmailing just another way Arturo's trying to prove himself to the PCHers? All poor Arturo can manage in the face of all this unexpected danger is "black-whatting?" Guess I'll have to change the name of our evil menace because the mugger and the blackmailer appear to be different perps. Dammit. Arturo's all but peeing his pants in his desire to get the hell away from Veronica and Corny, but not so fast my little criminal. Veronica needs you to do one more little thing .... And when we next see Arturo, Deputy Sacks has found him duct-taped to a sign post on the side of the road with a handy envelope by his head labeled, "Confession inside." I swear, Neptune Hardware must make a freaking fortune on duct tape sales. It is clearly a staple for the entire student body.
The next day, Veronica asks Mac for help accessing a restricted website. Of course, Veronica doesn't know the domain name, and can only tell Mac that it's a gay internet chat room for Neptune High students. Mac looks baffled yet somewhat amused by this request. Relax, Mac, she's not gay -- just curious. About the site. About what's posted on the site! (Jeez! Get your mind out of the gutter, people.)
But Mac doesn't leap into the virtual fray as is her habit. Veronica, supreme investigator that she is, deduces that Mac is the one who set up the board. Mac confirms and tells Veronica that there was an "ass face" posting nasty things on the board so Ryan asked her to beef up security. (Side note: I find "ass face" a whole heck of a lot more pleasing than "crap face." Have someone share that with Carmen for use in future relationships.) Mac is also reluctant to let Veronica have access to the site. Veronica puts on her saving humanity face and tells Mac that getting onto the board is the only way she can rescue the Marlenas and the Kylies of the world from the social hell of being prematurely outed in high school! Mac, of course, relents. Sucker!
Mac takes them to the Pirate SHIP site which I must say has the crappiest freaking graphics, maybe ever. It's like the Reading Rainbow logo, with a pouting, lipstick-wearing transvestite pirate instead of Levar Burton, printed on Barney's ass -- if you were looking at it while tripping on bad acid. Screw security Ryan, have Mac design you a less fugly site! Mac prints Veronica some hard copies of the board so Veronica can review the user names -- one of which is "Kissnkuzn." Hmmm. Wonder who that might be???
Veronica tells Ryan that they caught the mugger, but he's clearly not the evil genius (and I use the term loosely) behind the blackmail. In fact, she's pretty certain this one is an inside job. Veronica points to some old posts by a MizzP who made reference to the "outing of all outings" before disappearing from the board. Ryan explains that MizzP, Peter Ferrer, only disappeared because he died in the bus crash. So I guess unless he's got access to the internet in the afterlife, Peters probably in the clear on this one.
Ryan informs Veronica that there's been another blackmail note, but he can't say who is being blackmailed. And he's pretty sure this individual won't be coming forward asking for Veronica's assistance any time soon. Hey, no problem. Veronica's just going to keep an eye out for the shady guy in the hallway twirling his moustache with evil intent.
In the school parking lot, Veronica spots Kelly -- and his vanity plates, which read "KUZZIKAN." She invites herself in to the passenger seat for a quick heart to heart. Veronica has figured out that Kelly is the Pirate SHIP board member "Kissnkuzn," and that he wasn't really mugged. He needed quick cash to pay off the blackmailer, so he faked the mugging, pretended his rims were stolen, sold them for cash, and then claimed them to the insurance company for replacements. Honestly? It was a pretty solid plan. Veronica asks to see his blackmail note, which is an email from a guy named "Rick Santorum." Kelly is supposed to mail the payment to Rick via the good old US mail system.
Veronica has Kelly mail the payment, but includes a little something extra for our blackmailer -- a bug. The package was stalled at the post office for several hours because the address was bogus, but has finally moved. Veronica and Ryan track the package to find that it has relocated itself to 7079 Hubble Street. Ryan apparently knows who lives there, and from the look on her face, I'm guessing Veronica does too.
Veronica approaches our blackmailer at her locker at school -- and it is none other than unMeg herself -- Kylie! She admits her culpability without batting an eyelash, and gives Veronica back her tracking device. They chat about the plan and how Kylie was able to get the envelope from the dead letter office (her mom's an employee there). Why did she do it, you might ask? Her reasons are all pretty lame and unsympathetic.
Basically, she needed money to go to college, and she figured blackmailing would get her there faster than a part-time gig at Suds-N-Duds. Plus she liked the added bonus of torturing self-hating Kelly. And last, but certainly not least, she decided that she wanted to out herself -- and her girlfriend. Regardless of the fact that Marlena wasn't ready to leave the closet just yet, you crazy bitch. And you know what's worse? Your acting. Kylie asks Veronica to let her tell Marlena about her nefarious outing plan. Yeah, 'cause I'm sure it will be better coming from you. You know what Kylie? I'm all for you breaking the news to Marlena that you are a selfish, stupid whore. And here's to hoping she kicks your sorry, pathetic ass.
- Dick pulls into a parking space next to Veronica in the school parking lot and, um, "nails" her. Well, at least he nails her car door. When Veronica gets pissed (understandably) and calls Dick on his carelessness, witty banter ensues. As they trade barbs, two baseball players approach and caution Dick that before he gets Veronica in the backseat, he might want to frisk her in case she's "smuggling junk." A witty reference to Dick's unfortunate back-seat snogging adventure with a she-male at the winter carnival, to be sure.
Dick hits back just as hard with a sexual reference to the gay-ish nature of the player's relationships in baseball -- you know, which one's the "catcher" and which one's the "pitcher?" But the baseball guys are not deterred. They counter by telling Dick to relax -- just because he's been known to make-out with a dude on occasion, doesn't mean they think hes gay or anything. Ouch.
- Logan and Dick are planning another surfing trip. Logan suggests Scorpion Beach, where the guys have apparently been before.
- Predictably, Dick finds the whole Kylie and Marlena lesbian scenario totally bitchin.' He's discussing the relative rocking-ness of girl on girl action with some random guy who either dried his hair by rolling around in an industrial dryer, or just really, really misses the creative whimsy of Flock of Seagulls. What the hell do you call that hair? But I digress. Veronica approaches to commend him on his progressive nature, and the lone gull makes like a tree. Dick wants Veronica to stop "following him around." And just when they were becoming so close!
Dick offers to pay for the damage to Veronica's car or whatever, but he wants her to stay away from him because he's decided she's like "rich dude kryptonite." Logan dates her and is now facing a murder rap. Duncan dates her and he's up on kidnapping charges. She's on the jury for a case against to '09ers, and now they are both doing time in Chino. So Dick, a self-proclaimed "rich dude" wants Veronica to steer clear of him. I have to admit, that's a pretty jaw-droppingly good observation for Dick. Perhaps we should ponder this further ...
- Hank Milton works at Mint Condition detailing off the interstate. He's also known as "Crazy Hank," and details Terrance's car anytime he goes to the Seven Rivers Casino.
- Seven Rivers is an Indian casino.
- Neptune High holds Physics Olympics annually. This years competition is being held in the gym after 7th period.
- Despite her connections to the school paper, the basketball coach won't allow Veronica to ride on the bus with the team to the away game. Girls are too distracting and not allowed on the bus.
- Terrence owns seven really beautiful, really expensive vehicles. And he apparently used to own enough cars to drive a different one every day of the month.
- Lamb likes country music and is hoping to get a copy of the new Big & Rich CD.
- Jackie is such a spoiled girly-girl, she doesn't know what a phillips-head screwdriver is, let alone how to use one.
- Marlena Nichols' poem:
- Tad called Carmen over Christmas to try to apologize for last year's "Popsicle thing."
- Carmen, John Ramos and Amy Esparzo live relatively close to each other. Along with Jorge Zideo, they are all referred to as "coconuts" by some of the idiots in Neptune.
- Terrence is in Keith's office, ranting about the negative attention he's been getting lately. Lamb is turning his house upside down, the paparazzi are following him all the time and he even thinks there's a news chopper hovering over him, just waiting for him to fall apart and make a run for it in his Bronco. (Well, at least it's a yellow Bronco, Terrence. A white one has so been done already.)
Keith reassures him that if Lamb doesn't press formal charges against him and if he's not indicted, then the media frenzy will die down. What they should be focused on right now is keeping Terrence from being charged with the crime in the first place. Terrence is doubtful they'll be able to stop it, since if all it took to blow up the bus was a phone call, then anyone could have done it from anywhere and why shouldn't everyone think he did it, since he's already a gambler, a cheat and a deadbeat in the court of public opinion?
Keith suggests he try to relax and remember exactly what he was doing on the day of the crash. Terrence remembers meeting the kids at the ballpark, talking to Woody Goodman, signing some stuff and leaving the park around 5pm. The next thing he remembers is seeing the news of the bus crash on TV around 11pm. Since the bus went over the cliff at 7:03pm, this information isn't at all helpful. Keith is skeptical that Terrence can't remember what he was doing during those five hours, but when Terrence asks Keith what he was doing at 7:03pm on that day, Keith admits he doesn't really know, either.
Later, Veronica arrives at the office just as the phone is ringing. She picks it up and then lets her dad know that Terrence's credit card statements are being faxed over. She's surprised they're on the case of an accused mass murderer and questions if Keith's judgment might not be a tad bit clouded by his years of being Terrence's biggest fan. Keith admits that maybe it is, but he also has a gut feeling about the case.
He's curious that she's not excited he's working for Terrence. She sadly admits that finding out Terrence is guilty would mean the crash had nothing to do with her and she'd be off the hook guilt-wise. Keith clarifies that he thought she'd be excited he's helping out her friend's dad. Veronica thinks he's getting himself some bad intel because she and Jackie aren't exactly friends, what with Jackie not being exactly "huggable" and all. Keith counters with a reminder that Veronica doesn't exactly make it easy for people to warm up to her either. Veronica can't argue the point and offers her assistance, since she respects Keith's gut feeling and needs to feel she's doing something helpful. He tells her he's expecting Terrence later and asks her to make some calls for him.
As Veronica busies herself on the phone, Terrence arrives and she sends him into Keith's office. Keith lets him know that they've got a record of calls he made to his agent, brother, assistant and others, but nobody they've called has any idea where Terrence was at when he phoned them. Terrence is looking mighty discouraged at this news. Veronica walks in, bringing Keith some information, which prompts him to ask Terrence if he knows someone by the name of Hank Melton.
Terrence doesn't recognize the name until Veronica elaborates that Melton is an employee at Mint Condition Car Detailing, just off the Interstate. Terrence realizes this is actually "Crazy Hank", the guy who works on his car. He calls him whenever -- Oops! Kid in room. (Seriously, Terrence, she knew about your gambling problem long before Keith did. It's a little late to be embarrassed now.) Keith sees Terrence is hesitant to go on, so he excuses Veronica from the room.
Terrence continues that he was going to say he calls Crazy Hank whenever he hits the Seven Rivers Casino, which means he was very likely there at the time of the crash. Keith thinks this is excellent news since casinos are some of the most photographed places on earth. Terrence isn't so excited because, in addition to several other casinos, the Seven Rivers is run by Leonard Lobo, who won't be particularly eager to help Terrence since he is in debt to him to the tune of millions of dollars. In fact, the day the Sheriff picked up the Fitzpatricks from outside Terrence's house, they were there delivering an overdue payment message for Lobo.
Keith goes to the Seven Rivers and asks Lobo for the surveillance tape from September 13. Lobo is incredulous that Terrence wants another favor from him and suggests he really can't afford to be any more in his debt. Keith informs him that he might have security footage that proves Terrence's innocence in the bus crash. Lobo suggests the $400 a day fee Terrence is paying Keith is money he should be receiving. He doesn't care about Terrence's troubles, only his money.
Keith points out the obvious, that Terrence won't be able to pay him anything at all if he's convicted. Now, this is a line of reason that finally gets Lobo's attention. He orders Reggie to go check the tapes to see what he can come up with for Keith. Lobo asks him if he's a gambling man, which Keith denies. Lobo calls him a good man and tosses him a couple of dollars worth of chips to go have some fun with. How generous!
Keith sits at a table, anxiously deciding whether to place a bet on a hand of Blackjack, when Reggie saves him from the ordeal by letting him know they have something for him. They meet up with Lobo at the elevator, where Keith is given photos taken off the surveillance system's hard drive. There is a shot of Terrence at 7:01pm, walking through a door, and another of Terrence gambling at 7:05pm. Keith points out that there are five minutes missing between the photos - five minutes that include the exact time of the crash. Lobo suggests maybe Terrence was in the bathroom or on the elevator. Frustrated, Keith explains he needs one of exactly 7:03pm or the photos are useless. Lobo smirks and walks away.
As he's leaving the casino, Keith tries to make a call on his cell phone, but can't get a signal. The Pit Boss standing nearby points out that he'll need to go outside to use his cell since all signals within a 100 yard radius are jammed to prevent cheating. Meeting with Terrence in his office, Keith happily tells him that the surveillance photos are the "silver bullet" they need to put an end to Lamb's case. He explains that the photos prove Terrence was in the casino at the time of the crash and so he wouldn't have been able to make the call due to the jamming security.
Terrence, however, is less than thrilled because this also proves he was in a private meeting with Leonard Lobo, who happens to be on the League's Unsavory Characters list. Back in the 1980's, Lobo was charged, but never convicted, of fixing a college basketball game. If it comes out that Terrence was meeting with him, he'll be the next Pete Rose. (First O.J., now Pete Rose. Who will he be comparing himself to next?) Keith suggests they take the photos to Lamb and Keith will make sure they don't get released. All they really need is some leverage.
Later, Keith and Terrence join Lamb in his office and Keith tells him to announce that Terrence has been cleared of any suspicion in the crash. Lamb wonders if this is some sort of Jedi mind trick that Keith's trying to pull on him. Keith gives him the surveillance photos, explaining that they are Terrence's alibi. He was at the casino and unable to use his cell phone. Lamb is dismissive of the evidence (shocker), pointing out the missing time between the photos and that Terrence could have just used a pay phone to trigger the bomb.
Keith can't believe that Lamb would think someone would use a land line to kill a bus full of people while surrounded by 4,000 cameras and 300 security personnel. He suggests the Sheriff should subpoena the casino's phone records and check the calls, but that's simply too much work for Lamb to even consider. Terrence wonders what Lamb's beef is with him and Lamb claims it's that Terrence killed a bunch of kids just to get rid of his crazy girlfriend who knew about his illegal sports betting.
Unable to appeal to his sense of reason, Keith hands Lamb the CD Veronica made of him blackmailing Terrence. Lamb listens, obviously not pleased at this turn of events, but even when Keith and Terrence threaten to take the CD to Woody and the newspapers, he still blows them off. He points out that he's got a lot less to lose than Terrence -- a $50,000 civil servant job vs. Terrence's Hall of Fame induction, the color-commentating gig and all his endorsements.
- With Veronica's car in the shop thanks to dastardly Dick's door-dinging of the LeBaron, Jackie offers Veronica a ride to Wallace's Regional Finals game. At first driving them in her dad's Bronco (yellow, not white!), Jackie makes a stop at Woody Goodman's airplane hangar, where he lets Terrence keep all his fancy schmancy cars. (Something tells me he could put at least a little dent in his gambling debts if he just sold a few of these cars. Really.) She tells Veronica that if her dad expects her to drive the bouncy Bronco 75 miles, he really is a murderer. Showing off all the lovely cars, Jackie asks Veronica if she's in the mood for hot-blooded Italian or cool and Teutonic. Veronica chooses a privileged and upper-crusty convertible, thank you very much.
After the game, Veronica is driving Jackie back to the hangar as they both revel in the awesomeness of Wallace's basketball skills. Something they will keep to themselves, so as to keep Wallace the humble guy that he is. Jackie tells Veronica she's heard about her helping her dad with his case and says it means a lot to her, especially since half the town seems to have convicted him already. Veronica shrugs it off, saying it's the half of the town she dislikes anyway, so it's cool.
With the car parked back in the hangar, Jackie's distressed to realize the top won't close. Veronica offers to use her mechanical skills to fix it, but needs a screwdriver. Jackie points the way and Veronica goes looking in the lockers for some tools, leading to a shocking discovery which the audience doesn't get to see. But later that night, Veronica wakes up Keith to tell him that she found some type of explosives and detonators. Keith sadly begins to doubt his gut instinct that Terrence is innocent.
- Peter Ferrer was one of the victims of the school bus crash. He posted as MIZZ P at the Pirate S.H.I.P. Forum and, shortly before his death, posted an angry message about the "outing of all outings."
- Logan continues to secretly spend time with Hannah. She invites him over to watch a movie on Saturday, when she'll be staying at her dad's place. Clearly eager to know if his plan to rattle Dr. Griffith's cage is working, he subtlely tries to get Hannah to admit that her father went off on her after seeing her with Logan at the carnival. When she says that her dad didn't say a single word about it, Logan lets out a discreetly disappointed "hmm," realizing that Griffith isn't yet reacting to the "threat" Logan was trying to throw his way.
Later, while Logan is making surfing plans with Dick, Hannah tries to get his attention, but he totally blows her off as one would an annoying little gnat; a gnat whose feelings are obviously hurt by this dismissal. Showing up at Griffith's house later, Logan convinces her that he only acts that way in public because he's worried someone will try to hurt her due to her connection to him. She falls for it hook, line and sinker and invites him in to Dr. Griffith's home. Mission accomplished, Logan.
While they watch a movie, Logan starts questioning Hannah about her parents and learns that the Griffiths split up a year ago, officially claiming to have grown apart but unofficially Hannah heard them screaming about money all of the time. Logan takes a mental note of this bit of news as Dr. Griffith, coat in hand, walks downstairs and takes his own mental note of Logan Echolls on the couch with his daughter. Hannah introduces the two and Logan gives the good doctor the same smirk and wave he did in Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough. Griffith, looking much like the proverbial deer-in-headlights, reconsiders his plans for the evening and retreats back upstairs.
Coming out of Griffith's upstairs bathroom, later, Logan pauses for a second to consider something. Is he trying to remember how to get back to the living room? Thinking about whether or not he washed his hands or zipped his fly? Or possibly crossing something else off his mental checklist of ways to mess with Griffith and get Hannah on his own side? Hmm. Logan's (and the viewers') ponderings are interrupted as Griffith is waiting there to confront Logan alone.
He demands to know what Logan is doing with his daughter and orders him to leave his house and never speak to her again. Logan advises him that if he really wants this to happen, he should rethink what he saw on the bridge that night, or rather, what the Fitzpatricks told him he saw. Angered, Griffith tells the "little punk" that he can't be threatened by him, which Logan points out isn't the case or else he wouldn't even be there.
Trying a different tactic, Griffith asks if Logan wants to be the one to explain to Hannah that he's really only there to bully her father. Logan sarcastically suggests he be the one to do it, since he and has daughter already seem so close. Griffith begs him not to do this, but Logan's having none of it and tells him he should also explain to Hannah why, after seeing them together at the carnival, he hasn't mentioned to her that he's the mystery witness in Logan's murder case. Knowing he's scored some points, Logan walks out. After Logan leaves for the evening, Griffith tells his daughter that he has something important to tell her.
Back at school, Logan pulls Hannah out of class, obviously anxious to find out if his conversation with Griffith the night before had any of the desired results. Hannah tells him that, thanks to her dad telling her everything, she now knows that Logan stabbed Felix. Logan insists her father is a liar because he didn't kill anyone and her dad wasn't even there that night. Hannah accuses Logan of just using her all along (duh!), but Logan swears that when they met he had no clue who she was.
For a moment, she shows signs of intelligence and scoffs at this. And then he explains to her that her parents were fighting about money because her dad spends it all on cocaine. Again, she's not buying it, because hello, he's a doctor! (Apparently, in Hannah's pretty little world, doctors don't ever do drugs.) Logan says that Griffith is in deep to the Fitzpatrick family, who were the ones who really wanted Felix dead. He suggests that she keep an ear out and look around the house for proof because she knows he's telling the truth.
Hannah later checks the call history on her father's phone, finding several entries for the River Stix and "Fitzpatrick," as well as people named Sarro, Davenport and Landon. Then she checks her father's bathroom and (rather quickly) finds a baggie of coke hidden in the band-aid box. The next day at school, Logan waits for Hannah outside her art class. When she appears, she sullenly tells him that he was right about her dad.
"On the 54" (The Dandelions)
Scene: The stoner dude we all love is jolted out of his Zen-like state by a rough and tumble attack that was definitely not on Cho's Pizza menu.
"This Machine Alone" (Fighting Brothers McCarthy)
Scene: Getting to the bottom of the mystery, Veronica risks illegal inhalation by questioning Corny. Perhaps, she picked Cho's as the interrogation locale in the hopes that the pizza sauce would counteract the Mary Jane.
"I Don't Know" (Starsailor)
Scene: The little Princess repudiates her daddy, the King and shows her allegiance to her pretty 09er Knight in Shining Armor.
Quotable Quotes
Veronica: Dick, you totally nailed me!
Dick: Oh man, so you're the fingernail chick from my New Year's party. I did nail you. That's funny, I remember you taller and less uppity.
Random Baseball Player: (to Dick) You might want to frisk her before you get in the back seat. She might be smuggling junk.
Dick: You're ones to talk. Baseball players, right? Remind me, which one of you pitches and which one catches?
Terrence: I got Lamb turning my house upside down. Ive got the paparazzi following me day and night; just waiting for me to fall apart and make a run for it in my Bronco.
Veronica: I follow, but why would a mugger want to out sweet little Marlena?
Ryan: Because she didn't have the five-thousand he demanded of her to stay in?
Veronica : (Sighs heavily) Ugh. Why can't the evil just get jobs like the rest of us?
Veronica: So what'd they get off you, Corny?
Corny: Awww, the cash, my tunes. Oh, and the pizza, you know. Pepperoni, thick crust. It's a real nice pie.
Veronica: Either of you remember the names that went with the fake orders?
Corny: Yeah man, I do. You know Amy Esparza from gym class? Thats whose house I was headed to. I remember distinctly 'cause I was like, 'Damn. What if Amy answers the door in her unmentionables?' That would've been sweet.
Dick: First of all, I'm not letting her learn to surf on one of my boards. I'd sooner let her paddle out on my mother.
Logan: Of course you would.
Veronica: Where are you getting your intel? Jackie and I arent exactly The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. She's not what you would call huggable.
Keith: Whereas you warm right up to people? Hmm.
Dick: Dude, why are lesbians like, so pissed off all the time? (Loudly down the hall to departing lesbians.) Let your freak flags fly ladies!
Veronica: How progressive of you Dick.
Dick: Damn! What is it with you? Do you follow me around for fun, or what?
Veronica: Would it help if I started making out with my girlfriend in the hall?
Dick: Yeah, obviously. But look, I'll fix your car, whatever. You gotta learn to leave me alone.
Veronica: And here I thought we were getting to be pals.
Dick: Please. You date Logan, he's nailed for murder. You date Duncan, he's wanted for kidnapping. You get put on Robbie and Hunter's jury, they get sent to Chino. You're like rich-dude kryptonite, Veronica. This rich dude wants no part of it.
Carmen: Like people even remember my scandal anymore. Pleasuring inanimate objects is so 2005.
Carmen: We're all coconuts. That's what you get called in Neptune when you're Latino and date white people or join the honor society. Get it? Like Twinkies and Oreos, except we're brown on the outside and --
Veronica: (Embarrassed) No, I get it. I ... I'm sorry.
Carmen: Hey, you didn't make the rules.
Lobo: Terrence Cook owes me a significant amount of money. That's where my interest in him begins and ends. They can swing him from the rafters for all I care.
Keith: Well, maybe all that swinging will drop some change form his pocket.
Veronica: So are you ready to be the bait, Corny?
Corny: Hell, yeah. No one's better. I'm what you call the "Master Bait." (Snaps fingers.)
Arturo: P.C.H. is back in charge, lady.
Veronica: Did you just call me "lady?" (Fires taser and Backup starts barking.)
Arturo: (Backs away.) Okay ...
Veronica: I need you to get me in to a restricted website.
Mac: Sure, what's the address?
Veronica: I don't know.
Mac: What's it for?
Veronica: It's ... a Neptune High gay chat room.
Mac: Veronica, you're not --
Veronica: (Quickly.) No. No, I'm just curious. (Rolls eyes & chuckles.) Curious as to what's posted on the website, more accurately. (Mac says nothing.) Here we go. Work your funky magic. (Chuckles.) And ... nothing. What's the problem? (Pause.) You set it up, didn't you?
Mac: Some assface got on to their message board and wrote some pretty awful stuff, so Ryan asked me to beef up their security.
Veronica: Yeah, I work for Ryan, too, so if you could just --
Mac: So then why wouldn't he have let you on it himself?
Veronica: Damn you and your valid questions. Look, it's still private if I only see the user names, right?
Mac: A savvy detective such as yourself might deduce who the Pirate's S.H.I.P.ers are.
Veronica: (Sighs.) Mac, the only way I can stop the Marlenas and Kylies of this school from being tormented is if I can get on that message board.
Mac: (Caves.) All right, stop it. You're embarrassing me.
Jackie: You can ride with me if you want. I realize it's no bus filled with rowdy towel-snapping jocks, but it'll smell better.
Veronica: I don't know, um ... do you have room for my giant foam finger?
Jackie: (Smiles.) I do. And I can even drop you off around the block if you're worried about being seen together.
Veronica: (Considers.) Yes. Please, by all means protect my reputation.
Veronica: So you hock your own rims for cash to pay the blackmailer, use the pizza-boy muggings as a cover, then buy new rims with the insurance money.
Kelly: Sounds bad when you say it.
Veronica: Wait a minute. This isn't the way to the regional finals.
Jackie: If my dad expects me to drive 75 miles in this bouncy old Bronco, then he really is a murderer.
Veronica: Okay, which one is Monday.
Jackie: You laugh, but he pretty much used to have one for every day of the month.
Veronica: Our lives are so similar. The Mars family hangar is a spittin' image of this one.
Jackie: So, what are you in the mood for? (Pointing to various cars.) Hot blooded Italian, or cool and teutonic?
Veronica: (Choosing yet another car.) How about, privileged and upper-crusty?
Veronica: The boy can play ball.
Jackie: Did you see his running teardrop from the lane?
Veronica: I saw it. It was Jordanesque. But tomorrow, we've both gotta promise, say nothing to him. We cannot feed that ego. I like my Wallace humble.
O.J. Simpson ... (Referenced by Terrence to Keith as a situation he doesn't want to be in.)
Prior to 1994, OJ (Orenthal James) Simpson or "The Juice" lived a charmed life. In 1994, his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ron Goldman, were found murdered in her home. Rather than sit for questioning or face the police (like a man with nothing to hide might do), OJ decided that his best course of action was to take off in his now infamous white Bronco. Soon all of America was tuned in as the police slow-chased after one of its most well-known sports heroes.
Jerry Maguire/"Had me at Gambler" ... (Referenced by Keith to Terrence after the sports star listed his flaws.)
Jerry Maguire, starred Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger, and was directed by Cameron Crowe in 1996. It is the story of super sports agent Jerry Maguire who is facing a crisis of conscience. He realizes that he hates himself and his place in the world, and laments that, although he has a lot to say, no one will listen. So, late one night, he writes a Mission Statement called "The Things We Think and Do Not Say: The Future of Our Business."
The essay attacks the sports agency business, advocating a more humane approach. The next day, a copy is distributed to everyone in the office. His bosses are offended, and he loses his job. Only one client, unremarkable Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr. in an Oscar-winning performance), elects to remain with Jerry as he strikes out on his own. Also joining him is a 26-year old single mother, Dorothy Boyd (Renee Zellweger), who is so moved by Jerry's Mission Statement that she's willing to throw away a safe job to be part of his new venture.
Jerry Maguire is a wonderful movie about redemption and love. It's about finding one's heart and soul in a business climate that attempts to rip both away. Cruise does a fine job in this picture, playing to his strengths and has a wonderful chemistry with Renee Zellweger (in a star-making performance). Dorothy's line, "You had me at hello," in the scene where the estranged couple reunites, was her way of telling Jerry that he didn't need to say a thing -- she belonged to him.
Indigo Girls ... (Referenced by Madison to Marlena while she's mocking her poem.)
The Indigo Girls are the American folk-rock duo of Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, known for their emotionally charged music and confessional lyrics. They got their start in Atlanta as a regular act at "Eddie's Attic" and were tangentially part of the Athens, Georgia college rock scene that also launched The B-52's, Pylon, R.E.M., the Georgia Satellites and Love Tractor.
Their first release in 1985 was a 7" single called "Crazy Game," and later that same year they released an independent, six-track, self titled EP. In 1987, they released their first full-length album Strange Fire. Since that time, they have released eleven albums including Rites of Passage, Swamp Ophelia, and the live album 1200 Curfews. They have won several Grammy's, and are best known for their hits "Closer to Fine," "Galileo," and "Least Complicated."
In addition to being musically active, the duo is also very politically active. They have championed the causes of the environment, gay rights, the rights of Native Americans, and voter registration and education. Amy and Emily have long identified themselves as lesbians, although they have never been a couple. Because of their engagements for lesbian/gay/bisexual/transsexual rights, they are regarded as icons of the movement.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants ... (Referenced by Veronica to Keith about Jackie and their "friendship.")
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was produced in 2005 and starred Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bleidel, America Ferrera and Blake Lively. It is the story of four best friends who are facing a summer apart. In an effort to stay connected with each other, they pass around a magical pair of blue jeans that -- despite the fact that the girls are various sizes and shapes -- fits each one perfectly.
Hmmmm -- a magical article of clothing that fits everyone. Maybe it's that horrible argyle that keeps showing up on everyone. Oh no -- is this Duncan's method of staying connected? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Chino (Referenced by Dick reminding Veronica that her jury helped send two rich kids to prison.)
"Chino" actually refers to the California Institution for Men which is in Chino, California. The prison is a male-only state prison and is located in San Bernardino County. "Chino" opened in 1941, becoming the fourth prison in the state on an area of land of twenty-five hundred acres. As of 2005, it housed nearly 6,300 prisoners.
A Reception Center operated by "Chino" receives and processes the latest felons from a plethora of Southern California counties prior to transfer to other prisons. (Hmm, does that mean that Neptune is in Southern California?) This Reception Center makes "Chino" the first-stop for most convicted felons after county jails.
Kryptonite ... (Referenced by Dick when calling Veronica out on the not-so great things that happens to the 09ers she dates.)
Kryptonite is a fictional element from the Superman universe. Usually shown as having been created from the remains of Supermans native planet Krypton, the green form of kryptonite has adverse effects on the superhero. Green is the most common form of kryptonite but there are over fifteen other forms of the radioactive rocks, including simulated kryptonite and hoax kryptonite.
Superman's first encounter with kryptonite did not happen in the comic, but was introduced in 1943 on the Superman radio series. It wasn't until 1949 that the comic book writers brought it into their stories. According to DC's internal style guides, kryptonite is only capitalized when used with a modifier like "Red Kryptonite" or "Green Kryptonite."
Popsicle (Referenced by Carmen telling Veronica that her ex called to apologize for last year's incident.)
Although the term 'Popsicle' is a trademark of Unilever, it is the commonly referred-to-name as a frozen treat on a stick in the United States. An interesting sidenote: In the UK, it is called an 'ice lolly' and an 'icy pole' in Australia.
The first recorded Popsicle was created in 1905 by 11-year-old Frank Epperson. Young Mr. Epperson had left a glass of soda water powder and water (don't gag -- it was a popular drink in those days) on a windowsill outside with a glass mixing stick in it. The next morning, he found that the soda water had frozen inside the glass. In order to remove it, he tried running it under hot water, which worked and was then able to eat it as a frozen soda water using the mixing stick as a handle. And voila! The Popsicle was born.
Twinkie ... (Referenced by Carmen to Veronica when offering 'nicknames' for those who date interracially.)
A golden-sponge treat with creamy filling, the Twinkie is commonly regarded as the quintessential junk food. Sold by Hostess, the snack is oblong in shape and can be eaten in one bite if one is tempted or in tiny nibbles that savor the mix of cake and cream. Twinkies are quite durable with a purported shelf life from several years to a century. Alas, there is no proof to support this factoid.
Oreos ... (Referenced by Carmen to Veronica when offering 'nicknames' for those who date interracially.)
Invented in 1912 and manufactured by the Nabisco Corporation, Oreo cookies consist of two circular chocolate wafers with a sugary white cream filling between them. The modern Oreo design was developed in 1952 and allows the cookie to be eaten several ways. One is to twist apart the wafers and eat the filling first; some eat the cookie whole. Others prefer to eat Oreos after dunking them in a glass of milk. A little know fact about the cookie is that both sides show twelve flowers around the Oreo design.
PCH (Referenced by Logan telling Hannah that Veronica almost got killed in a drive-by.)
Pacific Coast Highway refers to sections of California's Route 1, beginning at San Juan Capistrano, south of Los Angeles, and ending where Route 1 merges with Highway 1 at Leggett, in Northern California. Route 1 is one of the longest (644 miles) and most scenic routes in California, providing breathtaking views of a large part of the Pacific Coast. It travels past dozens of historical landmarks and through such cities as San Diego, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.
Shaggy ... (Referenced by the mugger when addressing Corny, because he clearly doesn't know his actual, odd nickname.)
The most famous (and popular) of the human characters in the Hanna-Barbera cartoon, Scooby Doo. The show first aired on CBS in 1969. Shaggy along with his three companions travel around the country in their van, the Mystery Machine, with the real star of the show a Great Dane named Scooby. Casey Kasem, the top forty DJ, was the voice for Shaggy the bumbling, wimpy, comic relief who is Scoobys best buddy. The show ran for several years, in many different incarnations, and Scooby became one of the most famous dogs in animation history. In 2002 the franchise was revisited in a movie adaptation starring Freddie Prinze Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar, Matthew Lillard, Linda Cardellini and a CGI Scooby. A sequel followed and they are threatening to make a third.
Coke (Referenced by Logan telling Hannah that her dad is a cokehead.)
Cocaine is the second most popular recreational drug in the United States. It is extracted from the leaves of coca plants, which grow in the Andes of South America. Cocaine is a powerfully addictive stimulant to the nervous system and is an appetite suppressant. Whether snorted, smoked or injected, it produces a euphoria that may last for hours. The adverse health effects to cocaine usage are respiratory failure, cerebral hemorrhaging, higher risk of heart attack and sudden death. Cocaine is a Schedule II drug in the United States, meaning that it is available by prescription due to its medicinal uses, but the illegal possession or sale of cocaine can result in a heavy prison sentence.
Silver Bullet ... (Referenced by Keith, as he tells Terrence the casino surveillance photos can prove that he didn't make any cell phone calls from the casino, effectively putting a silver bullet in Lamb's case against him.)
The silver bullet has its origins in traditional folklore, where it is known as the only weapon that can kill a magical creature living a 'charmed life.' The best known of these magical creatures, of course, is the werewolf. Oddly enough, that particular myth does not have its roots in traditional folklore, but rather in the 1941 movie The Wolf Man. Despite its mythological powers, silver is both lighter and harder than lead and so makes inferior bullets, particularly for modern firearms.
In a contemporary context, the silver bullet is used as a metaphor for any straightforward solution perceived to have extreme effectiveness. The phrase generally appears with an expectation that some new technology, product or practice will easily cure a major prevailing problem. Experts often use the term more cynically to dampen unreasonable expectations.
Pete Rose ... (Referenced by Terrence to Keith as an example of a beloved sports hero tainted by scandal.)
Born April 14, 1941 Peter Edward "Pete" Rose Sr. is a former MLB player and manager. Nicknamed Charlie Hustle, he played from 1963-1986, many of those years with the Cincinnati Reds. A switch hitter, Rose is the all-time major league leader in hits (4256), games played (3562) and at bats (14,053). During his career he won three World Series rings, one MVP award, two Gold Gloves, three batting titles, was Rookie of the Year, and made 17 All-Star game appearances at an unparalleled five different fielding positions (1B, 2B, 3B, RF, LF).
Three years after he retired, in August of 1989, Rose agreed to a lifetime ban from MLB amidst accusations that he bet on ball games while playing for and managing the Reds; including betting on the Reds. After years of publicly denying it, he finally admitted the accusations of gambling were true but that he never bet against his team. After his initial ban the Baseball Hall of Fame had specified that individuals banned from the sport are not eligible for induction and had previously been excluded by informal agreement among Hall of Fame voters. There has been talk about his possible reinstatement and election to the Hall remains a sore spot throughout baseball.
Rick Santorum ... (Referenced as the blackmailer's dummy email address.)
Rick Santorum is the Junior Republican Senator from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Elected in 1994 at the age of 36, Santorum is currently the youngest member of the Senate Republican leadership, serving as the Chairman of the Republican Conference since 2001. Santorum is the first Pennsylvanian of such a prominent position since Senator Hugh Scott was Republican leader in the 1970s.
Santorum is well-known for his conservative social and fiscal positions. Recently, Santorum's comments regarding homosexuality and sexual privacy rights have made him a controversial figure. He is running for re-election in November 2006.
Jedi Mind Trick ... (Referenced by Lamb -- showing his inner geekdom! -- to Keith just before Keith attempts to blackmail him with the extortion attempt.)
In the fictional Star Wars universe of film, literature and video games, the Jedi are part of a noble order of guardians and peacekeepers who are born with the ability to control aspects of "the Force," described by Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi as "an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." (Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope).
Potential Jedi are identified while they are still infants and toddlers, then they are removed from their families and trained in the powers of the Force and the ways of the Jedi. One of the non-violent Force powers used by Jedi is commonly referred to as a "Jedi mind trick", although it is never actually called by this name in the films. This power of the Force is used to influence or manipulate the thoughts and actions of other beings, particularly weak-minded ones. The Jedi usually accompany this "persuasion" technique with the waving of a hand or a particular tone of voice.
One of the first demonstrations of the "Jedi mind trick" occurs in A New Hope, when Obi-Wan Kenobi, accompanied by Luke Skywalker, uses this power on an Imperial officer who stops them to check the droids sitting beside them. By using the Force, Obi-Wan is able to convince the officer that the droids he's seeing aren't the ones he's looking for and that he should let them all move along. Cool power to have if you're a certain P.I. dealing with a certain Sheriff.
Big & Rich ... (Referenced by Lamb in hopes that the CD Keith gave him is the new release by the country group.)
Big & Rich are an American genre-busting country music duo comprised of Kenny Alphin (a.k.a. "Big Kenny") and John Rich. The duos first album, Horse of a Different Color, was released in 2004 and reached number one in both the national and country Billboard music charts. It reached success on the strength of the album's biggest single, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." (Side note: If the cowboy's name is Logan Echolls, I'll gladly spare the horse.) The song not only received national radio airplay, it was also used by ESPN in commercials for its coverage of the 2004 World Series of Poker.
Michael Jordan ... (Referenced by Veronica to Jackie when describing one of Wallace's basketball moves in the game as "Jordanesque.")
Michael Jeffrey Jordan is an American former NBA player, and is largely considered to be the greatest basketball player of all time. Considered a remarkable force at both ends of the floor, Michael ended a career of 15 full seasons with a regular-season scoring average of 30.12 points per game, the highest in NBA history. He won six NBA championships with the Chicago Bulls, notched up ten scoring titles, and was league MVP (Most Valuable Player) five times. He was named to the All-Defensive First Team nine times, and led the league in steals three times.
Since 1983 he has appeared on the front cover of Sports Illustrated a record forty-nine times, and was named the magazine's "Sportsman of The Year" in 1991. In 1999, he was named "the greatest North American athlete of the 20th century" by ESPN, and placed 2nd on the AP list of top athletes of the century. His leaping ability, vividly illustrated by dunking from the foul line and other amazing feats, earned him the nicknames "Air Jordan" and "His Airness."
LeBaron (Referenced by Veronica telling Jackie she should be able to fix a blown fuse.)
The LeBaron is the name Chrysler used for a variety of cars from 1977 to 1995. The first LeBaron was a rebadged Dodge Diplomat that was sold from 1977 to 1981. The 1982 LeBaron, based on the Chrysler K platform, was available in sedan, coupe, convertible, and station wagon versions and featured Chryslers Electronic Voice Alert (a computerized voice that issued warnings, such as Please fasten your seatbelt and A door is ajar").
Veronica Mars' LeBaron -- as seen in the Pilot.
From 1987 to 1995, Chrysler released a new generation of LeBaron coupe and convertible. This version was quite stylish for its day, featuring retractable metal covers for the headlights to protect them from crowbar-wielding jackasses, perhaps? Unfortunately for Veronica, this feature was discontinued in 1993.
- In the beginning of the episode, both Dick and Veronica have their convertible car tops down. However, Hannah is wearing a hat and scarf. Does Neptune High have more than one climate zone?
- On the folder in Marlena's locker, in which the poems were stored, it reads: "Marlenas Out Box." Oh, the double entendres continue.
- Veronica and Keith's matching head tilt, forehead scrunch, and lip purse while saying "hmmmm." The father-daughter bond grows closer by the day.
- Mac sporting makeup, curled hair, and a pink sweater with a heart on it. There's nothing like a little Beaver to bring out the inner girly-girl.
- Arturo referring to Corny as "Shaggy" from Scooby Doo. I knew he reminded me of someone!
- Veronica duct-taping Arturo to the street sign, Spiderman style, complete with an envelope that reads: "Confession Inside." Hey Lamb, it can't get any easier than that.
- When Veronica says to Ryan: "I'll just look for the guy in the black hat, twirling his moustache," she makes the same twirling hand moustache motion that Logan did in Green-Eyed Monster, when he said "Veronica Mars has accused me of evil." Another sign they're meant to be? I think so.
- Veronica's use of the British term "bonnet" to refer to the hood of Terrence Cook's Jaguar. It's nice to see Veronica matching her dialect with the car's country of origin.
- Logan's "hmm" when Hannah says her dad didn't say anything about him after the carnival, his eyebrow raise when she lets him in to her house, and his odd pause when he exits Dr. Griffith's bathroom. All subtle signs that he's up to something.
- Recent postings on The Pirate S.H.I.P. Forum - The Slow Out:
- Despite the arachnid in the title, isn't Scorpion Bay just a tad romantic-getaway sounding, what with Logan referring to it as "our place" when discussing surfing options with Dick.
- Did Logan plant the cocaine that Hannah found in her dad's bathroom?
- Do the explosives in the hangar belong to Woody or to Terrence ?
- Did the Arturo manage to snag the pizza's out of Corny's hands before he dropped to the ground?
- Is it humanly possibly to hate watching Logan with Hannah any more than I did this week?
- When Carmen is explaining the 'coconuts' term to Veronica and she uses the example 'you know, like Twinkies or Oreos, except we're brown on the outside instead of ...' was she perhaps referring to reverse Oreo's? Because the last time I checked, Oreo's, much like coconuts, are brown on the outside too.
- Is it me, or was the music surrounding Kylie's outing as a lesbian (both the bathroom scene with Veronica and the hallway scene with Marlena) super porntastic?
- What happened to Veronica's choker? It doesn't seem to be making regular appearances these days.
- How did Kelly manage to stage the whole mugging, complete with the removal of his rims and being tased, in the Sac-N-Pac parking lot without being seen by anyone?
- Why did Dr. Griffith come downstairs with his coat, like he was leaving, and then after saying hello to Logan, immediately go back up the stairs?
- Where did Logan get a fake hall pass/office note to use to get Hannah out of class?
- Doesn't Hannah ever answer the phone at her dad's house? Or even look at caller ID when it rings? Considering the number of calls on the display from the Fitzpatricks and the River Styx, is that really the first inkling she had that her dad had a lot of dealings with that family?
- How did Logan feel about Veronica seeing him with Hannah?
- How did Veronica feel about seeing Logan with Hannah?
- Why would anyone, evil genius or not, leave a bunch of C-4 and detonators in a big cabinet in an airplane hanger where any number of people might find it?
- Does Lamb really not care about losing his job?
- If there is a "strict rule" about girls not being allowed on the team bus for away games, why was Meg (not to mention the rest of the cheerleading squad) on the bus for an away game in Ruskie Business? Is this a new policy?
- The bus went over the cliff at 7:03 pm.
- Terrence left the baseball stadium around 5:00 pm.
- Terrence was in the Three Rivers Casino when the cell phone call was made that detonated the explosives on the bus. There is no cell phone reception within one hundred yards of the casino.
- Terrence owes millions of dollars in gambling debts to Leonard Lobo, the owner of the Three Rivers Casino. Lobo owns several other casinos, and is on the FBI's "Unsavory Characters" list for fixing a college basketball game in the 1980's.
- The Fitzpatrick family serves as professional muscle for Leonard Lobo, "encouraging" people who owe him money to repay their debts.
- Terrence stores his fleet of expensive foreign cars in a hanger owned by Woody Goodman, in which Veronica later finds explosives and a detonator.
- Peter Ferrer was another student who died in the bus crash. Shortly before the crash, on the "Pirate Shippers" forum, he warned of an "outing to end all outings," that would be occurring soon.
duchessjms (Jayne): Literature; Social Science
holly96 (Holly): Literature
Iloveyoubearymuch (Kathryn): Literature; Homeroom; Principles of Democracy
JenniferH: Report Card; Chemistry; Band Class (Scene Description); Pep Squad Practice
Krissy: Band Class (Song Identifier); Social Science
ramwitz (Margarita): Yearbook
SeluciaV (Alli): Journalism; Study Hall; Literature; Social Science; Philosophy
Tar Frimmer (Joanne): Extra Credit; Study Hall; Literature; Social Science; Homeroom
Original Air Date: March 15, 2006
Written by: Phil Klemmer
Directed by: Sarah Pia Anderson
Grade: C-
Membership Grade: B (42.5% / 40 votes)
An unengaging mystery of the week, an unengaging 'couple' showcased, weak guest stars (including one who takes the title of worst guest star ever from Paris Hilton!) and an overall meh feel, makes this episode less than stellar. Not only did nothing stand out in this episode, just about everything played underpar. The closest things to highlights are that Jason Dohring is really pretty, Dick is an amusing ass and Jackie isn't as bad as we all thought. And that is just sad for a show that tends to knock 'em out of the ballpark in acting, story, dialogue and feel.
Credited Cast Non-Appearance
Percy Daggs III - Wallace Fennel
Francis Capra - Eli "Weevil" Navarro
Kyle Gallner - Cassidy "Beaver" Casablancas
Teddy Dunn - Duncan Kane
Recurring Guest Stars (Previous Episode Appearances)
Bradford Anderson Ryan
Natalia Baron Carmen
Carl Bresk - Coach Preppernau
Jonathan Chesner Corny
Brandon Hillock - Deputy Sacks
Tina Majorino Mac
Michael Muhney Sheriff Don Lamb
Amanda Noret - Madison Sinclair
Rick Peters - Dr. Griffith
Jeffrey Sams - Terrence Cook
Jessy Schram - Hannah Griffith
Guest Stars
Mario Ardila, Jr. Arturo the Pizza Mugger
Gil Birmingham - Leonard Lobo
Kristin Cavallari - Kylie Marker
Nathan L. Davis - John
Lucas Grabeel - Kelly Kuzio
Miriam Korn - Marlena Nichols
Jocko Marcellino - Pit Boss
Jason McMahon - Baseball Player
John Nutten - Gambler
Who's Who in Neptune
Arturo the Pizza Mugger Wannabe PCHer that decided to prove his worth to the gang by mugging pizza delivery guys.
Leonard Lobo Owner of the Seven Rivers casino that was reluctant to help Keith clear Terrence Cook's name due to the significant amount of money that Terrence owes him.
Kylie Marker - Lesbian Neptune High cheerleader that was itching to publicize her relationship with girlfriend Marlena.
John - Anchorman of the Navigator, Neptune High's news station.
Kelly Kuzio - Closeted gay Neptune High student that would go to great lengths to protect his reputation and not have his sexual preference be revealed to the public.
Marlena Nichols - Lesbian Neptune High student that was forced out of the closet by her girlfriend, Kylie.
Pit Boss - Works at the Seven Rivers casino and advised Keith of the lack of a cell phone signal anywhere within 100 yards of the casino.
Baseball Player - Neptune High jock that, together with Kelly Kuzio, got his jollies by picking on Dick for having hooked up with a she-man.
Gambler - Gambler at the casino that was frustrated by Keith's slow and cautious gambling technique.
Hey! It's That Guy/Girl
Kristin Cavallari (Kylie Marker) - Best known for her leading role on the MTV reality TV series Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County.
Lowlights
Kristin Cavallari (Kylie Marker) - Cavallari is another example of stunt casting gone very, very bad. The star of the MTV reality series Laguna Beach and the quickly cancelled Let's Get this Party Started delivers a truly horrible performance that has the distinction of wrestling the title of Worse Guest Star on Veronica Mars EVER from the hands of Paris Hilton.
Her lines are delivered in a bland tone -- devoid of any trace of voice levels or emotion whatsoever and by the end of the episode are delivered in pure Valley girl speech. Her one moment of "not sucking" -- her outing of herself on the school program, does little to alleviate a boring performance. We, the viewers, are supposed to care about this poor gay girl who just wanted to earn a little money so she can get out of Neptune. The one-note, oh well, whatever attitude Cavallari brings to the role of Kylie, however, does not garner any sympathy. Or -- to put it in Laguna speech speak - "Kristin, girlfriend, like you were really bad. Like, William Hung on American Idol, bad."
Scene One: Walk On By
Yeah, we're talking two seconds in the same frame and they didn't even interact, but there is a tiny little bit to wring out of the final Logan scene in terms of LoVe analysis. First of all, I do not believe that it is fanwanking to say that we don't know how Logan felt about seeing Veronica in that situation or vice versa by the simple fact that it was left ambiguous for us. We got nothing even remotely resembling a close-up for either one so we simply can't know whether either felt a jolt at all at seeing the other. (So we'll just assume they did, but both hid it well and quickly.)
Furthermore, while Veronica did sound casual when asking Mac about Hannah, the fact that Veronica -- who doesn't pay much attention to such goings-on normally -- did ask shows that Logan was absolutely right in Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner. Veronica is just not indifferent to him. From Driver Ed where she attempted to find out who he was boinking in the next room to wondering why the hell he has a gun in Ahoy Mateys to casually asking who the blonde with Logan is here, she needs to know what is going on with Logan. She is, simply put, not indifferent to him.
And then we get to the reaction. In the above mentioned instances, Veronica found justification for calling Logan on his actions (without it definitively being about jealousy or caring). By finding out that the blonde is, in fact, the mystery witness' daughter and therefore, Logan is most likely using the girl for his own purposes gives Veronica the angle she needs to confront him without it being labeled "jealous" or that she cares. Thus the strong reaction and how it bodes well for us.
Could we have gotten more to give us a little shipper-upper? Absolutely, but we can blame that on the direction (and, possibly, the fact that Bell just seemed a tad off in this episode). Fanwanking? Sure, but come on -- what's the fun of being a fan if you can't fanwank situations to your benefit now and then? Uh huh.
Our favorite stoner, Corny, is jamming to The Dandelions while delivering pizzas somewhere in Neptune. As he boogies up the driveway, he's approached from behind by a nefarious character that zaps him hard with a taser. Corny, as you might expect, drops to the concrete, unconscious. DUDE!
At Neptune High, Veronica walks down the main hallway where everyone appears to be squealing and exclaiming over a pink flyer of some persuasion. I'm guessing that an invite to an '09er Friday night bash at dog beach isn't what is garnering this kind of response. Farther down the hall, we spot Madison helping herself to one of the flyers from a manila folder attached to a school locker that reads "Marlenas Out Box." A girl that we can only assume is the aforementioned Marlena looks horrified. Madison begins a hallway presentation of "Lesbian Poetry Designed to Humiliate" that has allegedly been written by Marlena, outing herself as a gay student. Out Box! Ha! I get it! It's witty, really. Poor, humiliated Marlena rips the folder off her locker and all but runs the Neptune High walk of shame in an effort to escape Madison's torment.
As Veronica passes this spectacle, Ryan (from Ahoy Mateys) begs Veronica for her help. They duck into a nearby classroom where Ryan tells Veronica that, like Corny, he was mugged. And although Veronica seems convinced that this is a police matter, Ryan is just as sure that only Veronica can help. Apparently Ryan had a list -- a secret list! -- in his wallet that should never have gotten out, and Marlena's outing is all his fault.
Veronica's not following, and neither are we. Ryan provides the missing element in our equation: The poem now in wide circulation was posted by Marlena on a website that Ryan set up and monitors. "A poetry website?" Veronica asks, as if it is the lamest thing she ever heard of. And while I agree that some might be humiliated to be found posting secret love poems to Madison Sinclair, well anywhere, the nature of Ryan's site is a little more controversial than bad romantic poetry gone awry.
His website is known as "The Pirates S.H.I.P." A clever acronym for "Student Homosexual Internet Posting." The stolen list was of ten user names and passwords for the site, including Marlena's. So now Veronica has to wonder, what sick bastard would want to out sweet little Marlena? Apparently a greedy-ass mugger jonesing for $5K in blackmail money to go with his stolen pizza. Now it is up to our intrepid heroine to track down this nefarious character so that other students don't have to get shoved out of the proverbial closet while naked (metaphorically speaking) in front of the student body.
Veronica heads over to the pizza parlor (Mr. Cho's!) to interview Corny and Ryan about their attacks. It seems that the blackmailer/mugger (lets call him the blugger) took Corny's wallet, his tunes, and the thick crust pepperoni pizza he was delivering. It was a nice pie. After both muggings, Mr. Cho called the customers about the orders, but it seems that both orders were bogus. Corny was supposed to deliver to Amy Esparza, and was desperately hoping to have her answer the door in her unmentionables. (Perhaps that thought is what put the oogie in his boogie in the opening scene!) Veronica charges the guys with getting a list together of the bogus customers.
Back at school, a cheerleader approaches Veronica in her "office" asking for help. It's been said before, and I'll reiterate it here for posterity: This girl seems, at least on the surface, SO much like Meg. Only she's ditzy. And has less attractive hair. And is a bad actress. Make that a REALLY bad actress. And, as it turns out, is a lesbian. So I guess she's not really like Meg at all. UnMeg (a.k.a. Kylie), like Marlena, is another victim of the blugger. He wants the standard $5K in hush money, which is a problem because Kylie isn't an '09er and doesn't have that kind of money just lying around.
Please help Veronica! I mean, it's cool to be a lesbian when you are in college, but in high school? Its like, totally a death sentence. Really. I say, forget freaking unMeg V -- help us before she tries to blow our minds again and something really bad happens -- like she attempts more acting! Veronica takes a peek at the note and tells Kylie to ask the blugger for a twenty-four hour reprieve, and then she'll handle the moolah and the cash drop.
The next day in class, Ryan and Veronica discuss the complete lack of movement on the case. (My guess? The blugger died of boredom waiting for this lame mystery plot to play out. Ugh.) Ryan offers his list of dummy customers and begs Veronica to work faster because his Pirates SHIP "peeps" (oh white boy, your delusions are grand) are freaking and sending him like one hundred emails a day. Jesus! Im surprised he hasnt gotten tired of all their bitching -- I mean freaking -- and just said "Fuck it. Lets all just be out of the closet so you whiny babies will stop annoying me!" (I keed! I keed!)
Veronica recognizes a name on the list, but before she can utter a word, the school news report playing on the TV at the front of the classroom draws everyone's attention. Kylie, doing a live feed from the parking lot, is interviewing the blugger's latest victim. Only he doesn't appear to work at Mr. Cho's or deliver pizza. Instead, he's popular baseball player Kelly Kuzzio. Like Corny, he was dropped by a taser blast, but was nailed (hee!) outside the Sac-N-Pac. (Hmmm. Maybe Mr. Air Fennel will have some intel on the case.)
Apparently, the blugger took Kelly's money, and his watch, but that wasn't all: The bastard also took poor Kellys $6K rims. I say again: Bastard! Has he no shame? Are there no lines he won't cross? I mean, blackmailing poor gay kids for fun money is one thing. Stealing expensive rims from an asshole jock is just taking it too far. While we collectively mourn the loss of Kelly's rims, Kylie wants to make a personal announcement before sending the newscast back to the studio: Surprise! She's gay. And Marlena's her girlfriend. So take THAT nefarious blugger! You won't be getting any scratch out of this lesbian!
Veronica approaches Carmen (from M.A.D.) at her locker for a quick catch-up and Q&A session. (For those keeping score, the pleasuring of inanimate objects was SO 2005.) Apparently, Carmen's name was the one on Ryan's list that Veronica recognized. Unfortunately, Carmen has no idea why the blugger would have used her name to place the phony order. Veronica asks Carmen to take a look at the list and see if she can figure out anything else about all of the names that might tie them together, at least in the blugger's mind.
The only thing Carmen can come up with is that they are all 'coconuts.' Um, wha ... ? 'Coconut' is apparently a lovely derogative term coined to describe a Latino who dates white people or joins honor society (which is apparently a white thing to do?). You get the reference -- they are brown on the outside and white on the inside. Charming, no? Veronica feels compelled to apologize for the general asshattery of, well, the student body, but as Carmen points out, it isn't like Veronica makes up the rules. True dat, sister. Anyway, Veronica asks Carmen to make her a list of other Neptune coconuts for purposes of the investigation.
Out in the parking lot, Veronica approaches Kelly to give him her condolences about his car, and to see if she can get some additional info on the blugger. Kelly has nothing to offer. He says that he was tased as he was getting into his car and the next thing he knew, he was waking up to a sore neck and a rimless car up on cinder blocks. Gee sport, I guess you were out for a long time, huh? Veronica asks a lot of pointed questions like, how long would it take to get the rims off the car? And did the perp bring his own jack? Kelly cops a 'tude and tells Veronica he's already told everything to the police and doesn't need to repeat it for her benefit. I don't know about you, but my spidey-sense is tingling ...
Veronica is hanging at Cho's pizza with Corny waiting for the bluggers next order. One comes in for some kid named Jorge who just happens to be on Carmen's list-o-coconuts. Veronica's ready to lay the smack down if Corny's ready to be the bait. His response? "Hell yeah. No one's better. I'm what you call the master-bait." And he even snaps! HA! Corny and Veronica head down to sketchy South Neptune with the delivery. As Corny walks down the sidewalk, he's stalked from behind by the aforementioned nefarious looking man in black. Before the guy can get too close, Veronica pulls a trip wire and the perp goes down. Veronica sics Backup 2.0 on the guy and demands that he drop the mask unless he wants to deal with "Mr. Chompers." Hee!
It turns out that our scary blugger is actually a scrawny kid named Arturo. So what Veronica wants to know is how this kid jumped a jock, jacked his car, stole the rims and got it up on blocks all by his little self? Arturo says that although he's responsible for the pizza guy muggings, he didn't have anything to do with the jock mugging.
Corny is now seriously pissed (as pissed as you can get when you do as much pot as Corny does, I guess) that he was dropped by this 'little freshman' and demands to get his tunes back before he kicks the kid's ass. (Ooooh! Kid! Don't do it! I'm dying to see Corny lay the smack down.) Instead, the kid gets all whiny with the whole "You just wait! One day I'll be PCH and big and strong and I'll get you!" speech. And he calls him Shaggy. Hee! Veronica assumes that this means that the kid is mugging pizza guys on Thumper's orders, but apparently he's still trying to prove himself so he can get accepted into the gang. 'Cause PCH is back in charge lady! Needless to say, the "lady" comment earns Arturo the right to be tased and chewed on by Mr. Chompers.
So is the blackmailing just another way Arturo's trying to prove himself to the PCHers? All poor Arturo can manage in the face of all this unexpected danger is "black-whatting?" Guess I'll have to change the name of our evil menace because the mugger and the blackmailer appear to be different perps. Dammit. Arturo's all but peeing his pants in his desire to get the hell away from Veronica and Corny, but not so fast my little criminal. Veronica needs you to do one more little thing .... And when we next see Arturo, Deputy Sacks has found him duct-taped to a sign post on the side of the road with a handy envelope by his head labeled, "Confession inside." I swear, Neptune Hardware must make a freaking fortune on duct tape sales. It is clearly a staple for the entire student body.
The next day, Veronica asks Mac for help accessing a restricted website. Of course, Veronica doesn't know the domain name, and can only tell Mac that it's a gay internet chat room for Neptune High students. Mac looks baffled yet somewhat amused by this request. Relax, Mac, she's not gay -- just curious. About the site. About what's posted on the site! (Jeez! Get your mind out of the gutter, people.)
But Mac doesn't leap into the virtual fray as is her habit. Veronica, supreme investigator that she is, deduces that Mac is the one who set up the board. Mac confirms and tells Veronica that there was an "ass face" posting nasty things on the board so Ryan asked her to beef up security. (Side note: I find "ass face" a whole heck of a lot more pleasing than "crap face." Have someone share that with Carmen for use in future relationships.) Mac is also reluctant to let Veronica have access to the site. Veronica puts on her saving humanity face and tells Mac that getting onto the board is the only way she can rescue the Marlenas and the Kylies of the world from the social hell of being prematurely outed in high school! Mac, of course, relents. Sucker!
Mac takes them to the Pirate SHIP site which I must say has the crappiest freaking graphics, maybe ever. It's like the Reading Rainbow logo, with a pouting, lipstick-wearing transvestite pirate instead of Levar Burton, printed on Barney's ass -- if you were looking at it while tripping on bad acid. Screw security Ryan, have Mac design you a less fugly site! Mac prints Veronica some hard copies of the board so Veronica can review the user names -- one of which is "Kissnkuzn." Hmmm. Wonder who that might be???
Veronica tells Ryan that they caught the mugger, but he's clearly not the evil genius (and I use the term loosely) behind the blackmail. In fact, she's pretty certain this one is an inside job. Veronica points to some old posts by a MizzP who made reference to the "outing of all outings" before disappearing from the board. Ryan explains that MizzP, Peter Ferrer, only disappeared because he died in the bus crash. So I guess unless he's got access to the internet in the afterlife, Peters probably in the clear on this one.
Ryan informs Veronica that there's been another blackmail note, but he can't say who is being blackmailed. And he's pretty sure this individual won't be coming forward asking for Veronica's assistance any time soon. Hey, no problem. Veronica's just going to keep an eye out for the shady guy in the hallway twirling his moustache with evil intent.
In the school parking lot, Veronica spots Kelly -- and his vanity plates, which read "KUZZIKAN." She invites herself in to the passenger seat for a quick heart to heart. Veronica has figured out that Kelly is the Pirate SHIP board member "Kissnkuzn," and that he wasn't really mugged. He needed quick cash to pay off the blackmailer, so he faked the mugging, pretended his rims were stolen, sold them for cash, and then claimed them to the insurance company for replacements. Honestly? It was a pretty solid plan. Veronica asks to see his blackmail note, which is an email from a guy named "Rick Santorum." Kelly is supposed to mail the payment to Rick via the good old US mail system.
Veronica has Kelly mail the payment, but includes a little something extra for our blackmailer -- a bug. The package was stalled at the post office for several hours because the address was bogus, but has finally moved. Veronica and Ryan track the package to find that it has relocated itself to 7079 Hubble Street. Ryan apparently knows who lives there, and from the look on her face, I'm guessing Veronica does too.
Veronica approaches our blackmailer at her locker at school -- and it is none other than unMeg herself -- Kylie! She admits her culpability without batting an eyelash, and gives Veronica back her tracking device. They chat about the plan and how Kylie was able to get the envelope from the dead letter office (her mom's an employee there). Why did she do it, you might ask? Her reasons are all pretty lame and unsympathetic.
Basically, she needed money to go to college, and she figured blackmailing would get her there faster than a part-time gig at Suds-N-Duds. Plus she liked the added bonus of torturing self-hating Kelly. And last, but certainly not least, she decided that she wanted to out herself -- and her girlfriend. Regardless of the fact that Marlena wasn't ready to leave the closet just yet, you crazy bitch. And you know what's worse? Your acting. Kylie asks Veronica to let her tell Marlena about her nefarious outing plan. Yeah, 'cause I'm sure it will be better coming from you. You know what Kylie? I'm all for you breaking the news to Marlena that you are a selfish, stupid whore. And here's to hoping she kicks your sorry, pathetic ass.
- Dick pulls into a parking space next to Veronica in the school parking lot and, um, "nails" her. Well, at least he nails her car door. When Veronica gets pissed (understandably) and calls Dick on his carelessness, witty banter ensues. As they trade barbs, two baseball players approach and caution Dick that before he gets Veronica in the backseat, he might want to frisk her in case she's "smuggling junk." A witty reference to Dick's unfortunate back-seat snogging adventure with a she-male at the winter carnival, to be sure.
Dick hits back just as hard with a sexual reference to the gay-ish nature of the player's relationships in baseball -- you know, which one's the "catcher" and which one's the "pitcher?" But the baseball guys are not deterred. They counter by telling Dick to relax -- just because he's been known to make-out with a dude on occasion, doesn't mean they think hes gay or anything. Ouch.
- Logan and Dick are planning another surfing trip. Logan suggests Scorpion Beach, where the guys have apparently been before.
- Predictably, Dick finds the whole Kylie and Marlena lesbian scenario totally bitchin.' He's discussing the relative rocking-ness of girl on girl action with some random guy who either dried his hair by rolling around in an industrial dryer, or just really, really misses the creative whimsy of Flock of Seagulls. What the hell do you call that hair? But I digress. Veronica approaches to commend him on his progressive nature, and the lone gull makes like a tree. Dick wants Veronica to stop "following him around." And just when they were becoming so close!
Dick offers to pay for the damage to Veronica's car or whatever, but he wants her to stay away from him because he's decided she's like "rich dude kryptonite." Logan dates her and is now facing a murder rap. Duncan dates her and he's up on kidnapping charges. She's on the jury for a case against to '09ers, and now they are both doing time in Chino. So Dick, a self-proclaimed "rich dude" wants Veronica to steer clear of him. I have to admit, that's a pretty jaw-droppingly good observation for Dick. Perhaps we should ponder this further ...
- Hank Milton works at Mint Condition detailing off the interstate. He's also known as "Crazy Hank," and details Terrance's car anytime he goes to the Seven Rivers Casino.
- Seven Rivers is an Indian casino.
- Neptune High holds Physics Olympics annually. This years competition is being held in the gym after 7th period.
- Despite her connections to the school paper, the basketball coach won't allow Veronica to ride on the bus with the team to the away game. Girls are too distracting and not allowed on the bus.
- Terrence owns seven really beautiful, really expensive vehicles. And he apparently used to own enough cars to drive a different one every day of the month.
- Lamb likes country music and is hoping to get a copy of the new Big & Rich CD.
- Jackie is such a spoiled girly-girl, she doesn't know what a phillips-head screwdriver is, let alone how to use one.
- Marlena Nichols' poem:
- "Who will spot the impostor
cheering in the second row?
How long can my pep squad smile
hide the me I cannot show?
Taking off our clothes,
I put on my disguise,
but when we're in the shower,
can Madison feel my eyes?"
- Tad called Carmen over Christmas to try to apologize for last year's "Popsicle thing."
- Carmen, John Ramos and Amy Esparzo live relatively close to each other. Along with Jorge Zideo, they are all referred to as "coconuts" by some of the idiots in Neptune.
- Terrence is in Keith's office, ranting about the negative attention he's been getting lately. Lamb is turning his house upside down, the paparazzi are following him all the time and he even thinks there's a news chopper hovering over him, just waiting for him to fall apart and make a run for it in his Bronco. (Well, at least it's a yellow Bronco, Terrence. A white one has so been done already.)
Keith reassures him that if Lamb doesn't press formal charges against him and if he's not indicted, then the media frenzy will die down. What they should be focused on right now is keeping Terrence from being charged with the crime in the first place. Terrence is doubtful they'll be able to stop it, since if all it took to blow up the bus was a phone call, then anyone could have done it from anywhere and why shouldn't everyone think he did it, since he's already a gambler, a cheat and a deadbeat in the court of public opinion?
Keith suggests he try to relax and remember exactly what he was doing on the day of the crash. Terrence remembers meeting the kids at the ballpark, talking to Woody Goodman, signing some stuff and leaving the park around 5pm. The next thing he remembers is seeing the news of the bus crash on TV around 11pm. Since the bus went over the cliff at 7:03pm, this information isn't at all helpful. Keith is skeptical that Terrence can't remember what he was doing during those five hours, but when Terrence asks Keith what he was doing at 7:03pm on that day, Keith admits he doesn't really know, either.
Later, Veronica arrives at the office just as the phone is ringing. She picks it up and then lets her dad know that Terrence's credit card statements are being faxed over. She's surprised they're on the case of an accused mass murderer and questions if Keith's judgment might not be a tad bit clouded by his years of being Terrence's biggest fan. Keith admits that maybe it is, but he also has a gut feeling about the case.
He's curious that she's not excited he's working for Terrence. She sadly admits that finding out Terrence is guilty would mean the crash had nothing to do with her and she'd be off the hook guilt-wise. Keith clarifies that he thought she'd be excited he's helping out her friend's dad. Veronica thinks he's getting himself some bad intel because she and Jackie aren't exactly friends, what with Jackie not being exactly "huggable" and all. Keith counters with a reminder that Veronica doesn't exactly make it easy for people to warm up to her either. Veronica can't argue the point and offers her assistance, since she respects Keith's gut feeling and needs to feel she's doing something helpful. He tells her he's expecting Terrence later and asks her to make some calls for him.
As Veronica busies herself on the phone, Terrence arrives and she sends him into Keith's office. Keith lets him know that they've got a record of calls he made to his agent, brother, assistant and others, but nobody they've called has any idea where Terrence was at when he phoned them. Terrence is looking mighty discouraged at this news. Veronica walks in, bringing Keith some information, which prompts him to ask Terrence if he knows someone by the name of Hank Melton.
Terrence doesn't recognize the name until Veronica elaborates that Melton is an employee at Mint Condition Car Detailing, just off the Interstate. Terrence realizes this is actually "Crazy Hank", the guy who works on his car. He calls him whenever -- Oops! Kid in room. (Seriously, Terrence, she knew about your gambling problem long before Keith did. It's a little late to be embarrassed now.) Keith sees Terrence is hesitant to go on, so he excuses Veronica from the room.
Terrence continues that he was going to say he calls Crazy Hank whenever he hits the Seven Rivers Casino, which means he was very likely there at the time of the crash. Keith thinks this is excellent news since casinos are some of the most photographed places on earth. Terrence isn't so excited because, in addition to several other casinos, the Seven Rivers is run by Leonard Lobo, who won't be particularly eager to help Terrence since he is in debt to him to the tune of millions of dollars. In fact, the day the Sheriff picked up the Fitzpatricks from outside Terrence's house, they were there delivering an overdue payment message for Lobo.
Keith goes to the Seven Rivers and asks Lobo for the surveillance tape from September 13. Lobo is incredulous that Terrence wants another favor from him and suggests he really can't afford to be any more in his debt. Keith informs him that he might have security footage that proves Terrence's innocence in the bus crash. Lobo suggests the $400 a day fee Terrence is paying Keith is money he should be receiving. He doesn't care about Terrence's troubles, only his money.
Keith points out the obvious, that Terrence won't be able to pay him anything at all if he's convicted. Now, this is a line of reason that finally gets Lobo's attention. He orders Reggie to go check the tapes to see what he can come up with for Keith. Lobo asks him if he's a gambling man, which Keith denies. Lobo calls him a good man and tosses him a couple of dollars worth of chips to go have some fun with. How generous!
Keith sits at a table, anxiously deciding whether to place a bet on a hand of Blackjack, when Reggie saves him from the ordeal by letting him know they have something for him. They meet up with Lobo at the elevator, where Keith is given photos taken off the surveillance system's hard drive. There is a shot of Terrence at 7:01pm, walking through a door, and another of Terrence gambling at 7:05pm. Keith points out that there are five minutes missing between the photos - five minutes that include the exact time of the crash. Lobo suggests maybe Terrence was in the bathroom or on the elevator. Frustrated, Keith explains he needs one of exactly 7:03pm or the photos are useless. Lobo smirks and walks away.
As he's leaving the casino, Keith tries to make a call on his cell phone, but can't get a signal. The Pit Boss standing nearby points out that he'll need to go outside to use his cell since all signals within a 100 yard radius are jammed to prevent cheating. Meeting with Terrence in his office, Keith happily tells him that the surveillance photos are the "silver bullet" they need to put an end to Lamb's case. He explains that the photos prove Terrence was in the casino at the time of the crash and so he wouldn't have been able to make the call due to the jamming security.
Terrence, however, is less than thrilled because this also proves he was in a private meeting with Leonard Lobo, who happens to be on the League's Unsavory Characters list. Back in the 1980's, Lobo was charged, but never convicted, of fixing a college basketball game. If it comes out that Terrence was meeting with him, he'll be the next Pete Rose. (First O.J., now Pete Rose. Who will he be comparing himself to next?) Keith suggests they take the photos to Lamb and Keith will make sure they don't get released. All they really need is some leverage.
Later, Keith and Terrence join Lamb in his office and Keith tells him to announce that Terrence has been cleared of any suspicion in the crash. Lamb wonders if this is some sort of Jedi mind trick that Keith's trying to pull on him. Keith gives him the surveillance photos, explaining that they are Terrence's alibi. He was at the casino and unable to use his cell phone. Lamb is dismissive of the evidence (shocker), pointing out the missing time between the photos and that Terrence could have just used a pay phone to trigger the bomb.
Keith can't believe that Lamb would think someone would use a land line to kill a bus full of people while surrounded by 4,000 cameras and 300 security personnel. He suggests the Sheriff should subpoena the casino's phone records and check the calls, but that's simply too much work for Lamb to even consider. Terrence wonders what Lamb's beef is with him and Lamb claims it's that Terrence killed a bunch of kids just to get rid of his crazy girlfriend who knew about his illegal sports betting.
Unable to appeal to his sense of reason, Keith hands Lamb the CD Veronica made of him blackmailing Terrence. Lamb listens, obviously not pleased at this turn of events, but even when Keith and Terrence threaten to take the CD to Woody and the newspapers, he still blows them off. He points out that he's got a lot less to lose than Terrence -- a $50,000 civil servant job vs. Terrence's Hall of Fame induction, the color-commentating gig and all his endorsements.
- With Veronica's car in the shop thanks to dastardly Dick's door-dinging of the LeBaron, Jackie offers Veronica a ride to Wallace's Regional Finals game. At first driving them in her dad's Bronco (yellow, not white!), Jackie makes a stop at Woody Goodman's airplane hangar, where he lets Terrence keep all his fancy schmancy cars. (Something tells me he could put at least a little dent in his gambling debts if he just sold a few of these cars. Really.) She tells Veronica that if her dad expects her to drive the bouncy Bronco 75 miles, he really is a murderer. Showing off all the lovely cars, Jackie asks Veronica if she's in the mood for hot-blooded Italian or cool and Teutonic. Veronica chooses a privileged and upper-crusty convertible, thank you very much.
After the game, Veronica is driving Jackie back to the hangar as they both revel in the awesomeness of Wallace's basketball skills. Something they will keep to themselves, so as to keep Wallace the humble guy that he is. Jackie tells Veronica she's heard about her helping her dad with his case and says it means a lot to her, especially since half the town seems to have convicted him already. Veronica shrugs it off, saying it's the half of the town she dislikes anyway, so it's cool.
With the car parked back in the hangar, Jackie's distressed to realize the top won't close. Veronica offers to use her mechanical skills to fix it, but needs a screwdriver. Jackie points the way and Veronica goes looking in the lockers for some tools, leading to a shocking discovery which the audience doesn't get to see. But later that night, Veronica wakes up Keith to tell him that she found some type of explosives and detonators. Keith sadly begins to doubt his gut instinct that Terrence is innocent.
- Peter Ferrer was one of the victims of the school bus crash. He posted as MIZZ P at the Pirate S.H.I.P. Forum and, shortly before his death, posted an angry message about the "outing of all outings."
- Logan continues to secretly spend time with Hannah. She invites him over to watch a movie on Saturday, when she'll be staying at her dad's place. Clearly eager to know if his plan to rattle Dr. Griffith's cage is working, he subtlely tries to get Hannah to admit that her father went off on her after seeing her with Logan at the carnival. When she says that her dad didn't say a single word about it, Logan lets out a discreetly disappointed "hmm," realizing that Griffith isn't yet reacting to the "threat" Logan was trying to throw his way.
Later, while Logan is making surfing plans with Dick, Hannah tries to get his attention, but he totally blows her off as one would an annoying little gnat; a gnat whose feelings are obviously hurt by this dismissal. Showing up at Griffith's house later, Logan convinces her that he only acts that way in public because he's worried someone will try to hurt her due to her connection to him. She falls for it hook, line and sinker and invites him in to Dr. Griffith's home. Mission accomplished, Logan.
While they watch a movie, Logan starts questioning Hannah about her parents and learns that the Griffiths split up a year ago, officially claiming to have grown apart but unofficially Hannah heard them screaming about money all of the time. Logan takes a mental note of this bit of news as Dr. Griffith, coat in hand, walks downstairs and takes his own mental note of Logan Echolls on the couch with his daughter. Hannah introduces the two and Logan gives the good doctor the same smirk and wave he did in Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough. Griffith, looking much like the proverbial deer-in-headlights, reconsiders his plans for the evening and retreats back upstairs.
Coming out of Griffith's upstairs bathroom, later, Logan pauses for a second to consider something. Is he trying to remember how to get back to the living room? Thinking about whether or not he washed his hands or zipped his fly? Or possibly crossing something else off his mental checklist of ways to mess with Griffith and get Hannah on his own side? Hmm. Logan's (and the viewers') ponderings are interrupted as Griffith is waiting there to confront Logan alone.
He demands to know what Logan is doing with his daughter and orders him to leave his house and never speak to her again. Logan advises him that if he really wants this to happen, he should rethink what he saw on the bridge that night, or rather, what the Fitzpatricks told him he saw. Angered, Griffith tells the "little punk" that he can't be threatened by him, which Logan points out isn't the case or else he wouldn't even be there.
Trying a different tactic, Griffith asks if Logan wants to be the one to explain to Hannah that he's really only there to bully her father. Logan sarcastically suggests he be the one to do it, since he and has daughter already seem so close. Griffith begs him not to do this, but Logan's having none of it and tells him he should also explain to Hannah why, after seeing them together at the carnival, he hasn't mentioned to her that he's the mystery witness in Logan's murder case. Knowing he's scored some points, Logan walks out. After Logan leaves for the evening, Griffith tells his daughter that he has something important to tell her.
Back at school, Logan pulls Hannah out of class, obviously anxious to find out if his conversation with Griffith the night before had any of the desired results. Hannah tells him that, thanks to her dad telling her everything, she now knows that Logan stabbed Felix. Logan insists her father is a liar because he didn't kill anyone and her dad wasn't even there that night. Hannah accuses Logan of just using her all along (duh!), but Logan swears that when they met he had no clue who she was.
For a moment, she shows signs of intelligence and scoffs at this. And then he explains to her that her parents were fighting about money because her dad spends it all on cocaine. Again, she's not buying it, because hello, he's a doctor! (Apparently, in Hannah's pretty little world, doctors don't ever do drugs.) Logan says that Griffith is in deep to the Fitzpatrick family, who were the ones who really wanted Felix dead. He suggests that she keep an ear out and look around the house for proof because she knows he's telling the truth.
Hannah later checks the call history on her father's phone, finding several entries for the River Stix and "Fitzpatrick," as well as people named Sarro, Davenport and Landon. Then she checks her father's bathroom and (rather quickly) finds a baggie of coke hidden in the band-aid box. The next day at school, Logan waits for Hannah outside her art class. When she appears, she sullenly tells him that he was right about her dad.
"On the 54" (The Dandelions)
Scene: The stoner dude we all love is jolted out of his Zen-like state by a rough and tumble attack that was definitely not on Cho's Pizza menu.
"This Machine Alone" (Fighting Brothers McCarthy)
Scene: Getting to the bottom of the mystery, Veronica risks illegal inhalation by questioning Corny. Perhaps, she picked Cho's as the interrogation locale in the hopes that the pizza sauce would counteract the Mary Jane.
"I Don't Know" (Starsailor)
Scene: The little Princess repudiates her daddy, the King and shows her allegiance to her pretty 09er Knight in Shining Armor.
Quotable Quotes
Veronica: Dick, you totally nailed me!
Dick: Oh man, so you're the fingernail chick from my New Year's party. I did nail you. That's funny, I remember you taller and less uppity.
Random Baseball Player: (to Dick) You might want to frisk her before you get in the back seat. She might be smuggling junk.
Dick: You're ones to talk. Baseball players, right? Remind me, which one of you pitches and which one catches?
Terrence: I got Lamb turning my house upside down. Ive got the paparazzi following me day and night; just waiting for me to fall apart and make a run for it in my Bronco.
Veronica: I follow, but why would a mugger want to out sweet little Marlena?
Ryan: Because she didn't have the five-thousand he demanded of her to stay in?
Veronica : (Sighs heavily) Ugh. Why can't the evil just get jobs like the rest of us?
Veronica: So what'd they get off you, Corny?
Corny: Awww, the cash, my tunes. Oh, and the pizza, you know. Pepperoni, thick crust. It's a real nice pie.
Veronica: Either of you remember the names that went with the fake orders?
Corny: Yeah man, I do. You know Amy Esparza from gym class? Thats whose house I was headed to. I remember distinctly 'cause I was like, 'Damn. What if Amy answers the door in her unmentionables?' That would've been sweet.
Dick: First of all, I'm not letting her learn to surf on one of my boards. I'd sooner let her paddle out on my mother.
Logan: Of course you would.
Veronica: Where are you getting your intel? Jackie and I arent exactly The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. She's not what you would call huggable.
Keith: Whereas you warm right up to people? Hmm.
Dick: Dude, why are lesbians like, so pissed off all the time? (Loudly down the hall to departing lesbians.) Let your freak flags fly ladies!
Veronica: How progressive of you Dick.
Dick: Damn! What is it with you? Do you follow me around for fun, or what?
Veronica: Would it help if I started making out with my girlfriend in the hall?
Dick: Yeah, obviously. But look, I'll fix your car, whatever. You gotta learn to leave me alone.
Veronica: And here I thought we were getting to be pals.
Dick: Please. You date Logan, he's nailed for murder. You date Duncan, he's wanted for kidnapping. You get put on Robbie and Hunter's jury, they get sent to Chino. You're like rich-dude kryptonite, Veronica. This rich dude wants no part of it.
Carmen: Like people even remember my scandal anymore. Pleasuring inanimate objects is so 2005.
Carmen: We're all coconuts. That's what you get called in Neptune when you're Latino and date white people or join the honor society. Get it? Like Twinkies and Oreos, except we're brown on the outside and --
Veronica: (Embarrassed) No, I get it. I ... I'm sorry.
Carmen: Hey, you didn't make the rules.
Lobo: Terrence Cook owes me a significant amount of money. That's where my interest in him begins and ends. They can swing him from the rafters for all I care.
Keith: Well, maybe all that swinging will drop some change form his pocket.
Veronica: So are you ready to be the bait, Corny?
Corny: Hell, yeah. No one's better. I'm what you call the "Master Bait." (Snaps fingers.)
Arturo: P.C.H. is back in charge, lady.
Veronica: Did you just call me "lady?" (Fires taser and Backup starts barking.)
Arturo: (Backs away.) Okay ...
Veronica: I need you to get me in to a restricted website.
Mac: Sure, what's the address?
Veronica: I don't know.
Mac: What's it for?
Veronica: It's ... a Neptune High gay chat room.
Mac: Veronica, you're not --
Veronica: (Quickly.) No. No, I'm just curious. (Rolls eyes & chuckles.) Curious as to what's posted on the website, more accurately. (Mac says nothing.) Here we go. Work your funky magic. (Chuckles.) And ... nothing. What's the problem? (Pause.) You set it up, didn't you?
Mac: Some assface got on to their message board and wrote some pretty awful stuff, so Ryan asked me to beef up their security.
Veronica: Yeah, I work for Ryan, too, so if you could just --
Mac: So then why wouldn't he have let you on it himself?
Veronica: Damn you and your valid questions. Look, it's still private if I only see the user names, right?
Mac: A savvy detective such as yourself might deduce who the Pirate's S.H.I.P.ers are.
Veronica: (Sighs.) Mac, the only way I can stop the Marlenas and Kylies of this school from being tormented is if I can get on that message board.
Mac: (Caves.) All right, stop it. You're embarrassing me.
Jackie: You can ride with me if you want. I realize it's no bus filled with rowdy towel-snapping jocks, but it'll smell better.
Veronica: I don't know, um ... do you have room for my giant foam finger?
Jackie: (Smiles.) I do. And I can even drop you off around the block if you're worried about being seen together.
Veronica: (Considers.) Yes. Please, by all means protect my reputation.
Veronica: So you hock your own rims for cash to pay the blackmailer, use the pizza-boy muggings as a cover, then buy new rims with the insurance money.
Kelly: Sounds bad when you say it.
Veronica: Wait a minute. This isn't the way to the regional finals.
Jackie: If my dad expects me to drive 75 miles in this bouncy old Bronco, then he really is a murderer.
Veronica: Okay, which one is Monday.
Jackie: You laugh, but he pretty much used to have one for every day of the month.
Veronica: Our lives are so similar. The Mars family hangar is a spittin' image of this one.
Jackie: So, what are you in the mood for? (Pointing to various cars.) Hot blooded Italian, or cool and teutonic?
Veronica: (Choosing yet another car.) How about, privileged and upper-crusty?
Veronica: The boy can play ball.
Jackie: Did you see his running teardrop from the lane?
Veronica: I saw it. It was Jordanesque. But tomorrow, we've both gotta promise, say nothing to him. We cannot feed that ego. I like my Wallace humble.
O.J. Simpson ... (Referenced by Terrence to Keith as a situation he doesn't want to be in.)
Prior to 1994, OJ (Orenthal James) Simpson or "The Juice" lived a charmed life. In 1994, his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ron Goldman, were found murdered in her home. Rather than sit for questioning or face the police (like a man with nothing to hide might do), OJ decided that his best course of action was to take off in his now infamous white Bronco. Soon all of America was tuned in as the police slow-chased after one of its most well-known sports heroes.
Jerry Maguire/"Had me at Gambler" ... (Referenced by Keith to Terrence after the sports star listed his flaws.)
Jerry Maguire, starred Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger, and was directed by Cameron Crowe in 1996. It is the story of super sports agent Jerry Maguire who is facing a crisis of conscience. He realizes that he hates himself and his place in the world, and laments that, although he has a lot to say, no one will listen. So, late one night, he writes a Mission Statement called "The Things We Think and Do Not Say: The Future of Our Business."
The essay attacks the sports agency business, advocating a more humane approach. The next day, a copy is distributed to everyone in the office. His bosses are offended, and he loses his job. Only one client, unremarkable Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr. in an Oscar-winning performance), elects to remain with Jerry as he strikes out on his own. Also joining him is a 26-year old single mother, Dorothy Boyd (Renee Zellweger), who is so moved by Jerry's Mission Statement that she's willing to throw away a safe job to be part of his new venture.
Jerry Maguire is a wonderful movie about redemption and love. It's about finding one's heart and soul in a business climate that attempts to rip both away. Cruise does a fine job in this picture, playing to his strengths and has a wonderful chemistry with Renee Zellweger (in a star-making performance). Dorothy's line, "You had me at hello," in the scene where the estranged couple reunites, was her way of telling Jerry that he didn't need to say a thing -- she belonged to him.
Indigo Girls ... (Referenced by Madison to Marlena while she's mocking her poem.)
The Indigo Girls are the American folk-rock duo of Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, known for their emotionally charged music and confessional lyrics. They got their start in Atlanta as a regular act at "Eddie's Attic" and were tangentially part of the Athens, Georgia college rock scene that also launched The B-52's, Pylon, R.E.M., the Georgia Satellites and Love Tractor.
Their first release in 1985 was a 7" single called "Crazy Game," and later that same year they released an independent, six-track, self titled EP. In 1987, they released their first full-length album Strange Fire. Since that time, they have released eleven albums including Rites of Passage, Swamp Ophelia, and the live album 1200 Curfews. They have won several Grammy's, and are best known for their hits "Closer to Fine," "Galileo," and "Least Complicated."
In addition to being musically active, the duo is also very politically active. They have championed the causes of the environment, gay rights, the rights of Native Americans, and voter registration and education. Amy and Emily have long identified themselves as lesbians, although they have never been a couple. Because of their engagements for lesbian/gay/bisexual/transsexual rights, they are regarded as icons of the movement.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants ... (Referenced by Veronica to Keith about Jackie and their "friendship.")
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was produced in 2005 and starred Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bleidel, America Ferrera and Blake Lively. It is the story of four best friends who are facing a summer apart. In an effort to stay connected with each other, they pass around a magical pair of blue jeans that -- despite the fact that the girls are various sizes and shapes -- fits each one perfectly.
Hmmmm -- a magical article of clothing that fits everyone. Maybe it's that horrible argyle that keeps showing up on everyone. Oh no -- is this Duncan's method of staying connected? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Chino (Referenced by Dick reminding Veronica that her jury helped send two rich kids to prison.)
"Chino" actually refers to the California Institution for Men which is in Chino, California. The prison is a male-only state prison and is located in San Bernardino County. "Chino" opened in 1941, becoming the fourth prison in the state on an area of land of twenty-five hundred acres. As of 2005, it housed nearly 6,300 prisoners.
A Reception Center operated by "Chino" receives and processes the latest felons from a plethora of Southern California counties prior to transfer to other prisons. (Hmm, does that mean that Neptune is in Southern California?) This Reception Center makes "Chino" the first-stop for most convicted felons after county jails.
Kryptonite ... (Referenced by Dick when calling Veronica out on the not-so great things that happens to the 09ers she dates.)
Kryptonite is a fictional element from the Superman universe. Usually shown as having been created from the remains of Supermans native planet Krypton, the green form of kryptonite has adverse effects on the superhero. Green is the most common form of kryptonite but there are over fifteen other forms of the radioactive rocks, including simulated kryptonite and hoax kryptonite.
Superman's first encounter with kryptonite did not happen in the comic, but was introduced in 1943 on the Superman radio series. It wasn't until 1949 that the comic book writers brought it into their stories. According to DC's internal style guides, kryptonite is only capitalized when used with a modifier like "Red Kryptonite" or "Green Kryptonite."
Popsicle (Referenced by Carmen telling Veronica that her ex called to apologize for last year's incident.)
Although the term 'Popsicle' is a trademark of Unilever, it is the commonly referred-to-name as a frozen treat on a stick in the United States. An interesting sidenote: In the UK, it is called an 'ice lolly' and an 'icy pole' in Australia.
The first recorded Popsicle was created in 1905 by 11-year-old Frank Epperson. Young Mr. Epperson had left a glass of soda water powder and water (don't gag -- it was a popular drink in those days) on a windowsill outside with a glass mixing stick in it. The next morning, he found that the soda water had frozen inside the glass. In order to remove it, he tried running it under hot water, which worked and was then able to eat it as a frozen soda water using the mixing stick as a handle. And voila! The Popsicle was born.
Twinkie ... (Referenced by Carmen to Veronica when offering 'nicknames' for those who date interracially.)
A golden-sponge treat with creamy filling, the Twinkie is commonly regarded as the quintessential junk food. Sold by Hostess, the snack is oblong in shape and can be eaten in one bite if one is tempted or in tiny nibbles that savor the mix of cake and cream. Twinkies are quite durable with a purported shelf life from several years to a century. Alas, there is no proof to support this factoid.
Oreos ... (Referenced by Carmen to Veronica when offering 'nicknames' for those who date interracially.)
Invented in 1912 and manufactured by the Nabisco Corporation, Oreo cookies consist of two circular chocolate wafers with a sugary white cream filling between them. The modern Oreo design was developed in 1952 and allows the cookie to be eaten several ways. One is to twist apart the wafers and eat the filling first; some eat the cookie whole. Others prefer to eat Oreos after dunking them in a glass of milk. A little know fact about the cookie is that both sides show twelve flowers around the Oreo design.
PCH (Referenced by Logan telling Hannah that Veronica almost got killed in a drive-by.)
Pacific Coast Highway refers to sections of California's Route 1, beginning at San Juan Capistrano, south of Los Angeles, and ending where Route 1 merges with Highway 1 at Leggett, in Northern California. Route 1 is one of the longest (644 miles) and most scenic routes in California, providing breathtaking views of a large part of the Pacific Coast. It travels past dozens of historical landmarks and through such cities as San Diego, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.
Shaggy ... (Referenced by the mugger when addressing Corny, because he clearly doesn't know his actual, odd nickname.)
The most famous (and popular) of the human characters in the Hanna-Barbera cartoon, Scooby Doo. The show first aired on CBS in 1969. Shaggy along with his three companions travel around the country in their van, the Mystery Machine, with the real star of the show a Great Dane named Scooby. Casey Kasem, the top forty DJ, was the voice for Shaggy the bumbling, wimpy, comic relief who is Scoobys best buddy. The show ran for several years, in many different incarnations, and Scooby became one of the most famous dogs in animation history. In 2002 the franchise was revisited in a movie adaptation starring Freddie Prinze Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar, Matthew Lillard, Linda Cardellini and a CGI Scooby. A sequel followed and they are threatening to make a third.
Coke (Referenced by Logan telling Hannah that her dad is a cokehead.)
Cocaine is the second most popular recreational drug in the United States. It is extracted from the leaves of coca plants, which grow in the Andes of South America. Cocaine is a powerfully addictive stimulant to the nervous system and is an appetite suppressant. Whether snorted, smoked or injected, it produces a euphoria that may last for hours. The adverse health effects to cocaine usage are respiratory failure, cerebral hemorrhaging, higher risk of heart attack and sudden death. Cocaine is a Schedule II drug in the United States, meaning that it is available by prescription due to its medicinal uses, but the illegal possession or sale of cocaine can result in a heavy prison sentence.
Silver Bullet ... (Referenced by Keith, as he tells Terrence the casino surveillance photos can prove that he didn't make any cell phone calls from the casino, effectively putting a silver bullet in Lamb's case against him.)
The silver bullet has its origins in traditional folklore, where it is known as the only weapon that can kill a magical creature living a 'charmed life.' The best known of these magical creatures, of course, is the werewolf. Oddly enough, that particular myth does not have its roots in traditional folklore, but rather in the 1941 movie The Wolf Man. Despite its mythological powers, silver is both lighter and harder than lead and so makes inferior bullets, particularly for modern firearms.
In a contemporary context, the silver bullet is used as a metaphor for any straightforward solution perceived to have extreme effectiveness. The phrase generally appears with an expectation that some new technology, product or practice will easily cure a major prevailing problem. Experts often use the term more cynically to dampen unreasonable expectations.
Pete Rose ... (Referenced by Terrence to Keith as an example of a beloved sports hero tainted by scandal.)
Born April 14, 1941 Peter Edward "Pete" Rose Sr. is a former MLB player and manager. Nicknamed Charlie Hustle, he played from 1963-1986, many of those years with the Cincinnati Reds. A switch hitter, Rose is the all-time major league leader in hits (4256), games played (3562) and at bats (14,053). During his career he won three World Series rings, one MVP award, two Gold Gloves, three batting titles, was Rookie of the Year, and made 17 All-Star game appearances at an unparalleled five different fielding positions (1B, 2B, 3B, RF, LF).
Three years after he retired, in August of 1989, Rose agreed to a lifetime ban from MLB amidst accusations that he bet on ball games while playing for and managing the Reds; including betting on the Reds. After years of publicly denying it, he finally admitted the accusations of gambling were true but that he never bet against his team. After his initial ban the Baseball Hall of Fame had specified that individuals banned from the sport are not eligible for induction and had previously been excluded by informal agreement among Hall of Fame voters. There has been talk about his possible reinstatement and election to the Hall remains a sore spot throughout baseball.
Rick Santorum ... (Referenced as the blackmailer's dummy email address.)
Rick Santorum is the Junior Republican Senator from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Elected in 1994 at the age of 36, Santorum is currently the youngest member of the Senate Republican leadership, serving as the Chairman of the Republican Conference since 2001. Santorum is the first Pennsylvanian of such a prominent position since Senator Hugh Scott was Republican leader in the 1970s.
Santorum is well-known for his conservative social and fiscal positions. Recently, Santorum's comments regarding homosexuality and sexual privacy rights have made him a controversial figure. He is running for re-election in November 2006.
Jedi Mind Trick ... (Referenced by Lamb -- showing his inner geekdom! -- to Keith just before Keith attempts to blackmail him with the extortion attempt.)
In the fictional Star Wars universe of film, literature and video games, the Jedi are part of a noble order of guardians and peacekeepers who are born with the ability to control aspects of "the Force," described by Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi as "an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." (Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope).
Potential Jedi are identified while they are still infants and toddlers, then they are removed from their families and trained in the powers of the Force and the ways of the Jedi. One of the non-violent Force powers used by Jedi is commonly referred to as a "Jedi mind trick", although it is never actually called by this name in the films. This power of the Force is used to influence or manipulate the thoughts and actions of other beings, particularly weak-minded ones. The Jedi usually accompany this "persuasion" technique with the waving of a hand or a particular tone of voice.
One of the first demonstrations of the "Jedi mind trick" occurs in A New Hope, when Obi-Wan Kenobi, accompanied by Luke Skywalker, uses this power on an Imperial officer who stops them to check the droids sitting beside them. By using the Force, Obi-Wan is able to convince the officer that the droids he's seeing aren't the ones he's looking for and that he should let them all move along. Cool power to have if you're a certain P.I. dealing with a certain Sheriff.
Big & Rich ... (Referenced by Lamb in hopes that the CD Keith gave him is the new release by the country group.)
Big & Rich are an American genre-busting country music duo comprised of Kenny Alphin (a.k.a. "Big Kenny") and John Rich. The duos first album, Horse of a Different Color, was released in 2004 and reached number one in both the national and country Billboard music charts. It reached success on the strength of the album's biggest single, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." (Side note: If the cowboy's name is Logan Echolls, I'll gladly spare the horse.) The song not only received national radio airplay, it was also used by ESPN in commercials for its coverage of the 2004 World Series of Poker.
Michael Jordan ... (Referenced by Veronica to Jackie when describing one of Wallace's basketball moves in the game as "Jordanesque.")
Michael Jeffrey Jordan is an American former NBA player, and is largely considered to be the greatest basketball player of all time. Considered a remarkable force at both ends of the floor, Michael ended a career of 15 full seasons with a regular-season scoring average of 30.12 points per game, the highest in NBA history. He won six NBA championships with the Chicago Bulls, notched up ten scoring titles, and was league MVP (Most Valuable Player) five times. He was named to the All-Defensive First Team nine times, and led the league in steals three times.
Since 1983 he has appeared on the front cover of Sports Illustrated a record forty-nine times, and was named the magazine's "Sportsman of The Year" in 1991. In 1999, he was named "the greatest North American athlete of the 20th century" by ESPN, and placed 2nd on the AP list of top athletes of the century. His leaping ability, vividly illustrated by dunking from the foul line and other amazing feats, earned him the nicknames "Air Jordan" and "His Airness."
LeBaron (Referenced by Veronica telling Jackie she should be able to fix a blown fuse.)
The LeBaron is the name Chrysler used for a variety of cars from 1977 to 1995. The first LeBaron was a rebadged Dodge Diplomat that was sold from 1977 to 1981. The 1982 LeBaron, based on the Chrysler K platform, was available in sedan, coupe, convertible, and station wagon versions and featured Chryslers Electronic Voice Alert (a computerized voice that issued warnings, such as Please fasten your seatbelt and A door is ajar").
Veronica Mars' LeBaron -- as seen in the Pilot.
From 1987 to 1995, Chrysler released a new generation of LeBaron coupe and convertible. This version was quite stylish for its day, featuring retractable metal covers for the headlights to protect them from crowbar-wielding jackasses, perhaps? Unfortunately for Veronica, this feature was discontinued in 1993.
- In the beginning of the episode, both Dick and Veronica have their convertible car tops down. However, Hannah is wearing a hat and scarf. Does Neptune High have more than one climate zone?
- On the folder in Marlena's locker, in which the poems were stored, it reads: "Marlenas Out Box." Oh, the double entendres continue.
- Veronica and Keith's matching head tilt, forehead scrunch, and lip purse while saying "hmmmm." The father-daughter bond grows closer by the day.
- Mac sporting makeup, curled hair, and a pink sweater with a heart on it. There's nothing like a little Beaver to bring out the inner girly-girl.
- Arturo referring to Corny as "Shaggy" from Scooby Doo. I knew he reminded me of someone!
- Veronica duct-taping Arturo to the street sign, Spiderman style, complete with an envelope that reads: "Confession Inside." Hey Lamb, it can't get any easier than that.
- When Veronica says to Ryan: "I'll just look for the guy in the black hat, twirling his moustache," she makes the same twirling hand moustache motion that Logan did in Green-Eyed Monster, when he said "Veronica Mars has accused me of evil." Another sign they're meant to be? I think so.
- Veronica's use of the British term "bonnet" to refer to the hood of Terrence Cook's Jaguar. It's nice to see Veronica matching her dialect with the car's country of origin.
- Logan's "hmm" when Hannah says her dad didn't say anything about him after the carnival, his eyebrow raise when she lets him in to her house, and his odd pause when he exits Dr. Griffith's bathroom. All subtle signs that he's up to something.
- Recent postings on The Pirate S.H.I.P. Forum - The Slow Out:
- how can I tell my parents - ClosetLand
- Does he have to know? - FeistyFairy
- gay, or just open? - GrrlLOVER
- I can't take it anymore - KISSNKUZN
- Poll: Your first "special" moment
- Poll: I'm circumcised, have I been violated or infringed upon?
- Despite the arachnid in the title, isn't Scorpion Bay just a tad romantic-getaway sounding, what with Logan referring to it as "our place" when discussing surfing options with Dick.
- Did Logan plant the cocaine that Hannah found in her dad's bathroom?
- Do the explosives in the hangar belong to Woody or to Terrence ?
- Did the Arturo manage to snag the pizza's out of Corny's hands before he dropped to the ground?
- Is it humanly possibly to hate watching Logan with Hannah any more than I did this week?
- When Carmen is explaining the 'coconuts' term to Veronica and she uses the example 'you know, like Twinkies or Oreos, except we're brown on the outside instead of ...' was she perhaps referring to reverse Oreo's? Because the last time I checked, Oreo's, much like coconuts, are brown on the outside too.
- Is it me, or was the music surrounding Kylie's outing as a lesbian (both the bathroom scene with Veronica and the hallway scene with Marlena) super porntastic?
- What happened to Veronica's choker? It doesn't seem to be making regular appearances these days.
- How did Kelly manage to stage the whole mugging, complete with the removal of his rims and being tased, in the Sac-N-Pac parking lot without being seen by anyone?
- Why did Dr. Griffith come downstairs with his coat, like he was leaving, and then after saying hello to Logan, immediately go back up the stairs?
- Where did Logan get a fake hall pass/office note to use to get Hannah out of class?
- Doesn't Hannah ever answer the phone at her dad's house? Or even look at caller ID when it rings? Considering the number of calls on the display from the Fitzpatricks and the River Styx, is that really the first inkling she had that her dad had a lot of dealings with that family?
- How did Logan feel about Veronica seeing him with Hannah?
- How did Veronica feel about seeing Logan with Hannah?
- Why would anyone, evil genius or not, leave a bunch of C-4 and detonators in a big cabinet in an airplane hanger where any number of people might find it?
- Does Lamb really not care about losing his job?
- If there is a "strict rule" about girls not being allowed on the team bus for away games, why was Meg (not to mention the rest of the cheerleading squad) on the bus for an away game in Ruskie Business? Is this a new policy?
- The bus went over the cliff at 7:03 pm.
- Terrence left the baseball stadium around 5:00 pm.
- Terrence was in the Three Rivers Casino when the cell phone call was made that detonated the explosives on the bus. There is no cell phone reception within one hundred yards of the casino.
- Terrence owes millions of dollars in gambling debts to Leonard Lobo, the owner of the Three Rivers Casino. Lobo owns several other casinos, and is on the FBI's "Unsavory Characters" list for fixing a college basketball game in the 1980's.
- The Fitzpatrick family serves as professional muscle for Leonard Lobo, "encouraging" people who owe him money to repay their debts.
- Terrence stores his fleet of expensive foreign cars in a hanger owned by Woody Goodman, in which Veronica later finds explosives and a detonator.
- Peter Ferrer was another student who died in the bus crash. Shortly before the crash, on the "Pirate Shippers" forum, he warned of an "outing to end all outings," that would be occurring soon.
duchessjms (Jayne): Literature; Social Science
holly96 (Holly): Literature
Iloveyoubearymuch (Kathryn): Literature; Homeroom; Principles of Democracy
JenniferH: Report Card; Chemistry; Band Class (Scene Description); Pep Squad Practice
Krissy: Band Class (Song Identifier); Social Science
ramwitz (Margarita): Yearbook
SeluciaV (Alli): Journalism; Study Hall; Literature; Social Science; Philosophy
Tar Frimmer (Joanne): Extra Credit; Study Hall; Literature; Social Science; Homeroom
*runs away with fingers in ears*
