Episode #02.15: The Quick and the Wed
Original Air Date: March 22, 2006
Written by: John Serge
Directed by: Rick Rosenthal
Report Card (Capsule Episode Review)
Yearbook (Recurring & Guest Stars/Character Statistics)
Drama Club (Performances: Highlights and Lowlights)
Chemistry (The Analysis of LoVe Scenes)
Journalism (The Mystery of the Week)
Study Hall (Miscellaneous Plot Details)
Extra Credit (Clues to the Season Mystery Arcs)
History (Flashbacks) (None)
Band Class (The Music of Veronica Mars)
Literature (LoVe Lines/In Memory/Quotable Quotes)
Social Science (In Reference To ... Pop Culture & The World)
Homeroom (On Second Viewing, Get a Clue)
Pep Squad Practice (Ambiguously (Or Not) Gay Logan Moments) (None)
Detention (While the Censors Were Out to Lunch ...)
Philosophy (Unanswered Questions)
Principles of Democracy (Hindsight is 20/20) (None)
Role Call (Written/Compiled By ...)
Grade: A-
Membership Grade: B (53.7% / 41 votes)
Despite the eye-sporking desire most visitors to this site had during certain scenes, this episode is an all-around winner. Even those less-than-savory moments work in the context of the storyline and add an emotional heft to the latter scenes. Veronica is in top-notch form, Jason Dohring hits another performance out of the ballpark, Aaron is back in delightfully creepy mode and clues are slowly popping up. Meanwhile, the mystery of the week is fun, witty and twisty enough to work with a lead delightful guest turn. Filled with heart and heartbreak, mirth and misery -- The Quick and the Wed is Veronica Mars back on track with layers to spare.
Credited Cast Non-Appearance
Teddy Dunn - Duncan Kane
Tessa Thompson - Jackie Cook
Recurring Guest Stars (Previous Episode Appearances)
Mario Ardila, Jr. Arturo, the future PCHer
- Versatile Toppings
Charisma Carpenter - Kendall Casablancas
- Normal is the Watchword
- Driver Ed
- Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang
- Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
- Ahoy Mateys
- Donut Run
Valorie Curry - Jane Kuhne
- Driver Ed
- Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
- Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle
- Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough
Harry Hamlin Aaron Echolls
- Season One Appearances
- Rat Saw God
Michael Kostroff Mr. Pope
- Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang
- Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
Ken Marino - Vinnie Van Lowe
- Season One Appearances
- Donut Run
Michael Muhney Sheriff Don Lamb
- Season One Appearances
- Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang
- Green-Eyed Monster
- Blast from the Past
- Rat Saw God
- Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
- Donut Run
- Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle
- Versatile Toppings
Daran Norris Cliff McCormack
- Season One Appearances
- Rat Saw God
- Donut Run
- Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle
Rick Peters Dr. Griffith
- Rat Saw God
- Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
- Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough
- Versatile Toppings
Jessy Schram Hannah Griffith
- Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough
- Versatile Toppings
Guest Stars
Brad Ashten - Nick
Stacy Edwards - Stephanie Denenberg
Janora McDuffie - Kim
Christopher Mur - Paul Mann
Dawn Olivieri Maggie
Jack Owen - Reverend
Kevin Skousen Joseph Mann
Danielle Vernengo Jen
Gary Weeks Auto Detailer
Virginia Williams Heidi Kuhne
Who's Who in Neptune
Nick Heidi's ex-boyfriend and member of the XLR8 band.
Stephanie Denenberg Hannah's mother and bitter ex-wife to Dr. Griffiths.
Kim One of Heidi's friends that attended the bachelorette party. Had her cell phone stolen by Vinnie Van Lowe.
Paul Mann - Heidi's extremely rich groom-to-be that wasn't.
Maggie - Another of Heidi's friends that was in attendance at the bachelorette party. Advised Veronica of their exploits at Packaged Meat, the all male-review that the bachelorettes had the pleasure of experiencing.
Reverend - Hired to marry Paul Mann and Heidi Kuhne.
Joseph Mann - Paul's father who hired Vinnie Van Lowe to run a background check on Heidi.
Jen - The third and final friend at Heidi's bachelorette party. Bought the novelty camera for Heidi that would print penis-bordered pictures.
Auto Detailer - Detailer at Magic Touch Auto Detailing whom has a standing monthly contract to detail all of Terrence Cook's cars.
Heidi Kuhne - Jane's free-spirited, fun-loving older sister that was engaged to be married to Paul Mann.
Hey! It's That Guy/Girl
Michael Ausiello (Boxers-Giver-Upper) - Ausiello writes the column Ask Ausiello for TV guide and is an unabashed fan of television. His 'Press Tour Diaries' have become a popular diversion when the Television Critics Association convenes each summer. He loves to appear on his favorite shows and has done cameos for Felicity and Gilmore Girls in the past. Ausiello (who posted an online diary of his day on the set of Veronica Mars) appears in the background of the Java Hut, blushing, as Heidi twirls the underwear she obtained from him for the scavenger hunt.
Highlights
Jason Dohring (Logan Echolls) - Once again, Jason Dohring brings his superlative acting game to the forefront and his performance is the tortured heart of The Quick and the Wed. There are many times I find myself running out of descriptive phrases for Dohring's performances and I just sit there mouth agape going wow! Just wow! This was another time that Dohring brought so many layers to Logan Echolls that fandom was aflame.
Tortured, desperate, longing, struggling with painful decisions, conflicted and anguished -- as Logan struggles to escape a looming court date he pursues a path that leads to an increasing self-loathing. But in the end -- there really aren't enough words to adequately describe the performance Dohring gives in The Quick and the Wed. I repeat sometimes all you can say is just wow! That my friends was ACTING!
Virginia Williams (Heidi Kuhne) - Williams was a delight as the Runaway Bride and imbued every one of her scenes with a sexy, sassy spunkiness that immediately won over the audience. Whether belting karaoke, twirling underwear or putting Veronica in her place, Williams was spot on with all her acting choices and fun to watch. She also delivered a standout monologue in her confrontation with her tool of a fianc, combining pain and scorn in a voice packed with emotion. Bravo! (Note to the casting department - more appearances by actresses like Williams, less appearances by pseudo-celebrities like Kristin Cavalleri. Thanks!)
Harry Hamlin, Ken Marino, Michael Muhney and Daran Norris (Aaron Echolls, Vinnie Van Lowe, Sheriff Lamb, Cliff McCormack) - The Quick and the Wed was filled to the brim with terrific performances by some well-loved secondary characters. Norris, Hamlin, Muhney and especially Marino were magnificent in all their swarmy, quippy or -- in the case of Hamlin's Aaron -- seriously creepy incarnations. Young actors who are just starting out in the biz often hear the ancient clich "There are no small parts -- every role is important." These actors may not star in Veronica Mars but they have created wonderfully detailed characters that own the screen whenever they appear.
Scene One: Pensive When Jealous
It's not much and can be attributed to Veronica's annoyance with Logan fooling with this young girl's heart, but the fact that Veronica sat there staring for several seconds at Logan and Hannah, I think, showed a deeper feeling. And it was one that wasn't based on annoyance, but rather jealousy. Think of how often last season we saw Veronica staring at Duncan (with Shelly, with Meg, with Logan) with an almost longing of what was. Maybe I am fanwanking, but I do believe we saw a bit of that here as well here.
And of course, much like most of that period when Veronica was beginning to fall for Logan in season one, we are getting no voiceover as to her feelings. (Admittedly, we haven't gotten much voiceover period, but we're allowed to be biased here and assume all roads lead to a LoVe reunion.) And no voiceover equals (or did last season in relation to Logan) confusion over what she is feeling and/or refusal to admit that there are genuine feelings there. Uh huh.
Scene Two: Cute When Jealous
You know, I don't care if it's only 23 seconds long, but dang if this isn't one of the most adorable LoVe scenes in forever, regardless of the insensitive San Quentin line from Veronica. Why? You gotta watch Logan's face throughout the entire exchange and Veronica's reaction after the nose bop/jealous comment. You'll see why.
Viewers can't actually see Logan's expression, but Jason Dohring rocks so damn hard, it's not necessary because just the profile tells the whole story. The entire time Veronica is giving her little spiel, Logan is gearing up to respond. However, he isn't swallowing to cover his pain that Veronica is being so callous towards his future. Nah, he's grinning, and even trying not to laugh (note the way his cheek puffs out as if his tongue -- mind out of the gutter -- is pressed against it). He isn't upset or bothered by the not-so-nice comments that Veronica is making because it's crystal clear to him that, yeah ... She. Is. Jealous.
Veronica is using the poor, soon-to-be wounded young girl as a moral excuse, but she's just jealous. And he knows it. Again, check out what you can see of his grin while she's speaking and then when we do get the full-on face shot, his eyes are sparkling. He is practically beaming. He loves that she's jealous because it does show that she still cares (and it also confirms that Logan feels nothing truly romantic for Hannah).
And what's even better than the adorable smile and nose bop -- which really is too cute for words, and kinda sexy too, the way he doesn't do it quickly, but almost a slow slide. Sigh. Ahem, anyhoo, what's even better is that Veronica clearly IS jealous. That is obvious by her expression as he walks away. Maybe I'm reading too much into it (me, nah!), but it sure looked like someone who was annoyed because they were caught. It wasn't annoyance that he was reducing her concern to jealousy; it was annoyance because the fucker saw straight through her so-called concern for poor Hannah and knew right away that she was simply jealous.
Burn! I love it.
Scene Three: And I Mean This ... Aww!
If you doubt that Veronica was jealous of Hannah above, here is more proof that Miss Mars is not too keen about this 'relationship.' Herewith, I present pictorial evidence. Check out this screencap (from vm-caps.com):
Take a gander at what you can see of her expression as she stares at him intently. In watching the scene, you can see she seeks to pierce that moment in which Logan looked genuinely into Hannah. And why exactly does Logan seem so into Hannah in this moment? As in the earlier scene between the two, I think it was about the situation as opposed to the girl. I'm not saying that he doesn't care about her, I just don't believe that he likes likes her. I think his actions that could be construed as a genuine romantic interest in her are all preceded by situations that lead him to be simply grateful for the presence of someone (not Hannah, per se, just someone, *anyone*) in his life who, you know, actually likes him.
Earlier in the episode, Logan buried himself in Hannah's affection as an antidote to the emotional abuse he'd suffered -- The Tinseltown Diaries with Dick's obliviousness to his pain, followed by his lawyer's 'friendly' advice, Veronica's 'plumbing new depths' comment, the punk spittle. Now yet again, he was shot down (Mr. Pope stopping just as Logan was about to speak -- clearly not as emotionally demeaning as all of the above, but still, judging from his expression and body language, an unwelcome hit). And lo and behold, look who comes along to make him feel better once more because she likes him, she really likes him. (Or not ... since she doesn't really know him, but Logan's at the point where he's taking what he can get -- literally.)
I feel it was the same situation here. The key word being "situation." Not Hannah specifically, but a someone, an *anyone* who actually treats him like a non-disposable human being. Of course, then in Veronica's emotionally down moment (ie, jealousy) and naturally being unaware of just how very, very bad Logan's last couple of days have been, she attempts to ding that little bubble moment of his. And she succeeded, judging by the clear discomfort and embarrassment Logan responds to her "aww" with.
What is also interesting is that we have Veronica and Logan switching places here (in a way that does bode well for LoVe). Belinda noted this correlation between an FBLA scene from Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang in which VD had a cutesy moment and Logan was witness to it. In both cases, they openly showed forms of affection to their respective significant other. And in both cases, the exes responded with disgust (open in Logan's case, mocking snark in Veronica's). And of course, they both then reacted to the other's reaction with immediate embarrassment. I know. Things that make you go hmmm ... In other words, it looks like Miss Mars is not as unaffected as she pretends to be.
Uh huh! See? Jealous.
Scene Four: True LoVe Stories Never Have Endings!
Okay, seriously, how was this not totally a shout-out? No way that it wasn't. Logan is Veronica's true love! Nyeah-nyeah-nyeah! Take that, Donut-boy!
Ahem, moving along. Like the above two scenes, this bit of interaction is just that, a bit, but it offers much more in terms of potential LoVe goodies than any scene, erm, all season from the Veronica point of view. By commenting "If it [true love] comes looking for me, I'll be over by the espresso machine (cue Logan's arrival)," even jokingly, the acknowledgement is there that she does not have a true love as of yet.
True, this could be seen as bad for LoVe if we didn't already have pretty compelling evidence (Veronica's actions/words all season) that she was doing her damndest to ignore the fact that she was ever actually involved with Logan. Of course, we do have such proof, which is why this isn't a LoVe negative. Instead, it reflects badly upon the whole VD arc this season. If she can even joke about true love finding her a few months after Donut ran, Veronica Mars doesn't believe that such a thing existed between her and Duncan. So yay.
Also, she didn't react to Logan's pronouncement with a roll of her eyes, a grimace, a smirk, or any other like indication that she figured, 'Well, of course, you did something horrible. You're you!' Instead, she genuinely took stock of what he was saying, his body language, expression and tone of voice and appeared to take him seriously. So double yay!
On the flip side, perhaps the very reason that we saw actual concern from Veronica was because Logan wasn't flip, wasn't snarky, sarcastic or rude or any of the other negatives he's been while requesting (more like, demanding!) Veronica's help this season. He first acknowledged that she was busy and basically apologized for intruding on her work. That showed an understanding of something outside of "it's all about me!" which I don't think we've EVER seen before when Logan has asked her for help. Furthermore, during the entire exchange (short as it may have been), he wasn't snarky, he wasn't sarcastic and more importantly, he wasn't overly dramatic. He was just telling it like it was with no embellishments. "I did a horrible thing." And that is why I believe that Veronica showed such true concern for Logan.
The straws are piling up. Oh yes. Jealousy, irritation with Logan (hah!) 'moving on,' genuine concern. Uh huh, what is that I see? Yes indeedy, it's a little, dinky-winky, but none-the-less visible, haystack! We are getting somewhere! YES!
Our favorite private eye in denial is slacking off at Java the Hut, or rather, staring at Aaron Echolls' segment on the Tinseltown Diaries and contemplating the possibility of killing someone using nothing but karma, iron will and six cups of coffee. Surely God would grant Veronica this one prayer. Sadly for Veronica, God has a good memory and is still a bit miffed that she bugged his confessional booth. She shouldn't be expecting any miracles or smiting-favours this year.
Wallace's new girlfriend, Mary Sue-- I mean, Jane sidles up beside Veronica and reminds her that the tray she's holding isn't just to practice her balancing skills. Don't be too hard on Veronica, Jane, she was distracted by practicing her mantra: 'I'm not a Private Investigator, I'm an average teenage girl,' hoping it will stick this week. (Considering she's investigated something every week since episode one, I have no idea why they haven't given up on this emblem of denial yet.) Perking up in her determination to perform a normal job, Veronica follows Jane back to her table.
On their way to the table they pass Jane's sister, Heidi, steaming up the karaoke machine with her slutty rendition of I want you to want me complete with mini skirt and flared shirt sleeves straight from Woodstock. The song is her number one task in her bachelorette scavenger hunt. If the rest of her tasks are that embarrassing it's a good thing her friends are spiking their coffee with liquid courage.
Heidi is the complete opposite of Jane -- she's actually interesting as well as adventurous. On top of that, the giant diamond ring on her engagement finger is certainly not weighing down her spirits. Veronica schmoozes like a true hostess (she can do this job with pride, she can!) and discovers Heidi's marrying the Paul Mann. Everyone give me a 'huh?' If Veronica doesn't know who the Mann family are, they can't be taking the place of the Kanes.
According to Heidi's friends the Manns can tell Jake Kane to eat his heart out because the Mann family is the oldest money in Neptune. In a town that exemplifies the term nouveau riche, it's not surprising that Veronica jumps to the conclusion that 'old money' means they hark all the way back the 1980s. Impressive. Veronica leaves them taking photos of Heidi and the boxers she talked off a random guy in the Hut (task two). There's nothing like a good dose of tawdriness to kick off an episode of Veronica Mars.
The next day at school, Jane runs up to Veronica in the hallway asking for her help. Veronica graphically asks if the 'pin the penis on the fireman' game went awry. I know she's had bad experiences with men but that comment even made me flinch and I don't possess those kinds of appendages. Yeouch. The smile on her face says she's just getting started listing all the quips she'd come up with lying in bed the night before, but the smile quickly vanishes from her face when Jane tells Veronica that her sister has gone missing.
Jane sits Veronica down and tells her that they dropped Heidi off at her place at 2.a.m. the night before (amateur party animals! Pah!) but Heidi never made her dress fitting at ten. Figuring the party girl was partied out, they'd returned to her apartment to pick her up only to find she was missing in action. No one's seen or heard from her and she hasn't been answering her cell phone. The problem is Jane isn't sure if Heidi's in trouble or if she's just being Heidi.
Wallace arrives at that moment and tells Veronica that the last time Heidi had a "Heidi moment" she almost drowned trying to swim with the dolphins. (And what's wrong with that Wallace? Flipper would never let her drown, he's a hero!) Whether she's actually in danger or just being a free spirit, Jane wants Veronica to find her before the wedding (and before her perfect, rich fianc and family find out). The wedding is in three days and the church bells are chiming down the hours, Mars, you better get cracking.
Keith Mars is looking frumpy and forlorn at his Mars Investigations desk - but who wouldn't be miserable seeing Sheriff Take-All-Your-Credit on their television screen? He's happy to be interrupted by a phone call from his daughter. She asks for his help on a runaway bride thing (because she's not swinging with a bias at all), specifically requesting him to run her phone and credit records.
Veronica hangs up the phone. She's sitting all by herself with a messy pony tail and dark clothing. Ah, so season one Veronica still exists and is suddenly friendless again (is Wallace busy dragging Jane into mop closets?). When your friendless it's even worse to suddenly see your gorgeous (if slightly criminal) ex-boyfriend kissing the daughter of his enemy. Even if she does look like blonde-blue-eyed-girlfriend carbon copy #3. Veronica glares; she's way hotter than Hannah.
Later, Veronica meets up with Heidi's ditzy and oh-so-helpful friends at Java the Hut. She asks them if Heidi ever expressed symptoms of cold feet or second thoughts. Those ideas are immediately quashed because Heidi has a problem with first thoughts. She's more of a 'act first, regret later' type of girl. She tattooed the name of her first love, Nick, across her ass after she'd only known him for a week. (Ah! Nothing says true love like gluteal disfigurement - pain is love!) The problem was she only had it for two weeks before Nick didn't seem like such a good choice any more and she had it removed.
Veronica then asks if anything out of the ordinary happened the night before (you mean besides talking a stranger out of his underwear and taking photos with a penis-frame camera, Veronica?). One of her friends says she lost her cell phone and another says they were stalked by a really creepy guy at the Happy Horse Shoe until Heidi had the bouncers bounce him on out of there. (Um, at a place called the Happy Horse Shoe did they expect to find normal cute guys? Whatever.) None of them can identify the creepy guy (probably because there were so many to pick from) so Veronica asks if she can see the disposable camera. Too bad Heidi is in possession of said camera.
Veronica goes to Heidi's apartment to try and search out the camera. When Jane invites her in, Veronica looks around and decides she should probably search for a bare piece of carpet before she can move on to the camera. Veronica is immediately worried, "Okay, her apartment being ransacked - not a good sign." Clearly Veronica's anal cleaning habits have left her abnormally intelligent mind blind to the fact that some people are just lazy slobs - case in point: Heidi.
There are two wine glasses on the coffee table, one of them is broken and the other has a tiny bit of wine (or should I say raspberry cordial) in the bottom. Veronica immediately asks Jane if Heidi was expecting someone. Jane says she wasn't, but really, how would she know? Jane finds Heidi's cell phone charger which explains why Heidi might not be returning calls. Veronica keeps asking questions clearly terrified of commencing a search of this veritable black hole of garbage. She asks Jane if she can tell if Heidi packed a bag and I might as well not bother giving you Jane's answer to that one. Duh, Veronica, snap out of the hostess frame of mind and click into private eye gear.
Veronica and Wallace check out Perry's Caf - where the last of three A.T.M.s which Heidi withdrew maximum cash from was located. Wallace comes up with two reasons for withdrawing so much cash: A sudden, unhealthy addiction to stuffing notes into the unmentionables of male strippers or the more likely scenario of Heidi being forced by an unknown bandit to withdraw all her cash. Still ruminating over the possibilities Veronica and Wallace pause when they notice that Heidi's car is abandoned in the parking lot.
Veronica calls up her friendly incompetent sheriff's department to report Heidi missing but when she mentions a bachelorette party the deputy on the other end laughs at her and says they won't start a search for forty-eight hours. We'll comfort ourselves by saying it's the party that has a reputation and Heidi's exploits are not that notorious. Oh well, when obeying the law gets you nowhere revert to your criminal tendencies. Veronica pulls out a wire and shimmies it into the window seal to break into Heidi's car. Inside, Veronica finds the portable penis camera. Sorry, I couldn't stop myself from phrasing it that way.
The next day at school, Jane sorts through the photos Veronica had printed up. The phallic framing is absent unfortunately -- all that lead up and we don't get anything? Veronica castrated the portable penis camera! Meanie. Jane is worried that she won't be able to identify the guy but Veronica is confident now that the distracting penises are removed she'll be able to concentrate better.
Veronica opens a file and goes through what she knows so far: Heidi received two phone calls at her apartment at 2:55 and 2:57 a.m. Both of them were brief and no messages were left. The first A.T.M. transaction was at 3:20 a.m. Veronica makes the brilliant assumption that the 3 a.m. phone calls might have had something to do with her leaving. Wow. She is good. Jane assumes Veronica would have traced the call but Veronica is again worried because the number is no longer in service and according to the phone company it never was. It doesn't look good for Heidi if someone has deliberately set up an untraceable line to contact her.
Jane continues to flick through the photos until she finds a photo featuring a man with his head chopped off. Jane might not remember the guy's face but she sure does remember his ugly orange shirt. She should -- this shirt makes Logan's orange apparel look positively stunning in comparison. Veronica recognizes it as a bowling shirt.
At the bowling alley, Veronica hunts down the garish orange bowling shirt. We all pray she means to do something good for the world that involves stripping a bunch of overweight bowlers, some kerosene and a match. Instead she's annoyingly determined to keep her eye on the bowling ball.
Lucky for her, the One Eyed Ducks are not made up of average sized young males. The first is too big, the second is too small, the third is not a man at all - but the fourth is just right! And since he's made it easy for our dear goldilocks maybe she'll go easy on him. Then again maybe not. Just at that moment Mr. Just Right gets a strike and gives a victory jig that reveals him to be none other than Vinnie Van Lowe, Keith's private investigative nemesis. He's not just right, he's lower than Lowe. As if feeling her stare, Vinnie stops his celebration and meets Veronica's smug smile. Gotcha.
Vinnie goes to the bar because he knows from practice that he might need a drink or two to put up with the Mars (nuisance) interrogation. She asks "What can you tell me about--" and he says "Nothing" like a politician says "No comment" when they're discovered shtupping their secretary. He says he has no memory of this Heidi person Veronica is yammering about and when Veronica tells him he was thrown out of the Happy Horse Shoe for stalking her he whimsically replies, "If I had a dime for every time I was thrown out of H-square for stalking ..." Somehow, I'm not sure he's joking.
When it's clear Vinnie isn't going to tell her why he was tailing Heidi, she tries to appeal to his conscience (*snigger*) by saying Heidi is missing. "Are you suggesting I kidnapped her? 'Cause I believe that's your wrap." Zing and he scores! Veronica looks more amused than insulted (so I suppose she's over the whole federal crime breaking shtick) and though she tries to find out if the groom or his family hired Vinnie he remains whimsically aloof.
Keith calls Veronica at school to tell her that her missing person 'is a little less missing' because Heidi made two one minute phone calls that morning. The phone calls were to her fianc Paul Mann. Veronica now thinks that Heidi is still in town and she's just hiding from her family. Keith jumps on the bandwagon 'cold feet, honey, it's always cold feet.' Why can't the Mars family be romantics? Oh. Yeah. Never mind, scratch that question.
Veronica puts a call through to Heidi - for some reason dialing her apartment rather than her cell - when she hears the crackling tones of a fax or modem interfering with the phone line. Hmm. Her spidey sense all a-tingly, Veronica and Jane head over to Heidi's apartment again and Veronica asks if Heidi has a fax. Jane finds it beneath only one layer of crap, hallelujah! Veronica tells Jane when she called the apartment the fax picked up because the phone line has been switched over to fax since she was gone. Veronica now thinks the two phone calls she got that morning were really a fax trying to get through. Lucky for Veronica, the fax has stored the message and she can print a copy.
The fax prints a flier for a band called XLR8's upcoming gigs. Veronica clearly isn't down with the texting lingo as she fails to pronounce it 'accelerate.' Jane, however, pronounces it correctly -- not only 'cause she's savvy with abbreviations but because she recognizes the band. It's Nick's band. Nick of Heidi's rectal disfigurement love. None of that explanation would have been necessary had Veronica bothered to read the flier first, because there on the side is a signed message from Nick saying he needs to see Heidi. I tell you her investigative prowess is flailing under the strain of coffee pouring.
Veronica goes to the next bar where Nick's next gig is at and finds the band's trailer, wondering if you can ever cut a man from your heart when you've removed his name from your ass. I'm just glad we never had to answer that question in terms of Veronica and Duncan *shudders and crosses self* She's directed to XLR8's trailer and gets let on board when she asks for Heidi.
Heidi is sitting next to a fine young man with a guitar - ooo! That must be Nick! See, Veronica isn't the only one who can follow a trail of easy clues and come up with the right answer! Yippee me! Heidi recognizes Veronica straight away whom immediately slips into interrogation mode trying to find out what Heidi is doing. But the tables are just as quickly turned on our hapless heroine when Heidi seems confused as to why a barista would go so far above and beyond her duty to search for her patrons. Heidi's not only confused about Veronica's job but Veronica's age. Maybe she's high because she thinks Veronica is twelve and I struggle to knock her down to eighteen week in week out. Huh.
The funniest part of this incredulous interview is when Heidi tells Veronica she's a barista and Veronica stutters over whether she's a barista or an investigator. In the end, denial wins out: "Fine, I'm a barista!" But she's a badass barista who can MacGyver up the espresso machine to create high tech tracking equipment. So there!
(Side note: Since when was she a barista? She's a hostess. Didn't she tell Jackie that she wasn't a barista when she refused to serve her? That means Veronica really WAS slacking on the job back then.)
Veronica struggles to stay in control of the conversation when she tells Heidi that Jane was really worried about her because in case it's slipped her mind she's supposed to be getting married. Then comes the really fun part, where our intelligent heroine gets it all wrong because the coffee is throwing off her intuitive skills.
"We found your car abandoned!" Wait for it, Veronica. "As in parked like thirty feet from the bus station?" is Heidi's 'are you a simpleton?' reply.
Veronica pauses, she is not going to let the victim talk her out of thinking this was a real mystery, no sir! "It was after we went to your apartment and saw two glasses of wine. One was broken." In the same somewhat (understandably) patronizing tone, Heidi explains, "which is why I poured the second glass." Pause. "Maybe you should stick to making coffee."
NO! Don't give her ideas, if she takes the first step of admitting the job is denying who she really is maybe we can work her around to see she's denying true lurrrvee with Logan. Gah! Annoying rational mystery of the week character, your use of common sense doesn't belong here.
Heidi tells Veronica none of it matters because the wedding is off anyway. The up to now quiet Nick finally interrupts the conversation, ears perking up with excitement. Heidi tells Veronica that Paul is the one who went back to his old girlfriend. Veronica is still set on the theory that Heidi did the same thing by getting on a bus to get to Nick. Heidi proves that everyone's opinion of her as a vapid free spirit is wrong: She came to see Nick because his mother was sick and he needed her. Heidi called Paul to tell him what was going on but he didn't return the calls. Then her friend Kim messaged her that she'd seen Paul leaving his ex's apartment at dawn. Heidi maintains that she came to be a friend and nothing more.
Right. Veronica is still skeptical. Nick, friend, how did you send a fax from a nonexistent number? Nick uncomfortably admits that he didn't send the fax, he was just glad to be near his ex again even if he had to lie a tinsy little bit. It's only when Nick says he didn't send the fax that Veronica's latent spy charms are revitalized. She rolls her eyes, wondering why she didn't see it before. Nick didn't send the fax and Kim didn't message Heidi because Kim's phone was stolen. She's just figured out what Vinnie Van Lowe was hired to do.
But why would someone go to all that trouble to get Heidi to dump Paul?
At the small private wedding, all direct family members are standing in a semi circle staring at the groom and the priest wondering if the bride thinks this is what is meant by the term 'fashionably late.' All of a sudden the lady in question comes running toward the wedding. Veronica runs behind her helping to hold her dress up and looks completely out of place in her jeans.
Heidi proceeds to put on a jocular performance of an eager low class bride, "Lay it on me, Preacher man!" Of course, her performance isn't sincere, she's playing to the shocked and unnerved faces of the Mann family. After all, they didn't expect her to turn up when they'd hired a private detective as well esteemed as Vinnie Van Lowe. Paul, in his panic, starts slandering his bride in a most ungentlemanly way. Veronica is frowning at the sudden attack and how sad Heidi looks when she says, "How could you say that to me?" The frown immediately turns into an appreciative laugh when Heidi continues "like I would ever sex up a drummer." Paul clearly is no match for Heidi's original wit and quickly makes all of his parent's careful planning moot when he breaks it off with her.
Why is the plan moot? Well, apparently this whole complicated set up was all because of the bling. We should have seen it from the start, it's always about the bling, the hideous gaudy bling that's so expensive because it's so very big. It also happens to be a family heirloom and the Mann family - going by the rules of polite society -- believed that they could only get the ring back if it was Heidi that broke off the engagement and not Paul.
Heidi says she would have given the ring back if Paul hadn't gone through with such a ruse. We know she fits right into the Veronica Mars verse as soon as she says she's decided to keep the ring instead, in payment for wasting two years of her life "trying to convince [an asshole like] you that I was worthy." I thought the ellipsed phrase was in the script in Heidi's head so I should include it. She politely tells the Mann family to enjoy their reception because a girl's got to keep her bling (or at least hock it for a good price at the nearest pawn shop).
A private eye's job isn't done if she hasn't congratulated the competition (and got back the phone said competition stole). Vinnie comes into the Hut saying 'I don't believe this' with a gesture at Veronica's uniform. Yeah buddy, we don't believe it either. Veronica = ostrich. Head. Sand. We know you get the picture Mr. Van Lowe because you're such a savvy man. Veronica even tells him how savvy he is with her own special brand of reluctance; "You know what's really disturbing about you? Other than everything? You're a halfway decent private investigator." Ooh, I think that one left a mark on the way out. Veronica, I'm so proud of you, admitting these things without being backed into a corner. Progress is good.
Veronica gives Kim's phone to Jane and Jane responds by whipping out her own phone and showing Veronica the screen. The screen reveals an open photo message of Heidi hugging her true love (and much better looking choice) Nick. Heidi used the money from the pawned ring to pay for a ride up to Nick's next show. Not since Ruskie Business has Veronica Mars flexed her matchmaking skills with this much dexterity and it's still a little uncomfortable.
Jane tells Veronica that you never know when true love is going to find you and Veronica responds with her usual sardonic wit: "If it comes looking for me I'll be over by the espresso machine." But true love is impatient so she doesn't quite make it before she runs into Logan. Veronica pauses as soon as he greets her, wondering if this is God's idea of a sick joke - making Logan the love of her life because of all those nasty sins she's committed. No, Veronica, you're just in denial. Logan being the love of your life is a good thing - he's the volatile man from your past that you left for a rich, passionless shmuck. Do try and learn a lesson from your mystery of the week -- it's time to jump into the fire unafraid of being burned.
Well, maybe not. Logan isn't there to declare love but he is proving that God will grant Veronica a miracle after all. No, she wasn't hearing things, Logan Echolls just sincerely admitted he's done something horrible. Will wonders never cease?
- The Tinseltown Diaries airs on television, examining the rise and fall of Aaron Echolls, "choir boy, cub scout, starving actor, megastar, husband, father, adulterer, cradle robber ... murderer." (What, no "gourmet chef, glass blower, or amateur porn videographer"?)
During this tabloid-style program, the Echolls family's sordid lives are shown via photographs and video clips. Featured are reports of Aaron's marital infidelities and his current residence at Balboa County Prison, Lynn's apparent suicide on the Coronado Bridge, "sometimes-actress" Trina's recent terminal illness hoax, and Logan's repeated brushes with the law, including bum fights and his impending trial for the stabbing death of a gang member.
In an interview with the former choir boy, Aaron insists that while he's made mistakes, he swears on his life that he didn't kill Lilly Kane. When asked about the sex tapes, Aaron questions if they ever even existed. His lawyer has requested copies from the prosecution, but they've never seen them. He then goes on to insist that not only did he not kill Lilly, he's positive that Duncan did, citing Duncan's history of violence (is Aaron the pot or the kettle here?) and his current status as a fugitive kidnapper.
Various Neptune residents watch the program, with mixed reactions. In Logan's hotel suite, Logan and Dick watch together. One horrified, embarrassed, crushed and desperate to change the channel. The other amused, entertained, and completely oblivious and unsympathetic to his "friend's" obvious discomfort. In Ms. Denenberg's house, she watches with her daughter, Hannah. Needless to say, Ms. D. is stunned and horrified that her precious little baby is dating the boy she's just seen described in this expos. At Java the Hut, Veronica is so enthralled (i.e. repulsed) by the program, particularly Aaron's attempts to point the finger elsewhere, that she stands holding a tray of drinks, completely ignoring her customers.
- Kendall and Cassidy get on an elevator -- after its former occupant gives Mrs. C. the once-over, only barely keeping his drool to himself. As Cassidy stands there, holding his briefcase, Kendall asks her "boss" how they're doing with their business venture. Cassidy muses that he's holding up his end of things, having gotten some great deals on six more properties he's just added to the Phoenix Land Trust portfolio, including two beachfront locations. Kendall looks both impressed and a little nervous, possibly because she's not quite holding up her end of their deal. Cassidy complains that they're out of capital now and suggests that it's time to think outside of the box and find some new ways of bringing in revenue. Kendall, a little defensive now, points out snottily that everyone believes that his father is the one pulling the strings. He shrugs that he knows.
In an attempt to appear useful, Kendall announces that the Kane house is going up for sale, but Cassidy says it's on the wrong side of town. Apparently, the deals are all south. Kendall thinks they should buy it anyway. Cassidy insultingly reminds her she's not supposed to do any of the thinking. Kendall asks if he's ever considered that maybe she's the clever one and that her "delightful packaging" is just a means of outwitting her adversary. As she says this, her hand trails its way down Cassidy's chest to parts further ... south. He pulls away and says he's counting on that being true. Kendall, a little defeated, says that maybe he's her adversary. After all, her name is on everything to do with the business. Cassidy smirks and agrees that it is, as he gets off the elevator looking like the cat who's just swallowed the canary. What is that boy up to?
- F.B.L.A. meeting. Cassidy, Dick, Veronica, Logan and some students we neither know nor care about, are listening as Mr. Pope talks about the latest tracking polls as reported in the morning paper. These polls indicate that 57% of Neptune supports the idea of incorporation. He asks his class what they think this will mean for the town. Cassidy says it'll mean an actual police department. Dick, demonstrating his two-track mind of surf & sex, says it'll mean private beaches. Veronica chirps that the rich will get richer and Logan is cut off by Mr. Pope before he can offer anything. Mr. Pope says they're all correct, but there is more than just a positive side to incorporation.
Instead of speculating, he points out Palo Alto, California as a model study. Before the dot com craze began, Palo Alto was a diverse community not unlike Neptune. When the city was incorporated in 1970, it put up a wall between the economic classes, resulting in an ultra-rich center surrounded by the crime capital of America. Smart people dumped their unincorporated properties to the not-so-smart before the bottom fell out. Property values in the city skyrocketed while land outside the incorporated area became worthless. It's probably important to note that young Cassidy is paying extra close attention to Mr. Pope's lesson.
Doing a check-in on the 2005-6 F.B.L.A. Portfolio Race, Cassidy has extended his lead far beyond everyone else. It looks like the second-place contestant is David L., but he's pretty far behind, so Cassidy's not looking worried.
- At the prison, Aaron receives an unexpected visit from Kendall. A conversation laden with double entendres ensues. As Aaron intently looks her up and down, Kendall tells him she's there to tempt him with huge tracts of land. There's more than she can handle and she's offering him a piece of the action and the opportunity to walk out of prison a richer man. Aaron concludes that Big Dick still has his fingers in a few pies, but that Kendall is strapped for cash. Launching into an Anthony Hopkins-as-Hannibal Lecter impression, Aaron agrees to help out, but there'll be no "quo" without some "quid."
Kendall naturally assumes he means he wants some type of sexual favor, because ... well, it's Kendall. And it's Aaron. But as he watches Kendall unbutton her blouse and offer to "talk him through it" despite the bulletproof glass, he says he wants something else. He asks her if she knows his son, Logan. Kendall pretends she only knows him in passing and when he asks, says it'll be no problem for her to find some reason to stop by his hotel room. Aaron is pleased.
Logan sits on the couch looking quite bored while Kendall talks to him about why he should invest his money in the Phoenix Land Trust and also looking perplexed because she's not naked while doing so. Explaining that this is her "job" now, Logan ponders the obviously impending apocalypse and goes to answer the knock at his door, while she goes to "freshen up." Instead of "freshening," however, it seems that Kendall's actually more interested in "sneaking." She walks through Duncan's old room and opens up the door to his shower. Taking a pair of tweezers out of her purse, Kendall removes a piece of hair from the drain. Now, why would Aaron want a hair sample from Duncan?
- Java the Hut doesn't attract many bachelorette parties.
- Heidi's apartment is #14.
- Vinnie bowls with a green bowling ball.
- Terrence used to have over forty cars, but he's down to "only" eight now.
- Neptune hosts its very own male burlesque strip show called "Packaged Meat." Charming!
- Perry's Caf is "The Breakfast House."
- Keith has at least one friend at the phone company.
- Despite Kendall's praise, Aaron does a LOUSY Hannibal Lecter impersonation.
- Sometimes even Logan longs for minty-fresh breath.
- Logan likes the movie "Easy Rider."
- I know it sounds unlikely, but apparently Hannah knows what the word "eschew" means and can use it in a sentence. I'm guessing vocab homework?
- Vinnie's bowling team - the One Eyed Ducks - are the perennial winners at Kearney Mesa Bowl.
- The Happy Horseshoe is also known as H squared. And Vinnie's apparently been thrown out of that fine establishment on several occasions.
- Nick's band "XLR8" is playing at:
- As Veronica pours him his morning coffee, an obviously bummed Keith asks her if she's absolutely certain that she saw explosives in the airplane hangar. She points out that there were detonators, too, and that the explosives were marked C4, so yep, she's pretty certain. She also confirms for Keith that nobody else knows she found them, including Jackie, who was there but didn't see them herself. Trying to give Terrence's #1 Fan! a little hope, Veronica weakly tries for the defense that maybe Terrence had some other non-lethal use for the explosives.
Keith doesn't think Terrence was using them for catching fish, so he goes to see his nemesis at the Sheriff's Department. Lamb makes Keith repeat himself that there are explosives in the hangar where Terrence keeps his cars. Terrence, the man Keith was so recently defending as innocent. Lamb continues with the mocking when Keith elaborates that Veronica is the one who saw the C4. Keith suggests a search warrant is in order, but Lamb points out that Judge Carlton is fly-fishing at Bighorn, so it might take awhile. When he starts to suggest Lamb post someone outside the hangar until the warrant is issued, Lamb cuts him off with sarcasm. Keith leaves, obviously frustrated by the latest in a string of frustrating conversations between the two men.
Keith stands outside the airplane hangar, watching as Lamb, some Deputies and the bomb squad mill about. A man in protective gear carries a bag away from the building. Lamb spots Keith and walks over to give him a hard time about being one of those looky-loos who have nothing better to do than listen to police band radios and act as spectators at crime scenes. Keith, resisting the urge to face an assault charge of his own, asks if the bomb squad confirmed that it was C4 in the locker. Lamb sneers that it's a police matter and he'll have to wait for the press conference like everyone else. Still successfully resisting the urge to do bodily harm, Keith notices a man drive up in a pickup truck marked "Magic Touch Custom Auto Detailing, 619-555-0146." A Deputy speaks to the truck's driver and sends him away from the area.
Later, Keith sits in his office, watching Lamb's press conference. The Sheriff announces that at 10:17 that morning, a warrant was issued for the arrest of Terrence Cook, charging him with eight counts of first degree murder. A reporter asks if new evidence has been found and Lamb explains that explosives were found in the hangar used by Terrence to house his fleet of automobiles. Explosives that match the kind used in the bus crash. Terrence is not yet in custody, but if he runs, Lamb assures everyone he won't get very far.
When Veronica calls Keith for assistance with her mystery-of-the-week, she expresses her sympathies about the Terrence situation. Keith's still feeling pretty bummed about it, himself.
That night, Keith tracks down the auto detailer he saw at the hangar. Spotting the man polishing an expensive car, Keith asks him if he's done detailing work for Terrence Cook. When he asks Keith if he's a cop, Keith shows him his business card, letting him know that he's a private investigator working for Terrence and that he saw him pulling up to the hangar when it was being searched earlier. The detailer explains that he has a standing contract with Terrence to detail all of his cars once a month and it was time for his monthly cleaning.
Keith says that the explosives were found in the tall cabinet near Terrence's Maserati and the detailer explains that it's where he keeps the "babies' blankets" -- the calf-skin chamois he's required to use on the cars. The detailer and Keith both come to the conclusion that if the explosives had been in that cabinet a month ago, the detailer would have seen them and if he'd gone to detail the cars yesterday, he would also have seen them. Since Terrence will call the guy if he's even half an hour late for his monthly appointment, Terrence obviously knew he would be there this day. Keith looks pleased as it becomes even more suspicious that Terrence is being framed.
Keith sits and waits impatiently for Lamb at the Sheriff's Department. Keith catches him as he walks by, complaining that he's been trying to reach him. Lamb enjoys admitting he's been ducking his calls. Keith wonders if Lamb really thinks he's enjoying this situation any more than he is and then tells him about Terrence's car detailer.
The pertinent questions being: 1) Why would Terrence keep around damning evidence, such as the explosives? and 2) Why would he keep them in a place where he knew they were sure to be found? Lamb admits they're valid questions and says he'll ask Terrence as soon as he's out of surgery. Keith is shocked when Lamb explains that Terrence was shot by Ms. Dumas' father when he was caught breaking in to the family's San Francisco home. Strange behavior for an innocent man, indeed.
- While sitting outside of Neptune High, Veronica notices Logan and Hannah sitting on a table, acting all sickeningly cozy with one another. Later, she confronts Logan at his locker and accuses him of toying with the sweet girl's heart just to screw with her dad. (Hey, nobody can say she's falsely accusing him this time, right?) She tells him she gets why he's doing it, to avoid prison, but thinks he's really sunk to a new low this time. Logan, not yet willing to admit she's right, smiles and taps her nose, saying she's cute when she's jealous, then walks away.
Cliff meets with Logan in his hotel room, letting him know his trial date has been set for 60 days from now. The District Attorney is offering Logan a one-time deal, to plea bargain down to involuntary manslaughter. This would mean his maximum sentence would be reduced from eleven years to four, and with good behavior (if he could muster some), he'd be out of prison in two. Logan refuses to even consider it, not interested in spending two years in prison for a crime he didn't commit.
Cliff tries to encourage him to take the deal. After all, the prosecution has eyewitnesses, most prospective jurors have been exposed to Logan's more colorful side by way of The Tinseltown Diaries, jurors love convicting smug, rich boys, and according to people he's asked ... nobody likes him. Logan suggests Cliff argue that even if he had killed Felix, which he didn't, it would have been in self-defense anyway, considering he got jumped by a gang. Cliff says he plans to argue that very defense, but Dr. Griffith didn't see a gang. He "saw" three bikers, one bleeding to death, and a knife in Logan's hand, so he'll be testifying that Logan wasn't in peril when he stabbed Felix. Logan doesn't budge. No deal.
Shopping at a convenience store, Logan notices Arturo (the pizza-boy mugger from Versatile Toppings) and another Latino boy glaring at him with disgust. When he leaves and goes to the Xterra, the boys drive by on their bicycles, calling out to get Logan's attention before spitting in his face and calling him "el Diablo" as they ride off.
Later, Logan sulks while watching Easy Rider with Hannah. (Much like this viewer was sulking -- or cringing -- while watching this scene, so we'll skip by the most cringe-worthy parts, okay? Okay.) When asked, Logan denies anything's wrong. Her mother walks in to the room, takes in the appalling scene before her, and asks to speak privately with Hannah in the kitchen. Hannah introduces Logan to Ms. Denenberg and he asks if he can use their computer to check on some fantasy scores while they're in the kitchen. Ms. D. points him towards the den and leaves with Hannah.
Logan sits at the computer and opens up the e-mail address book. Clicking on Tom Griffith, MD, FACS (DrGriffith@NeptuneCosmetic.com), he quickly types up an e-mail. Subject: Thought you should know. Message: Tom, Thought you should know, foundbirth control CONDOMS in Hannah's room. We need to talk."
In the kitchen, Hannah and her mother argue about Logan. Apparently, Hannah thinks her mom is too judgmental because she doesn't want her daughter dating a boy who's awaiting trial for manslaughter. And the whole bum fight thing? Is totally okay, because it was sooo long ago. Mom thinks Logan is a phony, ugly on the inside (she didn't say outside, so maybe she thinks he's pretty, too!), only wants one thing from her and will break her heart. Hannah insists she's wrong; she doesn't know him.
Hannah's the only one who knows him at all. Because she's known him like forever! I mean, we're talking weeks! Nobody could possibly know him like she does! (Gah! There's naive and there's willfully blind ignorance. Just sayin' ...) Logan's sadly overheard the argument and decides it's time to interrupt, pretending to be pleased with his fantasy sports scores. There's an air of awkwardness and Logan offers to take the trash out for Ms. D. (Yeah, I'm sure that'll win her over, Logan.)
Outside, Hannah tells Logan he should ignore her mother because she's bitter about the divorce and thinks all men are evil. An obviously depressed Logan suggests she might be right. Hannah's having none of it and in fact -- Hmm. For some reason, the rest of this scene is a big blur of nothingness. Suffice it to say, I think Hannah may have offered something to Logan (minutes after "mom" suggested he was only after this something) and he may or may not have taken her up on said offer. Some say he did, some say he didn't. I say she's a moron and they're both going to be hurting soon.
The next day, while Logan sits next to Veronica in their F.B.L.A. meeting, Hannah prances by the open door and throws a sickeningly sweet kiss which Logan catches. Veronica, eyewitness to the event, gives him her best "awww." Logan shrinks down in his seat, a little embarrassed (as well he should be. Honestly, that little cupcake! Logan, please!).
Later on, Logan opens his hotel room door to find an angry plastic surgeon standing in the hallway. Dr. Griffith concedes defeat and tells Logan that it all stops now. Without being invited in, Griffith walks past Logan. Kendall -- who had visited earlier and "freshening up" in the bathroom -- slinks her way back into the room and smiles and flirts with Logan while Griffith looks on. She plants a kissed finger on Logan's lips, which he accepts, kissing the finger back.
Kendall leaves as Logan smirks at Griffith's reaction to the scene he just witnessed. Griffith advises him that one day Logan's smirk is going to get wiped off, but Logan's unimpressed considering the source of the advice. Griffith admits that karma's come back around to bite him in the ass, so he'll agree to make his testimony disappear and deal with the Fitzpatricks as long as Logan stays the hell away from Hannah. (And just for a moment, Nip/Schmuck becomes a hero to this viewer. Only for a moment.) Assuming they have a deal, Griffith walks out, leaving Logan to contemplate the full meaning of his plan coming to its successful conclusion.
At the Hut, after Veronica lets Jane and Wallace know that she can be found over at the espresso machine if true love should happen to come calling for her, Logan fatefully appears. And we witness the third sign of an impending apocalypse as Logan not only politely recognizes that Veronica's busy with work, but also admits to Veronica, with sincerity, that he thinks he's done "something horrible." Veronica appears concerned, as she and the audience are forced to wait another week to find out just what that "something" is. And what, exactly, Logan hopes Veronica can do to help him.
"I Want You to Want Me" (Original Artist: Cheap Trick/Performed By: Virginia Williams)
Scene: Heidi karaoke's her little heart out -- but in her heart is she singing to Paul (he of the big rock) or Nick (he of the numerically-inclined rock band)?
"I Am The Very Model of Modern Major-General" (Song from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance)
Scene: Karaoke soars again, this time to the dashing tune of the oh so classy Gilbert and Sullivan, while Heidi and her friends discuss less classy subjects, much to the barista named Veronica's amusement.
"Lost Art" (Mere Mortals)
Scene: Logan hitting the Pac-n-Sac. Hmm, which tasty, fun-packaged gum will I spring for today, Logan ponders while two punk-ass PCHer-wannabe's shore their spit up for a future endeavor.
"Oh My" (Mellowdrone)
Scene: The shoes may be blah, but Veronica Mars is rocking the cutest ponytail as she checks out the Bowling Alley for our favorite sleazy detective. Ah, Vinnie, you put the Pee-eww in P.I.
"Sometimes the Sun" (The Lashes)
Scene: Using her super-sleuth abilities (which for some odd reason, Heidi seems to find not all that super at all), Veronica tracks down the erstwhile bride with her sweetie, hottie ex, Nick -- he who was the inspiration for the formerly tattoo-ed buttocks of Heidi.
LoVe Lines
Veronica: Toying with a sweet little girl's heart just to screw with her dad? I get it. San Quentin isn't quite as enticing as, say, college, but damn -- you've really plumbed new depths, Logan.
Logan: (Touching a finger to Veronica's nose as he passes, smiling and beaming.) You're cute when you're jealous.
Quotable Quotes
Keith: Veronica saw them first hand.
Lamb: Oh, well if Veronica saw them. I mean that's like Moses bringing tablets down the mountain to me.
Tinseltown Diaries Narrator: Tonight, Tinseltown Diaries examines the rise and fall of one of Hollywood's brightest stars. Choir boy, Cub scout, starring actor, mega-star, husband, father, adulterer, cradle-robber, murderer. Who is the real Aaron Echolls?
Veronica stands with a tray of drinks, watching Tinseltown Diaries.
Jane: Veronica?
Veronica: Oh, hey Jane? (Goes back to staring at television)
Jane: I think those are our drinks.
Veronica: And, you want me to bring them to you versus watching them get cold from across the room. Got it.
Jane: (Gesturing to the girl singing karaoke.) My sister, Heidi.
Veronica: The bride to be? (Approaching the table.)
Maggie: More like the bride to beat. She's only marrying Paul Mann. The Manns are, like, the oldest money in Neptune.
Veronica: You mean like from the 80's? Please tell me they invented the fishnet muscle shirt.
Veronica: (Looking at Heidi's rather ginormous engagement ring.) Wow! Somebody parked a diamond Volkswagen on your finger.
Jane: It's a bachelorette scavenger hunt.
Veronica: (Perusing the printed list of tasks on the hunt.) One: Sing slutty song publicly. Two: Talk a man out of his underwear?
Heidi: Done and done.
Veronica: All righty, then. Well, if you wind up getting to number eight, be sure and bring mouthwash.
Lamb: (To Keith) Oh you lookie-loos with your police band radios and your free time.
Jane: Veronica.
Veronica: Hey, party girl.
Jane: I need your help.
Veronica: Let me guess -- the pin the penis on the fireman game ended in tears?
Veronica: You mind helping me out? A friend's sister is missing -- a runaway bride thing. Name's Heidi Kuhne.
Keith: Veronica, aren't you supposed to be at school doing school-y type stuff?
Veronica: That's why I want you to run her phone records, Pops. You can do this in your sleep, come on.
Keith: All right, just as long as ...
Veronica: (Cutting Keith off.) Both cell and home, please, and you might as well check her credit cards and ATM activity while you're at it.
Keith: Is there anything else darling?
Kendall: I think we should buy it.
Beaver: What have I told you about thinking?
Kendall: (In a ditzy voice.) That it makes my breasts smaller?
Logan: No deal.
Cliff: Well, if it helps you decide on your wardrobe, I'll be wearing the "I'm with Stupid" tee-shirt.
Veronica: (while Jane is looking at the photographs from the Bachelorette party) I had the printer forgo the phallic framing. Penises can sometimes be distracting.
Kendall: Aaron, how would you like to walk out of here a richer man?
Aaron: Ahhh, you're cash strapped. No, I get it. I can help. (Imitating Hannibal Lecter). But, quid pro quo, Mrs. C. Quid. Pro. Quo. (Makes Hannibal's infamous sucking sound.)
Veronica Mars Voiceover: The One-Eyed Ducks, perennial champs, lane 5. That guy's too big. That guy's too small. That guy's ... not a guy, just in desperate need of a stylist. But that guy looks just right.
Vinnie: Are you sure you don't want one? $1 draft night. Come on, have a beer. We'll let you bowl a frame.
Veronica: Vinnie, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. (Vinnie starts walking away; she joins him.) What can you tell me ab --?
Vinnie: Nothing.
Veronica: Of course. Your Pavlovian response.
Vinnie: Are you suggesting I kidnapped her? Because -- (Looks around to make sure no one's listening.) -- I believe that's your racket.
Keith: Lamb, I've been trying to get ahold of you.
Lamb: And I've been ducking your calls. Man, that feels good to get off my chest.
Veronica Mars Voiceover: According to Jane, it's been three years since Nick and Heidi were hot and heavy. You can laser a guy's name off your ass, but I wonder whether you can really ever cut him out of your heart.
Heidi: My family hired you to track me down?
Veronica: Actually, Jane did.
Heidi: You're twelve.
Veronica: I'm eighteen.
Heidi: You're a barista.
Veronica: I'm a -- (Grits teeth.) Fine. I'm a barista.
Veronica: And then we found your car abandoned.
Heidi: As in parked, like thirty feet from the bus station?
Veronica: (Smiles tensely.) It was dark. And it was after we went to your apartment and saw two glasses of wine. One was broken.
Heidi: Which is why I poured the second glass. Maybe you should stick to making coffee.
Paul: I demand to know what you've been up to.
Heidi: I didn't ask you what you were doing for your bachelor party. And after finding whipped cream in your underwear, I think I was entitled.
Paul: You were entitled -- you? The one who sexed up every wannabe rock star in southern California? You know, if I wanted to marry Tawny Kitaen, I would've got a nipple pierced.
Heidi: (Offended.) How could you say that to me? Like I would ever sex up a drummer. Lead singers? Yes. Maybe the occasional guitar player. The important thing is that we love each other.
Paul: How can you expect me to love a used-up groupie like you?
Heidi: Wow. Ouch, honey. Kind of harsh. Are you breaking it off?
Paul: You're damn right I --
Joseph Mann: No!!
Heidi: Fair enough. So, I guess I'll be keeping this precious family heirloom. (Removes ring.) Because those are the rules in "polite society," aren't they? (Chuckles.) I mean, if I backed out or didn't show up, I'd have to give you the ring back, right? (Paul and his parents look defeated.) You know the funny thing? You could've just said, "It's over." And I would've given you the ring back. This will be payment for the two years I wasted trying to convince you I was worthy. (Puts the ring back on and turns to guests, smiling, hands raised in air.) Enjoy the reception!!
Logan: I'm confused. You're talking. And your clothes are on. I'm starting to think you really came over here to try and sell me real estate.
Kendall: I told you, it's my job.
Logan: (Hears knock on door.) And that must be the second sign of the apocalypse.
Dr. Griffith: Mark my words. Someday that smirk is gonna get wiped off your face.
Logan: Oh, please. Let the lying coke-head plastic surgeon lecture me on karma.
Veronica: If it isn't the Puppet Master.
Vinnie: Hey, what a man does in the privacy of his own home, office, and/or car is his business. You know, you cost me a five grand bonus.
Veronica: (Gasps.) You were gonna buy a new jacket?!
Vinnie: And give up the cheap women? Not likely.
Veronica: (Holds out hand.) Give it.
Vinnie: (Looks into her palm.) What?
Veronica: Kim's cell phone. I called you? Left a threatening message?
Vinnie: (Looks around and gives her the phone.) You didn't get it from me.
Veronica: Exactly how many times have you had to say that in your life? (Vinnie starts to reply, but has nothing.) You know what's really disturbing about you? Other than everything? You're a halfway decent private investigator.
Vinnie: (Smiles.) Stop. You're embarrassing me.
Veronica: You can embarrass the shameless?
Wallace: So, how does it feel to play Cupid?
Veronica: (Considers it.) Uncomfortable. (Wallace and Jane laugh.) This better last.
Jane: Guess you never know where true love's gonna find you.
Veronica: If it comes looking for me, I'll be over by the espresso machine. (Walks towards espresso machine and (of course!) Logan walks up to her.)
The Quick and the Dead ... (Referenced by the episode title, a play on words.)
A 1995 Western starring Sharon Stone, The Quick and the Dead was directed by Sam Raimi (before his Spiderman directorial fame). Following the tale of a gunfight in a lawless town, the film also stars Gene Hackman, Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe. Despite the Oscar-winning and nominated power of all four stars, the film met with mixed critical reviews and poor box office.
Bighorn ... (Referenced by Lamb as he informs Keith that Judge Carlton is fly-fishing.)
The Bighorn river begins in Wyoming at the Boysen Reservoir and eventually flows into Bighorn Lake in Montana, 150 miles upstream. The river ends with the Yellowtail Dam, which was completed in 1967, along with one of the world's most productive brown trout fisheries. Closed to public fishing in 1975, due to Indian reservation disputes, the river was once again opened to the public in 1981. The river is considered one of the finest trout streams in the U.S. and offers an excellent location for fly-fishing.
Hollywood (Referenced by The Tinseltown Diaries' description of Aaron.)
Hollywood, California is a district of the city of Los Angeles, California, U.S.A., situated northwest of Downtown. Due to its fame and identity as the historical center of movie studios and stars, the word "Hollywood" is often used colloquially to refer to the American film industry. Today much of the movie industry has dispersed into surrounding areas such as Burbank and the Westside, but significant ancillary industries (such as editing, effects, props, post-production, and lighting companies) remain in Hollywood.
Several historic Hollywood theaters are used as venues to premiere major theatrical releases, most famously Grauman's Chinese Theatre, and the new Kodak Theater, which opened in November 2001 and is the permanent home of the Academy Awards. It is a popular destination for nightlife and tourism, and home to the Walk of Fame. And of course, you can't be in Hollywood without noticing "The Sign." One of the most recognizable landmarks in the United States was declared a historical landmark in 1973. The original housing development sign was not built to stand forever, and is in great need of repair. So who is helping fund this $27,000 per letter budget? Why no other than Hollywood's finest: Gene Autry, Hugh Hefner, and Alice Cooper. Alice Cooper? Yeah, I definitely associate him with Hollywood.
You gotta love it though. I mean, really -- where else but Hollywood would Gene Autry, The Hef, and scary Alice be pooling their resources for a community beautification project?
Cub Scout (Referenced by The Tinseltown Diaries' description of Aaron.)
Sector of the National Boy Scouts of America, designed for younger boys, ages 7-10 years old. Much like the boy scouts, cub scouts earn badges as they engage in a variety of activities that introduce them to nature, safety, and environmental issues.
Tossing the Salad as Tossed Salads ... (Referenced by Dick when noting Aaron's leanness from his prison stay.
Tossing the salad is one of many forms of slang for anal-oral contact, also referred to as anilingus. Other common euphemisms include rimming, rimjob (See Mars vs. Mars Social Science/Detention), pepe'ing, or 87 (compare 69). Tossing the salad is a sexual activity involving contact between the anus or perianal areas of one person and the mouth of another. Lovely. Whatever floats your boat.
Coronado Bay Bridge (Referenced by The Tinseltown Diaries' report of Lynn's suicide.)
The owners of the Hotel del Coronado, Hampton Story and Elisha Babcock, first conceived the San Diego - Coronado Bay Bridge in 1888. San Diego, in this period, had a prosperous tourist trade in part due to the transcontinental railroad that passed through the town. The 2.12-mile toll bridge opened in 1969 and spans from the Island of Coronado to the City of San Diego. The construction costs totaled $50 million for the bridge that stands over two hundred feet in the air, allowing the tallest ships to pass beneath. It won the Most Beautiful Bridge Award from the American Institute of Steel Construction in 1970.
The Lord of the Rings ... (Referenced by Heidi's friend when jokingly trying to take Heidi's engagement ring during the Java the Hut stop of the Bachelorette Scavenger Hunt.)
The Lord of the Rings is an exceptionally famous fantasy trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien made into a superlative film trilogy with all three films receiving countless Oscar-nominations, including a Best Picture win for the final installment, The Return of the King. Directed by Peter Jackson, the tale includes a character known as Gollum (played with green screen by Andy Serkis). Gollum is desperately obsessed with once more possessing the One Ring -- an object he refers to as "my precious" -- with constant slithery, serpentine cries of want.
Volkswagen (Referenced by Veronica's description of Heidi's engagement ring.)
Volkswagen is a German automobile company that was founded in 1937 by the German Auto Association.
The Beetle is one of many models (e.g. Jetta, Passat, Rabbit) manufactured by Volkswagen, but is easily the most unique. An example is Mac's Beetle Cabriolet, which was first introduced in 1949 and phased out by 1980. The new model has a semi-automatic convertible roof that folds down in thirteen seconds. The 2006 Cabriolet starts at $22,120 and unfortunately no longer comes in Mac's choice of Cyber Green, but a subdued Gecko Green.
Bacchanalia ... (Referenced by Heidi as she tells Veronica the Hut is just the first stop of her bachelorette party.)
The Bacchanalia were pagan mystic festivals dedicated to the Roman god Bacchus. Also known to Greeks as Dionysius, Bacchus, the god of wine, represents not only intoxicating power, but its social and beneficial influences. He is viewed as the promoter of civilization, a provider of law, and lover of peace -- as well as the patron of agriculture and the theater. He was also known as the Liberator.
Kids, never ever get this drunk!
The tradition of festivals dedicated to this fine deity was brought to Ancient Rome from lower Italy c. 200 BC. Originally, the bacchanalia were held secretly on March 16 and 17 in the grove of Simila near Avenitne Hilland, and the only participants were women. Later, men were admitted and the festivals took place five times a month. (Yep, folks, that's how addictions normally progress). The tradition grew into the full-blown cult that had spread rapidly, gathered power and made the local authorities uneasy (as cults tend to do, perhaps for a reason).
All of that led to a decree of the Senate in 186 BC prohibiting Bacchanalia throughout Italy except in special cases specifically approved by the Senate (kind of like the drunken Washington, D.C., political gatherings of today, for which people anywhere else would be arrested). The decree, called Senatus consultum de Bacchanalibus (sounds official), was inscribed in bronze tablets discovered in Apulia in Southern Italy in 1640 and currently displayed at the Kunsthistorishes Museum in Vienna.
The reasons for the decree were political rather than moral. Women occupied leadership positions in the cult, which went against the traditional Roman family values (wow, will the parallels to the current political climate never cease?). Slaves and the poor were the cult's members and, it was assumed, planned to overthrow the government (drinking excessively helps with such planning, I'm told). And the decree itself was an impressive show of the Senate's supreme power at the time when the Senate could use such a display, because certain victorious generals gained popularity and threatened the collective authority in the political arena.
However, all that is ancient history (literally). The modern term bacchanalia has ceased all of its political meaning and now refers to basically any kind of a drunken party. In fact, many schools in the United States and abroad hold Bacchanalias on an annual basis. Rice University holds its revelry at Brown College where people dressed in togas engage in various forms of debauchery. Our flagship of higher education -- Harvard University -- holds theirs at the Lowell House. The gathering serves as the Spring Formal, and by "formal" they mean that the drunk-off-his-ass frat boy dressed as Bacchus arrives wearing his toga tied in a fancy, classy way. Not to be outdone, the traditionally liberal and progressive Sarah Lawrence College celebrates the end of conference work and school year with a Bacchanalia of its own. Ironically, the authority that throws the shindig is called Sarah Lawrence College Student Senate (as the ancient Romans roll in their graves). Live music is played outdoors and free booze is served. (Gotta love progressive schools!).
Not paying any heed to history (and why would a fraternity be interested in history, really?), the Epsilon Xi chapter of Sigma Nu at the University of Mississippi throws its Bacchanalia as an annual spring male-only party (and they will punch you if you call this gay). The massive festivities include live music, assigned costumes (no, not gay at all), and various sexual rituals (okay, that is totally gay!).
Cheez Whiz ... (Referenced during the Bachelorette Party when taking a picture as in "Say Cheez Whiz!")
One of the best-known thick, processed cheese sauces, Cheez Whiz (much like Xerox), while a brand name (manufactured by Kraft Foods and introduced in 1952) is often used as a generic term to describe similar products. The main reason for such is because Cheez Whiz is number one among the bunch. And like all cheese products in the same category, it does indeed contain regular cheese, albeit regular cheese that has been reprocessed along with additional ingredients such as emulsifiers and stabilizing agents, such as xanthan gum or carrageenan. These products derive their tanginess and flavor from additional ingredients such as citric acid and flavoring compounds. Annatto is used for coloring.
Coke-head (Referenced by Logan describing Dr. Griffith to Cliff.)
Cocaine is the second most popular recreational drug in the United States. It is extracted from the leaves of coca plants, which grow in the Andes of South America. Cocaine is a powerfully addictive stimulant to the nervous system and is an appetite suppressant. Whether snorted, smoked or injected, it produces a euphoria that may last for hours. The adverse health effects to cocaine usage are respiratory failure, cerebral hemorrhaging, higher risk of heart attack and sudden death. Cocaine is a Schedule II drug in the United States, meaning that it is available by prescription due to its medicinal uses, but the illegal possession or sale of cocaine can result in a heavy prison sentence.
Maserati (Referenced by Keith explaining to the car detailer where the explosives were found.)
Established in Bologna, Italy in 1914, Maserati is a well-known manufacturer of racing and sports cars. The company's emblem is a trident (which Neptune, Roman god of the sea, carried) and the headquarters are now located in Modena. These days, Maserati is owned by Fiat, after having been a part of Ferrari for many a year.
Quid pro quo (Referenced by Aaron when Kendall tries to solicit his investment.)
Literally translated, quid pro quo means this for that. It is doing something for someone in order to get something in return. In other words, Aaron's willing to help Kendall financially only if she'll help him out in some other fashion.
Hannibal Lecter/"Quid pro quo"/Hissy Noise - (Referenced by Aaron and Kendall during the prison visit.)
Reference to a featured character in the 1988 novel, The Silence of the Lambs, by Thomas Harris. It tells the story of Clarice Starling, an FBI Agent who is trying to find a serial killer with the help of another serial killer, Hannibal Lecter. It was a sequel to the book Red Dragon, and was followed up with the book entitled Hannibal. In 1991, it was made into a movie staring Jodie Foster as Starling and Anthony Hopkins as Lecter. The movie won five Oscars, including Best Picture and awards for Hopkins and Foster in the Best Actor and Actress categories.
In an important scene from the film, Clarice visits Hannibal in his prison cell -- he on one side of security glass, she on the other. Lecter will only agree to assist Clarice profile a currently active serial killer, if she will answer his own questions, which are of a more psychological nature and are directed at Starling's past. "If I help you, Clarice, it will be 'turns' for us, too. I tell you things, you tell me things. Not about this case, though. About yourself. Quid pro quo. Yes or no?" Desperate to save the life of a kidnapped young woman, Clarice agrees.
Lecter was convicted of not only killing his victims, but ingesting portions of their remains, earning him the nickname, "Hannibal the Cannibal." In another, more famous (voted 21st most famous movie quote by the AFI) and often mimicked scene from the film, Lecter delights in telling Clarice, "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti," following it up with an equally disturbing slurping noise. Aaron Echolls is just the latest in a long line of imitators of that famous movie moment.
Easy Rider ... (Referenced as being the film that Logan and Hannah were watching.)
One of the seminal films of the 60's, Easy Rider -- made in 1969 -- is a road movie directed by Oscar-nominated actor Dennis Hopper. The film tells the story of two young men, Wyatt (Peter Fonda) and Billy (Dennis Hopper), who "went looking for America but couldn't find it anywhere."
Fantasy Scores/Sports ... (Referenced by Logan as his excuse to use Hannah's mom's computer.)
Fantasy sports is a game wherein a person builds their own team of professional athletes in their sport of choice and then pits their team against other people's fantasy teams. The individual pro-athlete statistics are generally used to calculate points earned by the "team." Basketball, baseball, football, hockey are some of the more popular sports included in fantasy sports games. The Internet has helped to popularize and expand the world of fantasy league sports.
Tracy McGrady ... (Referenced by Logan as he pretends to have just checked his fantasy basketball scores.)
Born in Bartow, Florida on May 24, 1979, Tracy McGrady, aka T-Mac, is currently playing basketball for the Houston Rockets. After his senior year of high school at Mount Zion Christian Academy, he was named the USA Today Player of the Year and the North Carolina state Player of the Year. He was selected by Toronto in the 1997 NBA draft and made his first career NBA start, with 13 points and 5 rebounds, against the Washington Wizards on 12/31/97. T-Mac was later traded to Orlando in 2000 and then on to the Houston Rockets in 2004. He was voted a starter at the 2001 and 2003 NBA All-Star Games, is a five-time NBA All-Star (2001-2005) and finished the 2002-2003 season as the NBA scoring champion, averaging more than 30 points per game and becoming the youngest player to average more than 30 points per game since the 1976-77 season.
"Too big, too small ... Just right." (Referenced by Veronica as she searches the bowling alley for Heidi's 'stalker' in a Goldilocks kind of way.)
The character of Goldilocks dates back to the 1830's in the popular English fairy tale, Goldilocks and the Three Bears. In the tale, a family of three bears, while waiting for their porridge to cool, leave their house and go for a walk. Along comes Goldilocks, a mischievous girl who enters their house uninvited and messes with their things. She tastes their porridge, finding the father's to be too hot, the mother's too cold, but the baby's as "just right." So she eats it. Then she tries out their chairs and beds and decides the father's is too hard, the mother's is too soft and the baby's is just right -- although she accidentally breaks the baby's chair.
When the bear family returns home, they find her asleep in the baby's bed and deal with her in various ways depending on who's telling the tale. Sometimes they scare her away, sometimes they kill her, and sometimes they all become good friends.
Pavlovian Response ... (Referenced by Veronica in regards to Vinnie's predictability.)
A Pavlovian response references the experimental results of famous Russian physiologist, psychologist, and physician Ivan Petrovich Pavlov (September 14, 1849 February 27, 1936). The Pavlovian response is so named because Pavlov first described classical condition through his experiments with dogs.
Curious George(ette) ... (Referenced by Vinnie when describing Veronica's investigative nature in the bowling alley.)
Small, brown and oh so curious, the famous protagonist of Hans Augusto and Margaret Rey, Curious George is a well-known staple of the children's book genre. Adopted by Ted, the man in the Yellow Hat, on sojourn in Africa, Ted takes George, an extremely inquisitive monkey, to live with him in the big city where Curious George finds many a thing to be curious about. A film version, starring Will Ferrell as Ted, opened in theaters on February 10, 2006.
San Francisco (Referenced by Lamb informing Keith that Terrence was shot while breaking into Ms. Dumass' parents' home.)
The City and County of San Francisco is the fourth-largest city in California and the fourteenth-largest in the United States, with a 2005 population of 739,426. It is located on the tip of the San Francisco Peninsula and is the focal point of the San Francisco Bay Area, whose population is seven million. San Francisco is the second most densely populated major American city, after New York.
The Spanish were the first Europeans to settle in San Francisco in 1776 and they named the settlement for St. Francis. When the gold rush hit in 1848, the city experienced rapid growth. Even the devastating earthquake of 1906 (one of the worst natural disasters in United States history) could not stop the San Francisco explosion. The city was quickly rebuilt and is today one of the most recognizable cities in the United States. Famous hallmarks and landmarks include the San Francisco cable cars, the Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz Island.
Silicon Valley ... (Referenced by Mr. Pope as he describes Palo Alto.)
Located in the southern part of the San Francisco Bay area in California, "Silicon Valley" was originally named as such by Don Hoefler in 1971 within a series of articles he wrote in the Electronic News. It is a reference to the large population of silicon computer chip manufacturers located in the Santa Clara Valley, including businesses in Palo Alto, San Jose, Santa Cruz and Sunnyvale. As the years have passed, the use of the term has been expanded to all high tech businesses in the region. Some of those businesses headquartered in the Silicon Valley include Adobe Systems, Apple Computer, Cisco Systems, DreamWorks Animation, eBay, Google, Hewlett-Packard, Intel, Sun Microsystems and Yahoo!
Stanford University ... (Referenced by Mr. Pope during his discussion of incorporation in Palo Alto.)
Stanford University is an Ivy League University located in Stanford, California. This institution is known for its strong academic programs and highly competitive admissions process. Nearly 75% of students enrolled in the university attained a score of 700 or better on both the verbal and mathematical portions of the SAT exam. That said, only about 13% of applicants to Stanford are actually admitted. Perhaps more daunting than the rigorous academic barriers facing Stanford hopefuls, are the financial ones. Tuition and room and board cost almost $40,000 a year.
Hewlett-Packard ... (Referenced by Mr. Pope during his discussion of incorporation in Palo Alto.)
Founded in a Palo Alto garage in California by Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard -- graduates of Stanford University in 1934, the Hewlett-Packard Company NYSE: HPQ, commonly known as HP, is one of the world's largest information technology corporations. With headquarters remaining in Palo Alto, the company has a global presence in the fields of computing, printing, and digital imaging, and also sells software and services.
San Luis Obispo ... (Referenced by Veronica as she arrives at Nick's bus and contemplates a long bus ride home with Heidi.)
Located almost halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco, California, the city of San Luis Obispo was established in 1772 with the founding of Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa. "San Luis Obispo" is Spanish for "St. Louis, the Bishop," for whom the mission was named.
The city has a large student population (roughly one third of the city's), due to the presence of both California Polytechnic State University (Cal Poly) and Cuesta College. Some of the city's attractions include the Madonna Inn, the year-round Farmers' Market held every Thursday, and Bubble Gum Alley (where people have been sticking their gum to the walls since around 1960 - yuck!).
California (Referenced by Mr. Pope's class discussion about city incorporation.)
California is the thirty-first state in the United States and spans the southern half of the Pacific Coast. It is the largest state in population (thirty-seven million) and the third largest in area (158,402 square miles). California is home to several significant economic regions such as Hollywood, the California Central Valley, Silicon Valley, and the Wine Country. It is also home to several important cities and towns (Sacramento, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, etc).
The name is believed to be a derivation of the mythical paradise of Calafia portrayed in Amadis de Guala, a sixteenth century Spanish romance by Garci Rodriguez de Montalvo. Others believe the name to be a play on the Spanish words for "hot as an oven;" "cali" meaning "hot" and "fornus" meaning oven.
Different regions of California have very different climates, depending the latitude and proximity to the coast. Most of the state has a Mediterranean climate, with rainy winters and dry summers. 60.5% of the population speaks English, 25.8% speak Spanish, 2.6% speak Chinese, and the rest speak Tagalog, Vietnamese, or some other language. The languages of the indigenous people number more than one hundred, making California one of the most linguistically diverse areas in the world.
Tawny Kitaen ... (Referenced by Paul when insulting Heidi at the altar.)
Born on August 5, 1961, former beauty pageant queen/actress Tawny Kitaen (born Julie Kitaen) is best known for writhing atop a Jaguar clad in a man's white button-down shirt and little else in Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" video, one of the 80's best known music videos. Kitaen appeared in a second Whitesnake video and later married (and then soon after divorced) the band's lead singer, David Coverdale. Her entry into the hair metal scene began prior to her Whitesnake appearance when -- bedecked in black leather -- Kitaen graced the cover of Ratt's breakthrough album, Out of the Cellar. Of her acting, Kitaen is best-known as Tom Hank's bride-to-be in 1984's Bachelor Party and as Hercules's wife in Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. Lately, Kitaen is more known for her minor legal troubles and is appearing as herself in the sixth season of VH-1's reality show, The Surreal Life.
Sign of the Apocalypse (Referenced by Logan as a knock on the door interrupts Kendall's sales pitch.)
The word Apocalypse (Greek. Apokalypsis, literally: the lifting of the veil) applied to the term meaning disclosure of something hidden from the masses to the chosen prophets. It referred to prophetic writings by Jews and early Christians from around 200 B.C. which spoke of divine revelations. In those early Jewish writings the term was used in a parabolic way to depict the end of the future state of the world. Literally, however, the term refers to the unveiling of God as Messiah and not necessarily to the destruction of the world that will be the result of God's Revelation of Himself to Humanity.
So far so good. But the Apocalypse that gets all the credit is the last book of the New Testament called the Revelation of St. John the Divine or the Book of Revelation (from the direct translation from the original Greek title (AokaluyiV Iwannou ) -- Apocalypse of John). The term is obtained from the opening words of the book of Revelation that refer to an apocalypse, spoken by Jesus Christ to John. That's where it gets dark. The wild imagery of the Revelations of serpents and many-headed dragons is rooted in six hundred years of Jewish history of conflicts and defeat by foreign invaders: Babylonians, Persians, Greek and Romans. Along with the influences of the foreign invaders, the climate of despair contributed to the doomsday outlook of the Jewish culture that was fundamentally reshaped by it. A prolific new literature -- the apocalypse -- was born, dealing with the eternal battle between good and evil, resurrection of the dead, judgment day, the Four Horsemen announcing the approaching doom, the Antichrist, heaven and hell, etc.
The Book of Revelations sets the standard for the modern interpretation of the word Apocalypse. The current Western meaning is derived from the phrase apokalupsis eschaton (apocalyptic eschatology), that means "revelation of the knowledge of the end of time." The signs of the apocalypse differ according to specific religions, but you might want to watch out for the following:
The Puppet Master ... (Referenced by Veronica when describing Vinnie's manipulative ways.)
There are several pop culture references to which Veronica's comment to Vinnie Van Lowe could apply.
1.) The title of the 1951 science-fiction novel (Puppet Masters) by Robert A. Heinlein about American secret agents battling parasitic invaders from outer space. The aliens are taking over the brains and nervous systems of earthlings in order to control them like puppet masters controlling marionettes.
2.) The Puppet Master is also the name of a Marvel Comics villain from Fantastic Four. The Puppet Master, real name Phillip Masters, first appeared in the Fantastic Four comic Vol.1/No.8. The Puppet Master uses radioactive clay to make puppets of people that he can then control, attaching them to strings and moving them as puppets, presumably he has some sort of psychic ability that enables him to do so.
3.) Finally, there are nine Puppet Master horror movies (courtesy of Full Moon Media). The Puppet Master here is a dead puppeteer from the 1930's who committed suicide and left behind his puppets that he'd brought to life. Present-day psychics work to destroy his puppets who are on a murdering spree.
Of the three, the second (the Fantastic Four villain) may be the most fitting. However, I can easily see Veronica considering Vinnie a creature from outer space (as in Heinlein's sci-fi classic).
Cupid ... (Referenced by Wallace when asking Veronica how she feels about matchmaking.)
Cupid is best known from Roman mythology and the resulting romantic connection to Valentine's Day. As the Roman God of love (heeheehee, LoVe!), Cupid has varying tales of lineage with several potential different fathers. However, Venus (Aphrodite in Greek mythology), goddess of love, is considered by most to definitively be his mother. Due to his stature as a god of love, Cupid has now become synonymous with romance, even moreso than Venus, due to his dominance over Hades, the creatures of the sea and even the gods of Olympus (Venus' power is restricted to humans). The common depiction of Cupid is that of a lively youth, delighting in pranks and spreading love with his infamous bow and arrow.
As a side note, Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas' first television creation was the ABC romantic dramedy Cupid starring Jeremy Piven and VM's Paula Marshall (Miss James) about a man (Piven) who believed he was Cupid and the psychologist (Marshall) who strove to clear him of his delusion.
- In The Tinseltown Diaries special, we see footage and props from several past episodes: The Wrath of Con (home movie of Lilly that was used in Logan's tribute video), Return of the Kane (the bum fight), Clash of the Tritons (the aerial view of Lynn's abandoned car on the Coronado Bridge), Lord of the Bling (tabloid cover: "Aaron Echolls' Private Tragedy"), My Mother, the Fiend (Trina in her hospital bed) and Normal Is the Watchword (Logan exiting the courthouse). Also used is a still shot of Harry Hamlin (Aaron) in Clash of the Titans.
- Heidi's car has lipstick kisses on the driver's side window and the front windshield.
- As he walks and talks with Veronica at the bowling alley, Vinnie grabs and eats a french fry from an empty table.
- The One Eyed Ducks' bowling uniforms feature the picture of a duck wearing an eye patch.
- At Java the Hut, while admiring Heidi's ring, her friend says: "Me wants it," in a voice that sounds strangely like Gollum's from Lord of the Rings.
- The tee-shirt Veronica's wearing in the beginning of the episode has the profile of a naked man on the front of it, which is reminiscent of the naked ladies on the mud flaps of Hans's truck in Hot Dogs.
- Apparently, Veronica's famous head tilt is effective even when requesting a favor over the phone.
- When Logan walks away after the locker scene, you can see him bump into some guy in a Neptune High letter jacket and make a sort of joking "Oops, did I run into you?" gesture. The guy just sort of nods at him. The funny part is that the guy is totally bigger than him. It's amazing how Jason Dohring is always in character, even when no longer the focus of a scene. I wonder if he planned that ahead of time with the extra, or if the poor guy was just minding his own business and suddenly found himself knocked to the side by one of the stars? Hee.
- The sadly tragic expression on Logan's face when the two PCHers spit on him (and the beginning of, most likely -- knowing Jason Dohring's proclivity for this particular word, the word "fuck" with the "ff" sound issuing forth).
- Kendall's uncomfortable smile and tone of voice when she refers to Beaver as "Boss."
- Beaver's Machiavellian-like smirk after Kendall says "my name's on everything, right?!" Seems like little ol' Beaver might be up to something. Still waters do run deep.
- The half somersault; celebratory dance that Vinnie Van Lowe's performs on the floor of the bowling alley after he gets a strike.
- Beaver and Dick engaging in some friendly wrestling while exiting the FBLA meeting. This is perhaps the first evidence of brotherly love we've seen from the Casablancas brothers.
- In the first shot of Kendall at Logan's hotel room, her figure is framed, rather appropriately, within an hourglass vase.
- In the final scene, when Jane is talking to Veronica, Wallace sneaks a sip of her coffee while throwing her a quick sideways glance to make sure she isn't watching.
- Dick's laughing comment -- showing the tact and care he generally does
- What's the true purpose of Kendall's name being on all "Phoenix Land Trust" documentation? Is it really because Cassidy is under-aged, or is it an elaborate scheme designed by the Beav to exact revenge on his lying, cheating stepmother?
- Considering that Big Dick Casablancas is wanted for real estate fraud, why would anyone choose to invest in the "Phoenix Land Trust," believing he's behind it? Such trust seems a little misguided to me.
- During the FBLA meeting, what was Logan going to say in regards to incorporation before Pope cut him off after Veronica said "and the rich get richer?"
- Okay, Vinnie Van Lowe is offering to buy Veronica a beer at the bowling alley. Is he unaware that Veronica is only 18, or does he just not care?
- Why did Terrence Cook break into Ms. Dumas' family home? What was he looking to obtain, or more likely, get rid of?
- Kendall can still find a strand of Duncan's hair in his shower this long after he fled the country? Doesn't housekeeping clean the showers? And if not, then what the hell is Logan paying all that money for?
- Or is Logan paying all that money? As far as we know, Jake Kane is still footing the bill for the Presidential Suite at the Neptune Grand.
- What horrible thing is Logan about to admit to Veronica? Please tell me he's not going to confess to Hannahgate. I highly doubt that doing this will win him any points with the lovely Ms. Mars.
- How is the Fitzpatrick Family going to react when they discover their star witness, the good Dr. Griffith, has recanted his testimony?
- Is there a reason Veronica keeps uttering the phrase "the rich get richer," this season? Is it supposed to be a clue to the bus crash mystery?
- Wasn't there some previous resistance from the network Standards & Practices department over the use of the nickname "Big Dick"? If so, either they changed their minds or didn't notice that Aaron refers to him as such during his visit from Kendall.
holly96 (Holly): Literature; Homeroom
JaneDtwo (Alla): Social Science
JenniferH: Report Card; Chemistry; Band Class (Scene Description); Social Science; Homeroom; Philosophy
Iloveyoubearymuch (Kathryn): Literature; Homeroom; Philosophy
krissy215 (Krissy): Band Class (Song Identifier)
Pixigal (Gerrie): Yearbook; Drama Club
PolarTruckin (Belinda): Journalism
ramwitz (Margarita): Yearbook
SeluciaV (Alli): Study Hall; Literature
Tar Frimmer (Joanne): Study Hall; Extra Credit; Literature; Social Science; Homeroom; Philosophy
Original Air Date: March 22, 2006
Written by: John Serge
Directed by: Rick Rosenthal
Grade: A-
Membership Grade: B (53.7% / 41 votes)
Despite the eye-sporking desire most visitors to this site had during certain scenes, this episode is an all-around winner. Even those less-than-savory moments work in the context of the storyline and add an emotional heft to the latter scenes. Veronica is in top-notch form, Jason Dohring hits another performance out of the ballpark, Aaron is back in delightfully creepy mode and clues are slowly popping up. Meanwhile, the mystery of the week is fun, witty and twisty enough to work with a lead delightful guest turn. Filled with heart and heartbreak, mirth and misery -- The Quick and the Wed is Veronica Mars back on track with layers to spare.
Credited Cast Non-Appearance
Teddy Dunn - Duncan Kane
Tessa Thompson - Jackie Cook
Recurring Guest Stars (Previous Episode Appearances)
Mario Ardila, Jr. Arturo, the future PCHer
Charisma Carpenter - Kendall Casablancas
Valorie Curry - Jane Kuhne
Harry Hamlin Aaron Echolls
Michael Kostroff Mr. Pope
Ken Marino - Vinnie Van Lowe
Michael Muhney Sheriff Don Lamb
Daran Norris Cliff McCormack
Rick Peters Dr. Griffith
Jessy Schram Hannah Griffith
Guest Stars
Brad Ashten - Nick
Stacy Edwards - Stephanie Denenberg
Janora McDuffie - Kim
Christopher Mur - Paul Mann
Dawn Olivieri Maggie
Jack Owen - Reverend
Kevin Skousen Joseph Mann
Danielle Vernengo Jen
Gary Weeks Auto Detailer
Virginia Williams Heidi Kuhne
Who's Who in Neptune
Nick Heidi's ex-boyfriend and member of the XLR8 band.
Stephanie Denenberg Hannah's mother and bitter ex-wife to Dr. Griffiths.
Kim One of Heidi's friends that attended the bachelorette party. Had her cell phone stolen by Vinnie Van Lowe.
Paul Mann - Heidi's extremely rich groom-to-be that wasn't.
Maggie - Another of Heidi's friends that was in attendance at the bachelorette party. Advised Veronica of their exploits at Packaged Meat, the all male-review that the bachelorettes had the pleasure of experiencing.
Reverend - Hired to marry Paul Mann and Heidi Kuhne.
Joseph Mann - Paul's father who hired Vinnie Van Lowe to run a background check on Heidi.
Jen - The third and final friend at Heidi's bachelorette party. Bought the novelty camera for Heidi that would print penis-bordered pictures.
Auto Detailer - Detailer at Magic Touch Auto Detailing whom has a standing monthly contract to detail all of Terrence Cook's cars.
Heidi Kuhne - Jane's free-spirited, fun-loving older sister that was engaged to be married to Paul Mann.
Hey! It's That Guy/Girl
Michael Ausiello (Boxers-Giver-Upper) - Ausiello writes the column Ask Ausiello for TV guide and is an unabashed fan of television. His 'Press Tour Diaries' have become a popular diversion when the Television Critics Association convenes each summer. He loves to appear on his favorite shows and has done cameos for Felicity and Gilmore Girls in the past. Ausiello (who posted an online diary of his day on the set of Veronica Mars) appears in the background of the Java Hut, blushing, as Heidi twirls the underwear she obtained from him for the scavenger hunt.
Highlights
Jason Dohring (Logan Echolls) - Once again, Jason Dohring brings his superlative acting game to the forefront and his performance is the tortured heart of The Quick and the Wed. There are many times I find myself running out of descriptive phrases for Dohring's performances and I just sit there mouth agape going wow! Just wow! This was another time that Dohring brought so many layers to Logan Echolls that fandom was aflame.
Tortured, desperate, longing, struggling with painful decisions, conflicted and anguished -- as Logan struggles to escape a looming court date he pursues a path that leads to an increasing self-loathing. But in the end -- there really aren't enough words to adequately describe the performance Dohring gives in The Quick and the Wed. I repeat sometimes all you can say is just wow! That my friends was ACTING!
Virginia Williams (Heidi Kuhne) - Williams was a delight as the Runaway Bride and imbued every one of her scenes with a sexy, sassy spunkiness that immediately won over the audience. Whether belting karaoke, twirling underwear or putting Veronica in her place, Williams was spot on with all her acting choices and fun to watch. She also delivered a standout monologue in her confrontation with her tool of a fianc, combining pain and scorn in a voice packed with emotion. Bravo! (Note to the casting department - more appearances by actresses like Williams, less appearances by pseudo-celebrities like Kristin Cavalleri. Thanks!)
Harry Hamlin, Ken Marino, Michael Muhney and Daran Norris (Aaron Echolls, Vinnie Van Lowe, Sheriff Lamb, Cliff McCormack) - The Quick and the Wed was filled to the brim with terrific performances by some well-loved secondary characters. Norris, Hamlin, Muhney and especially Marino were magnificent in all their swarmy, quippy or -- in the case of Hamlin's Aaron -- seriously creepy incarnations. Young actors who are just starting out in the biz often hear the ancient clich "There are no small parts -- every role is important." These actors may not star in Veronica Mars but they have created wonderfully detailed characters that own the screen whenever they appear.
Scene One: Pensive When Jealous
It's not much and can be attributed to Veronica's annoyance with Logan fooling with this young girl's heart, but the fact that Veronica sat there staring for several seconds at Logan and Hannah, I think, showed a deeper feeling. And it was one that wasn't based on annoyance, but rather jealousy. Think of how often last season we saw Veronica staring at Duncan (with Shelly, with Meg, with Logan) with an almost longing of what was. Maybe I am fanwanking, but I do believe we saw a bit of that here as well here.
And of course, much like most of that period when Veronica was beginning to fall for Logan in season one, we are getting no voiceover as to her feelings. (Admittedly, we haven't gotten much voiceover period, but we're allowed to be biased here and assume all roads lead to a LoVe reunion.) And no voiceover equals (or did last season in relation to Logan) confusion over what she is feeling and/or refusal to admit that there are genuine feelings there. Uh huh.
Scene Two: Cute When Jealous
You know, I don't care if it's only 23 seconds long, but dang if this isn't one of the most adorable LoVe scenes in forever, regardless of the insensitive San Quentin line from Veronica. Why? You gotta watch Logan's face throughout the entire exchange and Veronica's reaction after the nose bop/jealous comment. You'll see why.
Viewers can't actually see Logan's expression, but Jason Dohring rocks so damn hard, it's not necessary because just the profile tells the whole story. The entire time Veronica is giving her little spiel, Logan is gearing up to respond. However, he isn't swallowing to cover his pain that Veronica is being so callous towards his future. Nah, he's grinning, and even trying not to laugh (note the way his cheek puffs out as if his tongue -- mind out of the gutter -- is pressed against it). He isn't upset or bothered by the not-so-nice comments that Veronica is making because it's crystal clear to him that, yeah ... She. Is. Jealous.
Veronica is using the poor, soon-to-be wounded young girl as a moral excuse, but she's just jealous. And he knows it. Again, check out what you can see of his grin while she's speaking and then when we do get the full-on face shot, his eyes are sparkling. He is practically beaming. He loves that she's jealous because it does show that she still cares (and it also confirms that Logan feels nothing truly romantic for Hannah).
And what's even better than the adorable smile and nose bop -- which really is too cute for words, and kinda sexy too, the way he doesn't do it quickly, but almost a slow slide. Sigh. Ahem, anyhoo, what's even better is that Veronica clearly IS jealous. That is obvious by her expression as he walks away. Maybe I'm reading too much into it (me, nah!), but it sure looked like someone who was annoyed because they were caught. It wasn't annoyance that he was reducing her concern to jealousy; it was annoyance because the fucker saw straight through her so-called concern for poor Hannah and knew right away that she was simply jealous.
Burn! I love it.
Scene Three: And I Mean This ... Aww!
If you doubt that Veronica was jealous of Hannah above, here is more proof that Miss Mars is not too keen about this 'relationship.' Herewith, I present pictorial evidence. Check out this screencap (from vm-caps.com):
Take a gander at what you can see of her expression as she stares at him intently. In watching the scene, you can see she seeks to pierce that moment in which Logan looked genuinely into Hannah. And why exactly does Logan seem so into Hannah in this moment? As in the earlier scene between the two, I think it was about the situation as opposed to the girl. I'm not saying that he doesn't care about her, I just don't believe that he likes likes her. I think his actions that could be construed as a genuine romantic interest in her are all preceded by situations that lead him to be simply grateful for the presence of someone (not Hannah, per se, just someone, *anyone*) in his life who, you know, actually likes him.
Earlier in the episode, Logan buried himself in Hannah's affection as an antidote to the emotional abuse he'd suffered -- The Tinseltown Diaries with Dick's obliviousness to his pain, followed by his lawyer's 'friendly' advice, Veronica's 'plumbing new depths' comment, the punk spittle. Now yet again, he was shot down (Mr. Pope stopping just as Logan was about to speak -- clearly not as emotionally demeaning as all of the above, but still, judging from his expression and body language, an unwelcome hit). And lo and behold, look who comes along to make him feel better once more because she likes him, she really likes him. (Or not ... since she doesn't really know him, but Logan's at the point where he's taking what he can get -- literally.)
I feel it was the same situation here. The key word being "situation." Not Hannah specifically, but a someone, an *anyone* who actually treats him like a non-disposable human being. Of course, then in Veronica's emotionally down moment (ie, jealousy) and naturally being unaware of just how very, very bad Logan's last couple of days have been, she attempts to ding that little bubble moment of his. And she succeeded, judging by the clear discomfort and embarrassment Logan responds to her "aww" with.
What is also interesting is that we have Veronica and Logan switching places here (in a way that does bode well for LoVe). Belinda noted this correlation between an FBLA scene from Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang in which VD had a cutesy moment and Logan was witness to it. In both cases, they openly showed forms of affection to their respective significant other. And in both cases, the exes responded with disgust (open in Logan's case, mocking snark in Veronica's). And of course, they both then reacted to the other's reaction with immediate embarrassment. I know. Things that make you go hmmm ... In other words, it looks like Miss Mars is not as unaffected as she pretends to be.
Uh huh! See? Jealous.
Scene Four: True LoVe Stories Never Have Endings!
Okay, seriously, how was this not totally a shout-out? No way that it wasn't. Logan is Veronica's true love! Nyeah-nyeah-nyeah! Take that, Donut-boy!
Ahem, moving along. Like the above two scenes, this bit of interaction is just that, a bit, but it offers much more in terms of potential LoVe goodies than any scene, erm, all season from the Veronica point of view. By commenting "If it [true love] comes looking for me, I'll be over by the espresso machine (cue Logan's arrival)," even jokingly, the acknowledgement is there that she does not have a true love as of yet.
True, this could be seen as bad for LoVe if we didn't already have pretty compelling evidence (Veronica's actions/words all season) that she was doing her damndest to ignore the fact that she was ever actually involved with Logan. Of course, we do have such proof, which is why this isn't a LoVe negative. Instead, it reflects badly upon the whole VD arc this season. If she can even joke about true love finding her a few months after Donut ran, Veronica Mars doesn't believe that such a thing existed between her and Duncan. So yay.
Also, she didn't react to Logan's pronouncement with a roll of her eyes, a grimace, a smirk, or any other like indication that she figured, 'Well, of course, you did something horrible. You're you!' Instead, she genuinely took stock of what he was saying, his body language, expression and tone of voice and appeared to take him seriously. So double yay!
On the flip side, perhaps the very reason that we saw actual concern from Veronica was because Logan wasn't flip, wasn't snarky, sarcastic or rude or any of the other negatives he's been while requesting (more like, demanding!) Veronica's help this season. He first acknowledged that she was busy and basically apologized for intruding on her work. That showed an understanding of something outside of "it's all about me!" which I don't think we've EVER seen before when Logan has asked her for help. Furthermore, during the entire exchange (short as it may have been), he wasn't snarky, he wasn't sarcastic and more importantly, he wasn't overly dramatic. He was just telling it like it was with no embellishments. "I did a horrible thing." And that is why I believe that Veronica showed such true concern for Logan.
The straws are piling up. Oh yes. Jealousy, irritation with Logan (hah!) 'moving on,' genuine concern. Uh huh, what is that I see? Yes indeedy, it's a little, dinky-winky, but none-the-less visible, haystack! We are getting somewhere! YES!
Our favorite private eye in denial is slacking off at Java the Hut, or rather, staring at Aaron Echolls' segment on the Tinseltown Diaries and contemplating the possibility of killing someone using nothing but karma, iron will and six cups of coffee. Surely God would grant Veronica this one prayer. Sadly for Veronica, God has a good memory and is still a bit miffed that she bugged his confessional booth. She shouldn't be expecting any miracles or smiting-favours this year.
Wallace's new girlfriend, Mary Sue-- I mean, Jane sidles up beside Veronica and reminds her that the tray she's holding isn't just to practice her balancing skills. Don't be too hard on Veronica, Jane, she was distracted by practicing her mantra: 'I'm not a Private Investigator, I'm an average teenage girl,' hoping it will stick this week. (Considering she's investigated something every week since episode one, I have no idea why they haven't given up on this emblem of denial yet.) Perking up in her determination to perform a normal job, Veronica follows Jane back to her table.
On their way to the table they pass Jane's sister, Heidi, steaming up the karaoke machine with her slutty rendition of I want you to want me complete with mini skirt and flared shirt sleeves straight from Woodstock. The song is her number one task in her bachelorette scavenger hunt. If the rest of her tasks are that embarrassing it's a good thing her friends are spiking their coffee with liquid courage.
Heidi is the complete opposite of Jane -- she's actually interesting as well as adventurous. On top of that, the giant diamond ring on her engagement finger is certainly not weighing down her spirits. Veronica schmoozes like a true hostess (she can do this job with pride, she can!) and discovers Heidi's marrying the Paul Mann. Everyone give me a 'huh?' If Veronica doesn't know who the Mann family are, they can't be taking the place of the Kanes.
According to Heidi's friends the Manns can tell Jake Kane to eat his heart out because the Mann family is the oldest money in Neptune. In a town that exemplifies the term nouveau riche, it's not surprising that Veronica jumps to the conclusion that 'old money' means they hark all the way back the 1980s. Impressive. Veronica leaves them taking photos of Heidi and the boxers she talked off a random guy in the Hut (task two). There's nothing like a good dose of tawdriness to kick off an episode of Veronica Mars.
The next day at school, Jane runs up to Veronica in the hallway asking for her help. Veronica graphically asks if the 'pin the penis on the fireman' game went awry. I know she's had bad experiences with men but that comment even made me flinch and I don't possess those kinds of appendages. Yeouch. The smile on her face says she's just getting started listing all the quips she'd come up with lying in bed the night before, but the smile quickly vanishes from her face when Jane tells Veronica that her sister has gone missing.
Jane sits Veronica down and tells her that they dropped Heidi off at her place at 2.a.m. the night before (amateur party animals! Pah!) but Heidi never made her dress fitting at ten. Figuring the party girl was partied out, they'd returned to her apartment to pick her up only to find she was missing in action. No one's seen or heard from her and she hasn't been answering her cell phone. The problem is Jane isn't sure if Heidi's in trouble or if she's just being Heidi.
Wallace arrives at that moment and tells Veronica that the last time Heidi had a "Heidi moment" she almost drowned trying to swim with the dolphins. (And what's wrong with that Wallace? Flipper would never let her drown, he's a hero!) Whether she's actually in danger or just being a free spirit, Jane wants Veronica to find her before the wedding (and before her perfect, rich fianc and family find out). The wedding is in three days and the church bells are chiming down the hours, Mars, you better get cracking.
Keith Mars is looking frumpy and forlorn at his Mars Investigations desk - but who wouldn't be miserable seeing Sheriff Take-All-Your-Credit on their television screen? He's happy to be interrupted by a phone call from his daughter. She asks for his help on a runaway bride thing (because she's not swinging with a bias at all), specifically requesting him to run her phone and credit records.
Veronica hangs up the phone. She's sitting all by herself with a messy pony tail and dark clothing. Ah, so season one Veronica still exists and is suddenly friendless again (is Wallace busy dragging Jane into mop closets?). When your friendless it's even worse to suddenly see your gorgeous (if slightly criminal) ex-boyfriend kissing the daughter of his enemy. Even if she does look like blonde-blue-eyed-girlfriend carbon copy #3. Veronica glares; she's way hotter than Hannah.
Later, Veronica meets up with Heidi's ditzy and oh-so-helpful friends at Java the Hut. She asks them if Heidi ever expressed symptoms of cold feet or second thoughts. Those ideas are immediately quashed because Heidi has a problem with first thoughts. She's more of a 'act first, regret later' type of girl. She tattooed the name of her first love, Nick, across her ass after she'd only known him for a week. (Ah! Nothing says true love like gluteal disfigurement - pain is love!) The problem was she only had it for two weeks before Nick didn't seem like such a good choice any more and she had it removed.
Veronica then asks if anything out of the ordinary happened the night before (you mean besides talking a stranger out of his underwear and taking photos with a penis-frame camera, Veronica?). One of her friends says she lost her cell phone and another says they were stalked by a really creepy guy at the Happy Horse Shoe until Heidi had the bouncers bounce him on out of there. (Um, at a place called the Happy Horse Shoe did they expect to find normal cute guys? Whatever.) None of them can identify the creepy guy (probably because there were so many to pick from) so Veronica asks if she can see the disposable camera. Too bad Heidi is in possession of said camera.
Veronica goes to Heidi's apartment to try and search out the camera. When Jane invites her in, Veronica looks around and decides she should probably search for a bare piece of carpet before she can move on to the camera. Veronica is immediately worried, "Okay, her apartment being ransacked - not a good sign." Clearly Veronica's anal cleaning habits have left her abnormally intelligent mind blind to the fact that some people are just lazy slobs - case in point: Heidi.
There are two wine glasses on the coffee table, one of them is broken and the other has a tiny bit of wine (or should I say raspberry cordial) in the bottom. Veronica immediately asks Jane if Heidi was expecting someone. Jane says she wasn't, but really, how would she know? Jane finds Heidi's cell phone charger which explains why Heidi might not be returning calls. Veronica keeps asking questions clearly terrified of commencing a search of this veritable black hole of garbage. She asks Jane if she can tell if Heidi packed a bag and I might as well not bother giving you Jane's answer to that one. Duh, Veronica, snap out of the hostess frame of mind and click into private eye gear.
Veronica and Wallace check out Perry's Caf - where the last of three A.T.M.s which Heidi withdrew maximum cash from was located. Wallace comes up with two reasons for withdrawing so much cash: A sudden, unhealthy addiction to stuffing notes into the unmentionables of male strippers or the more likely scenario of Heidi being forced by an unknown bandit to withdraw all her cash. Still ruminating over the possibilities Veronica and Wallace pause when they notice that Heidi's car is abandoned in the parking lot.
Veronica calls up her friendly incompetent sheriff's department to report Heidi missing but when she mentions a bachelorette party the deputy on the other end laughs at her and says they won't start a search for forty-eight hours. We'll comfort ourselves by saying it's the party that has a reputation and Heidi's exploits are not that notorious. Oh well, when obeying the law gets you nowhere revert to your criminal tendencies. Veronica pulls out a wire and shimmies it into the window seal to break into Heidi's car. Inside, Veronica finds the portable penis camera. Sorry, I couldn't stop myself from phrasing it that way.
The next day at school, Jane sorts through the photos Veronica had printed up. The phallic framing is absent unfortunately -- all that lead up and we don't get anything? Veronica castrated the portable penis camera! Meanie. Jane is worried that she won't be able to identify the guy but Veronica is confident now that the distracting penises are removed she'll be able to concentrate better.
Veronica opens a file and goes through what she knows so far: Heidi received two phone calls at her apartment at 2:55 and 2:57 a.m. Both of them were brief and no messages were left. The first A.T.M. transaction was at 3:20 a.m. Veronica makes the brilliant assumption that the 3 a.m. phone calls might have had something to do with her leaving. Wow. She is good. Jane assumes Veronica would have traced the call but Veronica is again worried because the number is no longer in service and according to the phone company it never was. It doesn't look good for Heidi if someone has deliberately set up an untraceable line to contact her.
Jane continues to flick through the photos until she finds a photo featuring a man with his head chopped off. Jane might not remember the guy's face but she sure does remember his ugly orange shirt. She should -- this shirt makes Logan's orange apparel look positively stunning in comparison. Veronica recognizes it as a bowling shirt.
At the bowling alley, Veronica hunts down the garish orange bowling shirt. We all pray she means to do something good for the world that involves stripping a bunch of overweight bowlers, some kerosene and a match. Instead she's annoyingly determined to keep her eye on the bowling ball.
Lucky for her, the One Eyed Ducks are not made up of average sized young males. The first is too big, the second is too small, the third is not a man at all - but the fourth is just right! And since he's made it easy for our dear goldilocks maybe she'll go easy on him. Then again maybe not. Just at that moment Mr. Just Right gets a strike and gives a victory jig that reveals him to be none other than Vinnie Van Lowe, Keith's private investigative nemesis. He's not just right, he's lower than Lowe. As if feeling her stare, Vinnie stops his celebration and meets Veronica's smug smile. Gotcha.
Vinnie goes to the bar because he knows from practice that he might need a drink or two to put up with the Mars (nuisance) interrogation. She asks "What can you tell me about--" and he says "Nothing" like a politician says "No comment" when they're discovered shtupping their secretary. He says he has no memory of this Heidi person Veronica is yammering about and when Veronica tells him he was thrown out of the Happy Horse Shoe for stalking her he whimsically replies, "If I had a dime for every time I was thrown out of H-square for stalking ..." Somehow, I'm not sure he's joking.
When it's clear Vinnie isn't going to tell her why he was tailing Heidi, she tries to appeal to his conscience (*snigger*) by saying Heidi is missing. "Are you suggesting I kidnapped her? 'Cause I believe that's your wrap." Zing and he scores! Veronica looks more amused than insulted (so I suppose she's over the whole federal crime breaking shtick) and though she tries to find out if the groom or his family hired Vinnie he remains whimsically aloof.
Keith calls Veronica at school to tell her that her missing person 'is a little less missing' because Heidi made two one minute phone calls that morning. The phone calls were to her fianc Paul Mann. Veronica now thinks that Heidi is still in town and she's just hiding from her family. Keith jumps on the bandwagon 'cold feet, honey, it's always cold feet.' Why can't the Mars family be romantics? Oh. Yeah. Never mind, scratch that question.
Veronica puts a call through to Heidi - for some reason dialing her apartment rather than her cell - when she hears the crackling tones of a fax or modem interfering with the phone line. Hmm. Her spidey sense all a-tingly, Veronica and Jane head over to Heidi's apartment again and Veronica asks if Heidi has a fax. Jane finds it beneath only one layer of crap, hallelujah! Veronica tells Jane when she called the apartment the fax picked up because the phone line has been switched over to fax since she was gone. Veronica now thinks the two phone calls she got that morning were really a fax trying to get through. Lucky for Veronica, the fax has stored the message and she can print a copy.
The fax prints a flier for a band called XLR8's upcoming gigs. Veronica clearly isn't down with the texting lingo as she fails to pronounce it 'accelerate.' Jane, however, pronounces it correctly -- not only 'cause she's savvy with abbreviations but because she recognizes the band. It's Nick's band. Nick of Heidi's rectal disfigurement love. None of that explanation would have been necessary had Veronica bothered to read the flier first, because there on the side is a signed message from Nick saying he needs to see Heidi. I tell you her investigative prowess is flailing under the strain of coffee pouring.
Veronica goes to the next bar where Nick's next gig is at and finds the band's trailer, wondering if you can ever cut a man from your heart when you've removed his name from your ass. I'm just glad we never had to answer that question in terms of Veronica and Duncan *shudders and crosses self* She's directed to XLR8's trailer and gets let on board when she asks for Heidi.
Heidi is sitting next to a fine young man with a guitar - ooo! That must be Nick! See, Veronica isn't the only one who can follow a trail of easy clues and come up with the right answer! Yippee me! Heidi recognizes Veronica straight away whom immediately slips into interrogation mode trying to find out what Heidi is doing. But the tables are just as quickly turned on our hapless heroine when Heidi seems confused as to why a barista would go so far above and beyond her duty to search for her patrons. Heidi's not only confused about Veronica's job but Veronica's age. Maybe she's high because she thinks Veronica is twelve and I struggle to knock her down to eighteen week in week out. Huh.
The funniest part of this incredulous interview is when Heidi tells Veronica she's a barista and Veronica stutters over whether she's a barista or an investigator. In the end, denial wins out: "Fine, I'm a barista!" But she's a badass barista who can MacGyver up the espresso machine to create high tech tracking equipment. So there!
(Side note: Since when was she a barista? She's a hostess. Didn't she tell Jackie that she wasn't a barista when she refused to serve her? That means Veronica really WAS slacking on the job back then.)
Veronica struggles to stay in control of the conversation when she tells Heidi that Jane was really worried about her because in case it's slipped her mind she's supposed to be getting married. Then comes the really fun part, where our intelligent heroine gets it all wrong because the coffee is throwing off her intuitive skills.
"We found your car abandoned!" Wait for it, Veronica. "As in parked like thirty feet from the bus station?" is Heidi's 'are you a simpleton?' reply.
Veronica pauses, she is not going to let the victim talk her out of thinking this was a real mystery, no sir! "It was after we went to your apartment and saw two glasses of wine. One was broken." In the same somewhat (understandably) patronizing tone, Heidi explains, "which is why I poured the second glass." Pause. "Maybe you should stick to making coffee."
NO! Don't give her ideas, if she takes the first step of admitting the job is denying who she really is maybe we can work her around to see she's denying true lurrrvee with Logan. Gah! Annoying rational mystery of the week character, your use of common sense doesn't belong here.
Heidi tells Veronica none of it matters because the wedding is off anyway. The up to now quiet Nick finally interrupts the conversation, ears perking up with excitement. Heidi tells Veronica that Paul is the one who went back to his old girlfriend. Veronica is still set on the theory that Heidi did the same thing by getting on a bus to get to Nick. Heidi proves that everyone's opinion of her as a vapid free spirit is wrong: She came to see Nick because his mother was sick and he needed her. Heidi called Paul to tell him what was going on but he didn't return the calls. Then her friend Kim messaged her that she'd seen Paul leaving his ex's apartment at dawn. Heidi maintains that she came to be a friend and nothing more.
Right. Veronica is still skeptical. Nick, friend, how did you send a fax from a nonexistent number? Nick uncomfortably admits that he didn't send the fax, he was just glad to be near his ex again even if he had to lie a tinsy little bit. It's only when Nick says he didn't send the fax that Veronica's latent spy charms are revitalized. She rolls her eyes, wondering why she didn't see it before. Nick didn't send the fax and Kim didn't message Heidi because Kim's phone was stolen. She's just figured out what Vinnie Van Lowe was hired to do.
But why would someone go to all that trouble to get Heidi to dump Paul?
At the small private wedding, all direct family members are standing in a semi circle staring at the groom and the priest wondering if the bride thinks this is what is meant by the term 'fashionably late.' All of a sudden the lady in question comes running toward the wedding. Veronica runs behind her helping to hold her dress up and looks completely out of place in her jeans.
Heidi proceeds to put on a jocular performance of an eager low class bride, "Lay it on me, Preacher man!" Of course, her performance isn't sincere, she's playing to the shocked and unnerved faces of the Mann family. After all, they didn't expect her to turn up when they'd hired a private detective as well esteemed as Vinnie Van Lowe. Paul, in his panic, starts slandering his bride in a most ungentlemanly way. Veronica is frowning at the sudden attack and how sad Heidi looks when she says, "How could you say that to me?" The frown immediately turns into an appreciative laugh when Heidi continues "like I would ever sex up a drummer." Paul clearly is no match for Heidi's original wit and quickly makes all of his parent's careful planning moot when he breaks it off with her.
Why is the plan moot? Well, apparently this whole complicated set up was all because of the bling. We should have seen it from the start, it's always about the bling, the hideous gaudy bling that's so expensive because it's so very big. It also happens to be a family heirloom and the Mann family - going by the rules of polite society -- believed that they could only get the ring back if it was Heidi that broke off the engagement and not Paul.
Heidi says she would have given the ring back if Paul hadn't gone through with such a ruse. We know she fits right into the Veronica Mars verse as soon as she says she's decided to keep the ring instead, in payment for wasting two years of her life "trying to convince [an asshole like] you that I was worthy." I thought the ellipsed phrase was in the script in Heidi's head so I should include it. She politely tells the Mann family to enjoy their reception because a girl's got to keep her bling (or at least hock it for a good price at the nearest pawn shop).
A private eye's job isn't done if she hasn't congratulated the competition (and got back the phone said competition stole). Vinnie comes into the Hut saying 'I don't believe this' with a gesture at Veronica's uniform. Yeah buddy, we don't believe it either. Veronica = ostrich. Head. Sand. We know you get the picture Mr. Van Lowe because you're such a savvy man. Veronica even tells him how savvy he is with her own special brand of reluctance; "You know what's really disturbing about you? Other than everything? You're a halfway decent private investigator." Ooh, I think that one left a mark on the way out. Veronica, I'm so proud of you, admitting these things without being backed into a corner. Progress is good.
Veronica gives Kim's phone to Jane and Jane responds by whipping out her own phone and showing Veronica the screen. The screen reveals an open photo message of Heidi hugging her true love (and much better looking choice) Nick. Heidi used the money from the pawned ring to pay for a ride up to Nick's next show. Not since Ruskie Business has Veronica Mars flexed her matchmaking skills with this much dexterity and it's still a little uncomfortable.
Jane tells Veronica that you never know when true love is going to find you and Veronica responds with her usual sardonic wit: "If it comes looking for me I'll be over by the espresso machine." But true love is impatient so she doesn't quite make it before she runs into Logan. Veronica pauses as soon as he greets her, wondering if this is God's idea of a sick joke - making Logan the love of her life because of all those nasty sins she's committed. No, Veronica, you're just in denial. Logan being the love of your life is a good thing - he's the volatile man from your past that you left for a rich, passionless shmuck. Do try and learn a lesson from your mystery of the week -- it's time to jump into the fire unafraid of being burned.
Well, maybe not. Logan isn't there to declare love but he is proving that God will grant Veronica a miracle after all. No, she wasn't hearing things, Logan Echolls just sincerely admitted he's done something horrible. Will wonders never cease?
- The Tinseltown Diaries airs on television, examining the rise and fall of Aaron Echolls, "choir boy, cub scout, starving actor, megastar, husband, father, adulterer, cradle robber ... murderer." (What, no "gourmet chef, glass blower, or amateur porn videographer"?)
During this tabloid-style program, the Echolls family's sordid lives are shown via photographs and video clips. Featured are reports of Aaron's marital infidelities and his current residence at Balboa County Prison, Lynn's apparent suicide on the Coronado Bridge, "sometimes-actress" Trina's recent terminal illness hoax, and Logan's repeated brushes with the law, including bum fights and his impending trial for the stabbing death of a gang member.
In an interview with the former choir boy, Aaron insists that while he's made mistakes, he swears on his life that he didn't kill Lilly Kane. When asked about the sex tapes, Aaron questions if they ever even existed. His lawyer has requested copies from the prosecution, but they've never seen them. He then goes on to insist that not only did he not kill Lilly, he's positive that Duncan did, citing Duncan's history of violence (is Aaron the pot or the kettle here?) and his current status as a fugitive kidnapper.
Various Neptune residents watch the program, with mixed reactions. In Logan's hotel suite, Logan and Dick watch together. One horrified, embarrassed, crushed and desperate to change the channel. The other amused, entertained, and completely oblivious and unsympathetic to his "friend's" obvious discomfort. In Ms. Denenberg's house, she watches with her daughter, Hannah. Needless to say, Ms. D. is stunned and horrified that her precious little baby is dating the boy she's just seen described in this expos. At Java the Hut, Veronica is so enthralled (i.e. repulsed) by the program, particularly Aaron's attempts to point the finger elsewhere, that she stands holding a tray of drinks, completely ignoring her customers.
- Kendall and Cassidy get on an elevator -- after its former occupant gives Mrs. C. the once-over, only barely keeping his drool to himself. As Cassidy stands there, holding his briefcase, Kendall asks her "boss" how they're doing with their business venture. Cassidy muses that he's holding up his end of things, having gotten some great deals on six more properties he's just added to the Phoenix Land Trust portfolio, including two beachfront locations. Kendall looks both impressed and a little nervous, possibly because she's not quite holding up her end of their deal. Cassidy complains that they're out of capital now and suggests that it's time to think outside of the box and find some new ways of bringing in revenue. Kendall, a little defensive now, points out snottily that everyone believes that his father is the one pulling the strings. He shrugs that he knows.
In an attempt to appear useful, Kendall announces that the Kane house is going up for sale, but Cassidy says it's on the wrong side of town. Apparently, the deals are all south. Kendall thinks they should buy it anyway. Cassidy insultingly reminds her she's not supposed to do any of the thinking. Kendall asks if he's ever considered that maybe she's the clever one and that her "delightful packaging" is just a means of outwitting her adversary. As she says this, her hand trails its way down Cassidy's chest to parts further ... south. He pulls away and says he's counting on that being true. Kendall, a little defeated, says that maybe he's her adversary. After all, her name is on everything to do with the business. Cassidy smirks and agrees that it is, as he gets off the elevator looking like the cat who's just swallowed the canary. What is that boy up to?
- F.B.L.A. meeting. Cassidy, Dick, Veronica, Logan and some students we neither know nor care about, are listening as Mr. Pope talks about the latest tracking polls as reported in the morning paper. These polls indicate that 57% of Neptune supports the idea of incorporation. He asks his class what they think this will mean for the town. Cassidy says it'll mean an actual police department. Dick, demonstrating his two-track mind of surf & sex, says it'll mean private beaches. Veronica chirps that the rich will get richer and Logan is cut off by Mr. Pope before he can offer anything. Mr. Pope says they're all correct, but there is more than just a positive side to incorporation.
Instead of speculating, he points out Palo Alto, California as a model study. Before the dot com craze began, Palo Alto was a diverse community not unlike Neptune. When the city was incorporated in 1970, it put up a wall between the economic classes, resulting in an ultra-rich center surrounded by the crime capital of America. Smart people dumped their unincorporated properties to the not-so-smart before the bottom fell out. Property values in the city skyrocketed while land outside the incorporated area became worthless. It's probably important to note that young Cassidy is paying extra close attention to Mr. Pope's lesson.
Doing a check-in on the 2005-6 F.B.L.A. Portfolio Race, Cassidy has extended his lead far beyond everyone else. It looks like the second-place contestant is David L., but he's pretty far behind, so Cassidy's not looking worried.
- At the prison, Aaron receives an unexpected visit from Kendall. A conversation laden with double entendres ensues. As Aaron intently looks her up and down, Kendall tells him she's there to tempt him with huge tracts of land. There's more than she can handle and she's offering him a piece of the action and the opportunity to walk out of prison a richer man. Aaron concludes that Big Dick still has his fingers in a few pies, but that Kendall is strapped for cash. Launching into an Anthony Hopkins-as-Hannibal Lecter impression, Aaron agrees to help out, but there'll be no "quo" without some "quid."
Kendall naturally assumes he means he wants some type of sexual favor, because ... well, it's Kendall. And it's Aaron. But as he watches Kendall unbutton her blouse and offer to "talk him through it" despite the bulletproof glass, he says he wants something else. He asks her if she knows his son, Logan. Kendall pretends she only knows him in passing and when he asks, says it'll be no problem for her to find some reason to stop by his hotel room. Aaron is pleased.
Logan sits on the couch looking quite bored while Kendall talks to him about why he should invest his money in the Phoenix Land Trust and also looking perplexed because she's not naked while doing so. Explaining that this is her "job" now, Logan ponders the obviously impending apocalypse and goes to answer the knock at his door, while she goes to "freshen up." Instead of "freshening," however, it seems that Kendall's actually more interested in "sneaking." She walks through Duncan's old room and opens up the door to his shower. Taking a pair of tweezers out of her purse, Kendall removes a piece of hair from the drain. Now, why would Aaron want a hair sample from Duncan?
- Java the Hut doesn't attract many bachelorette parties.
- Heidi's apartment is #14.
- Vinnie bowls with a green bowling ball.
- Terrence used to have over forty cars, but he's down to "only" eight now.
- Neptune hosts its very own male burlesque strip show called "Packaged Meat." Charming!
- Perry's Caf is "The Breakfast House."
- Keith has at least one friend at the phone company.
- Despite Kendall's praise, Aaron does a LOUSY Hannibal Lecter impersonation.
- Sometimes even Logan longs for minty-fresh breath.
- Logan likes the movie "Easy Rider."
- I know it sounds unlikely, but apparently Hannah knows what the word "eschew" means and can use it in a sentence. I'm guessing vocab homework?
- Vinnie's bowling team - the One Eyed Ducks - are the perennial winners at Kearney Mesa Bowl.
- The Happy Horseshoe is also known as H squared. And Vinnie's apparently been thrown out of that fine establishment on several occasions.
- Nick's band "XLR8" is playing at:
- 2/13 Halfshell Pub Leucadia, CA
2/14 Avesta Bar Los Angeles, CA
2/16 Centre Mall Bakersfield, CA
2/17 Jumpstarter Fresno, CA
2/20 The Pulse Hayward, CA
2/21 Forgottener San Francisco, CA
2/22 Baker's Doce Weed, CA
2/23 Lone Pine Lodge Klamath Falls, OR
2/24 Shiner Bar Salem, OR
- As Veronica pours him his morning coffee, an obviously bummed Keith asks her if she's absolutely certain that she saw explosives in the airplane hangar. She points out that there were detonators, too, and that the explosives were marked C4, so yep, she's pretty certain. She also confirms for Keith that nobody else knows she found them, including Jackie, who was there but didn't see them herself. Trying to give Terrence's #1 Fan! a little hope, Veronica weakly tries for the defense that maybe Terrence had some other non-lethal use for the explosives.
Keith doesn't think Terrence was using them for catching fish, so he goes to see his nemesis at the Sheriff's Department. Lamb makes Keith repeat himself that there are explosives in the hangar where Terrence keeps his cars. Terrence, the man Keith was so recently defending as innocent. Lamb continues with the mocking when Keith elaborates that Veronica is the one who saw the C4. Keith suggests a search warrant is in order, but Lamb points out that Judge Carlton is fly-fishing at Bighorn, so it might take awhile. When he starts to suggest Lamb post someone outside the hangar until the warrant is issued, Lamb cuts him off with sarcasm. Keith leaves, obviously frustrated by the latest in a string of frustrating conversations between the two men.
Keith stands outside the airplane hangar, watching as Lamb, some Deputies and the bomb squad mill about. A man in protective gear carries a bag away from the building. Lamb spots Keith and walks over to give him a hard time about being one of those looky-loos who have nothing better to do than listen to police band radios and act as spectators at crime scenes. Keith, resisting the urge to face an assault charge of his own, asks if the bomb squad confirmed that it was C4 in the locker. Lamb sneers that it's a police matter and he'll have to wait for the press conference like everyone else. Still successfully resisting the urge to do bodily harm, Keith notices a man drive up in a pickup truck marked "Magic Touch Custom Auto Detailing, 619-555-0146." A Deputy speaks to the truck's driver and sends him away from the area.
Later, Keith sits in his office, watching Lamb's press conference. The Sheriff announces that at 10:17 that morning, a warrant was issued for the arrest of Terrence Cook, charging him with eight counts of first degree murder. A reporter asks if new evidence has been found and Lamb explains that explosives were found in the hangar used by Terrence to house his fleet of automobiles. Explosives that match the kind used in the bus crash. Terrence is not yet in custody, but if he runs, Lamb assures everyone he won't get very far.
When Veronica calls Keith for assistance with her mystery-of-the-week, she expresses her sympathies about the Terrence situation. Keith's still feeling pretty bummed about it, himself.
That night, Keith tracks down the auto detailer he saw at the hangar. Spotting the man polishing an expensive car, Keith asks him if he's done detailing work for Terrence Cook. When he asks Keith if he's a cop, Keith shows him his business card, letting him know that he's a private investigator working for Terrence and that he saw him pulling up to the hangar when it was being searched earlier. The detailer explains that he has a standing contract with Terrence to detail all of his cars once a month and it was time for his monthly cleaning.
Keith says that the explosives were found in the tall cabinet near Terrence's Maserati and the detailer explains that it's where he keeps the "babies' blankets" -- the calf-skin chamois he's required to use on the cars. The detailer and Keith both come to the conclusion that if the explosives had been in that cabinet a month ago, the detailer would have seen them and if he'd gone to detail the cars yesterday, he would also have seen them. Since Terrence will call the guy if he's even half an hour late for his monthly appointment, Terrence obviously knew he would be there this day. Keith looks pleased as it becomes even more suspicious that Terrence is being framed.
Keith sits and waits impatiently for Lamb at the Sheriff's Department. Keith catches him as he walks by, complaining that he's been trying to reach him. Lamb enjoys admitting he's been ducking his calls. Keith wonders if Lamb really thinks he's enjoying this situation any more than he is and then tells him about Terrence's car detailer.
The pertinent questions being: 1) Why would Terrence keep around damning evidence, such as the explosives? and 2) Why would he keep them in a place where he knew they were sure to be found? Lamb admits they're valid questions and says he'll ask Terrence as soon as he's out of surgery. Keith is shocked when Lamb explains that Terrence was shot by Ms. Dumas' father when he was caught breaking in to the family's San Francisco home. Strange behavior for an innocent man, indeed.
- While sitting outside of Neptune High, Veronica notices Logan and Hannah sitting on a table, acting all sickeningly cozy with one another. Later, she confronts Logan at his locker and accuses him of toying with the sweet girl's heart just to screw with her dad. (Hey, nobody can say she's falsely accusing him this time, right?) She tells him she gets why he's doing it, to avoid prison, but thinks he's really sunk to a new low this time. Logan, not yet willing to admit she's right, smiles and taps her nose, saying she's cute when she's jealous, then walks away.
Cliff meets with Logan in his hotel room, letting him know his trial date has been set for 60 days from now. The District Attorney is offering Logan a one-time deal, to plea bargain down to involuntary manslaughter. This would mean his maximum sentence would be reduced from eleven years to four, and with good behavior (if he could muster some), he'd be out of prison in two. Logan refuses to even consider it, not interested in spending two years in prison for a crime he didn't commit.
Cliff tries to encourage him to take the deal. After all, the prosecution has eyewitnesses, most prospective jurors have been exposed to Logan's more colorful side by way of The Tinseltown Diaries, jurors love convicting smug, rich boys, and according to people he's asked ... nobody likes him. Logan suggests Cliff argue that even if he had killed Felix, which he didn't, it would have been in self-defense anyway, considering he got jumped by a gang. Cliff says he plans to argue that very defense, but Dr. Griffith didn't see a gang. He "saw" three bikers, one bleeding to death, and a knife in Logan's hand, so he'll be testifying that Logan wasn't in peril when he stabbed Felix. Logan doesn't budge. No deal.
Shopping at a convenience store, Logan notices Arturo (the pizza-boy mugger from Versatile Toppings) and another Latino boy glaring at him with disgust. When he leaves and goes to the Xterra, the boys drive by on their bicycles, calling out to get Logan's attention before spitting in his face and calling him "el Diablo" as they ride off.
Later, Logan sulks while watching Easy Rider with Hannah. (Much like this viewer was sulking -- or cringing -- while watching this scene, so we'll skip by the most cringe-worthy parts, okay? Okay.) When asked, Logan denies anything's wrong. Her mother walks in to the room, takes in the appalling scene before her, and asks to speak privately with Hannah in the kitchen. Hannah introduces Logan to Ms. Denenberg and he asks if he can use their computer to check on some fantasy scores while they're in the kitchen. Ms. D. points him towards the den and leaves with Hannah.
Logan sits at the computer and opens up the e-mail address book. Clicking on Tom Griffith, MD, FACS (DrGriffith@NeptuneCosmetic.com), he quickly types up an e-mail. Subject: Thought you should know. Message: Tom, Thought you should know, found
In the kitchen, Hannah and her mother argue about Logan. Apparently, Hannah thinks her mom is too judgmental because she doesn't want her daughter dating a boy who's awaiting trial for manslaughter. And the whole bum fight thing? Is totally okay, because it was sooo long ago. Mom thinks Logan is a phony, ugly on the inside (she didn't say outside, so maybe she thinks he's pretty, too!), only wants one thing from her and will break her heart. Hannah insists she's wrong; she doesn't know him.
Hannah's the only one who knows him at all. Because she's known him like forever! I mean, we're talking weeks! Nobody could possibly know him like she does! (Gah! There's naive and there's willfully blind ignorance. Just sayin' ...) Logan's sadly overheard the argument and decides it's time to interrupt, pretending to be pleased with his fantasy sports scores. There's an air of awkwardness and Logan offers to take the trash out for Ms. D. (Yeah, I'm sure that'll win her over, Logan.)
Outside, Hannah tells Logan he should ignore her mother because she's bitter about the divorce and thinks all men are evil. An obviously depressed Logan suggests she might be right. Hannah's having none of it and in fact -- Hmm. For some reason, the rest of this scene is a big blur of nothingness. Suffice it to say, I think Hannah may have offered something to Logan (minutes after "mom" suggested he was only after this something) and he may or may not have taken her up on said offer. Some say he did, some say he didn't. I say she's a moron and they're both going to be hurting soon.
The next day, while Logan sits next to Veronica in their F.B.L.A. meeting, Hannah prances by the open door and throws a sickeningly sweet kiss which Logan catches. Veronica, eyewitness to the event, gives him her best "awww." Logan shrinks down in his seat, a little embarrassed (as well he should be. Honestly, that little cupcake! Logan, please!).
Later on, Logan opens his hotel room door to find an angry plastic surgeon standing in the hallway. Dr. Griffith concedes defeat and tells Logan that it all stops now. Without being invited in, Griffith walks past Logan. Kendall -- who had visited earlier and "freshening up" in the bathroom -- slinks her way back into the room and smiles and flirts with Logan while Griffith looks on. She plants a kissed finger on Logan's lips, which he accepts, kissing the finger back.
Kendall leaves as Logan smirks at Griffith's reaction to the scene he just witnessed. Griffith advises him that one day Logan's smirk is going to get wiped off, but Logan's unimpressed considering the source of the advice. Griffith admits that karma's come back around to bite him in the ass, so he'll agree to make his testimony disappear and deal with the Fitzpatricks as long as Logan stays the hell away from Hannah. (And just for a moment, Nip/Schmuck becomes a hero to this viewer. Only for a moment.) Assuming they have a deal, Griffith walks out, leaving Logan to contemplate the full meaning of his plan coming to its successful conclusion.
At the Hut, after Veronica lets Jane and Wallace know that she can be found over at the espresso machine if true love should happen to come calling for her, Logan fatefully appears. And we witness the third sign of an impending apocalypse as Logan not only politely recognizes that Veronica's busy with work, but also admits to Veronica, with sincerity, that he thinks he's done "something horrible." Veronica appears concerned, as she and the audience are forced to wait another week to find out just what that "something" is. And what, exactly, Logan hopes Veronica can do to help him.
"I Want You to Want Me" (Original Artist: Cheap Trick/Performed By: Virginia Williams)
Scene: Heidi karaoke's her little heart out -- but in her heart is she singing to Paul (he of the big rock) or Nick (he of the numerically-inclined rock band)?
"I Am The Very Model of Modern Major-General" (Song from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance)
Scene: Karaoke soars again, this time to the dashing tune of the oh so classy Gilbert and Sullivan, while Heidi and her friends discuss less classy subjects, much to the barista named Veronica's amusement.
"Lost Art" (Mere Mortals)
Scene: Logan hitting the Pac-n-Sac. Hmm, which tasty, fun-packaged gum will I spring for today, Logan ponders while two punk-ass PCHer-wannabe's shore their spit up for a future endeavor.
"Oh My" (Mellowdrone)
Scene: The shoes may be blah, but Veronica Mars is rocking the cutest ponytail as she checks out the Bowling Alley for our favorite sleazy detective. Ah, Vinnie, you put the Pee-eww in P.I.
"Sometimes the Sun" (The Lashes)
Scene: Using her super-sleuth abilities (which for some odd reason, Heidi seems to find not all that super at all), Veronica tracks down the erstwhile bride with her sweetie, hottie ex, Nick -- he who was the inspiration for the formerly tattoo-ed buttocks of Heidi.
LoVe Lines
Veronica: Toying with a sweet little girl's heart just to screw with her dad? I get it. San Quentin isn't quite as enticing as, say, college, but damn -- you've really plumbed new depths, Logan.
Logan: (Touching a finger to Veronica's nose as he passes, smiling and beaming.) You're cute when you're jealous.
Quotable Quotes
Keith: Veronica saw them first hand.
Lamb: Oh, well if Veronica saw them. I mean that's like Moses bringing tablets down the mountain to me.
Tinseltown Diaries Narrator: Tonight, Tinseltown Diaries examines the rise and fall of one of Hollywood's brightest stars. Choir boy, Cub scout, starring actor, mega-star, husband, father, adulterer, cradle-robber, murderer. Who is the real Aaron Echolls?
Veronica stands with a tray of drinks, watching Tinseltown Diaries.
Jane: Veronica?
Veronica: Oh, hey Jane? (Goes back to staring at television)
Jane: I think those are our drinks.
Veronica: And, you want me to bring them to you versus watching them get cold from across the room. Got it.
Jane: (Gesturing to the girl singing karaoke.) My sister, Heidi.
Veronica: The bride to be? (Approaching the table.)
Maggie: More like the bride to beat. She's only marrying Paul Mann. The Manns are, like, the oldest money in Neptune.
Veronica: You mean like from the 80's? Please tell me they invented the fishnet muscle shirt.
Veronica: (Looking at Heidi's rather ginormous engagement ring.) Wow! Somebody parked a diamond Volkswagen on your finger.
Jane: It's a bachelorette scavenger hunt.
Veronica: (Perusing the printed list of tasks on the hunt.) One: Sing slutty song publicly. Two: Talk a man out of his underwear?
Heidi: Done and done.
Veronica: All righty, then. Well, if you wind up getting to number eight, be sure and bring mouthwash.
Lamb: (To Keith) Oh you lookie-loos with your police band radios and your free time.
Jane: Veronica.
Veronica: Hey, party girl.
Jane: I need your help.
Veronica: Let me guess -- the pin the penis on the fireman game ended in tears?
Veronica: You mind helping me out? A friend's sister is missing -- a runaway bride thing. Name's Heidi Kuhne.
Keith: Veronica, aren't you supposed to be at school doing school-y type stuff?
Veronica: That's why I want you to run her phone records, Pops. You can do this in your sleep, come on.
Keith: All right, just as long as ...
Veronica: (Cutting Keith off.) Both cell and home, please, and you might as well check her credit cards and ATM activity while you're at it.
Keith: Is there anything else darling?
Kendall: I think we should buy it.
Beaver: What have I told you about thinking?
Kendall: (In a ditzy voice.) That it makes my breasts smaller?
Logan: No deal.
Cliff: Well, if it helps you decide on your wardrobe, I'll be wearing the "I'm with Stupid" tee-shirt.
Veronica: (while Jane is looking at the photographs from the Bachelorette party) I had the printer forgo the phallic framing. Penises can sometimes be distracting.
Kendall: Aaron, how would you like to walk out of here a richer man?
Aaron: Ahhh, you're cash strapped. No, I get it. I can help. (Imitating Hannibal Lecter). But, quid pro quo, Mrs. C. Quid. Pro. Quo. (Makes Hannibal's infamous sucking sound.)
Veronica Mars Voiceover: The One-Eyed Ducks, perennial champs, lane 5. That guy's too big. That guy's too small. That guy's ... not a guy, just in desperate need of a stylist. But that guy looks just right.
Vinnie: Are you sure you don't want one? $1 draft night. Come on, have a beer. We'll let you bowl a frame.
Veronica: Vinnie, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. (Vinnie starts walking away; she joins him.) What can you tell me ab --?
Vinnie: Nothing.
Veronica: Of course. Your Pavlovian response.
Vinnie: Are you suggesting I kidnapped her? Because -- (Looks around to make sure no one's listening.) -- I believe that's your racket.
Keith: Lamb, I've been trying to get ahold of you.
Lamb: And I've been ducking your calls. Man, that feels good to get off my chest.
Veronica Mars Voiceover: According to Jane, it's been three years since Nick and Heidi were hot and heavy. You can laser a guy's name off your ass, but I wonder whether you can really ever cut him out of your heart.
Heidi: My family hired you to track me down?
Veronica: Actually, Jane did.
Heidi: You're twelve.
Veronica: I'm eighteen.
Heidi: You're a barista.
Veronica: I'm a -- (Grits teeth.) Fine. I'm a barista.
Veronica: And then we found your car abandoned.
Heidi: As in parked, like thirty feet from the bus station?
Veronica: (Smiles tensely.) It was dark. And it was after we went to your apartment and saw two glasses of wine. One was broken.
Heidi: Which is why I poured the second glass. Maybe you should stick to making coffee.
Paul: I demand to know what you've been up to.
Heidi: I didn't ask you what you were doing for your bachelor party. And after finding whipped cream in your underwear, I think I was entitled.
Paul: You were entitled -- you? The one who sexed up every wannabe rock star in southern California? You know, if I wanted to marry Tawny Kitaen, I would've got a nipple pierced.
Heidi: (Offended.) How could you say that to me? Like I would ever sex up a drummer. Lead singers? Yes. Maybe the occasional guitar player. The important thing is that we love each other.
Paul: How can you expect me to love a used-up groupie like you?
Heidi: Wow. Ouch, honey. Kind of harsh. Are you breaking it off?
Paul: You're damn right I --
Joseph Mann: No!!
Heidi: Fair enough. So, I guess I'll be keeping this precious family heirloom. (Removes ring.) Because those are the rules in "polite society," aren't they? (Chuckles.) I mean, if I backed out or didn't show up, I'd have to give you the ring back, right? (Paul and his parents look defeated.) You know the funny thing? You could've just said, "It's over." And I would've given you the ring back. This will be payment for the two years I wasted trying to convince you I was worthy. (Puts the ring back on and turns to guests, smiling, hands raised in air.) Enjoy the reception!!
Logan: I'm confused. You're talking. And your clothes are on. I'm starting to think you really came over here to try and sell me real estate.
Kendall: I told you, it's my job.
Logan: (Hears knock on door.) And that must be the second sign of the apocalypse.
Dr. Griffith: Mark my words. Someday that smirk is gonna get wiped off your face.
Logan: Oh, please. Let the lying coke-head plastic surgeon lecture me on karma.
Veronica: If it isn't the Puppet Master.
Vinnie: Hey, what a man does in the privacy of his own home, office, and/or car is his business. You know, you cost me a five grand bonus.
Veronica: (Gasps.) You were gonna buy a new jacket?!
Vinnie: And give up the cheap women? Not likely.
Veronica: (Holds out hand.) Give it.
Vinnie: (Looks into her palm.) What?
Veronica: Kim's cell phone. I called you? Left a threatening message?
Vinnie: (Looks around and gives her the phone.) You didn't get it from me.
Veronica: Exactly how many times have you had to say that in your life? (Vinnie starts to reply, but has nothing.) You know what's really disturbing about you? Other than everything? You're a halfway decent private investigator.
Vinnie: (Smiles.) Stop. You're embarrassing me.
Veronica: You can embarrass the shameless?
Wallace: So, how does it feel to play Cupid?
Veronica: (Considers it.) Uncomfortable. (Wallace and Jane laugh.) This better last.
Jane: Guess you never know where true love's gonna find you.
Veronica: If it comes looking for me, I'll be over by the espresso machine. (Walks towards espresso machine and (of course!) Logan walks up to her.)
The Quick and the Dead ... (Referenced by the episode title, a play on words.)
A 1995 Western starring Sharon Stone, The Quick and the Dead was directed by Sam Raimi (before his Spiderman directorial fame). Following the tale of a gunfight in a lawless town, the film also stars Gene Hackman, Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe. Despite the Oscar-winning and nominated power of all four stars, the film met with mixed critical reviews and poor box office.
Bighorn ... (Referenced by Lamb as he informs Keith that Judge Carlton is fly-fishing.)
The Bighorn river begins in Wyoming at the Boysen Reservoir and eventually flows into Bighorn Lake in Montana, 150 miles upstream. The river ends with the Yellowtail Dam, which was completed in 1967, along with one of the world's most productive brown trout fisheries. Closed to public fishing in 1975, due to Indian reservation disputes, the river was once again opened to the public in 1981. The river is considered one of the finest trout streams in the U.S. and offers an excellent location for fly-fishing.
Hollywood (Referenced by The Tinseltown Diaries' description of Aaron.)
Hollywood, California is a district of the city of Los Angeles, California, U.S.A., situated northwest of Downtown. Due to its fame and identity as the historical center of movie studios and stars, the word "Hollywood" is often used colloquially to refer to the American film industry. Today much of the movie industry has dispersed into surrounding areas such as Burbank and the Westside, but significant ancillary industries (such as editing, effects, props, post-production, and lighting companies) remain in Hollywood.
Several historic Hollywood theaters are used as venues to premiere major theatrical releases, most famously Grauman's Chinese Theatre, and the new Kodak Theater, which opened in November 2001 and is the permanent home of the Academy Awards. It is a popular destination for nightlife and tourism, and home to the Walk of Fame. And of course, you can't be in Hollywood without noticing "The Sign." One of the most recognizable landmarks in the United States was declared a historical landmark in 1973. The original housing development sign was not built to stand forever, and is in great need of repair. So who is helping fund this $27,000 per letter budget? Why no other than Hollywood's finest: Gene Autry, Hugh Hefner, and Alice Cooper. Alice Cooper? Yeah, I definitely associate him with Hollywood.
You gotta love it though. I mean, really -- where else but Hollywood would Gene Autry, The Hef, and scary Alice be pooling their resources for a community beautification project?
Cub Scout (Referenced by The Tinseltown Diaries' description of Aaron.)
Sector of the National Boy Scouts of America, designed for younger boys, ages 7-10 years old. Much like the boy scouts, cub scouts earn badges as they engage in a variety of activities that introduce them to nature, safety, and environmental issues.
Tossing the Salad as Tossed Salads ... (Referenced by Dick when noting Aaron's leanness from his prison stay.
Tossing the salad is one of many forms of slang for anal-oral contact, also referred to as anilingus. Other common euphemisms include rimming, rimjob (See Mars vs. Mars Social Science/Detention), pepe'ing, or 87 (compare 69). Tossing the salad is a sexual activity involving contact between the anus or perianal areas of one person and the mouth of another. Lovely. Whatever floats your boat.
Coronado Bay Bridge (Referenced by The Tinseltown Diaries' report of Lynn's suicide.)
The owners of the Hotel del Coronado, Hampton Story and Elisha Babcock, first conceived the San Diego - Coronado Bay Bridge in 1888. San Diego, in this period, had a prosperous tourist trade in part due to the transcontinental railroad that passed through the town. The 2.12-mile toll bridge opened in 1969 and spans from the Island of Coronado to the City of San Diego. The construction costs totaled $50 million for the bridge that stands over two hundred feet in the air, allowing the tallest ships to pass beneath. It won the Most Beautiful Bridge Award from the American Institute of Steel Construction in 1970.
The Lord of the Rings ... (Referenced by Heidi's friend when jokingly trying to take Heidi's engagement ring during the Java the Hut stop of the Bachelorette Scavenger Hunt.)
The Lord of the Rings is an exceptionally famous fantasy trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien made into a superlative film trilogy with all three films receiving countless Oscar-nominations, including a Best Picture win for the final installment, The Return of the King. Directed by Peter Jackson, the tale includes a character known as Gollum (played with green screen by Andy Serkis). Gollum is desperately obsessed with once more possessing the One Ring -- an object he refers to as "my precious" -- with constant slithery, serpentine cries of want.
Volkswagen (Referenced by Veronica's description of Heidi's engagement ring.)
Volkswagen is a German automobile company that was founded in 1937 by the German Auto Association.
The Beetle is one of many models (e.g. Jetta, Passat, Rabbit) manufactured by Volkswagen, but is easily the most unique. An example is Mac's Beetle Cabriolet, which was first introduced in 1949 and phased out by 1980. The new model has a semi-automatic convertible roof that folds down in thirteen seconds. The 2006 Cabriolet starts at $22,120 and unfortunately no longer comes in Mac's choice of Cyber Green, but a subdued Gecko Green.
Bacchanalia ... (Referenced by Heidi as she tells Veronica the Hut is just the first stop of her bachelorette party.)
The Bacchanalia were pagan mystic festivals dedicated to the Roman god Bacchus. Also known to Greeks as Dionysius, Bacchus, the god of wine, represents not only intoxicating power, but its social and beneficial influences. He is viewed as the promoter of civilization, a provider of law, and lover of peace -- as well as the patron of agriculture and the theater. He was also known as the Liberator.
Kids, never ever get this drunk!
The tradition of festivals dedicated to this fine deity was brought to Ancient Rome from lower Italy c. 200 BC. Originally, the bacchanalia were held secretly on March 16 and 17 in the grove of Simila near Avenitne Hilland, and the only participants were women. Later, men were admitted and the festivals took place five times a month. (Yep, folks, that's how addictions normally progress). The tradition grew into the full-blown cult that had spread rapidly, gathered power and made the local authorities uneasy (as cults tend to do, perhaps for a reason).
All of that led to a decree of the Senate in 186 BC prohibiting Bacchanalia throughout Italy except in special cases specifically approved by the Senate (kind of like the drunken Washington, D.C., political gatherings of today, for which people anywhere else would be arrested). The decree, called Senatus consultum de Bacchanalibus (sounds official), was inscribed in bronze tablets discovered in Apulia in Southern Italy in 1640 and currently displayed at the Kunsthistorishes Museum in Vienna.
The reasons for the decree were political rather than moral. Women occupied leadership positions in the cult, which went against the traditional Roman family values (wow, will the parallels to the current political climate never cease?). Slaves and the poor were the cult's members and, it was assumed, planned to overthrow the government (drinking excessively helps with such planning, I'm told). And the decree itself was an impressive show of the Senate's supreme power at the time when the Senate could use such a display, because certain victorious generals gained popularity and threatened the collective authority in the political arena.
However, all that is ancient history (literally). The modern term bacchanalia has ceased all of its political meaning and now refers to basically any kind of a drunken party. In fact, many schools in the United States and abroad hold Bacchanalias on an annual basis. Rice University holds its revelry at Brown College where people dressed in togas engage in various forms of debauchery. Our flagship of higher education -- Harvard University -- holds theirs at the Lowell House. The gathering serves as the Spring Formal, and by "formal" they mean that the drunk-off-his-ass frat boy dressed as Bacchus arrives wearing his toga tied in a fancy, classy way. Not to be outdone, the traditionally liberal and progressive Sarah Lawrence College celebrates the end of conference work and school year with a Bacchanalia of its own. Ironically, the authority that throws the shindig is called Sarah Lawrence College Student Senate (as the ancient Romans roll in their graves). Live music is played outdoors and free booze is served. (Gotta love progressive schools!).
Not paying any heed to history (and why would a fraternity be interested in history, really?), the Epsilon Xi chapter of Sigma Nu at the University of Mississippi throws its Bacchanalia as an annual spring male-only party (and they will punch you if you call this gay). The massive festivities include live music, assigned costumes (no, not gay at all), and various sexual rituals (okay, that is totally gay!).
Cheez Whiz ... (Referenced during the Bachelorette Party when taking a picture as in "Say Cheez Whiz!")
One of the best-known thick, processed cheese sauces, Cheez Whiz (much like Xerox), while a brand name (manufactured by Kraft Foods and introduced in 1952) is often used as a generic term to describe similar products. The main reason for such is because Cheez Whiz is number one among the bunch. And like all cheese products in the same category, it does indeed contain regular cheese, albeit regular cheese that has been reprocessed along with additional ingredients such as emulsifiers and stabilizing agents, such as xanthan gum or carrageenan. These products derive their tanginess and flavor from additional ingredients such as citric acid and flavoring compounds. Annatto is used for coloring.
Coke-head (Referenced by Logan describing Dr. Griffith to Cliff.)
Cocaine is the second most popular recreational drug in the United States. It is extracted from the leaves of coca plants, which grow in the Andes of South America. Cocaine is a powerfully addictive stimulant to the nervous system and is an appetite suppressant. Whether snorted, smoked or injected, it produces a euphoria that may last for hours. The adverse health effects to cocaine usage are respiratory failure, cerebral hemorrhaging, higher risk of heart attack and sudden death. Cocaine is a Schedule II drug in the United States, meaning that it is available by prescription due to its medicinal uses, but the illegal possession or sale of cocaine can result in a heavy prison sentence.
Maserati (Referenced by Keith explaining to the car detailer where the explosives were found.)
Established in Bologna, Italy in 1914, Maserati is a well-known manufacturer of racing and sports cars. The company's emblem is a trident (which Neptune, Roman god of the sea, carried) and the headquarters are now located in Modena. These days, Maserati is owned by Fiat, after having been a part of Ferrari for many a year.
Quid pro quo (Referenced by Aaron when Kendall tries to solicit his investment.)
Literally translated, quid pro quo means this for that. It is doing something for someone in order to get something in return. In other words, Aaron's willing to help Kendall financially only if she'll help him out in some other fashion.
Hannibal Lecter/"Quid pro quo"/Hissy Noise - (Referenced by Aaron and Kendall during the prison visit.)
Reference to a featured character in the 1988 novel, The Silence of the Lambs, by Thomas Harris. It tells the story of Clarice Starling, an FBI Agent who is trying to find a serial killer with the help of another serial killer, Hannibal Lecter. It was a sequel to the book Red Dragon, and was followed up with the book entitled Hannibal. In 1991, it was made into a movie staring Jodie Foster as Starling and Anthony Hopkins as Lecter. The movie won five Oscars, including Best Picture and awards for Hopkins and Foster in the Best Actor and Actress categories.
In an important scene from the film, Clarice visits Hannibal in his prison cell -- he on one side of security glass, she on the other. Lecter will only agree to assist Clarice profile a currently active serial killer, if she will answer his own questions, which are of a more psychological nature and are directed at Starling's past. "If I help you, Clarice, it will be 'turns' for us, too. I tell you things, you tell me things. Not about this case, though. About yourself. Quid pro quo. Yes or no?" Desperate to save the life of a kidnapped young woman, Clarice agrees.
Lecter was convicted of not only killing his victims, but ingesting portions of their remains, earning him the nickname, "Hannibal the Cannibal." In another, more famous (voted 21st most famous movie quote by the AFI) and often mimicked scene from the film, Lecter delights in telling Clarice, "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti," following it up with an equally disturbing slurping noise. Aaron Echolls is just the latest in a long line of imitators of that famous movie moment.
Easy Rider ... (Referenced as being the film that Logan and Hannah were watching.)
One of the seminal films of the 60's, Easy Rider -- made in 1969 -- is a road movie directed by Oscar-nominated actor Dennis Hopper. The film tells the story of two young men, Wyatt (Peter Fonda) and Billy (Dennis Hopper), who "went looking for America but couldn't find it anywhere."
Fantasy Scores/Sports ... (Referenced by Logan as his excuse to use Hannah's mom's computer.)
Fantasy sports is a game wherein a person builds their own team of professional athletes in their sport of choice and then pits their team against other people's fantasy teams. The individual pro-athlete statistics are generally used to calculate points earned by the "team." Basketball, baseball, football, hockey are some of the more popular sports included in fantasy sports games. The Internet has helped to popularize and expand the world of fantasy league sports.
Tracy McGrady ... (Referenced by Logan as he pretends to have just checked his fantasy basketball scores.)
Born in Bartow, Florida on May 24, 1979, Tracy McGrady, aka T-Mac, is currently playing basketball for the Houston Rockets. After his senior year of high school at Mount Zion Christian Academy, he was named the USA Today Player of the Year and the North Carolina state Player of the Year. He was selected by Toronto in the 1997 NBA draft and made his first career NBA start, with 13 points and 5 rebounds, against the Washington Wizards on 12/31/97. T-Mac was later traded to Orlando in 2000 and then on to the Houston Rockets in 2004. He was voted a starter at the 2001 and 2003 NBA All-Star Games, is a five-time NBA All-Star (2001-2005) and finished the 2002-2003 season as the NBA scoring champion, averaging more than 30 points per game and becoming the youngest player to average more than 30 points per game since the 1976-77 season.
"Too big, too small ... Just right." (Referenced by Veronica as she searches the bowling alley for Heidi's 'stalker' in a Goldilocks kind of way.)
The character of Goldilocks dates back to the 1830's in the popular English fairy tale, Goldilocks and the Three Bears. In the tale, a family of three bears, while waiting for their porridge to cool, leave their house and go for a walk. Along comes Goldilocks, a mischievous girl who enters their house uninvited and messes with their things. She tastes their porridge, finding the father's to be too hot, the mother's too cold, but the baby's as "just right." So she eats it. Then she tries out their chairs and beds and decides the father's is too hard, the mother's is too soft and the baby's is just right -- although she accidentally breaks the baby's chair.
When the bear family returns home, they find her asleep in the baby's bed and deal with her in various ways depending on who's telling the tale. Sometimes they scare her away, sometimes they kill her, and sometimes they all become good friends.
Pavlovian Response ... (Referenced by Veronica in regards to Vinnie's predictability.)
A Pavlovian response references the experimental results of famous Russian physiologist, psychologist, and physician Ivan Petrovich Pavlov (September 14, 1849 February 27, 1936). The Pavlovian response is so named because Pavlov first described classical condition through his experiments with dogs.
Pavlov was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physiology in 1904 for his research into the digestive system.
In the 1890s, Pavlov was investigating the gastric function of dogs by externalizing a salivary gland so he could collect, measure, and analyze the saliva produced in response to food under different conditions. He noticed that the dogs tended to salivate before food was actually delivered to their mouths, and set out to investigate this "psychic secretion", as he called it. He decided that this was more interesting than the chemistry of saliva, and changed the focus of his research, carrying out a long series of experiments in which he manipulated the stimuli occurring before the presentation of food. He thereby established the basic laws for the establishment and extinction of what he called "conditional reflexes" i.e., reflex responses, like salivation, that only occurred conditional upon specific previous experiences of the animal. These experiments were carried out in the 1890s and 1900s, and were known to western scientists through translations of individual accounts, but first became fully available in English in a book published in 1927. (Source: Wikipedia, March 27, 2006)
Curious George(ette) ... (Referenced by Vinnie when describing Veronica's investigative nature in the bowling alley.)
Small, brown and oh so curious, the famous protagonist of Hans Augusto and Margaret Rey, Curious George is a well-known staple of the children's book genre. Adopted by Ted, the man in the Yellow Hat, on sojourn in Africa, Ted takes George, an extremely inquisitive monkey, to live with him in the big city where Curious George finds many a thing to be curious about. A film version, starring Will Ferrell as Ted, opened in theaters on February 10, 2006.
San Francisco (Referenced by Lamb informing Keith that Terrence was shot while breaking into Ms. Dumass' parents' home.)
The City and County of San Francisco is the fourth-largest city in California and the fourteenth-largest in the United States, with a 2005 population of 739,426. It is located on the tip of the San Francisco Peninsula and is the focal point of the San Francisco Bay Area, whose population is seven million. San Francisco is the second most densely populated major American city, after New York.
The Spanish were the first Europeans to settle in San Francisco in 1776 and they named the settlement for St. Francis. When the gold rush hit in 1848, the city experienced rapid growth. Even the devastating earthquake of 1906 (one of the worst natural disasters in United States history) could not stop the San Francisco explosion. The city was quickly rebuilt and is today one of the most recognizable cities in the United States. Famous hallmarks and landmarks include the San Francisco cable cars, the Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz Island.
Silicon Valley ... (Referenced by Mr. Pope as he describes Palo Alto.)
Located in the southern part of the San Francisco Bay area in California, "Silicon Valley" was originally named as such by Don Hoefler in 1971 within a series of articles he wrote in the Electronic News. It is a reference to the large population of silicon computer chip manufacturers located in the Santa Clara Valley, including businesses in Palo Alto, San Jose, Santa Cruz and Sunnyvale. As the years have passed, the use of the term has been expanded to all high tech businesses in the region. Some of those businesses headquartered in the Silicon Valley include Adobe Systems, Apple Computer, Cisco Systems, DreamWorks Animation, eBay, Google, Hewlett-Packard, Intel, Sun Microsystems and Yahoo!
Stanford University ... (Referenced by Mr. Pope during his discussion of incorporation in Palo Alto.)
Stanford University is an Ivy League University located in Stanford, California. This institution is known for its strong academic programs and highly competitive admissions process. Nearly 75% of students enrolled in the university attained a score of 700 or better on both the verbal and mathematical portions of the SAT exam. That said, only about 13% of applicants to Stanford are actually admitted. Perhaps more daunting than the rigorous academic barriers facing Stanford hopefuls, are the financial ones. Tuition and room and board cost almost $40,000 a year.
Hewlett-Packard ... (Referenced by Mr. Pope during his discussion of incorporation in Palo Alto.)
Founded in a Palo Alto garage in California by Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard -- graduates of Stanford University in 1934, the Hewlett-Packard Company NYSE: HPQ, commonly known as HP, is one of the world's largest information technology corporations. With headquarters remaining in Palo Alto, the company has a global presence in the fields of computing, printing, and digital imaging, and also sells software and services.
San Luis Obispo ... (Referenced by Veronica as she arrives at Nick's bus and contemplates a long bus ride home with Heidi.)
Located almost halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco, California, the city of San Luis Obispo was established in 1772 with the founding of Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa. "San Luis Obispo" is Spanish for "St. Louis, the Bishop," for whom the mission was named.
The city has a large student population (roughly one third of the city's), due to the presence of both California Polytechnic State University (Cal Poly) and Cuesta College. Some of the city's attractions include the Madonna Inn, the year-round Farmers' Market held every Thursday, and Bubble Gum Alley (where people have been sticking their gum to the walls since around 1960 - yuck!).
California (Referenced by Mr. Pope's class discussion about city incorporation.)
California is the thirty-first state in the United States and spans the southern half of the Pacific Coast. It is the largest state in population (thirty-seven million) and the third largest in area (158,402 square miles). California is home to several significant economic regions such as Hollywood, the California Central Valley, Silicon Valley, and the Wine Country. It is also home to several important cities and towns (Sacramento, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, etc).
The name is believed to be a derivation of the mythical paradise of Calafia portrayed in Amadis de Guala, a sixteenth century Spanish romance by Garci Rodriguez de Montalvo. Others believe the name to be a play on the Spanish words for "hot as an oven;" "cali" meaning "hot" and "fornus" meaning oven.
Different regions of California have very different climates, depending the latitude and proximity to the coast. Most of the state has a Mediterranean climate, with rainy winters and dry summers. 60.5% of the population speaks English, 25.8% speak Spanish, 2.6% speak Chinese, and the rest speak Tagalog, Vietnamese, or some other language. The languages of the indigenous people number more than one hundred, making California one of the most linguistically diverse areas in the world.
Tawny Kitaen ... (Referenced by Paul when insulting Heidi at the altar.)
Born on August 5, 1961, former beauty pageant queen/actress Tawny Kitaen (born Julie Kitaen) is best known for writhing atop a Jaguar clad in a man's white button-down shirt and little else in Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" video, one of the 80's best known music videos. Kitaen appeared in a second Whitesnake video and later married (and then soon after divorced) the band's lead singer, David Coverdale. Her entry into the hair metal scene began prior to her Whitesnake appearance when -- bedecked in black leather -- Kitaen graced the cover of Ratt's breakthrough album, Out of the Cellar. Of her acting, Kitaen is best-known as Tom Hank's bride-to-be in 1984's Bachelor Party and as Hercules's wife in Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. Lately, Kitaen is more known for her minor legal troubles and is appearing as herself in the sixth season of VH-1's reality show, The Surreal Life.
Sign of the Apocalypse (Referenced by Logan as a knock on the door interrupts Kendall's sales pitch.)
The word Apocalypse (Greek. Apokalypsis, literally: the lifting of the veil) applied to the term meaning disclosure of something hidden from the masses to the chosen prophets. It referred to prophetic writings by Jews and early Christians from around 200 B.C. which spoke of divine revelations. In those early Jewish writings the term was used in a parabolic way to depict the end of the future state of the world. Literally, however, the term refers to the unveiling of God as Messiah and not necessarily to the destruction of the world that will be the result of God's Revelation of Himself to Humanity.
So far so good. But the Apocalypse that gets all the credit is the last book of the New Testament called the Revelation of St. John the Divine or the Book of Revelation (from the direct translation from the original Greek title (A
The Book of Revelations sets the standard for the modern interpretation of the word Apocalypse. The current Western meaning is derived from the phrase apokalupsis eschaton (apocalyptic eschatology), that means "revelation of the knowledge of the end of time." The signs of the apocalypse differ according to specific religions, but you might want to watch out for the following:
- Fire
- Floods
- Pestilence (i.e., plague)
- Wars
- Rumors of wars
- Strange lights in the skies
- The Second Coming (of whomever you are expecting)
- A virgin birth
- The birth of the Antichrist
- An advent of false Christs and/or Messiahs
- Cloning
- Identifying marks being placed on the population at large
- Famine
- Earthquakes
- The Rapture
The Puppet Master ... (Referenced by Veronica when describing Vinnie's manipulative ways.)
There are several pop culture references to which Veronica's comment to Vinnie Van Lowe could apply.
1.) The title of the 1951 science-fiction novel (Puppet Masters) by Robert A. Heinlein about American secret agents battling parasitic invaders from outer space. The aliens are taking over the brains and nervous systems of earthlings in order to control them like puppet masters controlling marionettes.
2.) The Puppet Master is also the name of a Marvel Comics villain from Fantastic Four. The Puppet Master, real name Phillip Masters, first appeared in the Fantastic Four comic Vol.1/No.8. The Puppet Master uses radioactive clay to make puppets of people that he can then control, attaching them to strings and moving them as puppets, presumably he has some sort of psychic ability that enables him to do so.
3.) Finally, there are nine Puppet Master horror movies (courtesy of Full Moon Media). The Puppet Master here is a dead puppeteer from the 1930's who committed suicide and left behind his puppets that he'd brought to life. Present-day psychics work to destroy his puppets who are on a murdering spree.
Of the three, the second (the Fantastic Four villain) may be the most fitting. However, I can easily see Veronica considering Vinnie a creature from outer space (as in Heinlein's sci-fi classic).
Cupid ... (Referenced by Wallace when asking Veronica how she feels about matchmaking.)
Cupid is best known from Roman mythology and the resulting romantic connection to Valentine's Day. As the Roman God of love (heeheehee, LoVe!), Cupid has varying tales of lineage with several potential different fathers. However, Venus (Aphrodite in Greek mythology), goddess of love, is considered by most to definitively be his mother. Due to his stature as a god of love, Cupid has now become synonymous with romance, even moreso than Venus, due to his dominance over Hades, the creatures of the sea and even the gods of Olympus (Venus' power is restricted to humans). The common depiction of Cupid is that of a lively youth, delighting in pranks and spreading love with his infamous bow and arrow.
As a side note, Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas' first television creation was the ABC romantic dramedy Cupid starring Jeremy Piven and VM's Paula Marshall (Miss James) about a man (Piven) who believed he was Cupid and the psychologist (Marshall) who strove to clear him of his delusion.
- In The Tinseltown Diaries special, we see footage and props from several past episodes: The Wrath of Con (home movie of Lilly that was used in Logan's tribute video), Return of the Kane (the bum fight), Clash of the Tritons (the aerial view of Lynn's abandoned car on the Coronado Bridge), Lord of the Bling (tabloid cover: "Aaron Echolls' Private Tragedy"), My Mother, the Fiend (Trina in her hospital bed) and Normal Is the Watchword (Logan exiting the courthouse). Also used is a still shot of Harry Hamlin (Aaron) in Clash of the Titans.
- Heidi's car has lipstick kisses on the driver's side window and the front windshield.
- As he walks and talks with Veronica at the bowling alley, Vinnie grabs and eats a french fry from an empty table.
- The One Eyed Ducks' bowling uniforms feature the picture of a duck wearing an eye patch.
- At Java the Hut, while admiring Heidi's ring, her friend says: "Me wants it," in a voice that sounds strangely like Gollum's from Lord of the Rings.
- The tee-shirt Veronica's wearing in the beginning of the episode has the profile of a naked man on the front of it, which is reminiscent of the naked ladies on the mud flaps of Hans's truck in Hot Dogs.
- Apparently, Veronica's famous head tilt is effective even when requesting a favor over the phone.
- When Logan walks away after the locker scene, you can see him bump into some guy in a Neptune High letter jacket and make a sort of joking "Oops, did I run into you?" gesture. The guy just sort of nods at him. The funny part is that the guy is totally bigger than him. It's amazing how Jason Dohring is always in character, even when no longer the focus of a scene. I wonder if he planned that ahead of time with the extra, or if the poor guy was just minding his own business and suddenly found himself knocked to the side by one of the stars? Hee.
- The sadly tragic expression on Logan's face when the two PCHers spit on him (and the beginning of, most likely -- knowing Jason Dohring's proclivity for this particular word, the word "fuck" with the "ff" sound issuing forth).
- Kendall's uncomfortable smile and tone of voice when she refers to Beaver as "Boss."
- Beaver's Machiavellian-like smirk after Kendall says "my name's on everything, right?!" Seems like little ol' Beaver might be up to something. Still waters do run deep.
- The half somersault; celebratory dance that Vinnie Van Lowe's performs on the floor of the bowling alley after he gets a strike.
- Beaver and Dick engaging in some friendly wrestling while exiting the FBLA meeting. This is perhaps the first evidence of brotherly love we've seen from the Casablancas brothers.
- In the first shot of Kendall at Logan's hotel room, her figure is framed, rather appropriately, within an hourglass vase.
- In the final scene, when Jane is talking to Veronica, Wallace sneaks a sip of her coffee while throwing her a quick sideways glance to make sure she isn't watching.
- Dick's laughing comment -- showing the tact and care he generally does
Quote:-- about Aaron's newfound prison proclivities is yet another one that once you know what is being referenced you wish you hadn't. If you're in the dark and curiosity gets the better of you, read the Social Science entry here.
Dude, your dad's really leaned out in the big house. Probably all those tossed salads, huh?
- What's the true purpose of Kendall's name being on all "Phoenix Land Trust" documentation? Is it really because Cassidy is under-aged, or is it an elaborate scheme designed by the Beav to exact revenge on his lying, cheating stepmother?
- Considering that Big Dick Casablancas is wanted for real estate fraud, why would anyone choose to invest in the "Phoenix Land Trust," believing he's behind it? Such trust seems a little misguided to me.
- During the FBLA meeting, what was Logan going to say in regards to incorporation before Pope cut him off after Veronica said "and the rich get richer?"
- Okay, Vinnie Van Lowe is offering to buy Veronica a beer at the bowling alley. Is he unaware that Veronica is only 18, or does he just not care?
- Why did Terrence Cook break into Ms. Dumas' family home? What was he looking to obtain, or more likely, get rid of?
- Kendall can still find a strand of Duncan's hair in his shower this long after he fled the country? Doesn't housekeeping clean the showers? And if not, then what the hell is Logan paying all that money for?
- Or is Logan paying all that money? As far as we know, Jake Kane is still footing the bill for the Presidential Suite at the Neptune Grand.
- What horrible thing is Logan about to admit to Veronica? Please tell me he's not going to confess to Hannahgate. I highly doubt that doing this will win him any points with the lovely Ms. Mars.
- How is the Fitzpatrick Family going to react when they discover their star witness, the good Dr. Griffith, has recanted his testimony?
- Is there a reason Veronica keeps uttering the phrase "the rich get richer," this season? Is it supposed to be a clue to the bus crash mystery?
- Wasn't there some previous resistance from the network Standards & Practices department over the use of the nickname "Big Dick"? If so, either they changed their minds or didn't notice that Aaron refers to him as such during his visit from Kendall.
holly96 (Holly): Literature; Homeroom
JaneDtwo (Alla): Social Science
JenniferH: Report Card; Chemistry; Band Class (Scene Description); Social Science; Homeroom; Philosophy
Iloveyoubearymuch (Kathryn): Literature; Homeroom; Philosophy
krissy215 (Krissy): Band Class (Song Identifier)
Pixigal (Gerrie): Yearbook; Drama Club
PolarTruckin (Belinda): Journalism
ramwitz (Margarita): Yearbook
SeluciaV (Alli): Study Hall; Literature
Tar Frimmer (Joanne): Study Hall; Extra Credit; Literature; Social Science; Homeroom; Philosophy
