This is for Summer. Thanks for such a wacky plot bunny. When I read it, I thought thats too funny, Im gonna give it a shot. Hope you enjoy it.
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You Think You Know Somebody -Rewrite
Title: You Think You Know Somebody Part 1
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Season 1
Summary: What if Troy never existed? What happened on the road trip back from TJ?
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars
Lilly and Veronica at the carwash from 101 Pilot.
LILLY: I've got a secret.
Cut to Veronica running to Lilly's body from the same episode.
LILLY: [offscreen] A good one.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year since my best friend Lilly Kane was murdered.
Cut to Logan in the library at Neptune High from the same episode.
LOGAN: That's my girlfriend. Your friend. Duncan's sister.
Cut back to the car wash and then to Veronica and Luke in the school hall from 104 The Wrath of Con.
VERONICA: My dad wants to meet you.
LUKE: Don't worry, I give good parent.
KEITH: [offscreen] Actually...
Veronica and Luke kiss. Cut to Luke and Keith from the same episode.
KEITH: ...she hasn't told me anything about you.
LUKE: Well I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
KEITH: Neither do I.
Cut to Keith and Veronica having dinner at the apartment from 103 Meet John Smith.
KEITH: So I got a call from your guidance counselor today. Any idea what for?
VERONICA: Nope.
MISS JAMES: [offscreen] She's been late...
Cut to Miss James' office with Keith standing in front of the desk from the same episode.
MISS JAMES: She has attitude with certain teachers.
Cut to Veronica standing in the school hallway as other students fast forward around her from the same episode.
MISS JAMES: [offscreen] and socially she seems to be a bit isolated.
Cut to Keith poking his head round the door of Veronica's room from the same episode.
KEITH: I never want you to think your mom's the villain in all this.
VERONICA: The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits.
Veronica stands at her mothers safety deposit box.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: All this time, Ive been thinking Mom bolted cause she couldnt handle losing everything. Maybe she just couldnt handle losing me.
End previously.
EXT TIJUANA, MEXICO NIGHT.
A boy, Luke, carries a piata and creeps about a dumpster. He exchanges an envelope hidden inside the piata for something from the dumpster and looks around nervously. He walks to a parked car, knocks on the window and laughs at the sound of a groan. He climbs into the back seat with Beaver and joins driver Logan and a badly hung-over Dick, sitting in the front.
LUKE: Wake up!
LOGAN: I've spent the past forty minutes listening to Dick and Beav dry-heave so you could buy a deformed piata?
LUKE: [laughing] Dude, everything was closed. It was the cheapest souvenir I could find.
DICK: [struggling] I'll say it one more timeJuanita from the Hot Tamale? Aye-yi-yi-yi.
He laughs then gags.
LOGAN: Whoa! What'd I tell you about drool on the leather. I dont want to have to clean up your yack man. Just lean out the window or something.
Luke laughs and Dick groans.
LOGAN: He's the only one allowed to dry-heave in it. You hear that Beaver? I dont want you heaving in my car either.
He sniggers.
LOGAN: All right. Have we had our fill of Tijuana?
Luke, Dick, and Beaver respond simultaneously.
DICK: No.
BEAVER: No.
LUKE: Yes.
Logan starts up the car.
EXT US/MEXICAN BORDER NIGHT.
Cars queue to pass through the Border Inspection Station. Vendors sell souvenir flags and goods. Logan waves one away as he approaches the car and then inches forward.
LOGAN: No, no, thank you.
LUKE: These border checkpoints, man, they always freak me out.
DICK: Maybe you shouldn't volunteer for the full cavity search.
They reach the checkpoint. Luke is very nervous. A customs officer leans into the driver's side window waving a torch.
OFFICER: Morning.
LOGAN: Morning, sir.
Logan and Dick grin at the officer.
OFFICER: You, uh, fellas have a good time in Mexico.
LOGAN/DICK: Yes, sir.
OFFICER: Wanna go ahead and hand over your contraband?
Long beat. Logans eyes widen as he looks at Dick then back at the officer who breaks into a smile.
OFFICER: It works sometimes. Pop the trunk.
Luke breathes a sigh of relief as the officer checks the trunk.
LOGAN: Anybody else hungry?
LUKE: Sure.
DICK/BEAVER: Yeah.
INT - USA BORDER GRILLE & DINER NIGHT.
Luke, Dick, and Beaver sit at the counter. The remains of a meal are before them.
LUKE: I cant believe youre calling me a wuss.
DICK: Mmm.
LUKE: Im serious. Youre the guy that cant close the deals.
DICK: Dude, what are you talking about?
LUKE: Im talking about that girl, that g-girl. Esmerelda?
Logan returns to the counter.
DICK: The deal was closed back in VIP, my brother, make no mistake.
Logan puts some money on the counter.
LUKE: No way.
BEAVER: [to Logan] Did you wash your hands?
Logan smiles and wipes his hands on Beavers shoulder.
BEAVER: Thank you.
LOGAN: I got this boys, lets roll.
Logan punches Beaver on the arm. Beaver groans.
EXT - USA BORDER GRILLE & DINER CONTINUING.
Logan leads them out of the diner while Dick, Beaver, and Luke continue their debate.
DICK: [to Logan] All right, settle something for us, partner. Didnt Luke look kind of scared last night when that senorita started working her milkshakes on him?
LUKE: Thats great. Thats adorable. Youre a good man, youre a good man. Thank you. I wasnt, uh, I wasnt scared, I was concerned.
Logan, searching for the car, looks concerned.
DICK: Oh yeah. Youve never seen a girl pick up a shot glass like that before.
The boys stand in front of an empty car parking space.
LOGAN: Isnt this where we parked? Tell me that this isnt where we parked. Please, someone tell me that you can see my car and this heart attack that Im having right now is for nothing.
BEAVER: Well maybe its like Brigadoon. If you come back in a hundred years, itll be right back in this spot.
LUKE: [panicked] Logan, did you lock it?
LOGAN: [with a laugh close to hysterical] Did I lock it?
Dick and Beaver lay down in the space. Cut to later. Luke has his head buried beneath his hands as they wait outside the diner.
LOGAN: [to Luke] Whats your problem? Its not even your ass on the line.
LUKE: Yeah, I know. This justreally sucks, man.
BEAVER: Wow man, thats profound.
LOGAN: My parents come home in five days. If the cars not back before my dad is, I dont even want to think about what hes going to do to me. [shudders]
Veronica pulls up.
VERONICA: Dude! Wheres your car?
Logan frowns and shakes his head. Looks at Luke.
LOGAN: You called your girlfriend? Great! [looks up to the sky] Just what I needed to end the perfect night.
Dick, Beaver, and Logan head for the car.
VERONICA: Ah
She points to Logan, Dick, and Beaver as they head for the car.
VERONICA: Your monkeys are gonna have to ride in the back.
LOGAN: Ha-ha. Nice car.
He climbs into the back seat.
LOGAN: God, it must have been a huge cereal box.
Veronica is ready to bite back at Logan as Dick and Beaver join him in the back.
LUKE: Now lets let that go. Cherish these moments. Because they will probably be the last ones that we spend together.
Luke gets in the front seat, gives Veronica a quick peck on the lips.
LUKE: Thanks for coming to get us.
LOGAN: Dude, Im not thrilled to be riding in her car as it is. I definitely dont want to see that. So, cut it out.
VERONICA: Whats the matter Logan? You jealous?
Opening credits.
LUKE: So what took you so long to get here, baby?
Logan snorts at the endearment. Veronica just shoots him a look of complete annoyance.
VERONICA: [to Luke] Well, half of the roads between Neptune and here have been closed since you guys left for TJ. So, were going to have quit the road trip. I was able to get through, but the cops told me that I wouldnt be able to go back the same way.
LOGAN: [leaning over the seat] What are you telling me? How long is this going to take?
VERONICA: [cringing] Umm...Its going to take at least two days and thats only if they havent closed more roads than I think they have.
LOGAN: GREAT! Thats just perfect...This is the last time...[he slumps back, muttering to himself] two or more days in Veronica Mars company. Who did I piss off?
LUKE: Well, I wouldnt piss off my girlfriend, unless you want to walk home. [turns to Veronica] Why are all the roads closed?
VERONICA: Something about a gas spill or oil or natural gas leak...Something like that. Anyway, I guess theres a contamination issue and theyve evacuated all of the people that live there and their not letting anyone through. I was like the last car they let through. Otherwise, it would have taken me a lot longer to pick you and your monkeys up.
Luke smiles at her monkeys comment and raises her hand, which is interlocked with his, to his lips. Logan groans again. Beaver slumps over onto Logans shoulder and starts to snore loudly in his ear. Dick is drooling on the other window and door.
The car starts to make a whining noise. Noise grows until the car suddenly shivers and stops. Veronica looks over at Luke in surprise.
LOGAN: I knew it! I knew that I should have never gotten into this rust-bucket.
VERONICA: [furious] You know what Logan? I'm tired of listening to you complain. As far as I'm concerned, you can walk the rest of the way home!
LOGAN: Looks like we all are going to be walking home, Mars.
Luke turns to look at Logan.
LUKE: Dude, could you try not to piss her off? She didn't have to let you get in her car at all, but she did. So, play nice, ok?
LOGAN: Whatever. Ok, I'll play nice...Is there something that I could do to help you in your hour of need, Miss Mars? [saccharin sweet]
VERONICA: [glaring, but just as sweet] Why yes Logan, you could call a tow truck to come out here and help lil ol me. I just dont know what I would do, if there wasnt such a big strong man, like yourself, here to help me. Im just a helpless lil thing.
Logan smirks and pulls out his phone.
LOGAN: Um, I dont have a signal. Hang on, Ill try Dicks phone...Nothing. GREAT! [increasingly angry] Not only do you come pick us up in a crap car. You get us stranded in the middle of nowhere with no cell service. I swear, you are trying to kill me, Ronnie.
VERONICA: [very cold and quiet] Dont call me that. You lost that right a long time ago.
LUKE: [trying to make peace] Its ok. Theres a motel. See it? Looks like its only a couple of miles down the road. Well just push the car and stay there tonight.
Logan looks at him like hes lost his mind.
LOGAN: You want to push this car for two or more miles, to a motel? I just want to get home.
VERONICA: And how do you suggest that right now? I think Lukes plan is the best weve got right now. So, wake up Dumb and Dumber and get pushing.
INT - SHABBY MOTEL NIGHT.
Veronica is sitting in the drivers seat of the LeBaron, while all 4 guys are pushing and swearing. Sweaty, they drop down to the ground to rest. The motel looks similar to the Bates Motel from Psycho.
Dick and Beaver start to heave again on the dirt parking lot.
LOGAN: [breathless] That was an excellent plan, Luke. Remind me to kick your ass when I can breathe again.
Luke waves Logans comments off. Veronica springs out of the car, lots of energy.
VERONICA: [very peppy] Ok, lets go get some rooms and sleep.
LOGAN: [scowling] Luke, if you dont get her under control...Youre going to be short one girlfriend.
LUKE: Honey, please. We just pushed your car two miles. Cut us some slack, ok?
VERONICA: Actually, you pushed my car three and a half miles. [Logan shoots her a deadly look] But, hey, Whos counting? I just thought that you guys would like to relax in a room instead of the parking lot.
The guys start to haul themselves up off of the dirt. Dusting off their pants, they all move toward the office. The man behind the counter is non-descript.
VERONICA: Hi. Were from out of town and our car just broke down. It looks like were going to need a couple of rooms. [Turning to the guys] Logan, are you going to share with Dick and Beaver?
LOGAN: Thats fine. Wheres Luke going to stay?
LUKE: Im staying in the same room as my girlfriend. Like you needed to ask. I wouldnt leave her all alone in a motel room.
Logan snorts.
LOGAN: Figures.
VERONICA: [turns back to the clerk] Ok, then I guess well take two rooms.
CLERK: Only got one room. Rooms got a king sized bed. You still want it?
Veronica looks over her shoulder at the guys and shrugs.
VERONICA: Well take it.
CLERK: Its $50.00 per night, cash up front.
Veronica turns around again and holds out her hand. The guys look at each other. Logan sighs, rolls his eyes, and digs out his wallet.
LOGAN: [mumbling] Last fucking time I go on a trip with you assholes. [he slaps the money into Veronicas hand.]
CLERK: Its room 307.
Veronica and the guys enter the room. Its dingy and smells slightly off. In the center of the room is the king sized bed. They all shuffle in and close the door. Logan flops down on the bed.
VERONICA: And just what do you think youre doing?
LOGAN: [lifts head] Im dancing around in circles. What does it look like Im doing? Its called sleep, Mars. You might want to try and get some...Youre starting to look a little like a corpse.
VERONICA: I know what sleep is, jackass. What I meant was, what are you doing on the bed? And who said that youre sleeping on the bed anyways?
LOGAN: [stands and walks up to Veronica; he leans over, towering her] Listen, princess, I paid for the room. Therefore, the bed is mine, capeesh?
VERONICA: [not flinching or moving] If it wasnt for me, your sorry ass would still be at that diner near the border. Im also the only girl. Im not sleeping on the floor, end of discussion.
LOGAN: Youve been thinking about my ass, huh? [smiling and winking]
LUKE: Hey now. Thats my girlfriend and Im standing right here, right exactly here.
LOGAN: [eyes not leaving Veronicas] I cant help it man. I just seem to have that affect on the female race. Ok, Veronica, you may share my bed. But you had better keep your wandering hands to yourself.
LUKE: I dont think so. The only person that my girlfriend is sharing a bed with is me. So, Logan, Dick, and Beaver...pull up some rug and get comfortable.
LOGAN: Give it up, dude. Im not sleeping on the floor when I paid for the room. However, Veronica is small enough, there should be room for you to crawl in too. But the same goes for you...Keep your octopus arms to yourself and I dont want to hear any moaning and groaning either. Got it?
VERONICA: If you boys are done seeing who can pee further...Im going to go see if I can get a signal and call Wallace to let him know where I am.
Veronica exits the room. Outside, there is still no cell signal. She decides to walk around the building trying to find even a weak signal. Logan exits the room shortly after her and seeks out the vending machine. Veronica is standing in front of the pop machine, waiting for her Skist to drop down. Logan puts coins into the vending machine and orders up the last bag of M&Ms.
VERONICA: Hey, I was going to get those. M&Ms are the only thing in there that I like. Come on, Logan. Have a heart. I havent eaten since before I left to pick you guys up.
LOGAN: [mischievous grin] Ok, Mars. Ill let you have the last bag of M&Ms, but you have to give me a kiss. A real kiss, not some peck on the cheek.
VERONICA: What are you trying to do, Echolls? Prove that Im a prude or a skank? [squints eyes at him] You just dont think Ill do it at all, do you?
Logan shakes his head with a little laugh.
LOGAN: Ive known you too long, Veronica. Theres no way that you would do anything like that. You have a boyfriend, remember. Youre not Lily, you dont cheat.
Veronica starts to walk towards him, slowly. Logan backs up as she advances until his back hits the vending machine and he has nowhere else to go. Veronica keeps advancing until shes almost pressed against him.
LOGAN: What the hell are you doing? [his voice is shaky]
VERONICA: [softly] Im going to be collecting my M&Ms in a minute. Hang on to your hat.
Veronica leans up and presses her entire body against Logans. Her lips brush his lightly at first. She runs her tongue along his bottom lip and leans in further to deepen the kiss. Logans arms wrap around her and he moans.
They kiss passionately. They break, Logan resting his forehead on hers.
VERONICA: What are we doing?
LOGAN: [Smiling, whispers] No idea.
They kiss again and start laughing in the midst of it and break.
VERONICA: We need to talk about this.
LOGAN: I know. I kn-
He laughs again.
VERONICA: Maybe we should stop. Logan, I have a boyfriend.
LOGAN: Or maybe we should just keep it to ourselves for a while and see what happens?
A door slams down the corridor. Veronica and Logan break apart. Luke rounds the corner and stops short.
LUKE: Well, that didnt take long. I was just coming to look for you, sweetie. Youd been gone for a while and I was starting to worry. [walks up and wraps his arms around her, pulling her in for a hug and kisses her on the top of her head]
VERONICA: I was just getting a snack and had to beat Logan up for the last bag of M&Ms [she holds up the bag of M&Ms with a smile]
LUKE: [affectionately] Mmmm...M&Ms. Are you going to share?
VERONICA: I guess well have to wait and see, now wont we.
Luke nuzzles her neck. Logan looks like hes going to be sick. Luke and Veronica walk back towards the room. At the corner, Veronica looks back to see a visibly shaken Logan staring after her with longing in his eyes.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: I guess Im not the only one surprised.
Commercial Break.
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You Think You Know Somebody -Rewrite
Title: You Think You Know Somebody Part 1
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Season 1
Summary: What if Troy never existed? What happened on the road trip back from TJ?
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars
Lilly and Veronica at the carwash from 101 Pilot.
LILLY: I've got a secret.
Cut to Veronica running to Lilly's body from the same episode.
LILLY: [offscreen] A good one.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year since my best friend Lilly Kane was murdered.
Cut to Logan in the library at Neptune High from the same episode.
LOGAN: That's my girlfriend. Your friend. Duncan's sister.
Cut back to the car wash and then to Veronica and Luke in the school hall from 104 The Wrath of Con.
VERONICA: My dad wants to meet you.
LUKE: Don't worry, I give good parent.
KEITH: [offscreen] Actually...
Veronica and Luke kiss. Cut to Luke and Keith from the same episode.
KEITH: ...she hasn't told me anything about you.
LUKE: Well I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
KEITH: Neither do I.
Cut to Keith and Veronica having dinner at the apartment from 103 Meet John Smith.
KEITH: So I got a call from your guidance counselor today. Any idea what for?
VERONICA: Nope.
MISS JAMES: [offscreen] She's been late...
Cut to Miss James' office with Keith standing in front of the desk from the same episode.
MISS JAMES: She has attitude with certain teachers.
Cut to Veronica standing in the school hallway as other students fast forward around her from the same episode.
MISS JAMES: [offscreen] and socially she seems to be a bit isolated.
Cut to Keith poking his head round the door of Veronica's room from the same episode.
KEITH: I never want you to think your mom's the villain in all this.
VERONICA: The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits.
Veronica stands at her mothers safety deposit box.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: All this time, Ive been thinking Mom bolted cause she couldnt handle losing everything. Maybe she just couldnt handle losing me.
End previously.
EXT TIJUANA, MEXICO NIGHT.
A boy, Luke, carries a piata and creeps about a dumpster. He exchanges an envelope hidden inside the piata for something from the dumpster and looks around nervously. He walks to a parked car, knocks on the window and laughs at the sound of a groan. He climbs into the back seat with Beaver and joins driver Logan and a badly hung-over Dick, sitting in the front.
LUKE: Wake up!
LOGAN: I've spent the past forty minutes listening to Dick and Beav dry-heave so you could buy a deformed piata?
LUKE: [laughing] Dude, everything was closed. It was the cheapest souvenir I could find.
DICK: [struggling] I'll say it one more timeJuanita from the Hot Tamale? Aye-yi-yi-yi.
He laughs then gags.
LOGAN: Whoa! What'd I tell you about drool on the leather. I dont want to have to clean up your yack man. Just lean out the window or something.
Luke laughs and Dick groans.
LOGAN: He's the only one allowed to dry-heave in it. You hear that Beaver? I dont want you heaving in my car either.
He sniggers.
LOGAN: All right. Have we had our fill of Tijuana?
Luke, Dick, and Beaver respond simultaneously.
DICK: No.
BEAVER: No.
LUKE: Yes.
Logan starts up the car.
EXT US/MEXICAN BORDER NIGHT.
Cars queue to pass through the Border Inspection Station. Vendors sell souvenir flags and goods. Logan waves one away as he approaches the car and then inches forward.
LOGAN: No, no, thank you.
LUKE: These border checkpoints, man, they always freak me out.
DICK: Maybe you shouldn't volunteer for the full cavity search.
They reach the checkpoint. Luke is very nervous. A customs officer leans into the driver's side window waving a torch.
OFFICER: Morning.
LOGAN: Morning, sir.
Logan and Dick grin at the officer.
OFFICER: You, uh, fellas have a good time in Mexico.
LOGAN/DICK: Yes, sir.
OFFICER: Wanna go ahead and hand over your contraband?
Long beat. Logans eyes widen as he looks at Dick then back at the officer who breaks into a smile.
OFFICER: It works sometimes. Pop the trunk.
Luke breathes a sigh of relief as the officer checks the trunk.
LOGAN: Anybody else hungry?
LUKE: Sure.
DICK/BEAVER: Yeah.
INT - USA BORDER GRILLE & DINER NIGHT.
Luke, Dick, and Beaver sit at the counter. The remains of a meal are before them.
LUKE: I cant believe youre calling me a wuss.
DICK: Mmm.
LUKE: Im serious. Youre the guy that cant close the deals.
DICK: Dude, what are you talking about?
LUKE: Im talking about that girl, that g-girl. Esmerelda?
Logan returns to the counter.
DICK: The deal was closed back in VIP, my brother, make no mistake.
Logan puts some money on the counter.
LUKE: No way.
BEAVER: [to Logan] Did you wash your hands?
Logan smiles and wipes his hands on Beavers shoulder.
BEAVER: Thank you.
LOGAN: I got this boys, lets roll.
Logan punches Beaver on the arm. Beaver groans.
EXT - USA BORDER GRILLE & DINER CONTINUING.
Logan leads them out of the diner while Dick, Beaver, and Luke continue their debate.
DICK: [to Logan] All right, settle something for us, partner. Didnt Luke look kind of scared last night when that senorita started working her milkshakes on him?
LUKE: Thats great. Thats adorable. Youre a good man, youre a good man. Thank you. I wasnt, uh, I wasnt scared, I was concerned.
Logan, searching for the car, looks concerned.
DICK: Oh yeah. Youve never seen a girl pick up a shot glass like that before.
The boys stand in front of an empty car parking space.
LOGAN: Isnt this where we parked? Tell me that this isnt where we parked. Please, someone tell me that you can see my car and this heart attack that Im having right now is for nothing.
BEAVER: Well maybe its like Brigadoon. If you come back in a hundred years, itll be right back in this spot.
LUKE: [panicked] Logan, did you lock it?
LOGAN: [with a laugh close to hysterical] Did I lock it?
Dick and Beaver lay down in the space. Cut to later. Luke has his head buried beneath his hands as they wait outside the diner.
LOGAN: [to Luke] Whats your problem? Its not even your ass on the line.
LUKE: Yeah, I know. This justreally sucks, man.
BEAVER: Wow man, thats profound.
LOGAN: My parents come home in five days. If the cars not back before my dad is, I dont even want to think about what hes going to do to me. [shudders]
Veronica pulls up.
VERONICA: Dude! Wheres your car?
Logan frowns and shakes his head. Looks at Luke.
LOGAN: You called your girlfriend? Great! [looks up to the sky] Just what I needed to end the perfect night.
Dick, Beaver, and Logan head for the car.
VERONICA: Ah
She points to Logan, Dick, and Beaver as they head for the car.
VERONICA: Your monkeys are gonna have to ride in the back.
LOGAN: Ha-ha. Nice car.
He climbs into the back seat.
LOGAN: God, it must have been a huge cereal box.
Veronica is ready to bite back at Logan as Dick and Beaver join him in the back.
LUKE: Now lets let that go. Cherish these moments. Because they will probably be the last ones that we spend together.
Luke gets in the front seat, gives Veronica a quick peck on the lips.
LUKE: Thanks for coming to get us.
LOGAN: Dude, Im not thrilled to be riding in her car as it is. I definitely dont want to see that. So, cut it out.
VERONICA: Whats the matter Logan? You jealous?
Opening credits.
LUKE: So what took you so long to get here, baby?
Logan snorts at the endearment. Veronica just shoots him a look of complete annoyance.
VERONICA: [to Luke] Well, half of the roads between Neptune and here have been closed since you guys left for TJ. So, were going to have quit the road trip. I was able to get through, but the cops told me that I wouldnt be able to go back the same way.
LOGAN: [leaning over the seat] What are you telling me? How long is this going to take?
VERONICA: [cringing] Umm...Its going to take at least two days and thats only if they havent closed more roads than I think they have.
LOGAN: GREAT! Thats just perfect...This is the last time...[he slumps back, muttering to himself] two or more days in Veronica Mars company. Who did I piss off?
LUKE: Well, I wouldnt piss off my girlfriend, unless you want to walk home. [turns to Veronica] Why are all the roads closed?
VERONICA: Something about a gas spill or oil or natural gas leak...Something like that. Anyway, I guess theres a contamination issue and theyve evacuated all of the people that live there and their not letting anyone through. I was like the last car they let through. Otherwise, it would have taken me a lot longer to pick you and your monkeys up.
Luke smiles at her monkeys comment and raises her hand, which is interlocked with his, to his lips. Logan groans again. Beaver slumps over onto Logans shoulder and starts to snore loudly in his ear. Dick is drooling on the other window and door.
The car starts to make a whining noise. Noise grows until the car suddenly shivers and stops. Veronica looks over at Luke in surprise.
LOGAN: I knew it! I knew that I should have never gotten into this rust-bucket.
VERONICA: [furious] You know what Logan? I'm tired of listening to you complain. As far as I'm concerned, you can walk the rest of the way home!
LOGAN: Looks like we all are going to be walking home, Mars.
Luke turns to look at Logan.
LUKE: Dude, could you try not to piss her off? She didn't have to let you get in her car at all, but she did. So, play nice, ok?
LOGAN: Whatever. Ok, I'll play nice...Is there something that I could do to help you in your hour of need, Miss Mars? [saccharin sweet]
VERONICA: [glaring, but just as sweet] Why yes Logan, you could call a tow truck to come out here and help lil ol me. I just dont know what I would do, if there wasnt such a big strong man, like yourself, here to help me. Im just a helpless lil thing.
Logan smirks and pulls out his phone.
LOGAN: Um, I dont have a signal. Hang on, Ill try Dicks phone...Nothing. GREAT! [increasingly angry] Not only do you come pick us up in a crap car. You get us stranded in the middle of nowhere with no cell service. I swear, you are trying to kill me, Ronnie.
VERONICA: [very cold and quiet] Dont call me that. You lost that right a long time ago.
LUKE: [trying to make peace] Its ok. Theres a motel. See it? Looks like its only a couple of miles down the road. Well just push the car and stay there tonight.
Logan looks at him like hes lost his mind.
LOGAN: You want to push this car for two or more miles, to a motel? I just want to get home.
VERONICA: And how do you suggest that right now? I think Lukes plan is the best weve got right now. So, wake up Dumb and Dumber and get pushing.
INT - SHABBY MOTEL NIGHT.
Veronica is sitting in the drivers seat of the LeBaron, while all 4 guys are pushing and swearing. Sweaty, they drop down to the ground to rest. The motel looks similar to the Bates Motel from Psycho.
Dick and Beaver start to heave again on the dirt parking lot.
LOGAN: [breathless] That was an excellent plan, Luke. Remind me to kick your ass when I can breathe again.
Luke waves Logans comments off. Veronica springs out of the car, lots of energy.
VERONICA: [very peppy] Ok, lets go get some rooms and sleep.
LOGAN: [scowling] Luke, if you dont get her under control...Youre going to be short one girlfriend.
LUKE: Honey, please. We just pushed your car two miles. Cut us some slack, ok?
VERONICA: Actually, you pushed my car three and a half miles. [Logan shoots her a deadly look] But, hey, Whos counting? I just thought that you guys would like to relax in a room instead of the parking lot.
The guys start to haul themselves up off of the dirt. Dusting off their pants, they all move toward the office. The man behind the counter is non-descript.
VERONICA: Hi. Were from out of town and our car just broke down. It looks like were going to need a couple of rooms. [Turning to the guys] Logan, are you going to share with Dick and Beaver?
LOGAN: Thats fine. Wheres Luke going to stay?
LUKE: Im staying in the same room as my girlfriend. Like you needed to ask. I wouldnt leave her all alone in a motel room.
Logan snorts.
LOGAN: Figures.
VERONICA: [turns back to the clerk] Ok, then I guess well take two rooms.
CLERK: Only got one room. Rooms got a king sized bed. You still want it?
Veronica looks over her shoulder at the guys and shrugs.
VERONICA: Well take it.
CLERK: Its $50.00 per night, cash up front.
Veronica turns around again and holds out her hand. The guys look at each other. Logan sighs, rolls his eyes, and digs out his wallet.
LOGAN: [mumbling] Last fucking time I go on a trip with you assholes. [he slaps the money into Veronicas hand.]
CLERK: Its room 307.
Veronica and the guys enter the room. Its dingy and smells slightly off. In the center of the room is the king sized bed. They all shuffle in and close the door. Logan flops down on the bed.
VERONICA: And just what do you think youre doing?
LOGAN: [lifts head] Im dancing around in circles. What does it look like Im doing? Its called sleep, Mars. You might want to try and get some...Youre starting to look a little like a corpse.
VERONICA: I know what sleep is, jackass. What I meant was, what are you doing on the bed? And who said that youre sleeping on the bed anyways?
LOGAN: [stands and walks up to Veronica; he leans over, towering her] Listen, princess, I paid for the room. Therefore, the bed is mine, capeesh?
VERONICA: [not flinching or moving] If it wasnt for me, your sorry ass would still be at that diner near the border. Im also the only girl. Im not sleeping on the floor, end of discussion.
LOGAN: Youve been thinking about my ass, huh? [smiling and winking]
LUKE: Hey now. Thats my girlfriend and Im standing right here, right exactly here.
LOGAN: [eyes not leaving Veronicas] I cant help it man. I just seem to have that affect on the female race. Ok, Veronica, you may share my bed. But you had better keep your wandering hands to yourself.
LUKE: I dont think so. The only person that my girlfriend is sharing a bed with is me. So, Logan, Dick, and Beaver...pull up some rug and get comfortable.
LOGAN: Give it up, dude. Im not sleeping on the floor when I paid for the room. However, Veronica is small enough, there should be room for you to crawl in too. But the same goes for you...Keep your octopus arms to yourself and I dont want to hear any moaning and groaning either. Got it?
VERONICA: If you boys are done seeing who can pee further...Im going to go see if I can get a signal and call Wallace to let him know where I am.
Veronica exits the room. Outside, there is still no cell signal. She decides to walk around the building trying to find even a weak signal. Logan exits the room shortly after her and seeks out the vending machine. Veronica is standing in front of the pop machine, waiting for her Skist to drop down. Logan puts coins into the vending machine and orders up the last bag of M&Ms.
VERONICA: Hey, I was going to get those. M&Ms are the only thing in there that I like. Come on, Logan. Have a heart. I havent eaten since before I left to pick you guys up.
LOGAN: [mischievous grin] Ok, Mars. Ill let you have the last bag of M&Ms, but you have to give me a kiss. A real kiss, not some peck on the cheek.
VERONICA: What are you trying to do, Echolls? Prove that Im a prude or a skank? [squints eyes at him] You just dont think Ill do it at all, do you?
Logan shakes his head with a little laugh.
LOGAN: Ive known you too long, Veronica. Theres no way that you would do anything like that. You have a boyfriend, remember. Youre not Lily, you dont cheat.
Veronica starts to walk towards him, slowly. Logan backs up as she advances until his back hits the vending machine and he has nowhere else to go. Veronica keeps advancing until shes almost pressed against him.
LOGAN: What the hell are you doing? [his voice is shaky]
VERONICA: [softly] Im going to be collecting my M&Ms in a minute. Hang on to your hat.
Veronica leans up and presses her entire body against Logans. Her lips brush his lightly at first. She runs her tongue along his bottom lip and leans in further to deepen the kiss. Logans arms wrap around her and he moans.
They kiss passionately. They break, Logan resting his forehead on hers.
VERONICA: What are we doing?
LOGAN: [Smiling, whispers] No idea.
They kiss again and start laughing in the midst of it and break.
VERONICA: We need to talk about this.
LOGAN: I know. I kn-
He laughs again.
VERONICA: Maybe we should stop. Logan, I have a boyfriend.
LOGAN: Or maybe we should just keep it to ourselves for a while and see what happens?
A door slams down the corridor. Veronica and Logan break apart. Luke rounds the corner and stops short.
LUKE: Well, that didnt take long. I was just coming to look for you, sweetie. Youd been gone for a while and I was starting to worry. [walks up and wraps his arms around her, pulling her in for a hug and kisses her on the top of her head]
VERONICA: I was just getting a snack and had to beat Logan up for the last bag of M&Ms [she holds up the bag of M&Ms with a smile]
LUKE: [affectionately] Mmmm...M&Ms. Are you going to share?
VERONICA: I guess well have to wait and see, now wont we.
Luke nuzzles her neck. Logan looks like hes going to be sick. Luke and Veronica walk back towards the room. At the corner, Veronica looks back to see a visibly shaken Logan staring after her with longing in his eyes.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: I guess Im not the only one surprised.
Commercial Break.
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