Title: I Wake Up to the Sound of Music
Pairings/Characters: Logan (mentions of Aaron, Trina, Lynn, Dick, Duncan, Veronica, Little Lilly)
Word Count: 4,213 (3,949 without lyrics)
Rating: PG
Summary: Logan finds his salvation in a song.
Spoilers/Warnings: The entire series, from the pilot to the bitch is back. Post Season 3.
Disclaimer: None of its mine, and if it was it would have all been different. So dont sue, because I have nothing and itd be a waste of both our time. The song is 'Let It Be' by the Beatles and I don't own that either. The title is from a line in the song.
His chair was center stage and he clutching his guitar a little too tightly. A member of his band was behind him, sitting at the piano The single spotlight trained on him, he let his voice follow the words, the melody. It was raspy and smooth, a quality that was all his own, one that was strong and sure of itself. His voice had finally given him the voice hed always the searched, the one that told the world what he felt and he made no apologies for. The one hed longed for in his youth, when all they saw was his father.
If he was honest with himself, he was always destined for this, fame and fortune. For celebrity. Raised to be a star from his very first Vanity Fair photo shoot a mere two weeks after his birth. The Royal Family of Hollywood had been the tagline, announcing the birth of Logan Echolls to the world. Beautiful starlet Lynn Lester was a mom and the new Mrs. Aaron Echolls, famed movie-hero.
Of course his parents might have imagined hed gain his destiny in film rather than on stage. The probably never figured him for a rockstar, but looking back it made sense. Logan had always been a rockstar, even if he hadnt realized his singing ability until he was nearly twenty-three. That was three years ago.
Three years ago, when hed been in the darkest place in his life, someone had handed him a guitar and sheet music. Told him to learn, save himself.
Thered been no Veronica this time, hed finally used up all his chances and all her strength. She couldnt do it anymore, watch him break down, fall to pieces until he was shattered all to bits. She couldnt pick him up from the bottom and put him back together, not anymore. No, Veronica had her own life to deal with and the fact that he had bought his own tumbling down again had proved to be too much.
He was in rehab six months later.
Logan could never keep himself together without Veronica, using her as a guidepost for all things moral and stable. Even when she wasnt stable herself, she still somehow always kept him from becoming the absolute worst version of himself.
Hed been there nearly two weeks without making any progress whatsoever, practically forced into the facility by an over-stepping lawyer and a somehow concerned Dick. Cliff had threatened to use the law against him, even if he had to bend it in order to get Logan some help. But it was Dicks solemn face staring up at him from the couch, telling him that hed already lost one brother. A week later he admitted himself, voluntarily, into Cirque Lodge in Utah.
Two weeks in he was as surly as ever, but when his counselor handed him a notebook and told him to write it down, his first thought was that shed auction it off. But it had proven to be surprisingly useful, but ultimately he could only write for so long, his words running into each other.
It had been his roommate that finally gave him the guitar as he left and Logan moved from a shared room to a private one. Tom had handed him the guitar and a book of Beatles sheet music, telling him to learn. That it would help, having a hobby. That it might help with his mood as well.
Logan had learned Let It Be in a week, playing it perfectly. It was his favorite Beatles song, one that rang true to his soul.
The fans, the girls, crowded around him. He was always in the midst of a crowd now. Always. Never a moments peace.
His manager was always there, telling him where he should be getting booked. Where he should be playing. That he was a big star and had a lot on his mind, to let him handle all the details.
His agent told him about the opportunities. He could play this arena or that stadium. Madison Square Garden was an option, theyd just have to make the stage show bigger. More flash.
His accountant, a new one since the days of his youth and missing money and dwindling trust funds, was always telling him to slow down or let loose. Every other month he was told that he spent to much, that he should tone it down before the well ran dry. The next month he was encouraged to spend more, to buy things better suited to his situation. His star had risen high enough that he could have anything he wanted.
The girls giggled, and told him how beautiful he was. How he was the most beautiful man theyd ever seen. That his lyrics were so deep, meant so much, that they related and how they felt like they could see into his soul. He could have told them then that they couldnt, because if they had seen into his soul they would have walked out. His soul was dark, too dark for the bubblegum princesses that threw themselves at him.
His lawyer, no longer Cliff but no less smarmy, was constantly warning him about the girls. Had once given him a stack of documents, insisting that Logan have each girl sign it before sleeping with them. That they sign away any legal responsibility they may one day lay at Logans feet for an unwanted pregnancy. Hed just rolled his eyes and shredded them, it wasnt like he was sleeping with any of them.
There was only one person in all of this that he wanted to speak to, hear from. The one person that had always made it better. But she wouldnt return his phone calls, not even after he got famous. Not after three years of fame and fortune and record-breaking album sales and concerts and tours and life. Veronica had remained stubbornly silent.
There were only two names Logan ever bothered to put on the VIP lists, the ones that were automatically let backstage after mentioning their name and flashing some ID. Veronica Mars and Duncan Kane. Both had a plus one after their names, and Logan knew exactly who their plus ones would be. Wallace and Little Lilly.
Veronica would probably never come, never show herself to him. Hed lost track of her in the last three years. Shed left Neptune to join the FBI, training in Virginia first before being assigned to their office in New York City, after that he didnt know anything. He no longer had her phone number, but that hadnt stopped him from calling her father every week, asking him to have her call him back. He gave Keith his phone number every time and Keith told him he already had it, every time.
Logan had finally broke down and asked if Keith was even giving the messages to Veronica. He said he was, that if she didnt call then she wasnt ready. Logan took that as a sign that Keith thought that she might be ready some day. So he kept calling and kept leaving his number.
And she kept on not returning his calls. At least hed found some sort of stability in her again.
The end of them had happened so fast that Logan always has a hard time remembering what exactly happened that shattered everything that they ever were. What the exact events were that lead to the fight to end all fights. What he said. What she said. What they said.
Hed just gotten a call from Trina two days ago, telling him all about the hero-worship movie shed gotten made for daddy dearest. She wanted to warn him, a rare show of sisterly affection, that he wouldnt like it. It showed none of the alleged abuse he claimed to have suffered at their fathers hand, nor did it highlight the supposed Lilly Kane affair, since no one had seen the tapes but a bunch of Lillys seventeen year old friends including her best friend, her ex-boyfriend and her brother. Trina didnt think any of them were reliable.
Like Logan wanted to believe Lilly had sex with his father. It was almost as if she was saying that Veronica had made the story up and hed just said: That sounds like fun, lets go with that story and Ill play along.
Hed fought with Trina over it, calling her vapid and selfish. Shed called him a liar and said that he hated their father because hed always favored her. Logan had agreed to that, Aaron had always favored Trina. She never got the bruises. He did.
In the end, Logan had hung up on Trina after vowing to get an injunction. That hed tie her up in legal battles until Aaron Echolls star had faded so much that no one would even care for a movie. Theyd scrap her little project and daddys shrine would go down in flames.
That was two days ago.
The call hed gotten today made him regret the whole conversation hed had with her. After all she had been his only living relative, blood or not she was his sister. The only family he had left in the entire world. She might not know him now but shed been there while he grew up, shed seen him as a baby and a toddler and all the years between then and now. And she was dead.
Shed been out celebrating the wrap of the shoot of The Aaron Echolls Story: Told By a True Insider. She hadnt been drunk, hadnt even got the chance to have her misguided celebratory glass of champagne. The driver of the other car had gotten an early start. A production assistant that had gotten off hours before Trina and her go-where-the-publicity-is friend, a Paris Hilton wannabe, had left their hotel room. Trina and the blonde had been heading out in a town car, driven around while they laughed in the back.
The PA had hit on Trinas side, killing her and himself instantly. The blonde had suffered, spending three hours in surgery before flatlining.
The news of Trinas death had been splashed all over TV before anyone made the attempt to contact Logan. It didnt matter though, he and Veronica had been in bed, the last thing on their minds was turning on E!News.
Logan had fallen apart after the phone call. Veronica had left early that morning for something, he hadnt paid attention when she woke him at an ungodly hour to say goodbye. She wasnt there when he got the news, hadnt been there that afternoon while he slowly made his way through the tequila.
She hadnt been there that night when Dick had come over and helped him through the Jack Daniels. But shed shown up just in time to see him passed out on the floor, getting cold and dying of alcohol poisoning.
A trip to the hospital and one stomach pumping later they were back at his apartment. She had stayed with him for the next three days, making sure he was okay. But when hed picked up the vodka to continue his taste-testing of all the alcohol currently within a five mile radius, she lost it.
They were screaming about drinking and drugging and random sex. She was yelling about Madison again and salt licks and what he was doing to himself. Her voice was getting so loud and tears were starting to stream down her face as she gathered up all the bottles of various amounts of alcohol and throwing them into the sink. The glass shattered and, along with the liquid previously inside the bottles, splashed out onto the kitchen floor. She cut her foot, but she didnt notice, and her blood was running in with the clear liquid of the rum and the vodka.
And he suddenly couldnt take it anymore.
He started yelling back. He couldnt control it anymore. He was accusing her of always choosing Duncan over him. Of forgiving Duncan for crimes he actually committed, she always blamed Logan for them and hed never actually done any of it. For being so self-righteous and always thinking that she was right, for never letting him be right. He screamed at her for breaking his heart again and again and never caring what it did to him. He yelled at her for so many things that he wasnt sure when or why the word slut had come out.
But it did. He called her a slut, and hes never been sure what context it was that he had thrown it out in. Never had known what he meant by it.
It wasnt the worst thing he could have called, and hed probably said worse things in the past. It was the principle of it though. It was a throwback to the old days. The days where he tortured her and bashed in her headlights and joked about her mother in front of his friends.
It was the heartless cruelty the word reminded her of that sent her out the door that night. And it was the same word that brought her back the next day to collect her things, telling him that she was leaving the next day and she thought it better if he didnt try to contact her.
It was the word that destroyed him.
Duncan would probably never come either. There were no statute of limitations on kidnapping, legislation got rid of them in 2000. He looked it up.
Logan had held onto the hope that hed once again see his best friend. That some day soon, hed get some sort of pardon and return home with his baby girl. Logan would pick up the newest Lilly Kane and shed giggle and hed simply state that all Lilly Kanes love him. He had it all planned out.
Veronica would come then. If Duncan were there and his baby with Meg was there. Shed come. She might come for DK, but shed come and hed see her, get a chance to beg for forgiveness. Get a chance to explain his actions and shed look at him and tell him that she loved him and she didnt want to have to keep picking up his pieces and that theyd be okay. Or shed turn around and walk straight into Duncans arms.
Either way, whatever the outcome, he just wanted to tell her he was sorry. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry and he loved her and always would. That he hadnt meant it and he was hurting then and she could have been anyone.
That was a lie though. She couldnt have been anyone. He didnt lash out because she was there, he lashed out because she was Veronica. Logan had always felt the freedom to lash out at her, that she wouldnt take but give it back to him times ten. Then forgive him for it later.
She didnt this time and he just wanted her back in his life. He needed it.
Some days, when he was alone in the back of the bus with his notebook full of lyrics people would never see, hed think about it. Hed dream that Duncan would return with Little Lilly and a beautiful woman on his arm. Hed come to Logans concert, and on the off chance that Logan might still remember him, mention his name to the backstage guard. His wife wouldnt get through at first, but Logan would send someone to retrieve her as soon as Duncan found him.
Theyd call Keith and tell him to tell Veronica that Duncan is back and at Logans concert in Cleveland or Houston or wherever he was that night. She wouldnt call back, but shed fly right up and theyd be at the hotel already. Shed know where they were, what room they were in and what the password was to get up there because she was Veronica Mars and knew everything. She knew everything, especially if it was one of Logans secrets.
Veronica would knock on the door and Duncan would answer, knowing it was her. Theyd hug and have a reunion, shed meet Lilly and chat with the new Mrs. Kane. Duncan would say he had to get Lilly to bed and the little family would leave, go to their own room in their own hotel and leave Veronica with Logan.
They talk and shed forgive him and theyd kiss and make love and be together again. Theyd continue on with their epic romance, their classic tale of love and loss and tragedy. But mostly love.
Hed tell her that he was right, that they dont write songs about the ones that come easy. And he knows. Hes written hundreds of songs about them. Then hed take out that secret book of lyrics that hes never let anyone read and hed hand it to her and let her read them. Tell her that he saved them up for her, kept them for her because they belonged to her and him and no one else.
Logan comes back to himself, sitting center stage singled out by the spotlight and guitar in his hands. The thoughts that cloud and overwhelm his mind as he sings the lyrics of a song that touches his soul fade away, into the dark corners of his head and heart.
He can make a few faces in the crowd. No one he knows, but usually he cant see anything in the glare of the giant light thats currently trained on him. Hell see spots for hours, the little spots of light that often occur when you look a light bulb before quickly looking away. But the faces in the crowd buoy his confidence in this particular performance.
Its not a song that youll ever find on one of his albums, not even the live ones. Hell never buy the rights, hell never sit in a recording studio and make it professional. It would ruin it. This is a one time thing, and theres not doubt in his mind that a bootleg recording of the concert will pop up on the internet the following day. Itll be his rare download, the one everyone wants and no one can get. But he sees the faces of the people in the audience, complete enraptured by the song. They sway from side to side, some of their eyes shut in order to hear the music better.
He loves this song and it makes him happy to share it with a generation that has likely forgotten it even existed.
As the last not falls out of his mouth, and he strums his last chord, the applause it thunderous. There are shouts and calls and screams and hes pretty sure that a pair of panties is going to be thrown on stage at any moment.
He doesnt bow. Theres no need, this isnt the theater. He isnt completing some sort of drama. Or maybe in a way he is, coming full circle.
He sang this song, played this song first, when he was in the dark place that he could get out of. He clawed at the edges of that hole, fighting the whole way when all he had to do was yell for help.
And now he was singing it here, in a packed concert. It should be the high point, the light period that his life has entered. But its not. He hasnt any family and what friends he does have he doesnt fully trust. Theyre fame friends, there when hes a bright and shinning star, but if something were to happen and his star should fade theyd be the first ones to go. Dick is the only one he counts on now, and he misses when there was someone else as well.
It was his last song. Hed finished the concert on a mellow note, something he didnt normally do. Usually he ended on a more up beat song, one that boosts the spirit and makes you smile. At least until you listen to the words. Really listen to them.
Logan doesnt write happy songs. He cant. You have to have a happy place to write a happy song. He doesnt write the music, but hes fine when the put his words to a beat that makes people smile and want to dance. It masks the pain and makes the song feel like its even more his. That the songs are him, the little pieces of him that fell away long ago. The little pieces that hes still finding, one by one.
Logan walks off stage and passes off his guitar to his assistant, who immediately places it in its case and has a bodyguard walk it to the bus. Itll stay in the hotel room with him and then on his bus. It wont be packed away with everything else, itll get placed in a special holding mount on his bus so he make sure nothing happens to it. His guitar, the one thing that saved him after the love of his life left.
Everyone is looking at him now, and he doesnt know why. This is the way things usually are after the concert ends. He makes sure his baby is secure and safe first thing. Then he grabs his bottle of water, which is currently clutched in his right hand, and drinks as he makes his way to the meet-and-greet room.
He has many duties as a rockstar, and shaking hands and hugging and signing things are some of them. Keeping your fans happy is one of the most important things, because if theyre not happy they dont buy. And if they dont buy, you dont sell, and if you dont sell then you get dropped and fade away.
The meet-and-greets are boring, no longer a novelty and something he finds fun. Hes tired and lonely and bored and he just wants to go back to his dressing room and shower and change and get to the hotel. Hed crawl into an unfamiliar bed and fall into a sleep that never seemed to be enough. He slept better on the bus now.
Walking through another room, one set up for a party that his back up guitarist and keyboardist and drummer all loved to participate in, he set off for the maze of dressing rooms that led to his own. He was usually in the front, but in this particular venue, the largest prep room was in the back.
Along the way he passed a security guard, one that was usually at a guard post, making sure no one snuck past security to get in on the party. But even he got breaks, switching every other hour with another security guard that guarded the party itself. The guard looked at him funny and smiled, and Logan had the distinct impression that he was being hit on.
Walking around the corner, he found his dressing room. Logan Echolls, it said on the door in big bold letters. There was a smaller gold, foam star with his name written on it taped up a foot lower than the bold sign. One of his back up singers had made it, said that he seemed old school, like his name should be on a star. Like in the old movies.
Twisting the knob and pushing the door open, Logan revealed Veronica sitting on his dressing room couch, legs crossed neatly at the ankle. She looked up and let a soft smile grace her face, making it glow even more.
Ive been waiting for you. He told her, closing the door behind him.
Share the LoVe
Pairings/Characters: Logan (mentions of Aaron, Trina, Lynn, Dick, Duncan, Veronica, Little Lilly)
Word Count: 4,213 (3,949 without lyrics)
Rating: PG
Summary: Logan finds his salvation in a song.
Spoilers/Warnings: The entire series, from the pilot to the bitch is back. Post Season 3.
Disclaimer: None of its mine, and if it was it would have all been different. So dont sue, because I have nothing and itd be a waste of both our time. The song is 'Let It Be' by the Beatles and I don't own that either. The title is from a line in the song.
I Wake Up to the Sound of Music
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
His chair was center stage and he clutching his guitar a little too tightly. A member of his band was behind him, sitting at the piano The single spotlight trained on him, he let his voice follow the words, the melody. It was raspy and smooth, a quality that was all his own, one that was strong and sure of itself. His voice had finally given him the voice hed always the searched, the one that told the world what he felt and he made no apologies for. The one hed longed for in his youth, when all they saw was his father.
If he was honest with himself, he was always destined for this, fame and fortune. For celebrity. Raised to be a star from his very first Vanity Fair photo shoot a mere two weeks after his birth. The Royal Family of Hollywood had been the tagline, announcing the birth of Logan Echolls to the world. Beautiful starlet Lynn Lester was a mom and the new Mrs. Aaron Echolls, famed movie-hero.
Of course his parents might have imagined hed gain his destiny in film rather than on stage. The probably never figured him for a rockstar, but looking back it made sense. Logan had always been a rockstar, even if he hadnt realized his singing ability until he was nearly twenty-three. That was three years ago.
Three years ago, when hed been in the darkest place in his life, someone had handed him a guitar and sheet music. Told him to learn, save himself.
Thered been no Veronica this time, hed finally used up all his chances and all her strength. She couldnt do it anymore, watch him break down, fall to pieces until he was shattered all to bits. She couldnt pick him up from the bottom and put him back together, not anymore. No, Veronica had her own life to deal with and the fact that he had bought his own tumbling down again had proved to be too much.
He was in rehab six months later.
Logan could never keep himself together without Veronica, using her as a guidepost for all things moral and stable. Even when she wasnt stable herself, she still somehow always kept him from becoming the absolute worst version of himself.
Hed been there nearly two weeks without making any progress whatsoever, practically forced into the facility by an over-stepping lawyer and a somehow concerned Dick. Cliff had threatened to use the law against him, even if he had to bend it in order to get Logan some help. But it was Dicks solemn face staring up at him from the couch, telling him that hed already lost one brother. A week later he admitted himself, voluntarily, into Cirque Lodge in Utah.
Two weeks in he was as surly as ever, but when his counselor handed him a notebook and told him to write it down, his first thought was that shed auction it off. But it had proven to be surprisingly useful, but ultimately he could only write for so long, his words running into each other.
It had been his roommate that finally gave him the guitar as he left and Logan moved from a shared room to a private one. Tom had handed him the guitar and a book of Beatles sheet music, telling him to learn. That it would help, having a hobby. That it might help with his mood as well.
Logan had learned Let It Be in a week, playing it perfectly. It was his favorite Beatles song, one that rang true to his soul.
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Yeah there will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Yeah there will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
The fans, the girls, crowded around him. He was always in the midst of a crowd now. Always. Never a moments peace.
His manager was always there, telling him where he should be getting booked. Where he should be playing. That he was a big star and had a lot on his mind, to let him handle all the details.
His agent told him about the opportunities. He could play this arena or that stadium. Madison Square Garden was an option, theyd just have to make the stage show bigger. More flash.
His accountant, a new one since the days of his youth and missing money and dwindling trust funds, was always telling him to slow down or let loose. Every other month he was told that he spent to much, that he should tone it down before the well ran dry. The next month he was encouraged to spend more, to buy things better suited to his situation. His star had risen high enough that he could have anything he wanted.
The girls giggled, and told him how beautiful he was. How he was the most beautiful man theyd ever seen. That his lyrics were so deep, meant so much, that they related and how they felt like they could see into his soul. He could have told them then that they couldnt, because if they had seen into his soul they would have walked out. His soul was dark, too dark for the bubblegum princesses that threw themselves at him.
His lawyer, no longer Cliff but no less smarmy, was constantly warning him about the girls. Had once given him a stack of documents, insisting that Logan have each girl sign it before sleeping with them. That they sign away any legal responsibility they may one day lay at Logans feet for an unwanted pregnancy. Hed just rolled his eyes and shredded them, it wasnt like he was sleeping with any of them.
There was only one person in all of this that he wanted to speak to, hear from. The one person that had always made it better. But she wouldnt return his phone calls, not even after he got famous. Not after three years of fame and fortune and record-breaking album sales and concerts and tours and life. Veronica had remained stubbornly silent.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
There were only two names Logan ever bothered to put on the VIP lists, the ones that were automatically let backstage after mentioning their name and flashing some ID. Veronica Mars and Duncan Kane. Both had a plus one after their names, and Logan knew exactly who their plus ones would be. Wallace and Little Lilly.
Veronica would probably never come, never show herself to him. Hed lost track of her in the last three years. Shed left Neptune to join the FBI, training in Virginia first before being assigned to their office in New York City, after that he didnt know anything. He no longer had her phone number, but that hadnt stopped him from calling her father every week, asking him to have her call him back. He gave Keith his phone number every time and Keith told him he already had it, every time.
Logan had finally broke down and asked if Keith was even giving the messages to Veronica. He said he was, that if she didnt call then she wasnt ready. Logan took that as a sign that Keith thought that she might be ready some day. So he kept calling and kept leaving his number.
And she kept on not returning his calls. At least hed found some sort of stability in her again.
And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on till tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on till tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
The end of them had happened so fast that Logan always has a hard time remembering what exactly happened that shattered everything that they ever were. What the exact events were that lead to the fight to end all fights. What he said. What she said. What they said.
Hed just gotten a call from Trina two days ago, telling him all about the hero-worship movie shed gotten made for daddy dearest. She wanted to warn him, a rare show of sisterly affection, that he wouldnt like it. It showed none of the alleged abuse he claimed to have suffered at their fathers hand, nor did it highlight the supposed Lilly Kane affair, since no one had seen the tapes but a bunch of Lillys seventeen year old friends including her best friend, her ex-boyfriend and her brother. Trina didnt think any of them were reliable.
Like Logan wanted to believe Lilly had sex with his father. It was almost as if she was saying that Veronica had made the story up and hed just said: That sounds like fun, lets go with that story and Ill play along.
Hed fought with Trina over it, calling her vapid and selfish. Shed called him a liar and said that he hated their father because hed always favored her. Logan had agreed to that, Aaron had always favored Trina. She never got the bruises. He did.
In the end, Logan had hung up on Trina after vowing to get an injunction. That hed tie her up in legal battles until Aaron Echolls star had faded so much that no one would even care for a movie. Theyd scrap her little project and daddys shrine would go down in flames.
That was two days ago.
The call hed gotten today made him regret the whole conversation hed had with her. After all she had been his only living relative, blood or not she was his sister. The only family he had left in the entire world. She might not know him now but shed been there while he grew up, shed seen him as a baby and a toddler and all the years between then and now. And she was dead.
Shed been out celebrating the wrap of the shoot of The Aaron Echolls Story: Told By a True Insider. She hadnt been drunk, hadnt even got the chance to have her misguided celebratory glass of champagne. The driver of the other car had gotten an early start. A production assistant that had gotten off hours before Trina and her go-where-the-publicity-is friend, a Paris Hilton wannabe, had left their hotel room. Trina and the blonde had been heading out in a town car, driven around while they laughed in the back.
The PA had hit on Trinas side, killing her and himself instantly. The blonde had suffered, spending three hours in surgery before flatlining.
The news of Trinas death had been splashed all over TV before anyone made the attempt to contact Logan. It didnt matter though, he and Veronica had been in bed, the last thing on their minds was turning on E!News.
Logan had fallen apart after the phone call. Veronica had left early that morning for something, he hadnt paid attention when she woke him at an ungodly hour to say goodbye. She wasnt there when he got the news, hadnt been there that afternoon while he slowly made his way through the tequila.
She hadnt been there that night when Dick had come over and helped him through the Jack Daniels. But shed shown up just in time to see him passed out on the floor, getting cold and dying of alcohol poisoning.
A trip to the hospital and one stomach pumping later they were back at his apartment. She had stayed with him for the next three days, making sure he was okay. But when hed picked up the vodka to continue his taste-testing of all the alcohol currently within a five mile radius, she lost it.
They were screaming about drinking and drugging and random sex. She was yelling about Madison again and salt licks and what he was doing to himself. Her voice was getting so loud and tears were starting to stream down her face as she gathered up all the bottles of various amounts of alcohol and throwing them into the sink. The glass shattered and, along with the liquid previously inside the bottles, splashed out onto the kitchen floor. She cut her foot, but she didnt notice, and her blood was running in with the clear liquid of the rum and the vodka.
And he suddenly couldnt take it anymore.
He started yelling back. He couldnt control it anymore. He was accusing her of always choosing Duncan over him. Of forgiving Duncan for crimes he actually committed, she always blamed Logan for them and hed never actually done any of it. For being so self-righteous and always thinking that she was right, for never letting him be right. He screamed at her for breaking his heart again and again and never caring what it did to him. He yelled at her for so many things that he wasnt sure when or why the word slut had come out.
But it did. He called her a slut, and hes never been sure what context it was that he had thrown it out in. Never had known what he meant by it.
It wasnt the worst thing he could have called, and hed probably said worse things in the past. It was the principle of it though. It was a throwback to the old days. The days where he tortured her and bashed in her headlights and joked about her mother in front of his friends.
It was the heartless cruelty the word reminded her of that sent her out the door that night. And it was the same word that brought her back the next day to collect her things, telling him that she was leaving the next day and she thought it better if he didnt try to contact her.
It was the word that destroyed him.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
A there will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
A there will be an answer, let it be.
Duncan would probably never come either. There were no statute of limitations on kidnapping, legislation got rid of them in 2000. He looked it up.
Logan had held onto the hope that hed once again see his best friend. That some day soon, hed get some sort of pardon and return home with his baby girl. Logan would pick up the newest Lilly Kane and shed giggle and hed simply state that all Lilly Kanes love him. He had it all planned out.
Veronica would come then. If Duncan were there and his baby with Meg was there. Shed come. She might come for DK, but shed come and hed see her, get a chance to beg for forgiveness. Get a chance to explain his actions and shed look at him and tell him that she loved him and she didnt want to have to keep picking up his pieces and that theyd be okay. Or shed turn around and walk straight into Duncans arms.
Either way, whatever the outcome, he just wanted to tell her he was sorry. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry and he loved her and always would. That he hadnt meant it and he was hurting then and she could have been anyone.
That was a lie though. She couldnt have been anyone. He didnt lash out because she was there, he lashed out because she was Veronica. Logan had always felt the freedom to lash out at her, that she wouldnt take but give it back to him times ten. Then forgive him for it later.
She didnt this time and he just wanted her back in his life. He needed it.
Some days, when he was alone in the back of the bus with his notebook full of lyrics people would never see, hed think about it. Hed dream that Duncan would return with Little Lilly and a beautiful woman on his arm. Hed come to Logans concert, and on the off chance that Logan might still remember him, mention his name to the backstage guard. His wife wouldnt get through at first, but Logan would send someone to retrieve her as soon as Duncan found him.
Theyd call Keith and tell him to tell Veronica that Duncan is back and at Logans concert in Cleveland or Houston or wherever he was that night. She wouldnt call back, but shed fly right up and theyd be at the hotel already. Shed know where they were, what room they were in and what the password was to get up there because she was Veronica Mars and knew everything. She knew everything, especially if it was one of Logans secrets.
Veronica would knock on the door and Duncan would answer, knowing it was her. Theyd hug and have a reunion, shed meet Lilly and chat with the new Mrs. Kane. Duncan would say he had to get Lilly to bed and the little family would leave, go to their own room in their own hotel and leave Veronica with Logan.
They talk and shed forgive him and theyd kiss and make love and be together again. Theyd continue on with their epic romance, their classic tale of love and loss and tragedy. But mostly love.
Hed tell her that he was right, that they dont write songs about the ones that come easy. And he knows. Hes written hundreds of songs about them. Then hed take out that secret book of lyrics that hes never let anyone read and hed hand it to her and let her read them. Tell her that he saved them up for her, kept them for her because they belonged to her and him and no one else.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be.
A there will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
A there will be an answer, let it be.
Logan comes back to himself, sitting center stage singled out by the spotlight and guitar in his hands. The thoughts that cloud and overwhelm his mind as he sings the lyrics of a song that touches his soul fade away, into the dark corners of his head and heart.
He can make a few faces in the crowd. No one he knows, but usually he cant see anything in the glare of the giant light thats currently trained on him. Hell see spots for hours, the little spots of light that often occur when you look a light bulb before quickly looking away. But the faces in the crowd buoy his confidence in this particular performance.
Its not a song that youll ever find on one of his albums, not even the live ones. Hell never buy the rights, hell never sit in a recording studio and make it professional. It would ruin it. This is a one time thing, and theres not doubt in his mind that a bootleg recording of the concert will pop up on the internet the following day. Itll be his rare download, the one everyone wants and no one can get. But he sees the faces of the people in the audience, complete enraptured by the song. They sway from side to side, some of their eyes shut in order to hear the music better.
He loves this song and it makes him happy to share it with a generation that has likely forgotten it even existed.
As the last not falls out of his mouth, and he strums his last chord, the applause it thunderous. There are shouts and calls and screams and hes pretty sure that a pair of panties is going to be thrown on stage at any moment.
He doesnt bow. Theres no need, this isnt the theater. He isnt completing some sort of drama. Or maybe in a way he is, coming full circle.
He sang this song, played this song first, when he was in the dark place that he could get out of. He clawed at the edges of that hole, fighting the whole way when all he had to do was yell for help.
And now he was singing it here, in a packed concert. It should be the high point, the light period that his life has entered. But its not. He hasnt any family and what friends he does have he doesnt fully trust. Theyre fame friends, there when hes a bright and shinning star, but if something were to happen and his star should fade theyd be the first ones to go. Dick is the only one he counts on now, and he misses when there was someone else as well.
It was his last song. Hed finished the concert on a mellow note, something he didnt normally do. Usually he ended on a more up beat song, one that boosts the spirit and makes you smile. At least until you listen to the words. Really listen to them.
Logan doesnt write happy songs. He cant. You have to have a happy place to write a happy song. He doesnt write the music, but hes fine when the put his words to a beat that makes people smile and want to dance. It masks the pain and makes the song feel like its even more his. That the songs are him, the little pieces of him that fell away long ago. The little pieces that hes still finding, one by one.
Logan walks off stage and passes off his guitar to his assistant, who immediately places it in its case and has a bodyguard walk it to the bus. Itll stay in the hotel room with him and then on his bus. It wont be packed away with everything else, itll get placed in a special holding mount on his bus so he make sure nothing happens to it. His guitar, the one thing that saved him after the love of his life left.
Everyone is looking at him now, and he doesnt know why. This is the way things usually are after the concert ends. He makes sure his baby is secure and safe first thing. Then he grabs his bottle of water, which is currently clutched in his right hand, and drinks as he makes his way to the meet-and-greet room.
He has many duties as a rockstar, and shaking hands and hugging and signing things are some of them. Keeping your fans happy is one of the most important things, because if theyre not happy they dont buy. And if they dont buy, you dont sell, and if you dont sell then you get dropped and fade away.
The meet-and-greets are boring, no longer a novelty and something he finds fun. Hes tired and lonely and bored and he just wants to go back to his dressing room and shower and change and get to the hotel. Hed crawl into an unfamiliar bed and fall into a sleep that never seemed to be enough. He slept better on the bus now.
Walking through another room, one set up for a party that his back up guitarist and keyboardist and drummer all loved to participate in, he set off for the maze of dressing rooms that led to his own. He was usually in the front, but in this particular venue, the largest prep room was in the back.
Along the way he passed a security guard, one that was usually at a guard post, making sure no one snuck past security to get in on the party. But even he got breaks, switching every other hour with another security guard that guarded the party itself. The guard looked at him funny and smiled, and Logan had the distinct impression that he was being hit on.
Walking around the corner, he found his dressing room. Logan Echolls, it said on the door in big bold letters. There was a smaller gold, foam star with his name written on it taped up a foot lower than the bold sign. One of his back up singers had made it, said that he seemed old school, like his name should be on a star. Like in the old movies.
Twisting the knob and pushing the door open, Logan revealed Veronica sitting on his dressing room couch, legs crossed neatly at the ankle. She looked up and let a soft smile grace her face, making it glow even more.
Ive been waiting for you. He told her, closing the door behind him.
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
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